This Side of Heaven

by Karen Kingsbury

  Savannah stayed quiet while they walked to the subway and climbed down the stairs. She wasn’t sure where CPS was, or if her daddy was there, but she had a feeling that this time maybe her mama would really do it—take her to be with her daddy. Until then she would keep praying for that to happen, since her mama thought it would be better for both of them. As they got onto the subway and found two seats, Savannah pictured her daddy one more time. God had kept her safe and now God was going to let her find her wonderful Prince Charming daddy. She could feel it. And that must mean her daddy was doing more than just thinking about her. He must’ve been talking to Jesus about her, too.

  And that thought made Savannah smile for the first time in two days.

  NINE

  Carl Joseph took one egg at a time from his new carton in the fridge and set them carefully in the same plastic container Josh had given them. Along the way he lost track of how many, so he counted them twice. When he was sure he had six eggs, he closed the fridge.

  “A good neighbor returns things they borrow,” he said out loud. “And so I’m a good neighbor.” He held the eggs tight against his body, put his apartment key in his pocket, because an independent person always has his key in his pocket, and then he locked the door behind him and walked down to Daisy’s apartment.

  He knocked on the door two times fast, then two times slow. That was his special knock just for Daisy and only he used that knock, no one else. Not even Brother or Elle. He looked up at the sky and smiled. Blue skies meant Daisy would be happy all day long. He whistled a song about somewhere over the rainbow, and after the “dreams come true” part, Daisy opened the door.

  “Hi, Daisy.” He held the eggs with one hand and pointed to the sky. “Blue means dry, and dry means good.”

  Daisy smiled at him and her eyes were sparkly like sunshine on a lake. “Thank you, CJ. I love blue skies.”

  “Well.” Carl Joseph pushed his toe around in a few shy circles. “Actually God gave ’em to you.” He laughed at that joke. “But you already know that.”

  “Of course.” She tapped him once lightly on the shoulder. “Silly, CJ. Of course I know blue skies are from God.” She looked at the eggs in the plastic container and her eyebrows went up. “Good idea, CJ. We have to take the eggs back to Josh.”

  “Because that’s what a good neighbor does.”

  “Right.” She pointed her number one finger into the air, which she liked to do whenever Carl Joseph had a good idea. “Good job, CJ.” She linked her arm through his, grabbed her big blue purse, and they walked across the parking lot toward Josh’s apartment. “Remember Disneyland, CJ, and how I pretended to be Minnie Mouse?”

  Carl Joseph pushed his glasses a little higher up on his nose. “And remember I bought you a pair of Minnie Mouse ears for that day?”

  “Right.” She walked a few steps without saying anything, which meant she was thinking. “I have an idea, CJ. How ’bout I wear my Minnie Mouse ears next time we have a date day?”

  “We could go to the mall!” Carl Joseph could picture what a fun time that would be.

  “To the Disney Store.” Daisy pointed at Josh’s apartment just ahead. “We could ask if Josh wants to come, too. Because maybe he could buy a Minnie Mouse dress to go with this. . . .” She reached into her purse and pulled out a brand-new pair of Minnie Mouse ears. “Tammy and I stopped at the mall on the way home from work yesterday. I bought these for that little girl in the picture on his fireplace.”

  “That’s very nice, Daisy.” Carl Joseph smiled, but only halfway. “Except Josh said that story doesn’t have a happy ending.”

  “But God gave us a happy ending at Disneyland, remember?”

  He thought about that. “And Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. . . .”

  “Right.” She pointed with her number one finger again. “So let’s give these Minnie ears to Josh and ask if he should come with us next time and get that little girl a Minnie dress.” Her smile got softer. “Maybe with these Minnie Mouse ears that story will have a happy ending, too.”

  “Yeah . . . maybe that, Daisy. Maybe that.” They reached Josh’s apartment. He had Daisy on one arm and the eggs in the other, so he used the tip of his foot to knock on Josh’s door.

  They looked at Josh’s door, but Josh didn’t come to open it. “Maybe your tennis shoe didn’t knock loud enough.”

  The sunshine felt warm on Carl Joseph’s shoulders. “Yeah, maybe.” He put the eggs down carefully on the ground, because all his eggs were in one plastic container. Then he knocked real hard with his hand, the right way. He put his lips up close to the door. “Hi, Josh. It’s your favorite neighbors!”

  Daisy giggled beside him, and she twirled the new Minnie ears and they waited some more. A car pulled into the parking lot and dropped off two girls. A mom in the car told them good-bye and then she pulled away, and still . . . still Josh hadn’t opened the apartment door.

  “You think maybe he’s sleeping?” Carl Joseph looked over his shoulder at Daisy.

  “If he is, we should probably wake him up.”

  “Yeah, right.” Carl Joseph pushed his glasses up on his nose again and tried the door handle. It wasn’t locked, so the door opened right up. A nervous feeling came over him, but he tried to smile, anyway. “I guess he was expecting us.”

  Suddenly, Daisy’s smile was gone and she shivered a little. “What if he isn’t here? It might be breaking the law to go inside if he isn’t here.”

  “He’s here.” Carl Joseph turned halfway around and pointed to the old Mustang in the parking lot. “See that, Daisy? That’s his car, so he’s here.”

  “Okay.” Daisy didn’t sound that sure of herself. “Let’s go in together.”

  Carl Joseph picked up the eggs and went inside a few steps. He faced toward where Josh’s bedroom was. “Josh . . . it’s your favorite neighbors. Are you awake?”

  “Josh?” Daisy put her hands around her mouth so her voice would be louder. “Josh, wake up, okay?”

  The sounds in Josh’s apartment were his refrigerator and his clock on the kitchen wall, and a buzzing fly near the sliding patio door. But not Josh’s voice. A strange feeling started to grow in Carl Joseph’s stomach. It was the same feeling he had when he took the bus one time before he graduated from Elle’s class on independent living. That day he took the wrong bus and he almost got lost forever, except Brother and Elle found him. How he felt that day was how he was starting to feel now.

  “Come on, Daisy.” He walked into Josh’s kitchen and Daisy followed him.

  “I’m scared, CJ. Where is he?”

  “I don’t know.” He thought about opening the fridge and putting the eggs away but then he remembered his manners. It wasn’t his fridge, so probably only Josh should put the eggs away. He left them on the counter in their plastic container. “Daisy”—he put his hands on both her shoulders—“don’t be afraid. Let’s just go to his room and wake him up. Because that’s what good neighbors should do.”

  Her eyebrows were all scrunched together. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” Carl Joseph didn’t listen to the scared feeling inside him. He held out his hand to Daisy. “Come on.”

  Together they walked down the small hallway to Josh’s room and Carl Joseph knocked again. Still no answer. “Josh?”

  “He’s asleep,” Daisy whispered. “Go on, CJ . . . go in.” Carl Joseph opened the bedroom door and there was Josh, lying on his bed. “Josh?” He used a regular inside voice because he thought Josh would wake up if he heard his bedroom door open. “Wake up, Josh.”

  They walked up to his bed slowly, and halfway there Daisy stopped. “He—he doesn’t look right, CJ.”

  “He’s very sleepy.” Carl Joseph didn’t want Daisy to say that, because what if . . . He walked right up to the side of the bed and gave Josh’s shoulder a little shake. “Josh!” This time he used his loudest voice because maybe that’s what it would take to wake him. “Josh, wake up.”

  “CJ, I’m scared again
.”

  “It’s okay. Let’s say his name at the same time really loud. Maybe that’ll wake him up.”

  “All right.” She was shaking very much, but at the same time they said the numbers.

  “One . . . two . . . three.” Then, they both yelled Josh’s name and Carl Joseph gave his shoulder another shake. But Josh didn’t blink or move or anything. He just lay there, frozen still.

  That’s when Carl Joseph thought that maybe Daisy was right. Maybe something was wrong with Josh, and he needed emergency help. On the wall of his apartment and Daisy’s, too, there was an instruction sheet of paper that told about how to get emergency help. Carl Joseph pushed up his glasses and swallowed hard. “Daisy?” He took a step back and turned to her. “Maybe we should get emergency help for Josh. Maybe emergency help could wake him up.”

  “Oh, no!” Daisy put her hand with the Minnie ears to her mouth. “Emergency help is for very bad problems.”

  “But if he can’t wake up”—Carl Joseph looked back at Josh—“then this is a very bad problem, right?”

  “Right.” Tears came to her eyes. “Hurry, CJ, call for emergency help!”

  Carl Joseph felt his heart pumping hard against his chest because this was more scary than being lost on a bus. He picked up the phone next to Josh’s bed and tried to remember the numbers. It was nine something—nine-nine-nine, was that it? He put the phone back down and closed his hands very tight. Please, God. . . . Help me remember the emergency help number. Please. . . .

  “What are you doing?” Daisy was crying. “CJ, call emergency help!”

  “I’m praying. Because that’s the first emergency help for me.” He didn’t yell at her, but he said it in a certain way so she’d understand.

  He saw in the corner of his eye that she was walking a few steps away from Josh and then back again, nervous and scared. “Hurry, CJ.”

  Just then God gave him the right number, because he could see it in his head. He picked up the phone and dialed just like he saw it. “Nine-one-one, that’s how to get emergency help.”

  In no time a woman said, “Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”

  Carl Joseph looked at his favorite neighbor. “Josh won’t wake up.”

  “Excuse me, sir?”

  “Josh!” Stay calm, he told himself. Because he wasn’t really feeling very calm. Stay calm. Help me, Jesus. I need You. The first rule in emergency situations was to stay calm and pray. “He lives in the apartment across the parking lot. He’s our favorite neighbor and he won’t wake up.”

  “Is he breathing?”

  Was he breathing? Carl Joseph hadn’t thought about that. His heart was running fast inside him now. “How can I tell?”

  “Sir.” The woman sounded a little impatient. “You check if his chest is moving and if air is coming out of his nose or mouth.”

  “Okay . . . okay, I’ll check.” Carl Joseph put the phone on the edge of the table next to the bed and he stared real hard at Josh’s chest. But no matter how hard he stared Josh’s chest wasn’t moving anywhere. Then he put his hand up in front of Josh’s nose, but no air was coming out. Behind him Daisy was crying harder, so when Carl Joseph picked the phone back up he had to talk loud so the lady could hear him. “His chest isn’t moving and no air is coming out.” He began to take fast breaths because that couldn’t be good. No chest moves and no air. “Help us, please!”

  “An ambulance is on the way, sir. Are you the only one there?”

  “Me and my girlfriend, Daisy. We live in the independent living apartments, but we were here because good neighbors return things they borrow.”

  “Yes, sir. Wait there until the paramedics come, okay?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He hung up and he looked at Josh. Maybe a person could stop having his chest move and air come out if he was very, very sleepy. So he tried one more time to wake him up. “Josh!” he yelled. “Wake up right now!”

  Still nothing. “He isn’t okay, CJ. Let’s go.” Daisy sounded very scared now, like when the rain came and she was afraid she would melt. “Let’s go outside.”

  “We have to wait for the paramedics.” He put his arms around Daisy and rocked her one way and the other. “That’s what emergency help told me.”

  So Daisy pressed her head against his chest and they waited that way until they heard sirens. Please help us, God. . . . Please help our neighbor. Carl Joseph said the same prayer over and over and over again until he heard someone knock at the door.

  “Paramedics. Anyone inside?”

  “Carl Joseph and Daisy,” he shouted. “We’re back here in the bedroom.”

  Two men in blue uniforms hurried down the hall and into Josh’s room. The first one looked at Josh and then at Carl Joseph. He was in a very big hurry. “Step out of the room, please.” Then he yelled something to the other man about a cart and paddles.

  Carl Joseph took one more look at Josh and then, together with Daisy, he left the room. He wasn’t sure how far to step out, but he could hear more sirens, so he decided they should step all the way out to the sidewalk. He took the plastic container of eggs on the way, because he wanted to be sure Josh got them. Then he remembered that anytime he needed emergency help he was supposed to call Brother. He could hear loud sounds coming from Josh’s apartment, and a horrible thought came to him.

  What if Josh—what if he was dead? “CJ, what’s happening?” Daisy was still crying and some of her tears were falling on the new Minnie ears. She needed to be somewhere else, somewhere away from the sirens and police cars and the fire truck coming into the parking lot.

  “Come on, Daisy. Let’s go to my house.” He took her there, and then he called Brother.

  “Carl Joseph, how are you?” Brother sounded happy. “We’re still on for dinner later, right?”

  “Brother, something’s very wrong with our favorite neighbor, Josh.”

  His brother’s happy sound left right away. “What is it?”

  “He won’t wake up. We went there to take back six eggs because a good neighbor returns what he borrows, and Josh won’t wake up.” His words all ran together the way his breaths did. “He won’t wake up and so I called emergency help and now paramedics and an ambulance and firemen and police are all here.”

  “Okay, buddy . . . don’t worry. I’m on my way.”

  “Thank you, Brother.” Carl Joseph held on to Daisy until Brother came through the front door. “Buddy, I’m going over to Josh’s apartment. Do you want to come or stay here?”

  “Come.” Carl Joseph was still breathing too fast and he still felt sick, but he had to go back to Josh. Josh was his favorite neighbor. He released Daisy. “You, too? You wanna come?”

  “No . . . yes.” She held on tight to his arm. “Yes, if—if you stay with me.”

  “I will.” They hurried out the door with Brother and by then there were other people in the parking lot looking at Josh’s apartment, old Ethel from right upstairs over where Josh lived and the two teenage girls who had gotten out of the car earlier and some other people, too. No one was laughing or talking or doing anything but waiting and watching.

  When they got as close as the police cars, Brother stopped and turned to him. “I’ll be right back.”

  Carl Joseph felt like he might stop breathing. His face was wet across his forehead and his heart was still running hard inside him. “Brother,” he tried to whisper so Daisy wouldn’t hear him. “I’m very scared for Josh.”

  “Listen, buddy.” His brother put his hands on either side of Carl Joseph’s face. “Everything’s going to be okay, no matter what happens to Josh.” Brother sounded serious, but calm. “Josh loves Jesus, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember that now.” Carl Joseph nodded a lot of times. “Josh loves Jesus.” And for people who love Jesus, everything would be okay in the end. That was always true. His heart slowed down just a little. “Thanks for that, Brother.”

  Daisy was still holding the Minnie ears, but Brother’s words seemed to make her feel better, t
oo. He jogged from them to the front of Josh’s apartment just as a police officer was coming out. Brother said something to the policeman and they talked back and forth for a minute. Then he looked down at the ground and rubbed the back of his neck and that made Carl Joseph feel bad all over again.

  Because Brother only did that when something was very, very wrong.

  Cody had no idea how he was going to go back to his brother and Daisy and tell them the truth about their favorite neighbor.

  Josh Warren was dead.

  The officer stopped him at the door and told him the news. “How? What happened to him?” Cody could hardly believe it. Josh was only in his late twenties, healthy but for a few pounds and his injured back.

  “Died in his sleep. . . . I’m sure they’ll do an autopsy.” The officer had a cell phone in his hand. “This was in his room. Do you know the names of any of his family?”

  “Not the names.” Cody tried to think what Josh had told him. “His parents are in Black Forest, I think.”

  The officer was scrolling through the contact list in Josh’s phone. “Mom and Dad.” He sighed and gave Cody a sad glance. “If you’ll excuse me.”

  Cody took a step back and then walked slowly toward his brother and Daisy. Somewhere across town Josh’s parents were about to get the news no mother or father ever wants to hear. He stopped for a few seconds and stared into the blue sky. Death was never easy, but especially not the death of a young person. I know You’re in charge, God. . . . But I don’t get it. Josh Warren? What did he ever have? What good ever happened to him?

  His thoughts weren’t irreverent, just honest. The way he always was with God. When Ali had died, her loss shook him to his core, almost made him give up on living. But by some miracle, God had brought Elle into his life, and with her he’d found a way to live again, a way to believe.

  But Josh? He hadn’t found love or the settlement he was waiting for. And most of all he hadn’t found his daughter. A heartsick feeling dragged at Cody’s heart. That little girl would never know her dad, or what a nice guy he was. He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.