Tennessee Heat

by Cami York

  “You’re always with friends when I need you.” The statement got her back up but she held her tongue. Her mother was probably out of liquor. She usually gets surly when that happens.

  “I didn't know you needed me, mother,” answered Annabelle. Her mind was a million miles away and she wasn’t in the mood for a squabble.

  Last night when Chase had finally called she’d barely spoken two words to him. She was still shaken up from the morning’s scare and feeling a little bit raw.

  He hadn’t pressed her, but she knew he had to be wondering what the hell her problem was. She’d lied and said her mother needed her so she could get off the phone and he hadn’t argued.

  Proving to her that he wasn’t really interested. She still didn’t know where it was that he’d had to run off to either. For all she knew he could’ve been going to another woman.

  “Well, you might have come to see or called at least! I could’ve been dead, for all you knew.” Annabelle said nothing, what was there to say?

  “My arthritis was acting up all day, it hurt so bad I didn't know what to do with myself. The doctor said I was to be rubbed with that stuff he gave me, but you weren’t even here. I can’t rub myself down.”

  Annabelle hid her anger well but she had to bite a hole in her tongue to do it. When did she become the parent? She could almost cry when she thought about their situation compared to others.

  Why couldn’t she have a mom like Kim’s? Someone who loved and cherished her the way a mother should. Even her dad was better than most. A very hands-on parent who actually cared what happens to his daughter and sons.

  Why was she always the one doing the caring? She remembered many a time when she was sick as a dog and her mother still found time to follow her own interest, leaving her to fend for herself.

  “Well, mother,” said Annabelle, “your arthritis was alright Saturday before I left.”

  “I know what you was doing; you was showing off that new dress of yours for your hoity-toity friends. A fucking waste of money if you ask me! You shoulda given me that money to put in the savings.”

  Annabelle looked at her meaningfully, barely restraining herself from retorting and causing an even bigger scene than the one her mother was already making at the broken down kitchen table. The last time she’d trusted her mother with money the other woman had spent it all on booze.

  “And for that matter, I can’t remember the last time I got to buy anything new for myself, not since I had you. I need a new dress far worse than you. But, of course, I don't matter, you only think of yourself. You’re selfish, just like that asshole who got me pregnant and took off.”

  Annabelle didn’t answer, and Ms. Scacci, having nothing more to say, went back to her coffee and toast in silence.

  It was Annabelle who spoke next. “Mom, have you ever thought of moving away from here?” Her mother gave her a baleful look before sniffling into her coffee cup.

  “Where would you like us to go? Should I find a place in that ritzy neighborhood where your friends live? What, this isn’t good enough for you now? I did the best I can by you…”

  “That’s not what I’m saying mom.” She told her mom about what happened the day before in the hopes of maybe gaining some sympathy for her plight or at the very least shedding some light on why they needed to leave.

  She didn’t know where they would go exactly, but anything had to be better than here. “Who was it?” Mrs. Scacci at least showed the prerequisite amount of interest in the fact that her daughter had almost been assaulted right at their door.

  “I don’t know all of them, just Dirk and Sammy.”

  “No good bastards, did they touch you? I can't stand these fucking redneck drug dealer assholes; the street ain't what it used to be when we first moved here.”

  Annabelle didn’t answer, it was true; things had gone from bad to worse since she was a kid who felt safe playing in the street.

  This was one of the reasons she knew Chase could never want her. He’d want the mother of his children to be of pure blood, someone like…Lisa. The thought made bile rise in her chest.

  She sat in silence at the table once it seemed her mother had got everything off her chest. When they were done, Ms. Scacci got up, and having finished her coffee laced with her last bit of whiskey, said to her daughter:

  “Clean up the kitchen Annabelle. I'm just gonna go pay a visit to Agnes. Poor bitch, she just had twins of all things and she had five brats already.”

  Ms. Scacci shook her head as if her friend’s fertility was a thing to bemoan. Her next words showed that that’s exactly what she thought.

  “It's a pity the law don't see fit to take some of 'em that's what I say.” After which pious remark Ms. Scacci went out of the kitchen and left the house with a slam of the door.

  Annabelle did not clear the breakfast things away as she was told, but instead went to get her phone. She had three missed calls, all from Chase.

  Her heart beat her to death and even as she told herself to leave it alone, that nothing would ever come of her stupid dreams of being with him, she couldn’t resist.

  “I was just about to leave and come get you.” That’s the way he answered the phone, no hello and she could tell from the tone of his voice that he was pissed.

  “I’m sorry, I had to do some stuff with my mom.” Another lie, that made it sound much cozier than the reality. “Besides, aren’t you at work?”

  “One of the perks of working for yourself. Are you sure you’re okay? You sound…sad.” Chase hadn’t been lying when he said he was on his way out the door to come after her.

  He’d spent the night worrying about her and playing around with ways of getting her out of that wretched neighborhood.

  He knew if he didn’t handle things right he’d butt up against her pride and maybe alienate her a little, something he definitely didn’t want to do.

  But he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to play the gentleman. It wasn’t in his nature to hold back, especially when someone he cared for might be in danger.

  Annabelle sidestepped his question with another lie and hated herself for it. “I’m fine I promise, I’m just a little sad about school is all.”

  She had no idea why she said that. She’d made peace with her situation or so she’d thought. He didn’t say anything for the longest and when he spoke again she couldn’t believe her ears.

  “I would offer to pay for you to go to school but there’re two problems with that. One, your pride, and two, I would miss you if you went away. I don’t think I could go that long without having you.”

  Even though he couldn’t see her, her face went up in flames. “Say something.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” And she didn’t.

  It was the first time he’d come right out and said it and she was at a loss for words. He was right about the other thing too.

  She wouldn’t feel comfortable taking that kind of money from him, but still she found herself playing along. Caught up in the afterglow of what his words made her feel, and the dream of what-if.

  “Vanderbilt isn’t that far.” She felt a warm flush infuse her body as she laid back on her bed, twirling her hair between her fingers. The way she imagined any young girl in love would while talking to her sweetheart on the phone.

  “It’s four and a half hours, I checked.”

  “You did?” That sent the warmth up a notch to incendiary and she got the biggest smile on her face at the thought of him going to the trouble to find that out.

  His voice went soft and dreamy as if he too was feeling it. “Of course I did. I did everything but make a dry run, and I was even tempted to do that.”

  For a little while she forgot about everything else and just let the soft monotone of his voice lull her into a dream state. She’d never had this before, never felt like she was someone else’s love interest. The horny boys at school and the lascivious men she passed on the street didn’t count.

  And for it to be hi
m, Chase Worthington who was sweet talking her and making her feel like the center of his universe, made it all the more special. As she listened to his voice the world around her disappeared. There were no broken down walls and cracked windows.

  No drugs being dealt just outside her door and definitely no unscrupulous thugs threatening her with bodily harm. In her little cocoon there was only the two of them. And for that little while she let herself believe that anything was possible.

  They talked about everything and anything and she found that it was much easier to talk to him on the phone than in person. She was a whole lot bolder with her questions, which he noticed and made mention of.

  They spent a good two hours on the phone and she couldn’t believe how relaxed she felt by the time they were ready to hang up. She’d learned a little more about him and him her, but he could’ve stayed on the phone another two hours easy, if work didn’t intrude.

  “I have to go baby, work calls. Promise you’ll call if you need me.” Baby, he’d called her baby. That one little four-letter word made her feel ten feet tall while suffusing her body with heat.

  She swallowed around the lump in her throat, “I will.” They both breathed into the phone long after he was supposed to hang up. “Hang up babygirl.”

  She felt tears tease the edges of her eyes and had no idea why. “You first.” She looked up at the ceiling and begged not to make a fool of herself by blubbering. “No you.”

  She laughed, tickled by their little by-play. “We’ll do it together, on three,” he said. He did the countdown but neither of them followed the rules.

  It took three more tries before he hung up and she kept the line open for another minute at least before hanging up herself. It felt almost like letting go when she did.

  She told herself not to get too attached, not to weave silly dreams in her head no matter what he said. Hadn’t men been promising women things like happily ever after since the beginning of time?

  But even as she scolded herself and her foolish heart, she couldn’t quite bring herself to give up on the thought that maybe, he was different. That just maybe, he truly did feel all those things for her as well. The things that she had been fighting for so long.

  To distract herself and keep from missing him too much after their call, she cleaned the kitchen and picked up around the house while her mother was gone and even treated herself to a nice bubble bath in the rusted old tub.

  She replayed the sound of his voice calling her baby and babygirl over and over again in her head, each time a warm feeling creeping closer and closer to her heart.

  By the time she climbed out of the tub her skin was wrinkled and the water had gone cold. There wasn’t much for her to do since there was no TV to watch and she couldn’t concentrate on reading.

  So she did her nails and messed around with her hair some and before she knew it-it was evening already. Where had the time gone? It seemed with him on her mind the time just flew by.

  She’d even forgotten her surroundings and that her life wasn’t anywhere near where she would like it to be. All because he’d called her baby.

  For once she fought off the negative thoughts that followed that little slice of happiness and was glad when her growling stomach interrupted her thoughts. She went to the kitchen to find something to eat, not even caring that the pickings were slim.

  She made herself a sandwich and wolfed it down with a glass of milk that was just about to turn, before boredom set in. She walked around the apartment, going from room to room until she made herself dizzy. She sat down on the broken down couch and looked around at her surroundings, and couldn’t help comparing her home to the Worthingtons’ and even Chase’s.

  The room was sparsely decorated. The only thing remotely noteworthy were the grapevines that had been carved into the mantelpiece over the fake fireplace.

  Ms. Scacci had long ago, bought some wax fruit as ornaments to sit on top of it; Annabelle couldn’t remember when that was, but it was obvious that they were way past their use by date.

  The plastic fruit bowl that she was sure had been bought in the dollar store held a pear and an apple, an orange, a bunch of grapes, and several fat plums and peaches.

  They were all covered in a film of dust and filth that would take industrial strength cleaner to remove to bring them back to their former glory; if they’d ever had any.

  How could he want her? They’re two completely different people, almost a different species, she thought. There was no glitz and glamour here.

  Chase had grown up in a two hundred year old house that still had that antebellum grace and feel about it. His mom used silver and crystals to decorate their opulent mansion; and even his apartment was beautiful. There’s no way she could see him sitting on this very couch waiting to take her out on a date.

  Just the thought of him seeing where she lived, inside the hovel she called home, broker her out in a cold sweat and she was already starting to mourn what could never be. But how she wanted to…so much.

  She wanted to trample her fears and take a chance, but each time she had the thought fear would defeat her once again. But what was the alternative? Stay here and leave herself at risk for who knows what at the hands of the despicable men just outside her door?

  She was tempted to call him and picked up the phone a couple times to do just that, but in the end she chickened out. She still wasn’t that sure of herself yet, still didn’t know exactly where they stood.

  So instead, she walked down the hallway with the chipped linoleum and opened the window in her room. Annabelle sat on the bed with the curtain concealing her, something she’d done countless times in the past. She peeped around the curtain to the street and watched the sky as it changed from sunset to twilight.

  The stars were just beginning to come out in the night sky and things seemed peaceful there for a change. There was hardly any breeze but it felt good to be able to look outside even if she didn’t dare step foot out of the house.

  There were people sitting on their doorsteps in huddles, but no one was yelling or cussing for once as they watched the kids play tag in the street.

  Some boys were playing ball, but they were way down at the other end of the street, so she couldn’t hear their usual revelry from where she was.

  She sat, leaning her head on her hands, breathing in the fresh air and feeling a sense of peacefulness, which she was certainly not used to, but welcomed all the same.

  She knew it was because of him. Somehow this new phase in their relationship made her feel… hopeful and filled her with a sense of impending joy.

  Like she just might be standing on the precipice of something good. What would that be like? Could someone like her actually find happiness with someone like him? Or like everything else in her young life, will he too disappoint?

  When she realized that her thoughts were taking her down the same path as her mother, that the voice in her head was beginning to sound more and more like the cold bitter woman she feared becoming, she chided herself for spoiling her own mood and being such a downer.

  Just dream a little longer Annabelle, there’s nothing wrong with make believe. She smiled at herself and let the warmth envelope her, just for a little while longer.

  11

  She got lost in the scenery and unusual quiet of the evening. Maybe it was because it was Monday, but she didn’t remember it being this still outside no matter what day it was.

  Whatever the reason, she was grateful that she could sit there like that for once. It was a nice change from staring at the four walls of the barren apartment.

  She sat there for what felt like hours just watching the changing sky and letting her mind drift to Chase and what ifs. Her poor little heart ran the gamut from all levels of excitement to despair, and back.

  Could she truly take him at his word? She wondered. Or was she destined to end up like her mom? If she gave in to her own needs and his, what then? Would he just walk away after?

  Always, no matter how
hard she tried, she could never escape that question. It always found a way to seep into her psyche and plague her young mind.

  She was sure most of the girls she went to school with had already lost their virginity; and I’m the one they look down their noses at, she thought. Not that she held it against them, to each his own. But she found it passing strange that she was the only one of the bunch who was saving herself.

  Granted it was purely out of fear and self preservation that she’d held onto it this long. It’s not like she didn’t have urges like any normal hormonal teenager. But nothing and no one has ever been able to beat that fear that clings onto her like a second layer of skin. Until now!

  For the first time that she could remember there was something else, something stronger growing inside her. It was hope. The hope that she truly could steal a little piece of happiness in life.

  Somewhere deep inside she knew that she would give in to him eventually. She didn’t kid herself that she could hold out against him forever; not feeling the way she did about him.

  Her body was already fighting her mind, and she knew it wouldn’t be long now before she succumbed. And with him being so nice and attentive, and saying all the right words. What hope did she really have of keeping him at arm’s length for much longer?

  The thought made her happy and sad at once. She wouldn’t be the first woman to be dumped, but somehow she knew that to have someone like him and then lose him might be more than her starving heart could take.

  Her heart already knew what her mind refused to accept, that it was only a matter of time. Her life was such that she was already mourning the end of the relationship before it had even begun.

  She’d learned at a very young age not to put too much faith in happily ever after; that there were just some people in the world, who were destined for a life of hardship, and constant bitter disappointment.

  Like her mother, and most of the women in the neighborhood. All of them saddled with a child, or two, or six. And no man to help out. That seemed to be the recurring theme. A theme she was desperate to escape.