Things We Never Got Over

by Lucy Score

  Dad unresponsive on Nash’s bed, an empty bottle of pills next to him.

  I chanced a glance up at her. Naomi was sitting stock still, eyes wide and sad. It was better than the frosty indifference.

  “He was in and out of rehab half a dozen times before my grandparents kicked him out.” I shoved my hand through my hair and gripped the back of my neck.

  Naomi didn’t say anything.

  “He never got his shit together. Never tried. Nash and I weren’t enough of a reason for him to hang on. We lost my mom, but she didn’t choose to leave us.” I swallowed hard. “Dad? He chose. He abandoned us. He wakes up every day and makes the same choice.”

  She blew out a shaky breath, and I saw tears in her eyes.

  “Don’t,” I warned her.

  She gave a little nod and blinked them back. I turned away from her, determined to get it all said.

  “Liza J and Pop did their best to make it okay for us. We had Lucian. We had school. We had dogs and the creek. It took a few years, but it was good. We were okay. We were living our lives. And then Pop had a heart attack. Keeled over fixing the downspout on the back of the house. Dead before he hit the ground.”

  I heard the chair move, and a second later, Naomi’s arms came around my waist. She didn’t say anything, just pressed herself against my back and held on. I let her. It was selfish, but I wanted the comfort of her body against mine.

  I took a breath to fight off the tightness in my chest. “It was like losing them all over again. So much useless fucking loss. It was too much for Liza J. She broke down and cried in front of the casket. This silent, never-ending well of tears as she stood over the man she’d loved for her entire life. I’ve never felt more helpless in my entire goddamn existence. She shuttered the lodge. Drew the curtains to keep the light out. She stopped living.”

  Once again, I hadn’t been enough to make someone I loved want to go on.

  “Those curtains stayed closed until you,” I whispered.

  I felt her hitch against me, heard a ragged breath.

  “Fuck, Naomi. I told you not to cry.”

  “I’m not crying,” she sniffled.

  I dragged her around to my front. Tears streaked her beautiful face. Her lower lip trembled.

  “That’s in my blood. My dad. Liza J. They couldn’t deal. They lost themselves, and everything around them spiraled out of control. I come from that. I can’t afford to give up like that. I already have people who depend on me. Hell, some days it feels like this whole damn town needs something from me. I can’t put myself in a position where I’ll let them all down.”

  She let out a slow, shaky breath. “I can see how you’d feel that way,” she said finally.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me.” I squeezed her arms.

  She swiped a hand under her eyes. “I’m not feeling sorry for you. I’m wondering how you’re not a larger teeming mess of trauma and insecurities. You and your brother should be very proud of yourselves.”

  I snorted, then gave in to the urge to pull her into me. I rested my chin on the top of her head.

  “I’m sorry, Naomi. But I don’t know how to be different.”

  She stilled against me, then tilted her head back to look at me. “Wow. Knox Morgan just said he was sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.”

  Her face crumpled, and I realized what a stupid fucking thing it was to say.

  “Shit. I’m sorry, baby. I’m an asshole.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed, sniffing heroically.

  I looked around my office. But I was a man. I didn’t keep a box of tissues handy. “Here,” I said, maneuvering us toward the couch where my gym bag sat. I yanked a t-shirt out of it and used it to mop up the tears that were ripping me to shreds inside. The fact that she let me made them a little easier to handle.

  “Knox?”

  “Yeah, Daze?”

  “I hope someday you meet the woman who makes it all worth it.”

  I nudged her chin up. “Baby, I don’t think you get it. If it wasn’t you and Way, it’s never gonna be anybody.”

  “That’s really sweet and really messed up at the same time,” she whispered.

  “I know.”

  “Thank you for telling me.”

  “Thanks for listening.”

  I felt…different. Lighter somehow, as if I’d managed to throw open my own curtains or some shit like that.

  “We good?” I asked, threading my fingers through her hair and tucking it behind her ears. “Or do you still hate me?”

  “Well, I hate you a whole lot less than when I started my shift.”

  My lips quirked. “Does this mean you’d be willing to stay on? Customers love you. Staff loves you. And the boss is pretty damn fond of you.”

  I was more than fond of her. Holding her like this. Talking to her like this. Something was happening in my chest, and it felt like fireworks.

  She pressed her lips together and brought her hands to my chest. “Knox,” she said.

  I shook my head. “I know. It’s not fair to ask you to hang around when I can’t be what you deserve.”

  “I don’t think my heart is safe around you.”

  “Naomi, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

  She closed her eyes. “I know that. I get it. But I don’t know how to protect myself from the hope.”

  I nudged her chin up. “Look at me.”

  She did as I told her.

  “Talk.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I mean, look at us, Knox. We both know this is going nowhere, yet we’re still literally entwined.”

  God, I loved that fancy vocabulary of hers.

  “I’ll be able to remind myself for a while that you can’t be with me. But sooner or later, I’m going to start forgetting. Because you’re you. And you want to take care of everybody and everything. You’ll buy Waylay a dress that she loves. Or my mom will talk you into golfing with her on the weekends. Or you’ll bring me coffee when I most need it again. Or you’ll punch my ex in the face again. And I’ll forget. And I’ll fall all over again.”

  “What do you want me to do?” I asked, gathering her against me again. “I can’t be who you want me to be. But I can’t let you go.”

  She cupped a hand to my cheek and stared up at me with something that looked a hell of a lot like love. “Unfortunately, Viking, those are your only two choices. Someone once told me in this very room that it doesn’t matter how shitty the options are. It’s still a choice.”

  “I think that guy also told you that there’s a man out there who knew on his best day he was never gonna be good enough for you.”

  She gave me a squeeze and then started to slide out of my grip. “I need to get back out there.”

  It went against every instinct I had to let her go, but I did it anyway.

  I felt strange. Open, exposed, raw. But also better. She’d forgiven me. I’d shown her who I really was, what I came from, and she’d accepted it all.

  “Any chance I could get my dog back?” I asked.

  She gave me a sad smile. “That’s between you and Waylay. I think maybe she could use an apology from you too. She’s with Liza tonight.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Naomi?”

  She stopped at the door and looked back.

  “Do you think if we would have carried on…I mean. If we hadn’t called it off, is it possible that you would have…” I couldn’t get the words out. They clogged my throat and closed it up.

  “Yeah,” she said with a sad smile that had my insides churning.

  “Yeah, what?” I pressed.

  “I would have loved you.”

  “How do you know?” I demanded, my voice a rasp.

  “Because I already do, dummy.”

  And with that, she walked out of my office.

  FORTY-SIX

  TINA SUCKS

  Naomi

  I went straight to the restroom to repair my face. Knox Morgan sure did a number on a woman’s makeup
. After I cleaned up the sad clown face and reapplied my lipstick, I gave my reflection a long, hard look.

  The tiny shards of my broken heart were now ground into a fine dust thanks to Knox’s confession.

  “No wonder,” I whispered to my reflection.

  There were things a person never got over. We both just wanted someone to love us enough to make up for all the times we hadn’t been enough. It felt like such a waste that we could feel the way we did, but neither of us could be that person for the other.

  I couldn’t make Knox love me enough, and the sooner I got over that, the better. Maybe someday we could be friends. If I won the custody hearing, and if Waylay and I decided to make Knockemout our permanent home.

  Thinking of Waylay, I dug my phone out of my apron to check my messages. Earlier this week, I’d approved a messaging app for her laptop so she could text me if she needed to. In return, she’d downloaded a GIF keyboard on my phone so we could exchange GIFs throughout the day.

  “Oh, great,” I groaned when I saw the dozen new texts.

  Silver: Nice undies.

  Max: This better mean you guys are making up!!!!

  Mom: Six flame emojis.

  Fi: We’re covering your tables so feel free to have as many orgasms in Knoxy’s office as you need.

  Sloane: Lina just texted (along with nine other people at the bar). Did that son of a bitch really carry you off like he was a caveman? I hope you rearranged his face and his balls.

  Waylay: Aunt Naomi, I’m in trouble.

  The breath in my lungs froze when I read the last text. She’d sent it fifteen minutes ago. With shaking hands, I fired off a response as I rushed out of the restroom.

  Me: Are you okay? What’s wrong?

  There were a lot of reasons an eleven-year-old could think they were in trouble, I rationalized. It didn’t mean there was an actual emergency. Maybe she forgot her math homework. Maybe she accidentally broke Liza’s favorite garden cherub. Maybe she’d gotten her period.

  I also had three missed calls in the last five minutes from an Unknown number. Something was wrong.

  I headed for the kitchen and scrolled through my contacts for Liza’s number.

  “Everything okay, Naomi?” Milford asked as I hustled for the parking lot.

  “Yeah. I think so. Just have to make a quick call,” I said before pushing through the exterior door into the cold night air.

  I was getting ready to hit Call when headlights from a car blinded me. I held up my hand to block the light and stepped back.

  “Naomi.”

  My arms dropped limply to my side. I knew that voice.

  “Tina?”

  My twin sister leaned out the driver’s side window. I felt like I was looking in the mirror again. A fun house mirror. Her formerly bleached hair was now a dark brown and cut short in a style similar to mine. Our eyes were the same hazel. The differences were subtle. She was wearing a cheap fake leather jacket. She had multiple earrings in both ears. Her eyeliner was thick and blue.

  But she looked as worried as I felt.

  “He’s got Waylay! He took her,” she said.

  My stomach dropped, and a wave of nausea crested as every muscle in my body tightened. “What? Who took her? Where is she?”

  “It’s all my fault,” Tina wailed. “We need to go. You have to help me. I know where he took her.”

  “We should call the police,” I said, remembering I had a phone in my hand.

  “Call ’em on the way. We gotta move fast,” she said. “Come on.”

  Operating on autopilot, I opened the passenger door and climbed in. I was reaching for my seatbelt when something furry clamped over my wrist.

  “What are you doing?” I shrieked.

  Tina grabbed my other arm, her fingernails digging into my wrist. I tried to pull away but wasn’t quick enough. She snapped the other cuff in place.

  “For the smart one, you sure are stupid,” she said, lighting a cigarette.

  My evil twin had just handcuffed me to the dashboard with furry sex cuffs.

  “Where’s Waylay?”

  “Relax.” She blew a stream of smoke in my direction. “The kid’s fine. You will be too if you cooperate.”

  “Cooperate how? With who?” I yanked against the cuffs.

  She let out a cackle as she pulled out of the parking lot. “Pretty funny, right? Found those in a box of sex toys in my old asshole landlord’s storage unit.”

  “Gross!” I was going to need to scrub myself with bleach when this was over.

  My phone was face down on the floor. If I could get to it, I could call someone. I yanked on the cuffs again, yelping when they bit into my skin.

  “Got your email,” my sister said conversationally. “Figured between you and that kid of mine, we’d find what I’m lookin’ for real quick.”

  “Find what?” I nudged my phone with the toe of my boot in an effort to flip it over. The angle wasn’t quite right, and instead of flipping it over, it slid further under the dash.

  “Doesn’t surprise me that you don’t know. One thing that doesn’t suck about my kid is she sure knows how to keep her damn mouth shut. My man and I got our hands on some pretty important information that a lot of people would pay a lot of money to get. Kept it on a flash drive. Flash drive went missing.”

  “What does this have to do with Waylay?” This time the nudge was just enough to flip the phone over…and unfortunately turn the screen on. The glow was not subtle.

  “Oh-ho! Nice try, Goody.” My sister leaned down and reached for the phone. The car swerved off the road onto the berm, headlights shining on a long run of pasture fence.

  “Watch out!” I ducked as we smashed right through the fence and came to a stop in the grassy horse pasture. My head smacked against the dashboard, and I saw stars.

  “Whoops!” Tina said, sitting up holding my phone.

  “Ouch! God, you haven’t gotten any better at driving, have you?”

  “Orgasms and undies,” she mused, scrolling through my texts. “Huh. Maybe you got more interesting since high school.”

  I leaned down so I could use a shackled hand to prod my aching forehead.

  “You better not have hurt Waylay, you irresponsible ignoramus.”

  “Vocabulary’s still workin’ just fine. What the hell do you take me for? I wouldn’t hurt my own daughter.”

  She sounded insulted.

  “Look,” I said wearily. “Just take me to Waylay.”

  “That’s the plan, Goody.”

  Goody was short for Goody Two Shoes, the nickname Tina had saddled me with when we were all of nine years old and she wanted to see how high we could shoot arrows into the air with our uncle’s crossbow that she found.

  I wished I had that crossbow now.

  “I cannot believe we’re related.”

  “Makes two of us,” she said, tossing her cigarette followed by my phone out the window.

  She cranked the radio and stomped on the accelerator. The car fishtailed wildly on the damp grass before careening through the gaping hole in the fence.

  Thirty minutes later, Tina turned off the pothole-ridden road that cut through a rundown-looking industrial section of a D.C. suburb. She pulled up to a chain link fence and laid on the horn.

  Subtlety was not my sister’s specialty.

  I’d spent the entire drive thinking about Waylay. And Knox. About my parents. Liza. Nash. Sloane. The Honky Tonk girls. About how I’d finally somehow managed to make a home for myself only to have Tina show up and ruin it all. Again.

  Two shadowy figures dressed in denim and leather appeared and wrestled the gate open with an ear-splitting screech.

  I needed to stick to my strengths and play it smart. I’d get to Waylay and then find a way out. I could do this.

  We pulled through the gate, and Tina brought the car to a stop in front of a loading dock. She lit another cigarette. Her fourth of the trip.

  “You shouldn’t smoke so much.”

&nbs
p; “What are you? The lung police?”

  “It gives you wrinkles.”

  “That’s what plastic surgeons are for,” Tina said, hefting her significantly larger fake breasts. “That’s the problem with you. Always too worried about the consequences to have any fun.”

  “And you never gave the consequences a thought,” I pointed out. “Look at where that got you. You abandoned and then kidnapped Waylay. Abducted me. Not to mention stole from me on multiple occasions. Now you’re moving stolen products.”

  “Yeah? And which one of us is having more fun?”

  “Actually, I’ve been sleeping with Knox Morgan.”

  She eyed me through the smoke. “You’re shitting me.”

  I shook my head. “I am not shitting you.”

  She thumped the steering wheel and cackled. “Well, well. Look at little Goody Two Shoes finally loosening up. Next thing you’ll be jumpin’ on the pole at amateur night and shoplifting scratch-offs.”

  I seriously doubted that.

  “What? Who knows? Maybe you loosen up enough we might find that sisterly bond you were always whining about,” Tina said, slapping my thigh with what might have been affection. “But first, we gotta get this business taken care of.”

  I held up my handcuffed hands. “What kind of business can I take care of with sex cuffs on?”

  She reached into the pocket of her door and produced a set of keys. “Here’s the thing. Need you to do me a favor.”

  “Anything for you, Tina,” I said dryly.

  “I bet my man a hundred dollars I could get you here without knocking you out or forcing you. Told him you were a natural-born sucker. He said there was no way I could get you to march on in there all free will and shit. So here’s how this is gonna go. I’m gonna uncuff you and take you upstairs to my man and kid. You’re not gonna tell him about these.” She ruffled the purple leopard fur on the cuff closest to her.

  My sister was an idiot.

  “If I uncuff you and you try to run or if you open your tattletale mouth up there, I’ll make sure you never see Waylay again.”

  An idiot with a surprising grasp of what motivated people.

  She grinned. “Yeah. I knew you’d like her. Figured she’d like you too, seein’ as how you’re into all that girlie shit. Knew you’d be the best place to park my kid till I was ready to hit the road.”