Feathers: A Novel

by Kylie Stewart

  “Follow me.” The hostess’s long platinum blond ponytail swung behind her as she led us to our booth. When we were both seated, she set the menus in front of us with a smile. “Your waitress will be right with you. Enjoy.”

  We were seated in a quiet corner in the back of the room, which I rather enjoyed. When Charlotte caught my gaze across the table, her wide sea-green pools reminded me of the ocean. Her questions came and went like the tides reflecting in those endless depths.

  My hands slid over the clean tabletop and extended out to her. She didn’t hesitate to thread our fingers together. My thumb ran over the top of her knuckles. A sense of peace silenced my usually rapid-paced mind.

  She does this to me.

  “So is this our first date?” Her voice, while playful, held a note of insecurity.

  Quickly returning to the present and out of my reverie, I nodded. “Yes, I’d consider this our first date.”

  She chewed on her lower lip, trying to hide a smile. “We did things a little backward, didn’t we?”

  Shaking my head, I chuckled. “Maybe, but then again, it’s us.”

  Her eyes softened, and I knew she understood. We’d played by the rules—until now. We knew how cruel and unfair the world could be, so why be tied down by society’s expectations? Live and be happy—that was how I’d always done it. And thank God, Charlotte seemed to believe the same thing.

  “So what’s good here?” She coyly picked up her menu, breaking our contact.

  I grabbed my own and opened it, pointing at a bacon and blue cheeseburger. “This is one I highly recommend.”

  “Hello, my name is Marie, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Our waitress smiled brightly at me. “Can I get you started with some drinks?”

  Something in my brain sent a signal to every bone in my body. My gaze immediately turned from the kind woman to the young woman across from me. Charlotte’s head stayed buried in her menu, her blond hair shielding her from seeing the woman’s face. But I could see the fear and shock in her eyes. How her mouth had fallen open into a small O at the sound of the waitress’s voice.

  I swallowed hard.

  Shit.

  Marie glanced between the two of us, a thin brow arching. “Is everything okay?”

  Charlotte’s death grip on the menu caused her knuckles to go white. My heart raced, pounding relentlessly against my rib cage. Guilt drove its dagger deep in my gut.

  “No, it’s not okay.” Charlotte’s tone came cold and bitter. “Hawk, can we please leave?”

  Marie blinked fast. “I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?”

  “You’ve done enough.” The young woman across from me became a lioness as she faced the older waitress. If looks could kill, Marie wouldn’t stand a chance.

  Finally, it was Marie’s turn to gasp and cover her own mouth. Her pale blue eyes filled with tears. “Oh my God, is that you, Lottie?”

  “Nice to see you too, Mother.” Charlotte slid out of the booth and stood. “I’m leaving, Hawk. I hope you didn’t have anything to do with this.”

  “Lottie, please wait.” Marie reached out to touch her daughter’s arm, but Charlotte moved quickly away.

  “You don’t get to touch me.” Her tone cut deep to the now fresh wound she’d worked so damn hard to close. “Do not follow me. You don’t get to play mom after the shit you put me through.”

  The tears tracked down Marie’s face, but she nodded in agreement. Charlotte glowered at me, still sitting dumbfounded in the booth, before she walked toward the exit.

  Holy crap, this is bad.

  I jumped to my feet, staring at Marie who’d taken Charlotte’s empty seat.

  “I’m so sorry,” I murmured before rushing out into the wintry night to find my girl.

  She paced up and down the sidewalk in front of the building with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. I could hear her talking to herself.

  “Charlotte, let’s go someplace warm,” I began, trying to wrap my jacket around her shoulders.

  “Did you know my mother worked here?” She glared accusingly at me, tears shining in her own eyes. “Is this some kind of sick joke, Hawk?”

  Exhaling loudly, I raked a hand through my hair. “I had no idea your mother worked here. If I did, we would have never come here, Charlotte. You know me. I wouldn’t do something like this to you.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t believe she’s out of jail.”

  Carefully, I took a cautious step toward her. “You knew she got out last year. My grandmother said she offered to set up a meeting with her again.”

  “And I said no,” she spat. “I never wanted to see her again.”

  “Lottie—”

  “Don’t.” She spun around, her hand cutting through the air between us. “Don’t use that name right now.”

  Irritation began to creep up the back of my mind and move toward the forefront. I’d do anything to see my mother again. Unlike Charlotte, I had no idea where she was or who she was with. She just left me and never attempted to contact me again.

  I understood that Charlotte might not want to speak to the woman who allowed her to be sold, but at least she knew where Marie was. My grandmother tried so hard to get her to visit Marie in the correctional facility. She had the option to see her mother, to yell, to scream, to cry, to ask the questions that I would kill to ask my own mother.

  “Charlotte.” The low, even tone of my voice got her attention. She finally stopped moving and met my gaze.

  “What?”

  Wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her against me. She didn’t fight me. I knew she wouldn’t. Instead, she sighed, nuzzling into my chest. I stroked her hair with one hand to soothe her.

  “I know you don’t want to speak with her, but I think you need to.”

  Her fingers curled into the fabric of my sweater. “I can’t, Hawk. She let me go to those men.”

  “Shh.” I pressed my lips to the top of her head. “She wasn’t in her right state of mind, and you know that now. It was the drugs.”

  She sniffled. “I was her daughter.”

  “You are still her daughter. And if she’s working at a place like this, then she must have gotten herself together.” Leaning back slightly, I cupped her face. “I’m sure she’s blamed herself every day since she realized what she did to you.”

  Her chin trembled. “How can I even look at her?”

  “You have to try.”

  We stood together in silence for a good few minutes, neither of us willing to speak. The jingling of the bell over the front door tinkled. A small brunette tapped me on my shoulder and handed me a piece of paper.

  “Thanks.” I took the tablet receipt from her. She quickly retreated inside the warmth of the restaurant as I read the shaky handwriting.

  Lottie,

  I have wondered about you for so long. I know now is not a good time, but I need to apologize to you. Please call me anytime at the number below. I’ve missed you, and it’s such a relief to see you healthy.

  Love,

  Marie

  Tear stains smudged the cell phone number written beneath her name. I handed the piece of paper to Charlotte. She read it fast before stuffing the scrap into her purse.

  “Are you going to be all right?” I quirked a brow, studying her carefully.

  She nodded. “I think so, but can we go somewhere else for dinner?”

  “Of course.”

  Our night didn’t go as I had hoped. We ate a nice dinner at an Italian place, but the excitement and spark had vanished from Charlotte’s demeanor. She seemed to retreat into herself. Sure, she smiled and carried on conversation, but she wasn’t my Charlotte.

  As we pulled up to the front of the house, I glanced over at her from the corner of my eye. Her hands played with the strap of her purse, unwilling to look at me.

  “Charlotte,” I began, but she opened the car door to escape.

  “I think I’m just going to go to bed.” She
only turned to flash a halfhearted smile once she was safely out of the vehicle. “Thank you for a great night, Hawk. And for being there for me. It means a lot.”

  The car door slammed shut. I watched her rush into the house in the headlight’s beam. I slunk back in my seat, rubbing my chin with my hand.

  We’d done a complete 360 from this morning to tonight. And while I didn’t like it, I had to respect it. I knew going into this that Charlotte’s past could crop up at any time and spook her. I just prayed that I’d never do anything to scare her.

  I love her so damn much.

  And that scared the hell out of me.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Charlotte

  One week later …

  Mrs. Ames was due home today, and the entire house was abuzz with excitement. Heather, Melody, Cassandra, and I were busy helping Kelly situate the guest room on the first floor for her to use while her hip healed. Even Lily came by to see how things were going. A bright, gleaming diamond graced her left ring finger, and we all gushed over her engagement.

  “It was supposed to be a surprise, but with Mrs. Ames’s accident and craziness at work, Dylan decided to ask.” She showed off her ring proudly. “He’s really the perfect guy.”

  “I’m really happy for you.” I smiled easily, catching Hawk’s gaze behind Lily. He hung out on the outer edges of my periphery, ready to do the heavy lifting.

  “Thanks.” She blushed.

  Kelly rounded the rest of the girls up, ushering them into the kitchen for lunch. “She’ll be here in two hours, so that’ll give us enough time to get a bite to eat.”

  “I’ll be there in a moment.” Hawk grabbed me by my hand, pulling me close.

  A frown furrowed Lily’s brow, finally understanding what was happening, before she followed the others.

  “She’s always been jealous of you,” Hawk huffed under his breath.

  I arched a brow. “Why?”

  His eyes snapped with mischief. “Because I paid so much attention to you.”

  I rolled my eyes but leaned my head against his broad chest. Hawk told me he planned to stay for one more week to help Kelly and his grandmother settle in. But then he’d leave me behind again. A familiar pain seared through my chest, but I swallowed the burn down as best as I could.

  We’d had a few nights of heavy kissing and touching, but nothing like when we stripped each other bare. A part of me wondered if Hawk’s self-imposed restraint had anything to do with running into my mother. Her crumpled note scribbled on her waitress tablet paper lurked in the top drawer of my desk.

  I’d tried to ignore the need to stare at her handwriting. The tear stains marked the light green paper, stabbing me with unsolicited guilt. Why should I feel guilty about a woman who allowed her only daughter to be sold off to strangers?

  “Hey, you okay?” Hawk’s gentle voice brought me back to the present.

  No, I’m a mess, and you’re leaving in just a few days.

  Instead of admitting the truth, I pasted a brave smile on my face. Standing up on my tiptoes, I kissed his cheek. “I’m fine. Just anxious to get Mrs. Ames home and settled.”

  His warm hand rubbed my back. “I hear you there.”

  Mrs. Ames appeared older than before she went into the hospital. Her hair seemed to be whiter. Deeper lines wrinkled her otherwise porcelain skin, which now held a translucent sheen. She waved us away when we asked about her pain, but when Hawk helped her into the specialized bed, no one was fooled.

  “Girls, I’ll be fine.” She chuckled good-naturedly. “I just need some rest and recovery time.”

  “Well, we’ll be here if you need us.” Cassandra patted her hand affectionately. “You know this house is never empty.”

  “Amen to that,” Kelly agreed.

  After a few more moments of visiting, Mrs. Ames shooed us away. It pained me to see her look so tired. She’d been the tireless woman who dedicated her later years to saving and fostering abused girls. Now, she seemed small and frail. I hated it.

  I could have gone to my room. Perhaps I should have gone to my room. But of course, I didn’t.

  Hawk’s door beckoned to me like a lost ship in search of the shore. Ever since I came to this house, he unknowingly became my rock and my wings. Through him, I could stay grounded and understand there was good in people. That I could trust him. And when he left, he took a part of me with him. Soaring over the ocean and crossing hundreds of miles via emails and social media just so I could be a part of his life.

  Yet I no longer wanted to just be a part of his life anymore. Because he certainly wasn’t just a simple part of mine, compartmentalized until he came back home where I could take that box back out again.

  Pausing outside Hawk’s bedroom door, my hand shook as it hovered over the knob.

  I told him I loved him, and he said nothing.

  My throat constricted.

  If I press him, will he embrace me or turn me away?

  Terror crept up my gut, which soured my tongue.

  The knob turned beneath my trembling fingers as I stood there paralyzed in fear. Hawk appeared before me, his mesmerizing gaze widening briefly before a soft smile tipped his lips up.

  “Yes?”

  His simple question made something snap inside my brain.

  I don’t want to lose him to someone else when I’m not there.

  Tears welled up in my eyes.

  Hawk immediately took me in his arms, dragging me into the safety of his space, and shut the door behind us.

  “What is it?” He held me at arm’s length. “Charlotte, what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want you to go.” My voice broke. “I can’t keep watching you leave, Hawk. It hurts so much worse every time.”

  He studied me in silence briefly before carefully guiding me toward his bed. I sat down while he grabbed his desk chair and rolled it over to sit in front of me. Large hands enveloped my own. A loud sigh pierced the terse silence between us.

  “I know, Lottie, I know.” Hawk swallowed hard. “I don’t like it any more than you do. In fact, I think I hate it even more.”

  Frustration surged through my chest. “No, you don’t because you still leave.”

  “That’s not fair.” Hawk frowned. “You know it’s hard for both of us, Lottie.”

  He’s right, and I hate that he’s right.

  My gaze wandered around his room. Resting on his dresser was a photograph of us a few years ago before he brought Marion home. Even then, I loved him, and he had no idea.

  “Charlotte, look at me.” He hooked a finger beneath my chin so that I met his intense gaze. My breath caught when I saw the emotion swirling in his eyes.

  We shared a silent conversation, one pleading the other to understand.

  When his lips crashed against mine, I submitted to him—utterly and completely. My fingers carded through his unruly hair. His scruff scratched against my cheek. I relished the burn. He could do anything he wanted to me, and I’d let him. Silently in my mind, I screamed for him to mark me in some way that I couldn’t wash away.

  “I can’t lose you either, Charlotte,” He panted against my lips. “God knows I’d go crazy if I lost you.”

  “So don’t.” I gripped his face between my hands. “Make me yours.”

  His brows furrowed. A growl rumbled in his chest. “You know I can’t right now. Not with so many people in the house.”

  “Then let’s go somewhere,” I pleaded.

  “Charlotte, baby.” He removed my hands from his face. Our fingers locked together as he licked his lips, trying to express the proper words. My heart thundered against my rib cage so loudly I could hear it pulse in my ears. Anxiety slithered up the back of my spine, taunting me with the possibilities of what he was about to say.

  We’re both adults now. I pressed my lips together. Why is he torturing us?

  “I don’t want your first time to be anything less than amazing,” he started.

  Relief calmed the doubts swirling in
my brain, but I still wanted him desperately. “Hawk, if it’s with you, then it’s going to be amazing no matter where it happens.”

  His fingers squeezed mine again gently while a struggle played out over his handsome features. The stubble on his jaw cast shadows onto his face, making him seem just a little more dangerous than usual. Brows furrowed, he chewed on his lower lip as he contemplated what to do.

  “Charlotte, I want you so badly, baby girl.” His gaze rose to meet mine. “But not here. I can’t do everything I need to do with you here.”

  I sniffed, nodding, trying my best to pretend I understood.

  He leaned forward until our foreheads touched. “I love you, Charlotte.” His voice wavered on the confession I’d waited so long to hear. “I love you so damn much, and I want everything to be perfect.”

  Tears stung my eyes as I stared into his gaze.

  For so long, I’d wanted Hawk to say those three words to me. Three words that I’d always felt for him but never really understood until I’d grown up. They meant everything to me. They gave me wings to soar. Some invisible shackle fell away, and I stretched them high into the air, breathing a heavy sigh of relief.

  “Come to Florida for spring break and stay with me,” he continued, conveying a conviction I hadn’t heard in his tone before. “And then, I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted from me. Because God knows I want everything from you.”

  Still reveling in his confession, I smiled at his invitation. “Okay.”

  Hawk’s palm cupped my cheek, and I slid my eyes closed in anticipation. We kissed, but this time knowing exactly where the other stood.

  He said he loved me!

  His mouth made love to mine, and I parted on a gasp, allowing him entry. Something changed in him. I could feel it. All the pent-up emotion he’d carried flooded over into me. Kiss by kiss, touch by touch, he poured into me everything I’d ever needed from him.

  “I love you so much, Charlotte,” he whispered against my neck as he peppered kisses down to my shoulder. “And yes, I want you so badly it’s killing me.”

  With a groan, I tilted my head to the side, giving him space to take what he wanted. My hands fell on his strong shoulders, squeezing gently while his tongue flicked over my collarbone.