Outcome

by Kim Pritekel

  My hand went on the move again as Haley’s tongue began to trace my lips before dipping inside. I flattened my hand out on her back, the thin material of the tank not able to hide the immense body heat that radiated from her. I felt her spine, the muscles in her back moving as her body settled even closer to me, and further down.

  I sucked in a breath as I felt Haley’s hand on the move, too. She ran her fingers through my hair, brushing my hair up and away from my scalp, sending a whole new set of shivers down my spine. She sighed, content, into my mouth, her tongue tracing the bottom of my top teeth, and searching for my own tongue, which eagerly met hers, caressing, rubbing. Her hand slid out of my hair, and found my neck. She began to massage the muscle where my shoulder meets my neck, causing me to moan for the first time.

  The hand continued to move, squeezing my arm through the thickness of my sweatshirt. Of all days for me not to wear a tank. I wanted to feel her hands on my skin, craved what I knew the sensation would be.

  I reached down, took her hand, and guided it to the hem of my sweatshirt, rubbing my hand up and down her arm to encourage her. She got the point, and her fingers gently dug their way under the heavy material, and I couldn’t help it as I pushed even further into Haley’s body when I felt her fingers touch the bare skin of my side. I slid my hand down her arm, and found my way to the bottom of her tank, the fire within calling to my hands. I swear I heard a sizzle as I touched her skin.

  I felt the smooth, flatness of her belly, the muscles underneath moving and seizing with my every touch. I flattened my hand, allowing my palm to feel everything, sliding my hand up a bit, feeling just the bottom edge of Haley’s bra. My hand stopped when I felt soft pressure on my hand from above the tank. My hand lay where it was.

  God, never in a million years did I think it would be like this to kiss a woman, have them kiss me and touch me. Never had it been like this with Rick, regardless of how bad an experience it had been. I had still been turned on with him, turned on enough to go through with it. But this, this was a whole new ball game.

  My lips left Haley’s as I wanted to taste her skin. I kissed around her face, her eyelids, nose, forehead, and made my way down to her neck, unbelievably warm and soft. I buried my lips in it, opening my mouth and ran my tongue over the softness, tasting the saltiness. She pushed her head back, exposing her long neck to me, giving me permission. I brought up a hand, running my fingers all up and down her skin, trailing my nails down her throat, making her moan, and her breath quicken.

  Part of me wanted so much to go on, to see what Haley had to offer, but the more logical part of me, the frightened part of me, knew that this would go no further this night, and I was glad for it. I started to feel real fear for the first time in all this, fear what we were doing, and lack of confidence in my own ability.

  With one final kiss to Haley’s neck, I pulled away. Her eyes slowly opened, and she looked at me.

  "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice throaty and deep. I nodded, laying my head down on her chest.

  "I think maybe we should get some sleep." I lifted myself up to look in her eyes. "What do you think?" She looked at me for a moment, running her fingers through my hair, then nodded.

  "I think so, too." She leaned up, giving me the softest, sweetest kiss on my mouth, then hugged me to her.

  We both stood, and I switched off the fireplace. Haley grabbed my hand, and without a word, we made our way through the dark and up the stairs to my room. Quietly we got ready for bed, and I slid between the covers, moving over as far as I could to the edge. I wasn’t sure what to think, and so figured giving Haley her space would be the right thing to do.

  I guess I was right.

  Haley got into bed, and immediately turned on her side, her back to me. I stayed where I was, staring up into the dark. Then I felt soft skin touch my arm, and a hand grab mine. She tugged, and I turned on my side, scooting up behind her, my arm around her side. With one final sigh, I fell asleep.

  * * *

  With a deep breath and a sigh, I opened my eyes. All the way from darkness to the light of reality, I could feel the warmth next to me, all along my entire body. Haley laid on her back, her head turned away from me, breathing slow and even. I was on my side, so I lifted myself up to my elbow, started at her profile. So beautiful.

  I brought my hand up, reached over and touched her cheek with my fingertips, feeling the soft, smooth skin. I could not get enough of touching her, knowing she was really here.

  Running my fingers over, I traced the lines of her face, down the bridge of her nose, over her lips, and down her chin to her throat. She moaned, snuggling in closer to me. Her head turned so I was looking into her face. She puckered her lips. Smiling, I brought my fingers around her mouth, then brushed them across them. She scooted closer to me, her lips still puckered. Getting the picture, I bent down and gently brushed my lips against hers.

  "Mm, what a nice way to wake up," she mumbled. I smiled.

  "I aim to please." Her eyes slowly opened, focusing on me. "Morning."

  "Morning. How did you sleep?"

  I had noticed where Haley’s tank had ridden up in the night, exposing half of her stomach. I took my hand from her neck, and began to run my nails back and forth over the bare skin.

  "Not bad. How about you?" I watched my own hand, almost mesmerized by the movement.

  "Andi?"

  "Hmm?"

  "What are you doing?" I looked up into half-lidded eyes, a lazy smile on her lips.

  "Nothing."

  "Uh huh, so I see. And I slept well. I had some pretty comfy pillows." Her eyes fell to my breasts, then back to my eyes. I smiled, still playing with the skin of her stomach, reveling in the reaction of tightening muscle.

  "Well, I’m sure you did. Were they better than a Koosh ball? Too bad I didn’t have the same comforts."

  "They were much better than my Koosh, and luckily I had to foresight to sleep a little further down."

  "Not far enough." I looked at her, challenging her with my eyes.

  "Well, I never," She put her hand to her chest with a dramatic sigh.

  "So you said." She stared at me, her eyes unreadable. "I’m surprised at how soft they are." She looked at my breasts again, reaching her hand over, the backs of her fingers brushing against the outside of my left breast. "I always knew mine were soft, but I guess I just never thought about someone else’s, you know?" I nodded, not able to do much more than that.

  She took her hand away, and I was able to breathe again. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

  "So, tell me; how far would you go?"

  "Now?" I nodded. "Hmm. I’m not sure."

  "Would you take anything off?" She looked down at herself, then at me.

  "Andi, I don’t have much on. Two articles of clothing, and I’m done." I laughed.

  "Hey, works for me." She glared.

  "What about you?"

  "I’d take my shirt off." She looked at me, then down at my breasts, then up into my eyes.

  "I dare you." Without another word, I sat up and reached back to grab the back of my tank, and whipped it over my head. Haley stared at me, her mouth open in shock, then her eyes trailed down to look at me. Never in my life had I ever had such a feeling of confidence or power. Any modesty I may have had this time yesterday, was gone. Right now all that mattered was the way I made Haley react, and I ate it up like a drug.

  I laid back down on my side, letting Haley look all she wanted to. She brought a hand up, using one finger to trace the lines on my stomach, brushing her knuckles along my ribs. I closed my eyes, never knowing that anything could feel so good. Even just Haley’s warm breath on my over-sensitized skin sent my flying.

  Slowly, I rolled back over onto my back, wanting to give her as much room and skin as I could. The fingers slowly made their way around my abdomen, spreading out to rub over a large area. Needing more, I reached down and grabbed Haley’s hand, bringing her fingers to the side of my breast, letting her feel the rou
ndness. I left her hand, and the fingers continued to feel, tracing the shape, running underneath the breast, between, then to the other one.

  My breath began to quicken, my body tingling all over the place, and dying for more. I could tell Haley was being equally affected as her breath on my neck came in quick puffs. Her fingers made their way onto the breast itself, tracing a circle around the nipple, but torturing me by not going close enough to it.

  "Goddamnit, will you just touch it!" With a growl, I grabbed Haley’s hand again, placing it flat on the hard nipple, groaning at the touch. I heard Haley suck her breath in.

  "So hard," she whispered. I opened my eyes to see that she was looking at me with huge eyes that narrowed just as quickly as desire seeped in. I grabbed her behind the neck, reached up, crushing my mouth against hers. She moaned into me as I pushed her to her back, my hand on her bare stomach, aroused by the feel of my own naked breast against my arm.

  She reached up, burying her fingers into my hair, pushing me further into the kiss. My fingers began to explore further, wanting more, needing to feel more.

  I broke the kiss. "May I?" I tapped the skin of her upper stomach. Without a word, she reached down, and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor. My eyes bulged, and my immature mind couldn’t keep the thought out that that hottest, most popular girl in school was lying in my bed, half naked. Wow.

  My hand went to her breast, feeling the unbelievable softness of it, so smooth and warm to the touch. Her nipples were rock hard, and I placed my hand over her entire breast, feeling that hardness against my palm. I moaned, heat shooting straight through my body to parts south.

  My mouth watered, and before I knew what I was doing, I leaned down, taking that nipple between my lips. Haley’s body arched into me, a loud groan escaping her. Her hands grabbed onto my head, fingers burying themselves into my hair. Her entire body began to move, her hips trying to find purchase on anything.

  Suddenly I found myself being pulled up to a hungry mouth, and my body being pulled on top of her. I thought I would come right then and there, as soon as our breasts touched, nipples rubbed together.

  "Oh, god, Andi," she rasped, shoving her hips up into me. I pushed back into her, looking for blind pleasure as I spread my legs a bit, needing to find something to rock against, needing release that the kisses failed to give.

  "Andrea? You awake yet? I need you to help me shovel the driveway! I can’t get into the garage."

  "No, no, no," my mind screamed as I jumped away from Haley, still breathing hard, trying to bring my brain to some sort of order. I could hear my mom moving around downstairs, and knew she’d head straight for my room.

  "Andrea?"

  "Yeah, hang on!" I yelled, probably far too harsh. My body was buzzing, and I wanted to cry. I heard chuckling, and looked to see that Haley had gathered herself up, covering her chest with the blanket.

  "Your family." She shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure what humor she saw in this situation, because I certainly failed to see it.

  "Fuck." I muttered as I found some clothes. I tugged a sweatshirt over my head, and looked at Haley. God, she looked so beautiful sitting there, the morning sun coming into the room to fill it with light, bright from all the whiteness outside.

  "I’ll help you." She got out of the bed, quickly finding her own clothes, and turning her back to me as she dressed.

  We sat in the Jeep in front of Haley’s house, snow all around. The plows must have come through early this morning, though driving was still slow going. Neither of us had said much since this morning. I felt afraid, not sure where the safe footing was.

  "Well, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow." She turned to me, smiling.

  "Yeah. Sounds good." I smiled back. She leaned over and kissed me softly on the cheek.

  "Thanks, Andi. Goodbye," she whispered, her hand already on the handle of the door. I smiled, nodded.

  "Bye."

  I watched as she got out of my car, grabbing her bag from the backseat. She looked at me from the open door, her face unreadable, then turned and closed it, making her way to her house. With a sigh, I got the Jeep in gear, and headed home.

  The house was quiet, mom heading straight for bed after a long weekend. I headed to my room, turning the stereo on, and sat at the computer, intending to play some Literati.

  The music began, and I realized that Haley had left one of her Linda Eder CDs in it.

  I listened to the words:

  In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.

  In a very unusual way, you were my friend.

  Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

  But somehow it will never end.

  I brought my hands up, burying my face as the tears fell.

  * * *

  I walked through the next couple of months like a zombie, going through the motions. Haley and I had begun to drift further and further away from each other until it felt like she was a distant call, sometimes heard in the night, but not loud enough to show me my way home.

  Fear had completely overtaken me after that weekend after spring break. I took the blame upon myself, a little girl playing in a woman’s world that I wasn’t ready for. What would my mom say? What would I say? My future was so bright, laying out before me, and I was watching my best friend walk away. I was allowing it.

  I had stopped eating by locker number 218, and had pulled out of the tutor program.

  I had taken it too far, and things should never have progressed how they had. When I would see Haley in the hall at school, and I always looked for her, though I knew I’d never talk with her, she met my gaze, staring at me, always looking as though she had something to say, but neither of us could ever speak.

  The snow was clearing out as spring came along, melting quickly into summer. The graduation buzz was all that was heard at school, senioritis striking quick and swift. If only it were my turn, and I could leave Winston and everyone in it behind. And the memories.

  I walked by the gym, seeing all the seniors getting fitted for their gowns. I knew Haley was in there somewhere, though there were so many kids, who knew where?

  "Hey." I stopped short, startled. I turned to see Haley standing by the girl’s bathroom, the door not even fully closed behind her.

  "Hi. I see you guys got your gowns." She nodded, smiling weakly.

  "Yeah. Kind of exciting."

  "I bet. That’s great. Um, congratulations."

  "Thanks. Andi,"

  "Look, I have to get back to class. I had to drop something off in the office. So, um, I’ll see you later."

  I hurried on, not looking back.

  * * *

  I locked my car, feeling the bulk of the small disposable camera in the pocket of my cargo shorts. The seniors were all lined up at Winston High School’s stadium. All the bleachers were filled with proud family members. The stage was set up with important faculty members already seated.

  I hooked my fingers through the chain link fence, just wanting to get a picture, wanting something to remember her by. The school’s symphony started playing the traditional commencement march, and the seniors marched onto the field. I searched for her, wanting to see her face on such an important day. I felt the lump that had been in my throat for the last two months, grow even larger as I spotted her, her face glowing with pride and happiness in her dark blue gown, mortar board with the red tassel hanging down.

  Grabbing the camera from my pocket, I raised it to my eye, and snapped the shutter.

  * * *

  Tears streamed down my face as I sat on my bed, legs curled up under me, the camera laying beside me. The words played in my head as they played on the stereo.

  Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

  But somehow it will never end.

  In a very unusual way,

  I think I’m in love with you.

  In a very unusual way, I want to cry.

  Something inside me goes weak, something inside me surre
nders.

  You’re the reason why, you’re the reason why…

  I grabbed the remote, pushing stop. The stereo turned itself off, and I turned back to my bills, writing out checks to everyone and their brother.

  Knock, knock

  "Come on in, Erin. It’s open." I yelled. The back door opened, and I heard footsteps across the hardwood floor. Arms sneaked around my neck, and warm lips placed a kiss on my cheek.

  "Good morning."

  "Hey you." I reached up, hugging the arms, a smile on my face.

  "What are you doing? Are you ready?"

  "Yeah. I’m working on my checkbook." My girlfriend sat in the chair across the table from me. "You know, sometimes I feel like I’ll never get this house paid off. They raised the taxes again. Vultures, I tell you." She smiled.

  "I know, baby. You know, we could be paying on just one house," She let her sentence drop off. It took everything in me to not sigh in irritation. I looked into hopeful brown eyes.

  "Erin, we’ve talked about this." She sighed, patting my hand.

  "I know. I’m sorry. Guess I just figure one of these days." She smiled. "Are you ready? Come on. I know you don’t want to be late to see the sacred Linda Eder. What is this? Your third concert?"

  "Fifth, but who’s counting." I grinned, and closed my checkbook. "Let’s go." I stood, scooting my chair under the table, and grabbed my car keys and the tickets, following Erin back out the way she’d come in, locking the door behind us.

  Part 9

  I looked at my sandwich, wondering just what kind of meat they had substituted for chicken this time. The label on the wrap said grilled chicken; it was the color of chicken, and even had nifty little grill marks, however, never in all of my twenty-nine years had I tasted chicken that tasted so much like soy. Not even way back in my days at school. They managed to hide it better.