Outcome

by Kim Pritekel

  "What makes you think that I’d ask for your help? Or, that I even need help?"

  "I know you won’t ask, so I’m offering. And, I don’t imagine you’d even bring this up if you didn’t really need help." She looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Right?"

  "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it sucks. I have a project to do by Christmas break, and I’m freaking a bit. I hate psychology."

  "Girlfriend, psych is my specialty. Aren’t you a lucky girl?"

  "Yes?"

  "Ye of little faith and analytical ability. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home." We burst through the front doors to the school and headed toward the student parking lot. "You work tonight, right?" I nodded. "Okay, well I can’ t really get together tonight, I have plans. But, later in the week? Maybe even the weekend?" She looked at me to see my response. I nodded my head.

  "Yeah, that sounds good. Oh, um, well, speaking of this weekend, you were asking me questions about Tae Kwon Do that one night, and well, Saturday morning is belt trials, so I was wondering if you’d like to see what I actually do?" I looked at the passersby, not daring to look at Haley. I didn’t want to see the rejection on her face, or annoyance in her eyes that I would dare ask her to do something so simple and lame.

  "Definitely." Wait, what? I looked at her, surprised by the grin I saw there. "I’d love to. Will you be fighting?"

  "Yeah, but only as an opponent. I go for my next belt next year."

  "Oh, well, as long as I get to see you in action. Oh, and promise me you’ll use your feet or hands or whatever to block all incoming punches or kicks, okay?" I glared.

  "Funny." She dug her keys out of her purse, and unlocked the car. I quickly climbed in, the almost overpowering wind, which brought the general temperature down at least ten degrees, was getting the better of my hot bloodedness.

  "You know, Andi, if you would wear a jacket to school that actually did something more than this thin wool thing, you’d be much better off."

  "Thanks, mom." With a chuckle she started the car.

  The entire drive to my house consisted of me listening to Haley ramble on and on about the test, and how easy it was comparatively, and how grateful she was that I had helped her, and how she owed me big time. I enjoyed her excitement and enthusiasm. It was a nice change.

  "So, Ryan asked about you today."

  My thoughts came to a screeching halt at the change in topic, and choice of topic.

  "What?"

  Haley glanced over at me. "Ryan? Ring a bell? Ryan Pritchard?"

  "Yes, what about him?"

  "Damn, where did you go? I said he asked about you today."

  "What did he ask?"

  "If you’d died. He’s still interested in talking to you, getting to know you. I totally sang your praises today in weight lifting. He’s more interested than ever." She smiled at me, and I tried to respond in kind, but was having a bit of trouble with the corner of my mouth. "You don’t seem so happy about this. Andi, I’m trying to get you out a bit more, you know? High school is meant to be fun."

  "I’m enjoying myself quite nicely now." I almost felt angry, betrayed. What part of ‘I’m not interested’ was she not getting? I didn’t need some angel to come down, tap me on the shoulder, and turn me into the cookie-cutter high school girl who goes gaga because some cute guy notices her. Now, how to put this without sounding like a bitch. "Haley, I’m really not into dating right now, okay? I had my fun over the summer, and I certainly had enough stud stew to last me for a while. Ryan graduates this year, and he’ll be gone, and I certainly don’t care enough to carry on a long-distance thing with him." I glanced over at her to see if I could possibly read what she was thinking. She looked straight ahead, chewing on her bottom lip. "Ryan was nice and very cute, but I didn’t find him very interesting, nor could he hold much of a conversation about anything save for his car and sports." The tiniest bit of a smile curled up the corner of her mouth.

  "I guess I should have figured you’d need the book type." She glanced at me for a moment before turning back to the road. "I’m sorry, Andi. I shouldn’t have pushed the issue. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bug you." She smiled again, but it was a small, almost sad smile. Crap. Did I hurt her feelings? I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter now as she pulled into the driveway to my house.

  Haley pulled the break, and turned to me, but said nothing.

  "Thanks for the ride. To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to the walk. It’s pretty cold out there."

  "Yeah, it is." She looked out the window at the white wonderland that surrounded us, almost blinding as the sun beat down on it, but never with enough strength to really do any serious melting. "Well, have a good night at work."

  "Thanks. See you later." She only smiled as I got myself out of the car. I waved, then hurried to the front door.

  As I sat at my desk, trying to work on the quiz, I couldn’t get Haley out of my mind, and my misplaced guilt. I had no reason, whatsoever, to feel bad, but yet I did. I imagine this was bothering me far more than it was bothering her.

  I tossed my pen on the desk, rested my cheek against my hand. Why was I obsessing over this? Normally I was not one to dwell, but my thoughts were plagued. I didn’t want to lose the new friendship that was being created between Haley and I. I mean, I was probably kidding myself, and she didn’t think of me at all. Maybe I was just a distraction for her. Something fun to toy with for a while, to get her kicks off of.

  Running my hands through my hair, I groaned. Those were horrible thoughts, and I really didn’t think she was capable of such callousness, but I didn’t really trust her kind. Her kind. What was she? A cannibal? Alien? I’m losing my mind.

  Deciding to do my best to not linger anymore on a subject that just didn’t matter, and certainly I had done nothing wrong, I picked up my pen again and focused my attention on the quiz. Well, for the most part.

  * * *

  I tugged my backpack a little higher on my shoulders, the puffy ski jacket making it slide a little further every couple of steps. This weekend was supposed to warm up a bit, and that would be good. I loved the snow, and needed the cold weather, but this was getting to be a little ridiculous. Plus I hated to be all bundled up like Randy from A Christmas Story. The snow crunched under my hiking boots, a satisfying sound, as my breath came out in little warm puffs of white air, turned cold and crystallized before it even fully left my lips.

  I glanced over my shoulder when I heard the horn of a car honk. Haley’s black car pulled along side me, her leaning over the passenger seat, glancing at the road every few seconds as she slowly drove at my pace.

  "Plan to get very far that way?" I asked, but kept walking. It had been two days since I had talked to or seen her. I had managed to keep my distance, not sure if she was still angry with me, if she ever was. I had realized how much I had missed her; it was nice having someone to talk to, a comrade at arms.

  "Well, I’d get farther if you’d get in," she said, her voice just barely making it over the drone of the engine and howl of the mid-November wind. I stopped and looked at her. I had some shy, sheepish remark on the tip of my tongue, but decided to save it, and get in. At least it would be warmer in there. "Why didn’t you wait for me this morning?" Haley asked as she pulled back onto the road, headed toward school. "It snowed last night." I shrugged.

  "I guess I figured I’d just walk today." I briefly glanced at her. She was looking at a group of kids who waited to cross the street at the upcoming corner.

  "That wasn’t the most brilliant move thus far in your academic career." She smiled at me to take the sting out of her chastise. "Andi, it’s two degrees out there with the wind chill. Why on earth would you go out in this?"

  "Well, I didn’t see you yesterday to ask you, and I don’t have your phone number." Yeah, I know it sounded lame to me, too. I turned to see blue eyes boring into me. I figured she’d see right through it, but to her credit, she said nothing else about it.

  "So, what class do you have right befo
re lunch?"

  "English. Why?"

  "How about you meet me in the cafeteria and we can start at least talking about your project. Cool?" I nodded.

  "Okay, sure. How fast can you get there?"

  "My class isn’t far at all, so I can be there stat. You?"

  "Well, as you know, I’m quite a ways from it, but I’ll run." I smiled. Haley pulled into the school parking lot, and turned the car off. There were tons of cars already there, and kids running and talking as they made their way toward the building. Ordinarily a lot of them stood around in the parking lot or outside the building until the first bell rang, but even the most dense of my peers had sense to get out of this weather. As we walked I saw Kelly standing and talking with Meghan by one of their cars as Meghan got her bag together. Kelly looked at us, her brows drawn in confusion. Well, it was nice talking with you, Haley.

  "Hey, guys," Haley said, waving to them. Kelly raised her hand to wave back, a smile spreading across her face. To my utter shock Haley turned back to stare straight ahead and continued walking to the school. I looked at her, at them, then back at her, confused. "I cannot believe how cold it is." My attention was brought back to her voice as she hugged herself in an attempt to ward off the cold.

  "Yeah, it’s definitely cold as hell." I agreed, my thoughts still whirling around my head like little flies, buzzing at my brain.

  "So, are you excited about your sparring tomorrow?" Haley smiled at me, pulling the front glass door open, and holding it for me.

  "Thanks. No, not really. I enjoy trying to knock the little ones down. I am the Sunbae Nim, after all." She looked at me quizzically.

  "The what?"

  "Senior member in the class, next to the instructor, of course. He’s our Sabum Nim."

  "How long have you been kicking butt and taking names?" I grinned.

  "Eleven years."

  "Wow. Go, you." We walked to a point where we’d have to go our separate ways. Haley turned to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "See you later, okay?" I nodded, then stared after her for a moment as she made her way through the crowd; just about everyone she passed got a hello or good morning from her. The bell rang, and I hurried to my locker.

  * * *

  I think there’s a reason why people who like English generally hate science, and vise versa. I hurried from my English class, shaking my head. Why on earth would I wish to take some dead guys work, then completely dissect it? Who cares what he meant by what he said in line 31 of paragraph 12. The dude is dead, and no one really cares.

  Shaking my head, I made my way to the cafeteria, hoping that Haley and I would have a little bit of time before her friends showed up. I looked around as I entered the large room, and immediately saw Haley sitting at her table, munching on a bag of dried fruit. So typical.

  "Hey." I plopped my backpack down, not having time to hit my locker. She looked up and smiled.

  "Howdy. Want some?" I looked at the dried apple pieces she held in her fingers, and my nose scrunched.

  "You know, the only thing that looks more gross than dried fruit is jerky. Every time I see it I can’t help but think of King Tut’s mummy." Haley glared at me.

  "Thanks. I happen to love jerky." I smiled.

  "Oops."

  "Okay, so have you thought about this at all?" I sat, tugging the instructions my teacher had given to us for the project.

  "No. Here’s what it has to be." She took the packet from me, and began to read.

  "So, she wants a comparison experiment of sorts?" She glanced up at me, I nodded. "Okay, well, I really don’t think this will be too difficult, Andi. There are any number of different things you can compare and contrast from a psychological point of view. I mean, how about penis envy versus womb envy? It’s an age-old debate that no one can, as of yet, decide on. Right?" I nodded. "Interested?" Again, I nodded.

  "You’re going to help me with this, right?" Her face brightened, her body lifting as she sat a little straighter.

  "Really? You want my help totally?" I smiled.

  "Totally."

  "Nut. Okay. You got it." The room began to fill with noise as it filled with kids, hungry kids. I learned a long time ago that you never keep kids away from food. The table vibrated as books and bags were tossed onto it. I looked around to see Haley’s friends starting to sit down, or head toward the lunch lines. Kelly walked up to stand next to Haley, staring at me. "Hey, girl." Haley put an arm around Kelly’s waist and hugged her.

  I gathered my books and backpack, and began to stand. I felt a hand on my arm.

  "Stay." I looked to see Haley staring into my eyes, her arm still around Kelly. "Please? Join us?" I looked around at the eyes that stared at me, some curious, others just plain confused as they looked from me to Haley, and back at me. I really wanted to bolt, and badly, but looking into those blue eyes, there was just no way.

  "Okay." I sat again, feeling like a microscope slide. She smiled, squeezing my wrist before letting it go. I felt like a stranger in a strange land, surrounded by natives that did not know my language, and I sure as hell did not know there’s.

  I realized my lunch was in my locker, but looking around me, I had lost my appetite. Haley pulled her lunch out of her backpack, setting it all out before her on the table. A container filled with something, most likely juice, knowing her, a sandwich, the empty bag from her dried apples, and a napkin. I watched as she prepared the sandwich, squishing it a bit with her palm before she looked up, her eyes meeting mine.

  "What?" she asked, bringing the sandwich half-way to her mouth.

  "Nothing. I guess I was just wondering why you were abusing the sandwich before you ate it." She shrugged.

  "I don’t know." She took a bite, smiled at me as she chewed. I tried to smile back, but I’m not sure how successful I was. My entire body was jolted as someone flopped down on the bench next to me. I turned to see narrowed green eyes staring into mine. My blood froze in my veins, and I fought the urge to growl.

  "I know you," James said, the crooked smile on his face that so many girls at Winston loved, and which I hated. "You’re the little twat that kicked me in the nuts." Haley coughed across from me, nearly choking on her sandwich as she looked at me. I glanced at her, then back at James Parker, the meanest asshole in the entire school. God, I had no idea he hung around with Haley.

  "Yeah. What of it?" I looked him square in the eye, knowing that if it came down to it, I could squash him like the insect that he was.

  "Yeah, Freshman year, you nailed me."

  "We’ve established this, James. Care to add anything else?" He sneered, looking me up and down.

  "You haven’t changed at all. Don’t most girls get cuter as they get older? You’re still a scrawny little bitch like you were then."

  "Jimmy!" I could see Haley out of the corner of my eye, lunch forgotten as she stared at him.

  "Go away," he said to her, not even looking at her, his eyes still riveted on me. "I should fuck you up for that."

  "Well, maybe you’ll learn to pick on people your own size, next time."

  "You little whore. What are you doing at my table? You don’t belong here. Why don’t you just go sit in your little dog pen where you belong."

  "Gladly, you piece of shit." I grabbed my backpack, nearly shaking with a mixture of fear and anger, and of course, humiliation. My life wouldn’t be complete without it in my day somewhere.

  "Andi, please don’t go." I didn’t even look at Haley as I stood, slinging my pack on my back, and heading out of the cafeteria, calm and collected, just a ruse to hide the boiling blood just below the surface. I wasn’t about to give those bastards the satisfaction of seeing how much James got to me. I wanted to hit a locker so bad, my hand twitching at my side.

  I heard my name being called as I made my way into the hall, but I didn’t care to stop. As soon as I’d cleared the cafeteria doors, I broke into a run, needing to get as far away as I could, my boots pounding on the tile as I went, headed toward a little nook mad
e by a section of lockers.

  I tore my backpack from my shoulders, and threw it to the ground. God, why did I have to go through this? What was so wrong with me that I was to be the butt of everyone’s jokes? Most days I could just disappear amongst my fellow students, predators like James Parker never even knowing I existed.

  "Andi!" I could hear Haley’s steps as she ran down the hall. I didn’t want her to see me this way. I quickly wiped at my eyes, which had quickly become wet. I sniffled, and brought the hem of my sweatshirt up to dry my cheeks. "There you are. God, are you okay?" My back was to her, as I wasn’t ready to face her just yet. I still needed a moment to get myself under control. So, I just nodded. She stepped up behind me, her hand reaching out to touch my shoulder. "I’m so sorry, Andi. I had no idea he’d do something like that. My god, I’m so stunned."

  "You?" I turned around, giving her a weak smile. The look on her face just about broke my hears, like she was about to burst into tears. "He and I have a bit of a history."

  "So I gathered. What happened?"

  "First day of high school, I’m sitting in Mr. Tanner’s class, and you know how he has those desks where the chair is connected to the desk?" she nodded. "Well, I was sitting in my seat, in the front row, minding my own business, and James comes up to me, stares at me, then gets that stupid little grin he has, and lifts the entire desk."

  "Oh, Andi." I could hear the sadness in her voice.

  "I’m at a new school, unfortunately in classes with older kids, and idiots like that who feed on the fear and humiliation of others. My feet can’t even touch the floor anymore, and the desk behind me is digging into my back, the other kids are laughing at me, so I told him to put me down. He only lifts higher, succeeding in knocking me backwards, my head pushing the other desk out of the way as I fall. The class erupts into laughter, fingers pointing at me, led by your buddy, Jimmy. So, I stand and walk up to him, and he’s a pretty big guy." Haley smiles and nods. "I kicked him in the nuts."