Love So Deep

by Kathleen Ball

  She nodded her thanks as Patrick put the snow into a basin and handed it to her. Gently she set the basin on the chair and crawled into bed, next to Brian. As she wet the cloth with the frigid snow, she said a silent prayer for healing.

  “We can take turns.”

  “What?” She’d forgotten Patrick stood next to her.

  “We can take turns tending to Brian.” Worry lined his face.

  “Sure. He’ll be fine.”

  Patrick gave her shoulder a quick squeeze.

  Hours later, exhaustion hit her. Brian had been crying out, “Don’t beat me,” over and over, and it hurt her soul. Patrick tried to get her to lie on his makeshift bed in front of the fire, but she refused. Brian needed her.

  “Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better,” Patrick told her as he swallowed hard.

  “Yes, it does.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

  She nodded. The look of doubt on Patrick’s face proved them both liars. Her heart twisted as she continued to bathe him with cold water. There was no way to tell if the wound had become infected. The whole section was fiery red-burnt flesh. She shouldn’t have left the knife out. She should have told him not to touch it. Maybe they shouldn’t have praised him for doing the work of a man.

  The bed dipped beside her as Patrick sat down. He gently took the cloth from her and put it on the chair. “He’s drenched.” He placed his strong arms around her and pulled her back against him, cradling her with his body.

  Her chin wobbled and she bit her bottom lip to stem her tears, but they refused to stop. Patrick tightened his hold, kissed the side of her neck and rocked back and forth. His comfort filled her. She wasn’t alone. For so long now she’d felt alone and a bit afraid. Especially where her future was concerned. Patrick planned to take them to town in the spring, and then what? Right now only one thing mattered; getting Brian well.

  “If he’s not better by morning, I’ll rig up the travois and take him to town. There’s a doctor there.”

  “The weather isn’t good and it will take days.”

  “We’ll talk about it in the morning. We have enough worries now. The poor child has been through so much and all he wanted was a family.”

  She waited for him to continue, to say they were or would be a family, but no such declaration came. He may care for her but not enough to go against the town. She didn’t want to meet people who could be so cruel to a person but for Brian’s sake, she’d go. She laid her hands over his, marveling at the difference in size. He was a big strong mountain man but he was also a gentle soul. He probably didn’t relish taking them to town, but he would because he was a good man. Her eyes began to close.

  “Sleep, tomorrow will be hard trekking through the snow.”

  She slept much longer than intended. Patrick shook her shoulder gently and told her it was time. Her eyes flew open and her breath hitched in her chest until she saw Brian breathing. Slowly her breathing returned. “What do you need me to do?”

  “I need ya to gather the dried venison and some of the canned goods. Ya and I will have to walk while Ahern pulls the travois. I’ll wrap your feet in fur before we put your snowshoes on.”

  “Should I bathe his face again?”

  “No, it’ll be cold enough as it is on the way.”

  “You’re worried.”

  “I am. I’m hoping the weather holds and we all make it to town alive. If ya want to stay—”

  “Never, I’m going. Give me a few minutes to get ready.” She touched Brian’s face and winced. His fever hadn’t broken. She’d helped to nurse enough people to know his illness would more than likely end with death.

  Jumping out of bed, she got everything ready while Patrick hitched the travois to Ahern. The days were shorter in the winter and they needed to leave right away. She wrapped her feet in the furs he left by her snowshoes and then strapped the shoes on. Standing, she almost fell forward. They would take some getting used to.

  The door swung open and Patrick nodded his approval as he came through it. He lifted her and carried her out to the snow. “The stairs.” He went back in without another word. He was right, she’d have fallen head first if she had tried to step down.

  He brought out the supplies and tied the packs to Ahern. Lastly he carried Brian wrapped in furs out of the cabin and gently laid him onto the travois. “I’ll lead the horse and you can trail after. It’ll be easier walking for you.”

  The wind whipped around them, carrying her words with them. It would be treacherous but it was something they had to do. Brian looked almost dead under all the furs. He hadn’t moved but maybe he was getting more rest without all the thrashing and crying out. Swallowing hard, she took one step then another in her snowshoes. They were a bit cumbersome but she had better balance and her fear of falling lessened with each step.

  Patrick noted the position of the sun in the blue sky. It was time to find a place to camp. There was a cave another mile or so up the trail, but he wasn’t sure Samantha could make it. She was a strong woman, no doubt about it. He knew men who would have asked for breaks long before. He offered to put her on Ahern’s back for a bit but she refused.

  Brian woke a few times and they gave him water, but he didn’t know where he was. He didn’t recognize him or Samantha. He wished he could take the worry from Samantha, but it wasn’t in his power.

  At least it hadn’t snowed, but the wind made the world frigid. His hands and feet were feeling it. He kept walking with his head down, into the wind. He only hoped there would be help for Brian when they got to town. If they kept up this pace tomorrow, they’d shave almost a day off their travels.

  He’d only had to travel this far in the winter once when someone broke into his cabin and stole his rations. He’d been tempted to go to Otter for help, but he was a grown man who could do for himself. He’d made it then, and they’d make it now.

  He slowed the procession to a halt and looked back. Samantha’s face was bright red and her movements were slowing. “We’ll set up camp,” he yelled.

  She merely nodded and waited for him to start moving again.

  Ahern seemed just as glad to be stopping too. He saw the cave and made his way right to it. Smart horse. They’d been there before, but still Ahern was special. Patrick unhitched the travois, grabbed up Brian and carried him into the cave. It was cold but the wood he left there from his last trip lay on the ground. They’d have a fire tonight. Some of the tension left his body as he lay Brian down. He went back out and grabbed Samantha’s hand. “Come, I’ll get a fire going in a bit.” She followed stiffly and he knew she was going to be in a world of hurt before long.

  “It’s a relief to be out of the wind,” she said as her teeth chattered.

  “I need to tend to Ahern, and then I’ll be in.” He didn’t wait for an answer. Ahern first, without him they’d be stuck, then a fire, then do it all again tomorrow.

  His eyes widened when he entered the cave. A nice fire was blazing and Samantha was trying to get Brian to drink some water. Her body shook and she winced when she moved. His admiration for her grew. He’d never known a woman her equal. She was kind and giving and thought of others first.

  After removing his snowshoes, he grabbed the coffee pot, filled it with the snow right outside the cave and put it on to heat. He rummaged through a bag until he found the tea. He smiled. Brian was allowed to drink tea. He still didn’t understand why he wasn’t supposed to drink coffee but there was a heap of things he didn’t know.

  Samantha turned and moved until she sat as near the fire as possible. “I can hardly feel my hands and feet.”

  “I know. Just sit there and thaw. We’ll unwrap your coverings slowly so it won’t be too painful.”

  “Will it hurt like last time?”

  “No, last time ya were out in the cold for days without the proper wear. You’ll be just fine.”

  Her stare was full of doubt, but she nodded. “Brian’s fever is the same and I looked at his hand. It
’s still bright red from the cauterizing so I don’t know if it’s infected.”

  He nodded. “I’ll get ya there tomorrow.”

  “How? You said two to three days.”

  “Take the covering off your hands.”

  “Oh! They don’t hurt and I can feel them.” She smiled brightly. The light of the fire bathed her in colors of yellow and orange.

  “I do know a thing or two.” He chuckled softly.

  “Now how can we get there so fast?”

  “I put ya on Ahern and ya and Brian ride to town. You’ll be there before sundown.”

  Her brow furrowed as she bit her lip. “Alone? I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, we could get lost or there are animals out there.”

  Nodding, he tried to give her a smile of reassurance. “I know it’s scary but it may be Brian’s only chance. I want to do whatever it takes for the boy. I’ll be trailing behind and if ya go off the path, I’ll find ya.”

  “I still don’t think we should split up. Maybe we could both ride the horse.”

  “He’s a strong horse but he won’t make it to town with my added weight. He’s pulling Brian too.”

  The fire was the focus of her stare. She said nothing for a long time while he made the tea, grabbed leftover biscuits, and dried venison. “We should think on this.”

  “We don’t have the time.”

  Brian cried out in his sleep and Samantha went to soothe him. He hoped she’d agree it was probably Brian’s only hope.

  “I’ll do it. I’m afraid, but I’ll do it. You promise to meet us in town?” Her stare grew intense.

  “Of course I will.” He sounded more optimistic than he felt. Her body visibly relaxed at his words. He hated the damn town and its residents. Samantha would see what they thought of him, how they treated him. She’d never look his way again. His heart squeezed. It would have happened eventually but he loved her.

  She pulled the furs up around Brian, then came to the fire, and sat next to him. Taking his hand, she squeezed it. “I realize we’ve been a burden to you and I thank you for all you’ve done. You kept us safe this whole time. I hope the sun shines bright tomorrow.”

  “Aye, I hope so too.” He gazed into her eyes. Her feelings for him showed on her face and it tore at him. Those feelings would soon change. He leaned toward her and she tilted her head back giving him access to her lush lips. His groan echoed in the cave. The kiss was so sweet, so full of emotion and when she opened her mouth to him, he knew he was a goner. She reached up and pulled his head down to kiss him harder, deeper.

  He lifted her until she sat on his lap, straddling him. The way she shivered when he trailed kisses down her neck drove him wild. He took her mouth again, and then pulled her close in a tight hug.

  “I finally feel warm,” she murmured.

  “Me too.” He never wanted to let her go. She was his but only for the moment. The need for her grew until his body’s response was very uncomfortable, still he held her. It was worth the ache to have her in his arms. It was both a hello, and a goodbye. She loved him, he was certain yet it wouldn’t be. He’d make sure she got to town and all settled before he left. There was no reason for her to come back with him. The townspeople probably wouldn’t allow it anyway.

  There were too many furs between them but he didn’t dare hold her any closer. Her fingers ran through his hair as he stroked her back. His heart clenched. She was the light, the tenderness, the joy he’d missed in his life. Why couldn’t he just live in the moment instead of already experiencing the heartache of parting?

  Patrick gently lay Brian on the travois and covered him. He leaned over and kissed the boy’s head. Samantha’s chest hurt and tears pricked at the back of her eyes. If only they could all go together, but Patrick was right. She needed to get Brian to town quickly. Patrick approached and she bit her bottom lip to keep from telling him of her love for him. He didn’t want her love.

  “Head East along the trail. Let Ahern pick his pace. He’ll go as fast as possible and as safe as possible. When ya get to town head to the second set of buildings on the left. Doc Hanks will help ya. If there is no answer, go to the general store across the street. Mrs. Andrews, a widow lady, will help.”

  Staring into his blue eyes, she tried to remember everything he said. He didn’t say it but she knew this was goodbye. Oh, she’d see him, but it was goodbye to what could have been between them. He was already building a wall between them.

  “Patrick, I—”

  He put his hands on her hips, kissed her cheek and set her on Ahern. She didn’t get a chance to hold him close. “It’s best ya get going. I’ll be about three hours behind by the time ya get to town. You’ll be fine. The rifle is in the scabbard if ya need it.”

  Nodding she put on her best smile. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Tonight.” He stepped back and gave Ahern a light slap on the rump. Off they went.

  The urge to cry overwhelmed her but she willed her tears away, simply because she was afraid, they’d freeze on her face. The wind whipped and chapped her cheeks as they headed into town. For a time she could look back and catch sight of Patrick but eventually, he was too far behind. All was quiet except for the wind rushing through the trees. It was both lovely and eerie at the same time.

  Brian was her main concern and she chastised herself for being selfish. She didn’t matter, Patrick didn’t matter, it was Brian who mattered. His life was considerably more important than her tender heart. She kept flexing her fingers and toes so they didn’t get too stiff.

  The cry of a bobcat caught her off guard and she reached for the rifle, placing it across her lap. Ahern just kept on and although she looked, she didn’t catch sight of the animal. She hoped Patrick was doing fine. What if the bobcat…

  They shouldn’t have split up. She had the rifle. No, he had one too. The cold seemed to be affecting her thinking. Thankfully, the trail was easy to stay on. It was a big swath of bare land in the midst of a sea of trees. The sky appeared angry. Dark clouds rolled in and all she could do was hope and pray the bad weather would hold off.

  Chilled to the bone, she hunched over, trying to stay warm. Her whole body screamed at her to stop but if she got off, she knew she wouldn’t have the strength to get herself back on Ahern. Finally, just as the sun began to fade, the forest gave way to a town. Funny, she never asked the name of the town and the sign was covered over with snow.

  It took forever to get to the town. She passed the first set of buildings and stopped at the second looking for the doctor. After a minute, she spotted the sign and slid down the side of Ahern, holding on to him the whole time. Her legs were too frozen to hold her up so she leaned into his side, taking a deep breath.

  Thankfully, she was soon surrounded by people who wanted to help. One man lifted Brian and carried him into the doctor’s office while two women helped her to follow right behind. “The horse—”

  “He’ll be at the livery, Ma’am. I’ll take good care of him.” She only heard the man. She couldn’t turn to see him. She nodded and continued on, thankful for the help.

  “Brian.”

  “The doc is looking at him,” the taller woman said.

  “Here, let’s get you out of these wet clothes and warmed up,” said the other woman.

  They led her into what appeared to be the doctor’s living quarters and sat her down in front of a wood burning stove. Soon she was sitting there in her dress with a blanket over her. “I need to be with Brian.”

  “The doctor is taking care of your son. He’ll be here in a minute to let you know. Meanwhile I’m Mary Agnes Breeze, dear, are you alright? Are you hurt in any way?” Samantha started to shake her head at the kindly older woman. Her blue eyes held compassion.

  “What she means is why are you on that horse? You haven’t been attacked, have you? I know who owns that particular horse and I think it best if the doctor examines you. How did you get away?” The taller woman’s voice grated. Her dark eyes flashed as she kept p
atting her dark hair.

  “Get away?” Her brow furrowed as she tried to understand what the woman was talking about.

  “Noreen, perhaps it’s none of our business,” Mary Agnes said.

  “Of course it is! That heathen should have been strung up long ago. Now he’s violated this poor woman and who knows what he did to that poor child in the other room.”

  Samantha gasped and stood up. “Are you talking about Patrick? How dare you call him a heathen? He found me half dead in the mountains. He gave both Brian and me food, shelter, and his protection.”

  Noreen’s eyes narrowed. “Just how long have you been living with him?”

  “Why?”

  Noreen’s gaze swept up and down Samantha. “I guess you don’t need the help of a good Christian woman.” She shook her head. “You really stayed there willingly? Didn’t it occur to you how wrong it was? Good women do not stay in the same house as an Indian. You were up there alone with him for God knows how long. You aren’t carrying his child are you?”

  “Listen lady, I don’t know who you think you are. What gives you the right to judge whether I’m a good woman or not? I have done nothing wrong, and neither has Patrick.”

  “Of course not,” Mary Agnes said as she took Samantha’s hand. “Sit back down before you fall over. Noreen, perhaps it’s best if you leave.”

  Noreen’s eyes narrowed into a bold glare as her lips pressed into a thin line. “This is the very reason I don’t like to associate with you, Mary. There are rules to society and you never bother to learn them. Is it any wonder you have never married?”

  A rotund man with thinning hair and glasses walked into the room. “Now, ladies, this is not good for either the mother or son.”

  “Doctor, you may want to know the circumstances before you care for this one or her son. They’ve been living on the mountain with the half-breed Patrick.” Noreen smirked at Mary Agnes.