A Knight Before Christmas

by Alicia Dean

  He smiled against her hair. "Since the moment I saw you."

  She leaned her head back to look into his face. "And you

  let Rudy have me?"

  "Yeah. Dumb move on my part, huh?"

  "Yeah, dumb move. But you've more than made up for it."

  They fell silent again until he finally gathered the

  courage—or maybe it was the idiocy—to tell her. "There's

  something you should know."

  "Oh?" Running a hand over his stomach, she felt her way

  down to his groin. "Like maybe that you're about ready to do

  it again?"

  He sucked in a breath, already growing hard beneath her

  touch. Gritting his teeth, he reached down and gently

  removed her hand. "I'm always ready for you, sweetheart.

  But we should talk first."

  270

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  Rising up to her elbows, she looked at him. "Okay. We'll

  talk. This sounds serious."

  He couldn't say it with her tantalizing, nude body so close

  to his. He rose and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

  Plucking his jeans off the floor, he stood and slipped into

  them. He turned and stared down at her, shoving a hand

  through his hair.

  He took a deep breath. "Nicolette, about Rudy's affair..."

  A shadow of pain crossed her face. "Yes?"

  "I knew."

  She frowned. "I don't understand."

  "I knew about the affair before you told me."

  Coming abruptly to a sitting position, she pulled the sheet

  up to her chin. "You knew Rudy cheated on me? This whole

  time you knew, and you didn't tell me?"

  He shook his head. "I found out yesterday."

  Tears sprang to her eyes, and she clamped her lips

  together, taking a deep shuddering breath before speaking.

  "How?"

  "I found a hotel receipt in his papers. I went to check it out

  and..." He shrugged.

  "Oh, God." She shook her head and leapt from the bed,

  dragging the sheet with her. "Oh my, God. You knew and you

  didn't tell me? How could you do that to me? How could you

  keep something like that from me?"

  "I don't know. I'm sorry. I just couldn't bring myself to tell

  you. I tried but—"

  "If you told me, then maybe I wouldn't have fucked you,

  right?" Her voice shook with rage and tears. She paced the

  271

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  floor, shaking her head, running one hand through her hair

  while the other kept the sheet over her body. "Dear God. Of

  all the people I thought I could trust." She whirled on him. "I

  can't believe I said I loved you. That I actually believed you

  loved me."

  "Nicolette, I do love you. I just didn't want to hurt you.

  You've been through so much, were already dealing with

  enough. I wanted to keep you from suffering any more than

  you were."

  He went to her and reached out to take her in his arms,

  but she jerked away from him.

  "No! Don't touch me. Don't you ever touch me again."

  A sharp pain cut through his body, and he fought back

  tears of his own. "Please. You have to listen to me."

  "Get out!" She pointed to the door. "I want you the fuck

  out of here, now."

  "You don't mean that. I know you're hurting, but if you

  just calm down and think this through, you'll understand I

  was trying to protect you."

  She attempted an incredulous laugh, but it came out as a

  sob. "I think I've had about enough of your kind of

  protection." Gathering the sheet around her hips, she turned

  and stalked to the door. Without turning to look at him, she

  said, "Get your shit, and get out. I don't want to see you

  again. I won't calm down, and I won't change my mind.

  You've gotten all you're getting from me, Heath. I mean it. I

  never want to see you again."

  "Nicolette—"

  272

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  But she jerked the door open and stormed out, slamming

  it behind her.

  Deflated, he sank to the bed, despair making his limbs

  weak and his gut feel like it was filled with hot lead. He was a

  fool. The last thing Nic needed was for someone else to

  betray her, and that was exactly what he'd done. He rubbed a

  hand over his eyes, not even ashamed to feel the dampness

  of tears. He'd blown it. For a few brief moments his fantasy

  had been in his reach, now it was gone forever.

  With all the enthusiasm of a condemned man preparing for

  the gas chamber, Heath dressed for his brother's wedding.

  He'd gone to his mother's house shortly after he'd broken

  Nicolette's heart and had done his best to respond

  appropriately to the joyous wedding talk. As pleased as he

  was for Alex and Zoe, seeing all the wedding decorations and

  hearing the buzz of preparations had only deepened the

  yawning hole of grief in his soul. He'd gone for a drive earlier

  that evening, needing some space, and had nearly been late

  getting back in time for the wedding.

  Although they hadn't spoken of marriage, for a little while,

  he'd imagined he and Nicolette would someday be doing all

  the sappy shit the people downstairs were doing. How's that

  working out for you, asshole?

  He shook his head and made an effort to push away his

  black mood. The family he loved was counting on him. He'd

  promised Zoe he'd walk her down the aisle. Parade her to her

  place at Alex's side while a handful of guests looked on with

  sickeningly sweet smiles.

  273

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  As much as Heath wanted his brother to find happiness,

  putting on a fake smile and pretending his heart was in the

  celebration felt like climbing Mt. Everest. The whole ordeal

  only reminded him of the chasm between him and Nicolette.

  Drove home exactly what he couldn't have. There was

  nothing he wanted to do less than watch two people vow to

  love one another till death parted them. Come to think of it,

  death sounded pretty appealing right now.

  He checked himself in the mirror and straightened his tie.

  His face was drawn in lines of tension. He tried on a smile but

  it looked like a death grimace. Turning away from the mirror,

  he dropped to the bed to put on his shoes.

  What was Nicolette doing right now? It was Christmas Eve.

  She was all alone, sad, and no doubt feeling lost. This was

  her first Christmas without Rudy. It would have been hard

  enough without all the other shit, but Heath had made sure to

  heap on a little more pain. At least he'd caught the

  blackmailer. Nic wouldn't have to worry about that. They still

  didn't know who'd killed Rudy, and although there was

  nothing to indicate the killer was a threat to Nicolette, Heath

  couldn't get rid of the worry that tugged at his gut.

  She shouldn't be alone tonight. He would call Marla, but of

  course, other than him, Marla was the last person Nic wanted

  to be with. Nicolette
didn't really have anyone else. Louisa

  wasn't able to go over there. Donovan? He seemed to care

  about Nic.

  Nicolette had given Heath Donovan's number in the list of

  people he may need to talk to during the investigation.

  Picking up his cell, he dialed the number.

  274

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  When Donovan answered, Heath said, "Hey, Donovan, this

  is Heath King."

  "Heath? How you doing, man?"

  "I'm good. I'm worried about Nicolette, though."

  "Oh? What's wrong with her?" Heath detected concern in

  his voice. He did care about her.

  "I'm not sure. We had a disagreement, and she's alone. I

  know it's Christmas Eve and all, but I wondered if you could

  do me a favor. You have plans tonight?"

  "Nope. Nothing going on. We don't do much until

  Christmas day. What do you need?"

  There was nothing to indicate he was distressed. Maybe

  Donovan was the only person in town who didn't know his

  wife had been screwing Rudy.

  "I wondered if you would go see Nicolette, maybe spend

  the evening with her. She's alone, and this is a rough time of

  year for her."

  "Yeah. I imagine so. Her first Christmas without Rudy.

  What'd you two fight about, if you don't mind my asking?"

  He minded all right. No way was he going into the whole

  sordid thing with Donovan. In order to do that, he'd have to

  shatter his world by telling him about his wife's affair. He'd

  done enough world shattering for one day.

  "It was a stupid misunderstanding. No big deal, but I can't

  be with her. My brother's getting married tonight."

  "Hey, that's great. Tell him congratulations. And, yeah, I'll

  be happy to go stay with Nicolette. Marla's not home, and I'm

  kind of at loose ends myself."

  "Great. Thanks."

  275

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  "No problem."

  "One more thing," Heath added. "It might be best if you

  didn't tell her I asked you to go over there."

  "Okay. Yeah. Got it."

  Heath felt marginally better when he hung up the phone. If

  he couldn't be with Nicolette, at least he knew she wouldn't

  be alone.

  He took in a deep breath and released it, then headed to

  the door. Time to perform his brotherly duty. He hoped he

  wouldn't make a mess of that, too.

  Nicolette sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree,

  staring at the twinkling lights, pretty much the same thing

  she'd been doing since she'd stormed away from Heath.

  Throughout most of the day, the lights had blurred behind

  her veil of tears. The tears had stopped hours ago, and now

  she just felt hollow and drained, like a dried husk of corn. This

  was better than the pain, though. She could live with the

  numbness.

  She'd gone over it all in her mind. Heath telling her he

  loved her. The way he'd stroked and held her, she'd believed

  he really meant it. But how could he love her and keep

  something like that from her? Let her go on thinking Rudy's

  only sin had been his drug use? She'd had to find out from

  Marla, in the most devastating, humiliating way possible. All

  because Heath had chosen to deceive her.

  She'd lost her parents, she'd lost Rudy, and she'd lost

  Marla's friendship, although she'd come to learn that Marla

  had never been a true friend.

  276

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  The loss that cut the deepest, the one from which she

  would likely never recover, was losing Heath. She'd had his

  friendship, then his love, and now they were both gone.

  Yeah, that's it. Feel sorry for yourself. How about a nice

  pity party for Christmas? Right. That was sure to make

  everything better. She barked a laugh, but it only made her

  throat hurt. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day.

  Probably not a good idea.

  She was debating whether to try choking down some food,

  or at least a drink when a knock sounded on the door,

  causing her to jump.

  Who could that be on Christmas Eve? Her heart started to

  pound, the most active it had been since it had cracked this

  morning.

  Heath? Was he here to try one more time to convince her

  he was sorry? Too bad. She wouldn't let him in. To hell with

  him.

  The knocking continued and a man called out, "Nicolette?

  Are you in there?"

  Not Heath. Donovan. Poor, sweet, Donovan. Did he know

  about Rudy and Marla? Probably not. Not yet, anyway. Maybe

  she should tell him. Why should she be the only one

  suffering?

  Because Donovan was a good man, and he didn't deserve

  to be hurt. No, she wouldn't tell him. She'd do the same thing

  Heath had done for her. Protect him. It was Marla's place to

  tell him, anyway.

  Donovan banged again, louder this time, and she forced

  herself to her feet.

  277

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  On legs that were shaky from despair and lack of activity,

  she made her way to the door.

  Cold wind rushed in as she opened it, and Donovan stared

  down at her in concern. "Are you okay? You didn't answer my

  knock. I was worried about you."

  "I-I'm fine. I was just..." She motioned behind her with her

  hand, but dropped it when she realized she wasn't sure what

  she was going to say. "Come in."

  He entered, and she closed the door behind him, then led

  him to the living room.

  "Marla's out doing some last minute shopping," he said. "I

  thought I'd come hang out with you. You busy?"

  "No." She forced a smile. "Not busy at all. Have a seat."

  He took off his coat and laid it over the back of the couch.

  They sat, and he peered at her with a frown. "Is everything

  okay?"

  "Yeah. Sure."

  "You seem upset. Did something happen between you and

  Marla?"

  Her eyes flew to his face. Did he know? "Why would you

  ask that?"

  "She seemed upset when she came home after seeing you.

  She wouldn't talk to me about it. Now you seem bothered

  about something. Just wondered."

  "No. Nothing happened."

  Now she was doing the same thing Heath had done,

  deceiving someone she cared about. Only this was different.

  Heath owed it to her to tell her. He would have been saving

  her pain. If she told Donovan, she would ruin his marriage.

  278

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  She was tired of pretending and wanted the whole thing out

  in the open, but she wouldn't be the one to tell him. That was

  on Marla.

  "Hey, you hungry?" Donovan asked. "How about we go

  grab a bite to eat?"

  Nicolette shoved a hand through her hair and looked down

  at the sweats she wore. She must look a mess. She'd

  showered after her roll in the sack with Heath, but hadn't

  bothere
d to even run a comb through her hair. "I look like

  hell. I can't be seen in public."

  "You look great." Donovan smiled. "Not that many

  restaurants are open on Christmas Eve, anyway, so we can

  just go to a fast food place. You don't have to get out of the

  car. I'll run in and grab our food. At least you'll be getting out

  of the house. The fresh air will do you good. Plus, I'm

  guessing you haven't eaten much today."

  She shook her head. She hadn't eaten anything. "I'm not

  hungry."

  "Maybe not, but I am. You wouldn't let a friend starve,

  would you?" He stood and offered his hand. "Come on, let's

  get you a blast of that nice frigid air."

  She forced a smile and let him pull her to her feet.

  They both donned coats and Donovan held the door open

  for her while she braved the winter outside. Donovan tried to

  engage her in conversation as he drove, but all she could

  manage was a brief nod from time to time. The tears she'd

  emptied from her body wanted to surface again. She just

  thought she had no more left. Somehow, being out of the

  house, even being with Donovan, made her loneliness

  279

  A Knight Before Christmas

  by Alicia Dean

  increase. The soft Christmas music playing on Donovan's

  radio, the Christmas lights outside the window twinkling

  amidst the lightly falling snow, the few people who were out,

  no doubt finishing up last minute holiday errands so they

  could settle in with their families, only magnified what she

  didn't have.

  "Is LC Burgers okay?" Donovan asked.

  She hadn't even been aware they stopped, but they sat in

  the parking lot of her favorite burger joint.

  "Sure, yeah. That's fine. Just get me whatever you get."

  Not like she'd be able to choke it down, anyway, whatever

  it was. The lump in her throat was growing. Heath was at a

  wedding right now, surrounded by loving family and friends.

  Their friendship, and whatever else had been developing

  between them, was truly over. Forever. Tomorrow he'd go

  back to Oklahoma City and she'd never see him again.

  Wasn't that what she wanted? No, not what she wanted,

  but after what he'd done, it had to be.

  The tears surfaced and she searched her purse for a

  tissue. When she didn't find one, she opened the glove

  compartment, shuffling through the items inside. She tugged

  out a napkin to wipe her eyes, knocking a cell phone out in