“You let me hate you. Glare at you across dinner tables. Essentially treat you like shit for years,” I say.
“I’m human. I got comfortable again, even though I wanted to distance. Your brother’s fucking impossible to shake. He warmed me up, I became convinced I could play pro-ball and be okay, because who was around to threaten me? No one. Dodge was gone, I was protected from afar—Aiden and I didn’t meet again after that—and everything looked golden. Except for you. I figured I fucked things up so badly, it was better to let you despise me.”
“And then your parents’ killers were arrested,” I murmur. “And all the fears came back.”
“There is some good that came out of it.” Ben tries for a smile. “You came back, too.”
I step closer, but I’m afraid to touch him.
He lowers his chin and says, “I didn’t use you, Astor. I never have. All I can say is, whenever the worst happens to me, the only good that comes out of it is you.”
“You’ve gone through so much. You deserve some good in your life. I don’t know if it’s me, but…”
“Are you kidding?” Ben pulls my hand from my side and kisses the inside palm.
“I’m—I’m like they say, a lot of the time. Hard. Cold. Mean.”
He smiles through the spaces of my fingers. “You turn into warm, mushy putty in my hands.”
I laugh uncomfortably and try to pull away, but he holds firm.
“Astor, you’re brilliant, and kind, and you love your family. You were devastated by your mom’s cancer and are still picking up the pieces. But you’re so dedicated to doing what’s right, you were willing to torpedo your life’s work for what? Me? A guy who, for all you knew, used you and might as well have dumped you on the side of the road? That’s not a cold, heartless soul. That’s a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and who she wants to protect. At all costs. And I love her for that. Love you.”
He strokes my cheek, lightly cupping my jaw. I turn into it and kiss his wrist. “I believe you. It’s against my nature to say this, but I should’ve believed you from the beginning.”
“I’m not exactly the picture of a perfect guy,” he says. He tips my chin up. “Maybe it’s you who doesn’t deserve me. I’m still a danger to the people around me. Chavez is still outside—literally—and could figure out who I am.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it,” I say fiercely. “You will stay Ben Donahue and never run away again. Hear me?”
Ben closes his lips and smiles. “I hear you, honey.”
“Don’t ever try to leave,” I whisper. “Not without me by your side.”
He pulls me into his chest. “We’re not going anywhere, you and me. We have family here. Brothers. A baby goddaughter. And we’ll be here to watch those fuckers pay for my parents’ souls.”
I nod into the fabric of his coat. “You did good by them, Ben. Your parents. They’d be proud of you.”
“That’s the greatest compliment you could give. I’d forgotten them for so long, I was sure they’d be disappointed I was choosing Ben over Ryan.”
“You are choosing life over death. And through you, Ryan will always be alive.” I curl my fingers into his lapels and lift up to kiss him. My Ben. My Ryan.
I love them both.
Softly, he sucks my lower lip. Gently, I graze his tongue with my teeth. It’s a calm, soothing, whole-hearted kiss, and never in my life have I felt so safe. So loved.
I’m proud of you, too, sweetie, I swear I hear my mom say. It’s the first time I’ve heard her voice, so clear, so strong, in much too long.
I break the kiss, leaving enough room for the barest breaths between us. “We’ve both lost people important to us. But we’ve found each other. And I know our parents are looking down on us with peace in their hearts.”
“They are, Astor.” Ben tucks my head under his chin. He kisses my hair and repeats, “It’s through them, we found each other.”
Ben and Astor have finally figured out they’re happier with each other. Keep reading for a sneak peek of Ash’s story…or one-click CRAVING YOU now.
Or, if you haven’t read Locke and Carter’s story, you can also one-click TRUSTING YOU today.
33
Epilogue
Ash
Fuckin’ BBQs in the dead of winter in New York City.
Who does that?
My dick friend Ben, that’s who. And he’s asked me to man the grill, of course. On a fuckin’ balcony. In the goddamned cold. Pushing around burger patties with smoke in my eyes and icicles on my ears, while everyone else sits in their warm and cozy sweaters indoors.
“They better enjoy these fuckin’ burgers,” I mumble into my scarf as I do the last flip.
Their muffled sounds come through the glass sliding doors, fogged over with snowflakes and Jack Frost’s ass print. Everybody’s inside, including the girl I slept with a few months ago.
The name I pretend not to remember. Sophie.
Hot and small. Exactly how I like them. Flowing, curly blond hair that tingled my skin every time it got caught in my nipple ring, and a great ass. I made her wear her glasses all throughout fucking her, a hot little librarian who likes to be spanked. Only requirements I need, really.
Finally, the damn patties are done. Assholes even had the balls to request certain types of cheeses on each.
Just because I’m a chef, don’t mean I can whip up burgers on the fly. If anything, it demeans me. I got skill way more fly than cheeseburgers on a balcony.
Friends. They make you do demeaning things.
“‘Yo, food’s done,” I say as I slide open the door. Guess I don’t get no sous chef.
“Aya!”
Lily claps her hands at my arrival, the only one who cares I’ve been freezing my balls off. Or shows any excitement over the tray I’m holding. Since she’s the one woman who will ever get me down on my knees, she gets a smile.
“That’s right, sweet-tart,” I say as I pass. The chains on my jeans do a little jangle, causing her to rise and toddle after me.
“Someone get the ankle-biter!” I call as I try not to trip over the cherub.
“Sorry, man,” Locke says and scoops her up. “We’re riveted over here.”
I drop the tray on the kitchen island. “By what?”
Now that he says it, it’s pretty obvious the chatter died down about the time I ambled inside.
“Astor’s case is on the news. Defendants took a plea. Seventy-five years to life, with the possibility of parole.”
“Shit, they got parole?” I ask and follow him back into the main room. “Didn’t they massacre a family?”
“The defendants are in their late forties,” Astor says as I come to a stand beside her. She’s close to Ben, whose attention isn’t wavering from the flat screen. “Parole is like a far-off dream to them.”
“So why’d they accept?”
Astor shrugs, but there’s the barest consternation behind her relaxed pose. “The state managed to turn Garcia. He got a plea deal for agreeing to testify against Lopez. Lopez is the only one identified in the witness’s testimony.”
“Witness? That secret little kid, you mean?”
“Not a kid anymore,” Astor says. I’m kinda uncomfortable under her stare. It’s so … unwavering. Fuckin’ lawyers.
“Garcia didn’t want a trial with his best friend testifying against him,” Astor continues. “So he agreed to a guilty plea.”
“All gibberish to me,” I say.
“They’re guilty as sin. And they’re going to pay for it,” Astor says.
“Says the lawyer defending them,” I say wryly.
At that, Astor tosses me another shrug.
Okay, then.
“Dudes.” I turn to the room. “Burgers. Before they’re cold, and I throw you all off the balcony for letting them sit with their juices leaking out.”
Lily finds my pants and pulls. “Except you,” I say as I lift her into my arms. “You get first pick.”
<
br /> “Buh-guhs.”
“That’s right, honey pot.”
Everyone shuffles to a stand, but are halted by Ben’s sudden, booming voice.
“Wait. We have an announcement to make.”
I pause in chopping up a patty one-handed with a spatula, Lily wriggling in my other arm for a bite.
“There’s a reason I’ve asked you all to my place,” Ben continues. He looks to Astor, puts a hand around her waist, and says, “We wanted to tell you all, together, that—well, that we’re together. Astor and I.”
Silence. Lily babbles something.
Then, I say, “Who wanted the bare burger again?”
“Me,” Carter says and sidles up to the island with a plate. “If I eat any more cheese on that platter you made, I’ll become one of the city rats.”
“There ya go.” I plop one on her plate.
“I’m starving,” Locke says, kissing Carter’s temple as he passes and tickling Lily’s belly. “Gimme.”
East follows suit, making his a double cheeseburger.
“Uh, guys?” Astor asks.
We all turn from our food, an epic feat.
“What?” Locke says with his mouth full.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Ben asks.
I shout at the top of my lungs, “Fuckin’ FINALLY!”
Lily seconds my cheer, and I wince at Carter’s glare, but everyone else claps. Lily takes up the applause by taking the spatula from my hand and slamming it repeatedly on the countertop.
And those poor, sweet, stupid souls over there, the pair of them, are dumbfounded.
“It was a waiting game,” East says, the first to feel sorry for Astor and Ben. “We actually had bets. Who won, anyway?”
“Me,” I say. “Always me.”
“No one’s mad?” Astor asks.
“Why would we be?” Carter responds. She’s the first to sit back on the couch, balancing a full plate on her thighs. “You two hated each other so much, it was only a matter of time before you fell in love.”
“Locke?” Astor asks. “Are you…?”
“What, okay with the whole thing?” Locke gestures with his burger, already half-eaten. “You do know who you dated before Ben, right?”
Astor purses her lips.
“I’d say my best friend is an upgrade,” Locke continues, then pounds the rest of his burger.
“Honestly, we’re fine with it,” East says.
“Great, even,” I say. “Since now we don’t have to wait for you two to fuck it out.”
“Ash,” Carter says. “You’re holding a child.”
“That I am,” I reply sheepishly. I set Lily down in a traveling high chair thing Locke always brings around these days, and give her the chopped cheeseburger. I’m happy to say she demolishes it like a true member of this clan should.
“I still got one burger left,” I say to the general room. “Who’s missing—wait. Where’s, uh, Sophie?”
Carter scans the room from her seat. “She was just here…”
“Ash?”
Sophie’s voice comes from the balcony. What’s she doing over there?
“Can I talk to you a minute?” she asks.
Uh, why? I’m sure that question is all over my face, but it’s not like we announced our hook-up to the crowd. In fact, we kept it on the down low, mostly because I’m reluctant to get any sort of bashing from Carter, Sophie’s best friend. Locke would probably side with her, then I’d have three people up my ass instead of one, and that ain’t no kind of orgy I want to be a part of.
“Please?” she asks again.
The rest of the crowd pretends deep interest in their food. I guess Sophie’s happy to blow up our spot.
“Fine.” I pat Lily on the head, then stalk to the other side of the room. “I’m pretty hungry, though.”
The closer I get, the easier it is to see the brown of her eyes turn into deep shit. “This will only take a minute.”
I’m totally at a loss on how or why I’ve pissed her off.
We step outside, and she shuts the door. I’m still wearing my scarf, but see she isn’t, so I offer it to her, since I am a gentleman, despite being tattooed in every place possible. She accepts it but won’t meet my stare.
“What’s up?” I ask, since she’s not eager to speak now that we’re alone. “You couldn’t have done this when my testicles were turning into snowballs, cooking everyone’s dinner?”
“I had to get up the nerve.”
“Why are you scared? As far as I remember, I left you satisfied the last time I had you shivering.”
She jolts, surprised by my bluntness. Well, that’s how I am, sweetheart, even though we didn’t really get to know each other before we fucked each other.
“I … I don’t know how to say this.”
I lean an elbow on the balcony railing, its deep freeze leaking through my clothes. “When that happens, I find it’s easier to just say it.”
She licks her lips, and I wince, because soon that delectable mouth of hers, so plump and warm around my dick, is going to turn into a popsicle. Poor, Florida girl, dumped in this polluted winter city for a supposed vacation. She shoulda waited until spring to visit.
In a few days at least, she gets to go back to palm trees, and I wish her well.
At last, her eyes meet mine. I cock a brow. “Well? Speak, bombshell.”
“I’m pregnant.”
Part I
1
Sophie
2 Months Ago
Asher Whittaker is hot.
He’s across the bar, his perfect ass resting on a stool that can barely contain his body, legs spread, chains from his jeans dangling, and tatted arms propped on the wood varnish as he passes another shot.
His chin dips as he listens to his friend beside him, and his gorgeous lips split wide as he throws back his head and laughs at something that was said.
“What are you thinking about?”
My best friend and ex-roommate, Carter Jameson, nudges my arm. I’m a little drunk and tilt sideways at the pressure.
“Nothing and nobody,” I reply, and recover enough to take the last gulp of my beer.
“Uh-huh.” Carter follows my gaze, sees where it rests, and snorts.
I stiffen. “What’s so funny?”
“Don’t even think about it,” she says, then signals the bartender for another round.
Staring at Ash seems to be a tic I can’t control. I ask Carter, without taking my eyes off him, “You don’t think he’d hook up with a girl like me?”
“Au contraire,” Carter says as she accepts our refreshed drinks. “That man will get with any of-age vagina.”
I’m not sure if her words are an insult or a warning. “Oh, please. I’m not going to seduce your boyfriend’s best friend. You can’t stop me from looking, though.”
Carter tucks a long brunette strand behind her ear. She’s one of those who stuns in that next-door way, the type of woman who has no idea how pretty she it. “Peruse all you want, but don’t go near that man-slut. I love him, I love his cooking even more, but I do not love how he uses women like they’re his own masturbation toy. You know those fake vaginas guys can buy online? Like those.”
I cringe. “You just said ‘vagina’ twice in thirty seconds and I’m not sure I’m enjoying it.”
Carter pats my hand with her damp one. Like me, she’s more on the tipsy side of the scale than the sober one. A rarity since she started dating Locke Hayes, who’s famously sober.
“You’re hotter than he is,” she continues. “And hook up with sexy guys on the reg. Don’t waste your time ogling a walking STD.”
This time, Carter can’t see my wince, since I cover it with a long sip of ice-cold beer. But I want her to continue believing the lie, so I reply, “I enjoy a challenge.”
“Ugh.” Carter grabs her beer and spins so her back is leaning against the bar and Ash is no longer in her line of vision. “It’s getting late. I should get back home to my man a
nd baby.”
“Totally agree.”
I resist the urge to hip-check her out of the bar. She’s my best friend, yes, and I love her to bits, but she’s the worst wing-woman one could have. Carter is happy and in love with her newfound family. It’s made her almost unrelatable, and that scares the shit out of me so much that I make sure to visit her in New York as often as I can, so I can remind myself we’re still friends, despite the cavern of distance growing between us.
“You ready to go?” she asks me.
“Not really,” I say. “This is my last night before I go back to Florida and the dead-end job you managed to escape. I plan on making the most of it.”
“I don’t know, Soph … I don’t want to leave you here alone.”
“I won’t be. Ash and Easton are over there.” I point to the man who maintains my attention and his friend beside him. “They’re Locke’s best friends. You trust them, right?”
“With my life, but then again, I don’t want to sleep with one of them.”
“But nothing. I’ll make sure to stick close to them, and when they want to leave, I’ll go, too.”
Carter narrows her eyes. “Do not go home with Ash Whittaker.”
If only she knew the complete unlikelihood of the chances of my sleeping with him. “I’ll only get in his fancy car if he drops me off at your place.”
Carter smacks my shoulder. “You better.”
“Ow. Yes, I will. Now call a cab and be a mother to your little girl instead of me.”
She makes a face but pulls out her phone. After she taps through the app, she shoves the phone back in her pocket, sends a wary glance Ash’s way, then says to me, “I’ll be right back.”
“Carter, don’t you dare.”
“Can’t hear you.”
“Carter, I swear to G—”
“Bye.”
Players to Lovers (4 Book Collection) Page 56
