Feathers: A Novel

by Kylie Stewart

My legs shook as he sucked my sensitive bud into his mouth, flicking it over and over again until I came hard. Barely over the intense ecstasy of pleasure, I felt him slide inside me. Both of his hands rested on my hips, holding me still.

  He used me on his kitchen counter, my legs wrapping around his waist in a desperate attempt to get closer. The sounds of flesh slapping against flesh were drowned out by Halsey’s “Hold Me Down.”

  Hawk pulled me up into a sitting position, the angle allowing him to go deeper than before. I clung to him, our hips rocking in tandem, until we fell over the cliff together. Me with a strangled cry and him with his signature guttural moan.

  We held each other for a few seconds afterward.

  “That’s exactly what I want every damn morning, Lottie,” Hawk groaned. His hand brushed the wilds of my hair back from my face. “You bring out so much good in me, but so much bad.” He trailed his fingers over the tops of my breasts, caressing both. I let my head fall back, anchored on the now warm countertop by my hands.

  “I just can’t get enough of you, Charlotte.” Hawk sucked one nipple into his mouth. Instinctively, I raked my fingers through his hair, twisting and holding him close. His cock twitched inside me, making me writhe.

  “You drive me insane,” I whispered as he licked between my breasts to pay attention to my other nipple. “I love it … this out of control feeling.”

  “Animalistic fucking,” he agreed. His stubble rasped against my sensitive skin, and I relished the sensation. “My favorite kind.”

  We explored each other while I sat on the counter wrapped around Hawk. His lips never stopping. My own mouth ventured along his neck, finding a secret spot behind his ear that had him thickening inside me again.

  “We should eat something other than each other.” A low chuckle pulled me out of my euphoric high. “But keep only the T-shirt on.” His gaze darkened, hooking a finger under my chin. “In fact, while we’re here, no bras and no panties. Just dresses.”

  “And T-shirts?” I arched a brow with a coy smile.

  He pulled out of me with a soft sigh. “Anything that makes getting to what I want easier.”

  My stomach flip-flopped at his salacious demand, but my inner sex kitten would obey. I’d changed last night. Gone was the shy girl who didn’t know what sex would be like. No flashbacks or ghosts from my past interfered. It was as if Hawk erased every single moment of abuse I’d ever endured and replaced those memories with our own. In her place stood a woman who wanted to be filled twenty-four seven with only what he could give.

  My fairy tale started out as a horror story. But now, I’d change nothing of the past. If anything altered, I might have never met Hawk. The cold young man who began to give me back my wings feather by feather had transformed into a feral beast that made me soar.

  “What is it?” His question brought me back to the present. I hadn’t even noticed he’d slid his pants back up and was holding out my shirt to me.

  I took the rumpled cotton from him, smiling to myself. “Nothing.”

  He turned back to the stack of pancakes and bacon, nodding toward the breakfast nook with his chin. “I know you better than that, Lottie.”

  Pretending to pout, I grabbed the two full coffee mugs. We sat in a circular window seat with the ocean behind us. Before I could even take a bite of my pancake smothered in maple syrup, Hawk’s gaze caught me.

  “I was thinking about how far we’ve come, that’s all.”

  Now that I’d said it out loud, it seemed like such a childish thing to admit. Of course we’d come far. We were adults now.

  While my cheeks burned with embarrassment, Hawk’s hand covered mine on the table. Glancing up at him, my heart fluttered out of sync in my chest. So many things reflected in his gray-blue orbs that I understood completely. We’d never had to really say how we felt in complete sentences. Our silent conversations had started years ago.

  “I love you, Charlotte Waters. No matter how years there are between us, I don’t see it or feel it.” He leaned down, kissing me deeply, conveying his truth. “All I need is you, Lottie. That’s it.”

  I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over my lips at his declaration. Hawk wasn’t a man of many words, but when he did speak, he spoke from the heart. He never lied. Not to me anyway. He knew better because we could see through each other like two sides of a mirror.

  We ate our lukewarm breakfast in comfortable silence. Hawk slid his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. After our plates were empty, we curled up together to enjoy the afterglow of morning sex and coffee.

  Yes, I wanted this to be my everyday normal. Sighing, I stared at the sight of the ocean kissing the shore. I belonged completely to the man who taught me to fly.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Hawk

  Charlotte wanted to explore everything that the Florida coast had to offer. After breakfast, she’d showered and changed into a knee-length, coral colored dress. I’d teased her about living in such a cold climate but owning so many dresses. And what did she want to do? Dip her feet in the ocean.

  Her long blond waves fell down her back, brushing against the small of her back. I watched her kick off her strappy sandals on the white sand. She wriggled her toes in the velvety warmth. Glee tinged her cheeks a rosy pink as a light breeze ruffled the hem of her dress.

  Sticking my hands into the pockets of my shorts, I watched my boho girl skip to the shoreline. She paused, staring at the lapping waves just inches from her bare feet. Both shoulders rose and fell, and her eyes closed. As if stepping off the edge of a cliff, Charlotte lifted one foot and stepped forward.

  I felt as though I were watching something sacred. A ritual of the sea. My feathered mermaid being set free. She looked like she belonged here.

  She does. With me.

  “Hawk.” Her voice drew me from my thoughts.

  Her bright smile pulled me toward her like the moon pulls the tide. Unable to deny her anything, I joined her with my feet in the Atlantic. Since it was only March, the water still felt chilled.

  She slipped her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together. We stood there, allowing the cool water to roll over our feet. The sand beneath our feet shifted with each lap of the waves. Her head leaned against my shoulder.

  “Is it everything you hoped it would be?”

  “So much more.” She gave a light chuckle. “You’ve been so good to me.”

  We watched the gulls playing over the water, dipping and diving for fish. The brilliant sunshine beat down on us against a clear blue sky. What could I say? Ever since I met Charlotte, she’d been so good to me.

  From the moment our eyes locked on that first day, she twisted her small fingers around my heart. She became the only person in my life other than my grandmother who I cared for. Slowly, we gained each other’s trust. And now, here we were.

  “Come on.” I kissed her forehead. “Let’s go grab something to eat, and I’ll show you around.”

  We trekked onto shore, collecting our shoes to walk back to the house. After locking my front door, we jumped into my car and took off. There were so many different things I could show her and introduce her to. I lowered the top to my Corvette, listening to Charlotte squeal in delight.

  Cranking up the radio, we drove down the road singing at the top of our lungs. I’d never seen Lottie so carefree, open, and willing to step out of her comfort zone. Then I realized, I may think I know who she is, but do I really? My stomach sank a bit at that thought. We’d fanned the flames of passion years ago, continued to stoke the fire, and last night, we burned. This morning, we rose from the ashes, but what happened now?

  In my mind, everything worked. All I had to do was get her to me, and she’d be mine. For so many years, I’d considered her mine without ever asking her if I actually had her. She loved me, and I loved her, but was love truly enough?

  No, love sometimes isn’t enough, my brain reasoned. The logical, harsh side of me rippled just below the surface. White appeared on
my knuckles as I gripped the steering wheel tighter. Why was I thinking of this now?

  Because I want to keep her.

  Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I caught her nodding along to the music. Long strands of her hair blowing in the wind. Yes, she was the one for me, but was I the one for her? Seven years separated us at one time like the ocean separates America and England, but now that gap didn’t matter.

  Then it hit me. The truth—my truth. I wanted to marry this girl.

  Traffic slowed, and I used that as the excuse to stop my thoughts from messing this time I had with her completely up. Luckily for me, Charlotte didn’t seem to notice my sudden change in demeanor. She was too wrapped up in staring at our surroundings to cue in on my internal revelation.

  Later, I’d need to consult with Jax about this overwhelming pressure sitting on my chest. Was this how it happened? A light in front of us turned red. One day, you woke up loving someone so much more than the day before and you understood that you couldn’t let them go. That your world would fall apart if she walked out of your life. My throat constricted. If Charlotte walked out of my life after this week, could I handle that?

  The light switched to green, moving us forward into the future one second at a time. Did I want to go forward? If I could freeze time, last night and this morning would be where I pressed pause. We’d breathe off each other’s desire, feed off our passion, and get drunk on the heady afterglow of pleasure.

  “It’s so warm down here this time of year,” Charlotte remarked, stretching her arms out over her head.

  Silently thanking her for pulling me out of the torture that was my own mind, I hit the turn signal. “That’s the plus about living down here in the winter,” I replied, smirking over at her. “But in the summer, it’s hotter than Hades.”

  “I don’t think I’d mind it so much.” She shrugged. “I like the heat. Being by the ocean would make that bit a little easier.”

  The Corvette slid into a parking spot outside my favorite oceanside burger joint, The Shell Shack. This time, I was sure no estranged family members would interrupt us.

  Climbing out of the car, I rounded to her side to open the passenger door. “You think?”

  Her tiny hand slotted into mine. Her left hand graced the feather ring I’d gifted her. A concoction of pride and bewilderment churned in my gut. Pride because she always insisted on wearing what I gave her. Bewilderment because she chose her ring finger to say to the world she was mine. She’d always been mine. And I’d always been hers.

  “I know,” she quipped with a wink.

  Hand in hand, my heart and thoughts racing double-time, we ascended the steps to the restaurant. The familiar scent of seafood, french fries, and grease flooded my nostrils. For a second, I calmed, the surroundings a comfort. A pretty brunette sat us at a table outside on the deck overlooking the pier. She left us alone with our menus, but Charlotte wasn’t interested.

  She gawked in wide-eyed wonder at the expanse of the ocean. All sound faded away, almost as if I were about to black out , but I was one-hundred percent conscious. Wow, so this was what Jax tried to explain to me about him and Elise. Fuck, I’d been kind of a jerk. Guess I’d have to apologize to him later.

  “Are you all right?” Charlotte lowered her menu to the table, arching an eyebrow.

  Do I lie, or do I let her into the mess in my head?

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  Her head tilted to the side curiously. “Or course.”

  “What are your plans after you graduate college?”

  Brows pinching together, she glanced down at her hands clasped on the table top. After a few moments of silence, she lifted her eyes back to mine. “Honestly?”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to lie to me,” I teased, smiling gently.

  She puffed out her cheeks, blowing out a long breath. “I want to teach music therapy. My professors say that I could be a concert pianist if I really wanted to, but I have no desire to.” Sadness reflected in her gaze. “I’d love to help kids like me through music.”

  “Really?” Her response surprised me a bit. “I know you minored in psychology, but are you sure that’s healthy for you?”

  Instead of becoming offended, she laughed. “It’s extremely healthy for me.”

  The waiter stopped at our table to take our order. We rattled off a few different dishes before turning back to our conversation. She reached out across the table, taking my hand. “I’ve already worked with a few kids, and I love it. When I watch them play their instrument, they forget what happened to them. Even if for just a second, I can help them.”

  Immediately, the wheels in my brain began to turn. “Well, do you have any more schooling?”

  She played with her straw, circling it around. Ice clinked on the sides. “I do need to get certified, but I can do that from anywhere.”

  “Would you be willing to move anywhere?”

  Charlotte stopped playing with her water and met my gaze across the table. “Are you asking me if I would move to Florida?”

  Clearing my throat, my grip tightened on her hand. “I’m trying to ask if you would consider moving in with me?”

  Her beautiful sea glass orbs widened. A myriad of emotions fluttered across her face before she settled on a wide grin. Cheeks flushing that gorgeous set of pink, her eyes shone with excitement. “If you want me to move down here with you, then I’d say yes.”

  Relief eased the tension between my shoulders at her response. “I’d love it if you’d come down here and stay with me.”

  She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Obvious joy lit up her entire being. The waiter delivered our food, then made sure we had everything we needed before he left us alone again. While the smell of my burger made my stomach twist in hunger, I couldn’t take my eyes off Charlotte across from me.

  “This looks great.” She unrolled her silverware from the napkin. Our gazes locked for a moment, sharing a silent conversation. Every bone in my body cried out for hers. My heart might beat within my chest, but she held it in the palm of her hands.

  We enjoyed our meal while Lottie asked me questions about the area, the ocean, and my business. I explained to her how Jax and I started our marina business. She wanted to know more about the small marine life sanctuary we set up as a charity. After promising she’d be able to go and see some of the animals we cared for, our drinks were nearly empty and our plates picked over.

  Paying the bill, I offered my hand to her, escorting her outside toward the pier. She eagerly leaned against the railings to feel the gentle ocean spray. People who passed us by would never know the gorgeous woman bouncing around survived a horrific childhood.

  I knew, though. I’d had the privilege of watching her grow stronger as she faced down her demons. And seeing what I saw today made my chest glow with pride. My grandmother gave her a second chance, and Lottie chose me.

  “Hawk, come on.” She waved from the end of the dock, snapping pictures with her smart phone.

  She had me wrapped around her finger, and I didn’t care. Quickly closing the distance between us, I took the phone from her hand. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her against me. My arm held the phone up to capture us both at the end of the pier.

  Charlotte smiled brightly, eyes shining. Quickly snapping a few photos, I leaned over and kissed her cheek. The smile vanished from her face, replaced with a look of complete adoration. Her fingers curled into the fabric of my polo, her lashes blinking slowly. I knew that look by now, and I knew exactly what she wanted because I wanted it too.

  “Are you ready to go back home?” I nuzzled my nose against hers. Electricity snapped between us like a livewire. If we didn’t get home soon, I’d take her in public—not a great idea.

  “Can we go for a swim?”

  Her question caused me to arch a brow. While the sun shone high in the sky and the temperature hovered in the mid-eighties, the ocean was still chilly this time of year. But then, I caught the mischief
in her gaze.

  Hooking my finger under her chin, I gently kissed her plush lips.

  “We can do more than that,” I promised.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Charlotte

  Every inch of my body vibrated with insatiable need as I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror. Hawk left me alone to change in his bathroom while he used his room. Honestly, both of us seemed on the verge of attacking the other at any moment since we stepped back into the house.

  The feather wrapped around my left ring finger gleamed in the sunlight streaming from the large windows. I raised my hand to my face, inspecting the sterling silver. Ever since Hawk gave me the beautiful piece, I’d subconsciously claimed him as mine. In my own head, we’d end up together somehow.

  After last night, Hawk claimed me in return. All the feathers he’d given me over the years morphed into wings last night. For the first time, I understood the freedom in letting go.

  Nightmares about the men who tried to ruin me no longer haunted me at night. The woman staring back at me had come to a revelation. For so many years, I thought Hawk had slayed my demons for me. His silent strength, calm, steely resolve, and unending kindness had been what saved me.

  Now, though, in my mind all the days we’d spent apart completely engulfed those precious moments spent together. So I smiled at the woman grinning back at me. Hawk gave me the pieces I needed to complete my own puzzle. No one could have ever fixed my broken and jagged edges unless I wanted to heal myself.

  I’d risen above the pain and abuse. Me. Painful hours spent confessing to Mrs. Dawson allowed me to feel justified in my anger. The girls I’d grown up with all shared the same secrets as me, so I never felt alone. Mrs. Ames’s promises to always keep us safe never faltered, but she didn’t shield us from the world either. She allowed us to heal in our own way, at our own pace.

  But Hawk, he’d slowly given me feather after feather, building my wings and trust toward men. In doing so, he became my most precious friend. Ever since I met him, everything changed.