Go Dwarf Yourself

by Martha Carr

  “Yeah, we saved her, Johnny,” Luther said.

  Rex barked. “We’re awesome. No big deal.”

  “And we like her.”

  “Yeah.”

  Johnny scrutinized the agent with a flickering smile and nodded. “Anyone who lets scumbags get away—”

  “Johnny, I didn’t—”

  “To put my hounds first earns some serious respect.”

  “Oh.”

  “Thank you.” With a sniff, he turned and headed down the bridge toward Rex and Luther. “Come on, boys. Time to regroup. It looks like we’re bringing the party to Falcon Towers tonight.”

  “Ooh, I love parties.”

  “Hey, Johnny. It’s the kind with a buffet table, right?”

  “Oh-ho-ho. Serious treasures under a buffet table.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  In Johnny’s hotel room, the bounty hunter sprawled on his bed and scrolled through his contacts again. Maybe I should go back to Ernie’s and ask him about the red boar now. I could get a lead or two if I can, then set it aside until after we get Amanda.

  Rex crawled on his belly across the king-sized mattress and lowered his head onto his paws beside his master’s thigh with a whine. “Whatcha lookin’ at, Johnny?”

  He glanced at the dog and shook his head. I’m not gonna talk about it now. And I can’t go to Ernie now, either. I need to focus on the kid who still has everything to lose.

  Luther’s tail thumped on the carpet where he lay at Lisa’s feet, staring at her. “She’s good with stuff, Johnny. Guns. Magic. Bombs. Computers. Real winner if you ask me.”

  The dwarf tugged on his beard and leaned back against the mountain of pillows behind him.

  “Shit.” Lisa pushed the rolling office chair away from the desk and her open laptop. “They made an update to the dark-web bidding.”

  He sat and scowled at her. “So now everyone knows?”

  “Uh-huh. Listen to this.” She turned to her laptop to read the updated description under Amanda’s photo on the dark web. “‘Unregistered shifter. Star of this year’s auction and Belle of the Ball after all bids are placed.’”

  “Motherfuckers.” He gritted his teeth and thumped a fist on the mattress.

  “Yeah. Now everyone knows and they’re gonna make a huge spectacle of her at the Monsters Ball.”

  “Not if I have anything to say about it. What’s the bid up to?”

  Lisa blew out a frustrated sigh. “It tripled in less than twenty-four hours. Two hundred and twenty-five thousand.”

  Johnny grimaced and stared at the blank flatscreen TV mounted above the mini-fridge. “Put us down for three.”

  “Three—” Her eyes widened. “Hundred thousand?”

  “Good guess.” He nodded at her laptop.

  “Johnny, that’s—”

  “Not even remotely what an innocent life is worth, Lisa. A child’s life. Make the bid.”

  She raised her eyebrows and turned toward her laptop. “I guess it’s pointless to ask if you’re good for it, right?”

  “Also a good guess. You’re getting better.” He scooted to the edge of the bed and leaned forward over his thighs. “Maybe these assholes will back off with this much money on the line.”

  “I don’t know.” Lisa typed quickly and entered their bid. “We’re dealing with the East Coast’s biggest crime lords. Even half a million’s chump change to these guys.”

  “We’ll see.”

  Two minutes later, the bidding updated again. She thumped her elbow onto the desk and rested her forehead in her hand as she stared at the screen. “Lemonhead.”

  “He outbid us again?”

  “Yeah. It’s up to half a million now. I guess I jinxed that one.”

  The dwarf ran his tongue over his front teeth and sniffed. “Seven-fifty.”

  “What?”

  “Do it.”

  Shaking her head, she added their next bid of seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The price updated next to their Bulldog username, and the seconds ticked past slowly as they waited for Lemonhead to give up or raise the price again.

  Johnny checked his watch. “Five minutes. That’s a record for this guy, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” Lisa stared unblinkingly at her laptop. “The auction doesn’t close until the end of the ball, though. Who knows how long this guy’s willing to sit around and—” She leaned closer and gaped at the screen. “Fuck.”

  He closed his eyes. “What is it now?”

  “One and a half.” She chuckled in disbelief and slumped in the office chair. “One and half million dollars.”

  “He’s simply fucking with us now.” The dwarf stood from the bed and went to the mini-fridge to retrieve a bottle of water.

  “What do you mean?”

  He chugged the entire bottle, screwed the lid on, and tossed the empty bottle across the room. It hit the trashcan with a ping and bounced around at the bottom.

  “Nice one,” Luther said, his tail thumping on the floor.

  “Lemonhead doesn’t give a shit how much he puts up. He wants Amanda. But more than that, he wants every other piece of shit who wants her to squirm.”

  Lisa turned in her chair to face him. “How do you know that?”

  “It’s what I would do. You were right. Money isn’t an issue for this asshole. It doesn’t matter how much we put down.” he turned and gave the bed’s thick wooden frame a sharp kick with his boot. “They’re all the fucking same. They take and take and they won’t stop at nothin’ to rip away a girl’s life simply because they can.” The bedframe cracked with a hairline split when he kicked it again. “Like they fucking get off on it.”

  With his last kick, that side of the bedframe split wide and the whole thing tilted by an inch toward him. Rex jumped off the elevated side of the bed and trotted to the front to sniff the broken side. “I don’t think it’s supposed to do that, Johnny.”

  “Yeah, nothin’s workin’ out the way it’s supposed to.” The dwarf spun and strode down the short hall into the bathroom. The door slammed shut behind him, followed by the faucet turning on full blast.

  Lisa looked at the hounds and muttered, “I think I know what this is about.”

  “Really?” Luther looked at her and thumped his tail on the ground. “You can tell us.”

  “Yeah. Come on, lady.” Rex sniffed along the bottom of the bed frame and snorted. “He’s not gonna talk about it in front of you but you might as well share what you got.”

  “Maybe it’s time to open that can of worms. Carefully.” She glanced at the door and slid out of the office chair. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Aw, come on.” Luther stood and took a few steps after her as she headed to the door. “I thought we were bonding here.”

  She flicked aside the bar used as a latch lock to prop the door open and disappeared into the hallway.

  “She can’t hear us.” Rex sat and scratched behind his ear. “Did you forget?”

  “Oh. Huh. Guess I did. Hey, you think he keeps any snacks in that fridge?”

  “It is a fridge. Smaller means easier to open.”

  Luther sniffed the mini-fridge beneath the counter. “Worth a try.”

  The hounds hadn’t made any progress when Lisa slipped quietly back into the room with her hands in her pockets. The dogs looked at her and moved out of the way as she sat in the office chair again. Two seconds later, the faucet turned off in the bathroom and Johnny jerked the door open before he smacked the light switch. With a grunt, he hiked his black jeans up and stopped halfway across the room before he wiped what was left of the dripping water out of his beard. “We need a legit way into that party tonight.”

  “I agree.” She nodded. “But first, I think we need to talk.”

  He glanced at his hounds.

  “Hey, don’t look at us,” Luther said and licked his muzzle.

  “Yeah, she didn’t tell us shit.”

  “It’s not the time to bring feelings up,” he muttered.

&nbs
p; Lisa shrugged. “And that’s still not my top priority. Mostly, I want you to hear me out. Or pretend to listen. Your call.”

  She pulled a mini-bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label out of her coat pocket and threw it to him.

  Johnny snatched it in his fist and smirked at it. “Are you bribin’ me for my attention?”

  “That seemed like the best way to start, yeah.” She gave him a small smile and leaned back in the chair. “Did it work?”

  “It depends on what you have to say.” Seated on the edge of the bed again, Johnny opened the bottle and downed the whole thing. “Go.”

  Lisa chuckled. “All right. Before I took this assignment, the department dropped a different file down on my desk and said I might wanna look into it. Your file.”

  The dwarf stared at her, his face devoid of all expression. Goddammed Bounty Hunter Department.

  “I almost didn’t,” she continued. “But I don’t like to leave stones unturned. Especially with an assignment that carries this much weight.”

  They stared at each other as she gave him a moment to respond, but his silence pushed her to keep going.

  “You didn’t wanna tell me what was up with the giraffe statue. I get it. So now I’m telling you I already know. And when all this is over—when Amanda’s in FBI custody and safe again—I’ll help you find the bastard behind the red boar. Only if you want my help, of course.”

  Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Is that it?”

  “Yeah.” Lisa laughed. “That’s it.”

  “All right.” He slid off the edge of the bed. “I think I know how to get us into Falcon Towers. Or at least who to talk to for the solution.”

  “Okay.” She gave him a tight smile and glanced at the dogs. He heard every word. Maybe he simply needs time to think about it. “Then let’s go.”

  “Yeah.” He sniffed and strode toward the phone on the nightstand. “I gotta make sure the hounds are taken care of first.”

  “What?” Luther whined. “Are you kidding?”

  “Johnny, you can’t leave us here. You need us.”

  “Yeah, and who’s gonna let us outside? You want us makin’ a mess in this nice room?”

  “It’s less nice now that he broke the bed.”

  Johnny picked the phone up and dialed the concierge. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere dangerous, boys. But I need my hands free, and I reckon your instincts are gonna override your brains where Agent Breyer and I are headed.”

  “What the hell?” Rex responded with a quick growl and lowered his head to his forepaws. “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.”

  Luther turned and sniffed Lisa’s jacket pocket. “You got any treats in there for us, lady?”

  Johnny hooked a thumb through his belt loop as he waited for the line to be answered.

  “Greenwich Hotel Concierge. How may I help you?”

  “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “This is Johnny Walker.”

  “Ah. Mr. Walker. How are you enjoying your stay?”

  “’Bout as much as a wide-mouthed bass enjoys a hook through the cheek.”

  “I…I’m sorry, Mr. Walker. What was that?”

  “Nothin’. I’m steppin’ out for a spell and I need someone to keep an eye on my coonhounds.”

  “Um…I apologize, Mr. Walker. I can’t—”

  “Just Johnny.”

  “Oh. Sure, Mr…Johnny.”

  “So I need someone to keep an eye on my coonhounds. You know, check they’re okay and take ʼem out to do their business. Maybe toss a rawhide or two their way if y’all got any. Can you do that?”

  A long pause followed. “It’s… I’m so sorry. It’s your accent. I can’t seem to—”

  “You need to pull the stuffin’ outta your ears!” With a growl of frustration, he turned to look at Lisa.

  “What?”

  “It seems he can’t understand a word I’m sayin’. He says it’s my accent. I don’t have an accent.”

  She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing and stood. “Why don’t you put the phone on speaker. I’ll see if I can help.”

  Scoffing, he stabbed the speaker button on the receiver and cleared his throat. “Are you still there?”

  “Yes, sir. I’m still here. And I’m more than happy to help you with your request if I can understand what you’re asking.”

  “Hello?” Lisa stepped up beside Johnny and leaned toward the receiver.

  “Oh. Hello.”

  “Hi. This is Lisa Breyer. I’m right next door to Johnny.”

  “Yes. Hello, Ms. Breyer. I’m so sorry, I can’t seem to—”

  “It’s fine. We need someone to take care of Johnny’s dogs tonight while we’re out. Only to come up here every…”

  “Three hours,” Johnny said.

  Rex whined. “Three hours?”

  “No. Make it two.”

  “Every two hours to let the dogs out.”

  “Oh. To let the dogs out.” The Concierge chuckled. “Yes, of course.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Do they need to be fed as well?”

  “No.” Johnny and Lisa said it together and she tried to hide another smile as she glanced at him.

  “Very well. Anything else?”

  Johnny cleared his throat again. “That’s it.”

  “That’s all,” Lisa repeated, which earned her a sharp glare from the dwarf. “Thank you.”

  “My pleasure, Ms. Breyer. What time do you plan to return to the hotel tonight?”

  “Keep checkin’ on my hounds until we get back,” he grumbled. “Then you’ll know.”

  Lisa leaned toward the phone again. “Did you catch that?”

  “Yes. Yes, that came through with perfect clarity. Rest assured, Mr. Walker’s canine friends will be adequately cared for until your—”

  “Great.” The dwarf thunked the phone down on the receiver and turned away from the nightstand to drag his duffel bag out of the closet.

  She stared at the phone. “That wasn’t very nice.”

  “What kinda Yankee moron can’t understand what I’m sayin’, huh? My accent. Please.”

  Nodding slowly, she turned away from the nightstand and folded her arms. “So where are we going?”

  “Franklin Street Station.” Johnny drew a long gold chain out of his bag and stuffed it into his pocket. He took two rawhide bones out and tossed one to each of the hounds. “That’ll keep you occupied for a minute, boys. I’ll come back in a few hours to feed ya, then you’ll have to wait for the concierge.” He wiggled his fingers and rolled his eyes.

  “All right, Johnny!” Luther attacked his rawhide and settled onto the floor with it to start gnawing without delay.

  “That’s where you’ve been keeping the treats?” Rex glared at the door. “What the hell?”

  “Is that how you say thank you, Rex?” Johnny cocked his head. “I thought I taught you better’n that.”

  Rex picked the rawhide up delicately in his jaws and added a muffled, “Thank you.”

  “That’s better.” The dwarf pulled a small square case covered in black canvas from his duffel bag and strapped it over his chest and shoulder. He nudged the duffel bag back into the closet with the toe of his boot and slid the door shut.

  He nodded at Lisa. “Time to go.”

  “Okay.” She shoved her hands into her pockets and followed him toward the door.

  “Wait.” Rex dropped the bone as his brother crunched his happily and trotted after his master. “Johnny. Don’t leave us here alone like this. Come on.”

  “It’s only for a few hours, boy.” He raised his index finger, and Rex sat. “Stay and don’t chew on anything that don’t belong to you. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

  “Wait, wait.” Rex whined. “Johnny, you know dogs have no concept of time!”

  Johnny shut the door with a grimace, and Rex responded with a high-pitched bark.

  “Hey, if you don’t eat that bone, I will,” Luther said.

  “Don’t even think a
bout it.” His brother whined again and finally gave up. “I miss Johnny.”

  The dwarf exhaled a sigh as he and Lisa headed to the elevators. “They’ll be fine. I’m not even worried about it. They’re out in the Everglades by themselves all the time. This ain’t nothin’.”

  They stopped at the elevators and he punched the call button. “Naw. They’ll be fine.”

  Lisa darted him a sideways glance and bit her lip to hide a smile. “I didn’t say anything.”

  He looked sharply at her as the elevator doors opened. “Yeah, keep doin’ that.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  As they headed down the stairs at Franklin Street Station, Lisa looked quickly at Johnny and took her chances. “So where are we going?”

  “To one of the best sources of information I know.” He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets as they hurried down the stairs. “I should have thought of this sooner.”

  “And you’re not gonna tell me any more than that, are you?”

  “You’ll see.”

  They reached the landing and he turned right to head to the end of the platform. She balked when he jumped onto the tracks and kept moving. “What are you doing?”

  “The next train arrives in three minutes. We have more than enough time if you keep up.”

  As the dwarf’s form faded ahead in the tunnel, Lisa glanced behind her at the New Yorkers milling around the station. No one paid them any attention. I hope no one starts screaming and making a big deal out of it if they do see.

  Gritting her teeth, Lisa hopped off the platform and hurried to catch up with her partner, trying to steady her footing on the uneven tracks. “Johnny, you know how crazy this is, right?”

  “I know you’ve never been down here, sure.” He frowned and scanned the walls until he found a short set of stairs rising from the tracks toward an unmarked door. “You gonna tell me you don’t trust that I know what I’m doin’ at this point?”

  “What? No.” She followed him up the grated metal stairs to the door. “I know you know what you’re doing. I simply don’t see why we have to—”

  The small explosive beads he had stuck on the door’s lock detonated with a sharp pop that was completely drowned out by the rumble and squeal of the next approaching train. The door opened and he looked at her with a smirk.