by Erica Penrod
“Maybe you didn’t need it.” Atiu gave her a wide smile.
Lexi quickly surveyed the room, hoping no one else was aware of their conversation, but Matt stood on the top rung of the ladder, concentrating, while Lucas handed him a glittered bulb and the other kids were occupied with trimming the tree.
“Looks like the boys could use some help on the other side,” she said, escaping Atiu’s interrogation. Out of the big man’s sight, her heart thumped as she picked up an ornament and handed the bell to Derek, pointing to an empty spot.
Keeping her eyes on anyone younger than eighteen, Lexi hid from the chance of being caught under Atiu’s make-believe mistletoe once more. Through the flickering lights on the pinewood boughs, she caught a glimpse of Lucas’s face and couldn’t help but hope he carried a piece of the precious plant in the pocket of his tight-fitting jeans.
* * *
Lexi’s words stopped him in his tracks. Lucas stood where one room ended and the other began, listening to the quiet exchange between Lexi and Bo in the kitchen. Closing his eyes, he prayed she was the place where the boy found a fork in the road and went the other direction. Not wanting to interfere, he took shallow breaths and waited to see which way the boy turned.
“I think you’ve got a knack for this,” Lexi said as Bo rolled the homemade caramel out onto the parchment paper. “You should’ve seen the first batch of caramels I made on my own. It looked nothing like this.” She picked at the edge and pulled a piece from the puddle of golden brown spilled onto the island. “Ouch.” She blew on the blob at the tip of her finger. “Hot.”
Bo’s brown eyes, usually dull and heavy, were the brightest Lucas had ever seen them, and there was a smile hanging on the edge of his lips.
Five seconds later, she stuck her finger in her mouth. “This is the perfect texture,” she said, chewing on the candy, “and the perfect consistency. My grandma would be so proud.” Turning back to the sink, she washed her hands before she returned to her apprentice. “I mean it, Bo. I think you could have a future in the culinary arts—that’s if you wanted too.”
Lucas felt his heart about to burst when he saw Bo’s face turn the same shade of red as Lexi’s apron.
“You really think so?” he asked as he picked up the rolling pin.
“I do,” Lexi said, drying her hands on a towel. “You caught on really quickly.”
“I used to cook, sometimes …” He hesitated. “For my mom.”
“Really?” Lexi asked in an even voice, but Lucas saw the animation in her eyes.
“Macaroni and cheese,” he said. “Not like your macaroni and cheese, but the box kind.” His eyes searched for Lexi’s approval. “But I still liked to do it.”
“See?” Lexi grinned. “You like cooking, and from what I’ve seen you’re pretty good. I bet you made your mom happy.”
Bo’s face paled into his familiar shade. Lucas felt the boy’s pain as if the stab to the heart was his own.
“She did,” he said, the joy gone from his voice.
Lucas watched regret wash over Lexi when she realized she’d unintentionally gone too far. “Do you want to talk about your mom?” Lexi asked. She picked up scissors and started cutting pieces of parchment paper into strips.
“No,” he said. “She’s dead.” His voice was void of emotion.
Lexi’s eyes filled with anguish and Lucas immediately wanted to run to her, but he held off and saw her compose herself.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. Her fingers trembled as they held on to the scissors and he knew she was fighting the temptation to wrap her arms around the mourning child. Physical contact wasn’t allowed of any sort between the staff and boys.
Bo didn’t say anything, and after a couple of seconds, Lexi picked up the conversation. “Now we’ll cut the caramel into pieces and wrap them in the paper, like this.” She scored a piece of the candy and rolled it in the wrapper. “Now twist the ends like this,” she said, taking the ends of the paper and turning them in her fingers.
Lucas knew the time had come for him to make his presence known. He cleared his throat and walked into the kitchen. “How’s it going?” he asked. “That looks good.”
“It’s delicious.” Lexi offered him a piece. “Bo here is a natural.”
“Really?” Lucas acted surprised. “Bo, that’s awesome.”
Bo peered up beneath his lashes, but kept his head down. Lucas knew that was all he could hope for at the moment.
“It’s getting late, so when you’re done in here, go up and get ready for bed.” He popped the candy in his mouth.
Bo nodded. “Okay.”
“Wow,” Lucas managed in between chews.
Lexi grinned at him and then at Bo, but neither she or he expected what came next.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Bo said with a smile. “Isn’t that what you always tell us?”
Lucas coughed while Lexi burst out laughing. “You’re right,” she said. “We need to work on this guy’s manners.”
* * *
Lucas picked at the chipped wood of the log pole railing with gloved fingers, watching his breath rise in the dark and disappear in the night sky. He stood on the deck of the third floor, his collar flipped up in a feeble attempt to keep the cold out and his body heat in. Despite the frigid temperature, he loved to come out on a clear night like this, to see the stars hung by the hand of God like Christmas lights for world, to hear the trees whisper to one another, and to feel his heart beat in gratitude for another day.
But tonight, as the moonlight danced across the snow, he saw Lexi in his mind. The way she was with Bo. She’d been able to reach him when no one else could, not even his counselors. When she brought up the idea of making candy with the boys, he thought that would be something fun for Christmas, but now he wanted to implement the idea into part of the daily routine. He’d ask Lexi how she’d feel about having some help every night with dinner prep, and then assign the boys a day of the week to be in the kitchen instead of at the barn with him. Lucas already knew what her answer would be, but he would ask anyway.
He rocked back and forth on his heels, trying to keep the blood circulating while he attempted to sort out some of his feelings about his chef. Two and half weeks ago he almost explained his attraction to her away, but when he kissed her and every wrong in his life was made right, he couldn’t shake the feeling his life was mapped out to find her.
Just then, the door opened and Lucas turned around to see the girl he couldn’t walk away from now.
“Hey,” Lexi said. She wore a red hat pulled down over her ears, her white coat zipped to the top of her neck. “Crap, that’s cold,” she said with a dramatic body shiver as she closed the door behind her. “What are you doing out here?”
Lucas warmed from head to toe and smiled just at the sight of her. “I came out here to clear my head.”
Her nose already matched her hat and her eyes were moist, making her more adorable. Ever since he’d held her in his arms and felt her lips on his, they’d only shared stolen glances and brushed fingertips here or there. He longed to kiss her again, but didn’t want to rush things any faster than they were. He wanted to take baby steps, to keep himself in control. But his arms opened and she was against his chest before he could decide otherwise.
“What are you thinking about?” She tilted her head so that her breath floated past him; like the taste of a peppermint candy cane, he felt the zing and the sweet.
Swallowing, he looked at her lips before he met her eyes. “I was thinking about you.”
Her brows knitted together. “And you were trying to clear your head?”
He smiled. “I guess that came out wrong.” He tucked his chin and kissed the tip of her ice-cold nose. “I was thinking about the boys and how well the candy making is going.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “I thought maybe after the new year, we could adjust the schedule so that one of the boys helps you with dinner a few nights a week.”<
br />
Her eyes lit up. “I would love that.”
“I thought so.” His heart purred like a barnyard cat in a haystack.
She drew back a little in his arms. “When I took this job, I liked the idea of helping these kids, even if it was just through my cooking. But now that I’m here, I can offer them more than that.” She paused and gazed out into the dark before she continued. “The kitchen really is the heart of the home, and I want those boys to feel like that—to know they’re safe with me.”
“I feel the same way,” he said. “I hired you because of your references, but I never dreamed you’d have this kind of effect on the boys. Everything’s changed since you came, like you brought your own atmosphere and we’re all better for it.”
Even beneath the cold, he saw her face flush.
“I mean it.” He pulled her close. “I’m better …”
In the moonlight, he studied her face. Her eyes appeared a solid blue, a misconception caused by the winter night and the blush color of her full lips. He noticed the tiny details, like the curve of her brows and the mole just above her right cheekbone that rose with every smile and sat perfectly still when she was content. He intended to memorize every feature that made up the beautiful face before him, but his desire to kiss her had been on a slow burn for days. Suddenly the smoldering flame ignited and the fire spread through him like a fuse to dynamite. Lucas didn’t kill the flame.
His mouth collided into hers and he knew his heart was lost in the crash. She matched his intensity and then took the wheel. Lucas let her drive, her lips swerving, until he felt out of control. They were headed to the point of no return and as they approached the edge of the cliff, the warning lights flashed in front of his eyes; he’d fallen for her.
Chapter 13
“My flight comes in at 2:00, Monday the twenty-third,” Lexi said.
“In the morning?” her mother asked.
“No, Mom. In the afternoon.”
“Traffic is bound to be a nightmare that close to the holiday,” her mother said.
“Would you prefer 2:00 in the morning?”
“No, no,” her mother said. “Your father will have to pick you up. I’ve got a hair appointment, and you know what it’s like trying to get in to Rachelle.”
Lexi picked at her cuticles, thinking she should probably get a manicure before she went home. “When is Melissa’s last final?” Lexi hoped her younger sister would be home from college before she got there.
“Friday is her last exam,” her mother said, “and she’ll be here on Saturday.”
“Good.” She’d missed her sister.
“I can’t wait to see you both. The house is so empty without you, especially during the Christmas season.”
“I know, I’m excited to see you too.” As the last word left her mouth, something ached within her chest. The closer Christmas came, the more difficult the thought of being away from High Country became. “I’ve got to go, Mom,” she said. “I’ve got to get dinner started.”
“Okay, honey,” her mother said. “I’ll see you in a week.”
* * *
Lexi and Lucas fell into a routine, devoting their hours to the boys and minutes to each other, and made every second count. Because of the impending holidays, Lucas had been creative with his group therapy sessions. They’d taken the boys into the city, where they served dinner to the homeless and once he drove them to a retirement community after a storm and handed the boys each a shovel. Two hours later they came back starving, cold, and wet, but their spirits were high. Lexi made a special batch of peanut butter fudge and a kettle full of hot apple cider as a reward for their efforts.
Six days before Christmas, the house was buzzing with excitement, despite a bad attitude here and there. For the most part, everyone seemed to have bitten by the Christmas bug; even Earl had exchanged his ball cap for a red Santa hat.
Lexi helped Lucas pick out gifts for everyone online, which were wrapped and placed under the tree to be opened Christmas morning with the exception of the three of the boys going home with their families. Theirs were packed to take home with them. Derek, Owen, and Matt had been at High Country the longest, and had earned the highest level. Although she was finding out that length of stay wasn’t an accurate predictor of progress.
Brett, the newcomer, kept his hair pushed back from his face and looked you in the eyes when he spoke to you and had quickly become one of the best horse riders in only a few short weeks. Bo, however, was still quiet and elusive. The only time he seemed somewhat comfortable was in the kitchen, and even though he wasn’t where Lucas hoped he’d be at by now, the boy was moving in the right direction.
Lexi thought about Lucas at their last staff meeting. He couldn’t sit still as they discussed each of the boys and the upcoming days. He paced the floor as they went over the schedule. This was the first time so many of the boys and the staff would be gone at the same time.
She headed to the barn later that afternoon. Lexi understood Lucas needed his own dose of medicine.
Bundled up, she hiked up the hill and noticed she didn’t have to worry about losing a lung somewhere on the trail. In her time here, her body became stronger and she might even keep up with Melissa on a morning jog back in Berkeley.
Inside, the barn was warmer than outdoors, but still chilly. Lexi unwrapped her scarf from around her neck as she walked towards the arena, stopping to pet a horse friend or two along the way. Outside the arena entrance, she heard the steady rhythm of a galloping horse. Not sure if she wanted to disturb Lucas or not, she stopped and craned her neck to catch a peek.
The bay mare, the color of a cola soft drink, kept her head tucked under as she cantered around with steady, even strides. Her nostrils flared, the air rising like a steam engine locomotive. Lucas sat in the saddle with one hand on the reins and the other resting on his thigh, the tawny leather gloves contrasting with his dark jeans. His black felt hat was pulled down, just above his thick brows. His eyes mimicked twilight before a winter night and she wondered if they changed with the season. His cheeks and lips were colored by the cold, even though a heavy wool collared shirt was layered beneath a denim coat. The silver spurs on his boots caught the light streaming in through the windows of the garage door on the north side and drew her attention, reminding her of the way they made music when he walked in the house, playing his version of a cowboy melody.
Captured by what she saw, she tuned out the noise and listened to what her heart was telling her. This was different. He was different. She could love him.
“Hey there, beautiful,” Lucas said. His voice sounded like her heart’s affirmation. She let the sound drift through her head. “Are you in there?”
She startled, unaware that she’d come into the arena or that Lucas was right in front of her. “Yeah, sorry.” She chewed on the corner of her lip. “I guess I was daydreaming.”
“What about?” Lucas asked. “Should I be jealous?” He tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow.
She laughed, loving the way he was with her when no one was around, un-boss-like. “No.” She looked up through her lashes.
“Good,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me what you’re dreaming about …” He grinned. “But I’m just going to assume it’s about me.”
“Maybe … maybe not,” she said, but knew the look in her eyes would be all the confirmation he needed.
“Want a ride?” He patted the back of the saddle.
“With you?”
“Yeah, with me,” he said, like there wasn’t any other option. “We’ve got a little while until the boys get here.”
“Okay,” she said, not knowing how she’d get from here to there.
He held out his arm and pulled his foot from the stirrup. “Put your foot here and grab on.”
Lexi took his hand while she lifted her boot into the stirrup, and he pulled her up. She swung her leg over and found herself seated directly behind Lucas.
“You okay?” he asked as he adjusted in
the saddle.
She wrapped her arms around him. “Now I am.” She slid as close to him as the saddle would allow.
He slipped his boot back in place and motioned to the horse to walk on. Lexi wiggled as she adapted to the horse’s gait.
“Are you okay?” she asked, once she settled with the pace. “I mean, you seem like you’re worried about something.”
“I’m fine.” He took a deep breath.
Lexi sensed he wanted to say more, but she didn’t encourage him. She just enjoyed the feel of her body against his as they circled the arena until he was ready.
“I get worried when the boys are released to visit their families. High Country is a safe haven away from the world they knew, and I’m worried that back in their previous environment they’ll take ten steps back for the five we went forward.”
Her heart took a little gallop of its own, because she’d had the same worries. She’d been here for such a short time in context of the real world, but at High Country, the axis turned in a way she’d never be able to explain, like they lived on their own little planet.
Life was different here. She knew things about the man she held on to, because she shared the same house with him and saw the way he lived his life, both professional and personal. His deep concern for others drew her to him—that and the fact that he was smokin’ hot.
“I understand,” she said. “But you do amazing work here and I know the boys are prepared or you wouldn’t let them go.” She gave him a squeeze. “Besides, if the worst thing that happens is they backtrack a little, that’s nothing you can’t handle.”
His body relaxed in her arms. “You mean we can’t handle.”
A smile spread across her face, his warm words pouring through her body. They rode in silence, content to be near one another.
After a few times around, Lucas turned his head towards her. “Are you excited to go home and see your family?”
“Yes and no,” she said. “I miss my family, but at the same time, High Country’s been a refuge for me as well.” She tightened her hold on him. “And I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to everything.”
