WEDNESDAY
1
FEBRUARY
Yesterday at school, from 10:30 to 12:00, we chose our own form classes. That was great, because we stayed with our friends. And, I can’t believe Mike Nicholls came back. All his friends did too, except the 7th formers from last year, although Harry Patai returned for another year as a 7th former.
I got a letter from my pen pal, the one from Hastings. She also has another pen pal who lives in my town, called Pete Samuels.
Today, I found out my classes. First I had to go to assembly, then get my stationery. After Interval I went to English. My English teacher was Mrs Haims. She’s really nice. I’ve got to make a three minute speech about myself and present it to the class. I also had to go to the swimming pool with Clara and Jill because I’m now a liaison officer.
I had Art History after lunch. Ms Jerald was my teacher. It looks really interesting. Jake Harrison is in my class. I went to his birthday party once, that’s why I know him. He’s in Clara’s bible class.
I had to go to my liaison class with Clara, Jill, and Tina, to introduce ourselves to the 3rd formers. After that I went home.
I went to Amy’s house after school yesterday with Clara, Amy, and Jill for a talk. I stayed there for 2 and a half hours.
I also went to karate. The first half was so boring. The second half was better.
Amy is going to set me up with her boyfriend’s friend, Joey Novak. One day a whole group of friends are going to get together, and we will meet. Tate, Amy’s boyfriend, knows Max Sutherland.
For History, I got Mrs Greyson, which is a bummer, because Mr Hanley’s class gets to go to the Bay of Islands because they’re doing New Zealand History. We’re doing American History. At least Amy’s in my class.
FRIDAY
3
FEBRUARY
Disregard anything I said about History on Wednesday. It’s brilliant, and I’m really glad I got Mrs Greyson. She’s a great teacher. We’re doing English History right now, around the Tudor, Stuart time. It’s so interesting. I wouldn’t swap the class now, even if I had the choice.
I have swapped English classes though. They had put me in the wrong one, so now instead of having Mrs Haims I’ve got Ms Hearse. We got a new book called ‘The Grapes of Wrath’. Sounds good. There’s a movie about it with Henry Fonda in it, so if I find it I’ll get it out from the video shop. P.S. There was this guy in the English class with amazing blue eyes. I haven’t seen him before. But I will be meeting Joey soon, so I shouldn’t get distracted by another boy. But he really does have amazing eyes.
I’ve got my 2nd art period swapped now, since English changed around. So now I’ve got the two arts next to each other, then Art History, so there are three in a row.
Tomorrow we go to the Yugoslav club because the group from Korčula is coming over to play there.
I am really, really looking forward to Monday, because that’s the day I meet Joey Novak. I’m so excited and curious. You see, Amy and her boyfriend are trying to set us up, so on Monday me and Amy are going to Tate’s place to watch some videos and maybe swim, also Tate has invited some of his friends, including Joey Novak, who also likes Yugoslav girls. They have been telling him about me, and Amy has been telling me about him. I just can’t wait. Joey’s supposed to be gorgeous. I wonder what he would see in me, or think of me? Also, if we don’t hit it off, Amy said there will be other guys there. But, I really want Joey to like me and me to like him, but him more so than me, because I really want to go out with him. He sounds perfect, plus Mum and Dad will be delighted, because he’s Yugoslav. I wish Monday would come quick, I wish it was sooner.
I’m going to be graded for karate on the first Sunday of February. I’m really surprised that they are grading me so quick. I will be going to 6th kyu, which is a yellow stripe, then after that grade is the yellow belt which I want, since I don’t want to be a white belt, because when you’re asked what belt you have people think you are low, just because you are a white belt, but they don’t understand that there are different stages between white and yellow, instead they think it’s one grade, when it isn’t. So, I really want a coloured belt.
I got a letter today from a new pen pal. She’s from Wellington and is the first one of the new lot that I sent off for. I sent her the Christmas card. The reason she didn’t write back sooner was because she only just got back to school and got the letter a few days ago, because she’s a border. Her name is Jennifer Auguste. There were real beautiful stamps on the letter, of birds. I’ve still got to send off my letter to my other pen pal, with the photo. I haven’t yet got a recent picture of me, so I’ve got to get one quick.
There are people at my place now. They are really friendly. The Phillips and another family. We had our tea just after 8:00 because everyone was talking. It’s 9:44 now and I only just had my pudding.
‘Super Stars of Wrestling’ is on tonight. I reckon it’s funny. The wrestlers are such show offs.
I’ve got to exercise heaps. I will do lots tomorrow. I got my grading, school sports, and so on all coming up, so I need to be extra fit. Also, I was thinking of the triathletes tag team. I might do the running part, which is a ten mile or km run. Also, I want to look slim and good (for Joey).
SATURDAY
4
FEBRUARY
I just rang up Amy about Monday. She said that Tate is going to ask Joey about Monday at work, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. They work at the supermarket.
Mike Nicholls walked past not long ago with his friend. Mike is still so gorgeous, but luckily I’m not hard up on him anymore, but I still like him. Luckily, I don’t have a crush on anyone anymore. So, the next time I fall for someone it will be my boyfriend, and hopefully I will meet him this Monday. I can’t wait.
My Guns ’n’ Roses tape got all wrecked. I’m hoping that Mum can fix it when she gets home.
I don’t have karate tomorrow because it’s a long weekend.
The Yugoslav club tonight.
THURDAY
9
FEBRUARY
I got my first letter from a boy pen pal today. He’s from the Bay of Plenty. His name is Jeremy Taylor, and he’s nineteen. I was really happy to get it. He got my name from Teletex. There’s a whole heap of people my age on it now.
I really love history. It is great. One of my favourite subjects. Actually, you could say it is my favourite. That shows you how much I love history. Heaps!!
Went to karate tonight. All the brown belts were back. Mike was one of them. Amy will join when some other beginners come.
I came home early from school today, because I had Study last. I also have it last tomorrow too.
I went to the 3rd formers’ and liaison barbecue last night from 6-8 pm. It was good. Went for a swim, too.
SATURDAY
18
FEBRUARY
Last Saturday I went with Amy to her boyfriend’s house for a small party. We got there around 9:25. The people who were there was Amy, Tate, Nicky, Pete, Tate’s brother, 3 other guys and Zane and me. Tate’s parents stayed in the house. We were in the garage.
Talked to Zane most of the night. He likes all the stuff I like. There was also this other guy there from my school. He kept butting in and flirting with me lots. I think Zane was getting annoyed with him. I wasn’t interested in the guy, but I didn’t want to be rude to him, because he seemed nice enough. Still, I only wanted to talk to Zane.
Anyway, I finally went to see Joey yesterday, which I wasn’t happy about. I went to the shops with Amy for the meet up, but I recognised him from a distance, so I told Amy no, I wasn’t going through with it. I actually took off, because I was so embarrassed. He was from the Yugoslav club. I just didn’t know his name. I felt like ringing Tate’s neck, because he and Amy were trying to matchmake. I didn’t blame Amy because she hadn’t seen him before. Okay, I knew they were matchmaking, but they got things wrong. I won’t let anyone do that again. It was so embarrassing to be set up with someone
I already know! I am definitely not interested.
I hope I didn’t ruin my chance with Zane, because he liked me, but couldn’t ask me out on Saturday because he knew that I was supposed to meet Joey. I know he liked me, because he kept on suggesting going to the beach or concerts together. So, I’m going to ask him to come on Wednesday to badminton, because he likes the game and is supposed to be good at it. He said he played at my club before. He also does Kung Fu, so he would be interested in my karate.
I got Amy to ring Tate to get his number, also she is going to ask Tate to ask Zane whether he wants to go swimming tomorrow with us. I hope Zane says yes, but he might be doing something, because his parents just moved to Auckland on Friday. He came early because of school. He was boarding with Tate, so he might want to spend time with his parents since he hasn’t seen them for so long.
SUNDAY
19
FEBRUARY
What am I to do now? I’m absolutely crazy about Zane. He is just so gorgeous, but I don’t know whether he’s interested in me or not. I’m just praying that he is, because I am afraid that he might not like me. I acted like a jerk today. I hope he didn’t go off me because of that. He is just so-o-o-o gorgeous. I really want to go out with him. I’m not thinking of any other boys now, just him. Tomorrow I’ll prove it. I want him to go to badminton with me on Wednesday. Amy and Tate will be going, but it will be me who will have to phone him up and ask him out, and I’m afraid of him not liking me. I really want to be his girlfriend. I haven’t got this worked up about someone for ages.
Tomorrow I’m going to make it clear to Amy that I am really crazy about him, if she doesn’t already know about it. I’m going to get his number off her, which she will get from Tate. I’ll be so nervous on the phone. Also Clara knows what happened today. Amy told her. I’m going to get really hassled, but I don’t care as long as I get Zane. He tried to chuck me in the pool for wetting him, but I had a tank top on that I didn’t want wet, so I pleaded with him not to throw me in. He didn’t, but, man, I loved his arms around me. He lifted me right off the ground. He is so strong. And, boy, has he got a gorgeous bod.
Amy and Tate were all over each other and I felt embarrassed, especially when they kissed goodbye, and I mean they kissed – a long one, because Zane was right there. Man, do I wish I was kissing him. I just don’t believe how much I’m attracted to him, because it came so sudden. I just can’t wait to see him again. I really want him to like me, because I’ve got the most major crush on him. I won’t even bother thinking about other guys now, and I’m going to make it clear to Amy that this is the truth and that I’m actually stuck on him, so she will know how serious I am about him, and will make it clear to Tate, so Tate will find out whether Zane likes me or not. And I pray it is the first. Please, Zane, like me and I want to be your girlfriend. I want him to hold me again. I want him to hold me as his girlfriend.
I’m going to be so nervous asking him out. Please, Zane, say yes. I reckon you’re the most gorgeous, sweetest and best guy in the world. You are so spunky Zane!
I better go to bed now or else I’ll be writing about him all night, and how gorgeous he is.
MONDAY
20
FEBRUARY
I wish that Mum and Nina would go downstairs so I can phone Zane. I’m nervous enough as it is.
Poor Amy. I must have bored her out of her wits today, talking non-stop about Zane. But I can’t help it. I’m going to ask him whether he wants to go to badminton, and I pray that he will say yes.
I get so-o-o-o nervous when I’m going to phone a boy. I get all nervous, and get butterflies. My stomach’s all tied up now. Please say yes, Zane.
Well, here goes – I’m going to phone him now.
_________________
I rang Zane up and he said he doesn’t really want to go to badminton. I felt so nervous and embarrassed, my heart was thumping full speed. I rang Amy up. I was really upset. Amy was shocked that he didn’t want to go. Tate was with her. I felt so upset. At one stage I could hardly talk and get my voice straight. I’m just sick and tired of waiting to be asked out. I am never going to ring a boy again. They piss me off. I always get upset when I ring them up. It’s just not fair.
Why can’t boys like me for once? I just don’t know what happened. He seemed to be interested in me on Saturday, but he seemed so much quieter and different on Sunday. I don’t know what I did wrong. Why is it I’m the one who always seems to get hurt? Why can’t everything go right for me for a change? When they say you have a crush on someone it really means exactly that: They crush you. You always seem to get hurt when you get a crush on someone. No boy ever seems to want to go out with me. Why?! What have I done? Do I have a disease or something? Because that’s the way they treat me. Why do I have to be hurt so much by them? I really thought I was going to have a boyfriend this time, but as always what I really want gets taken away from me. I’m just so upset! It’s not fair! Why does Amy get the pick of the bunch? She always seems to get boyfriends so easily and just look at me. What have I done wrong?! Is it because I’m too shy or just bloody ugly or a damn nuisance? I’m just so pissed off. It’s not fair. Boys are such a pain. What did I ever do to them? I’ve never hurt them, so why do they hurt me so much?
I’m going to tell Amy just how I feel. I’m going to let her know they always seem to hurt me and why I’m so damn unlucky with them. What did I do? If I knew I could change it, but I guess I will never know. Do they want me to be more like Amy or someone else? What do I have to do to make them like me?
I could keep on forever writing like this, but it won’t make a boy want to go out with me or care about me, or hold me. So, why should I bother! They’re hurtful creeps.
________________
Zane is a real good guy. Don’t believe anything I said before. I was just upset. He rang me up and said that Amy and Tate rang him and said that I was upset. He said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he just wanted to be friends. He also kept saying sorry. He didn’t want to upset me. I said it was alright. He has got such a gorgeous voice. He is such a sweet guy.
Amy also rang me up too to tell me that they rang him and wanted to know what Zane said. I told her. I only hope that Tate and Zane don’t think I’m a jerk for acting like that – ringing Amy to tell her how upset I was. I just want to be around Zane whether I’m his friend or girlfriend. He is just so nice. I can’t help saying all this. That is one thing about diaries; it calms you down when you’re upset or makes you feel better. Also, I love to write.
I’ve got to go to school tomorrow, and be there at 9:00, because I have art. I have to draw some limbs models, and so do all the other 7th form art students along with the 6th formers. The rest of the school won’t be coming because the teachers are having some meetings or something like that.
Amy and Tate are going with me to badminton on Wednesday, so that will be neat. Tate is such a nice guy to ring Zane up for me. Amy is lucky to have him.
I do want my boyfriend to be a friend. That is very important. But, I shouldn’t worry about having a boyfriend anymore, I should just wait for one to ask me out and while I’m waiting I’m going to have fun and make friends, because friends are very special people.
Goodnight.
THURSDAY
23
FEBRUARY
I went to a restaurant for my brother’s 21st birthday with the whole family. It was near the hospital. I liked it.
Badminton was boring yesterday, so I went home early with Nina. I think I won’t do badminton this year, and instead of it I was thinking of joining Tate’s modern dance class. It sounds good. He does it on Mondays. And I will at least know one person so I won’t be on my own. I like dancing so I think it’s a good idea to join, but first I must check it out, because I may not like it. I’ll ask Amy about what she knows about the class and get her to get Tate to tell me more about it, then I can go next Monday and watch him do it.
Amy is getting bored of Tate, and
she feels like dropping him. I reckon she would be crazy to drop him, he is just so nice, I wouldn’t drop him, and also if I go to dancing with him I can be his friend, so I will know all his friends and be great friends with him, because he is so neat. I don’t know what Amy’s thinking of dropping him for; she’s crazy to do that. She keeps on asking whether I would go out with him when they break up, and if he asks me, but how can I say that to her? She says she wouldn’t care if I did, but I reckon she would. Anyway, Tate wouldn’t want to go out with me. I reckon Tate is a very special person. I saw him today running to Amy’s house when I went past in the car with my family on the way to the restaurant. He is so gorgeous; I don’t know what Amy is thinking of. She wants a guy more exciting, like Max Sutherland. I’d rather have Tate. Well, I don’t know Max very well, but I do know Tate, and Tate is so nice. I don’t know what got into me saying those things about Zane being better than Tate the other day. That’s crap. Tate is such a great guy; he was so nice to ring Zane for me. What he did made me feel better, and the poor guy, Tate, did all this when he was in big trouble with his parents, and he didn’t do anything wrong. They reckon he was seeing too much of Amy, and they probably only see each other about twice or once a week. That’s not much is it?
I’m going to ask Amy to ask Tate about the dancing tomorrow so I can watch the lesson this Monday. It’ll be so neat. And it will be excellent because I will be seeing Tate at least once a week, so we can be great friends. I’ve always wanted to be friends with boys, and then if it’s right he can be my boyfriend, as in a boy/girl relationship. It would be so good and it would mean that I would finally have a boyfriend. Plus, we can help each other and practise together since we will both be doing a martial art as well as dancing, and I could go over to his house a lot, and he can come over to mine. He has such a neat pool, so we can go swimming together. But, I would never steal someone’s boyfriend, especially Amy’s. She has got to approve of us, because I would never hurt a friend’s feelings like that. It would be so unfair and mean, and I don’t want to lose Amy’s friendship, because she is so neat and fun, and friendly. She is a really nice person. Still, I will definitely watch Tate’s modern dance lesson this Monday.
Don't Peek (The Diaries of a Teenage Girl) Page 8
