Holiday Kisses

by Anna J. Stewart

  Not that he wouldn’t be coming back to Butterfly Harbor. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew, he knew, his design would be the one chosen. The extra expense could be dealt with. The uniqueness of the project, the dedication to environmentally friendly and sound construction would serve to bring added attention and exposure to Butterfly Harbor. So yes, he would be back, occasionally at least, to check on the progress and see his design come to life.

  And to see Calliope. He wasn’t even gone yet and he was already missing her and Stella.

  He tugged the hem of his black T-shirt over the waistband of his jeans and scrunched his toes into the new sneakers he was still breaking in. From everything he heard, the holiday market was as casual as it got in Butterfly Harbor. “Are you all packed?”

  “Yes.” Alethea sat in the rocking chair in the corner, her feet propped up on the bed, his tablet computer on her lap. “Before we go, we need to talk.”

  “Okay.” He sat on the bed, anxious to get going. The sun was already setting. “But we need to hurry up if we want to make the holiday market.”

  “I know. But this is important. I’ve decided what I’m going to do. And before I tell you, I need you to understand that I’ve made up my mind.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m not going back to school.”

  “Okay.” Xander took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. Didn’t do much to unravel the knot in his stomach. “Okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect something like this. We’ll look into transferring you to another university. One that doesn’t have quite so many...memories.”

  “This isn’t about Talia.” She stopped, closed her eyes for a moment. “This isn’t all about Talia. This is about me. How I need to find what works best for me. School doesn’t. Butterfly Harbor does. It works really well. Which is why I’m coming back here after the holidays. I have to do what feels right. I want to be happy again, Xander. This place makes me happy.”

  His pulse quickened. “I know it seems that way now—”

  “What do you mean now?” Alethea interrupted. “You seem to have been happy. For now.”

  “Happiness doesn’t come with a paycheck. Look, I get it. This place, it makes you see possibilities, but those possibilities have a practical side to them, Alethea. A practical side like an education. Like a college degree. How do you expect to become a lawyer—”

  “I don’t.”

  “You don’t what?”

  “Expect to be a lawyer. I don’t want to be one. I never did. I just did it because it seemed to make everyone happy.”

  “You...all right.” Xander took a deep breath, banked his frustration. “Okay, so no law school. We’ll figure something else out. Once we’re home, you can sit down with Mom and the rest of the family and we’ll—”

  “I know what I want to do and what I want to do is stay here.”

  “How will you manage? California isn’t exactly cheap.”

  “Have you ever noticed how everything comes down to money with you? Not all of us are ruled by the almighty checkbook.”

  “Said the girl who’s been overdrawn three times in the last year. If you don’t want law school, fine. But—”

  “I have a plan, Xander. And I’ve made up my mind.”

  “Sounds to me like you’ve been spending too much time with Calliope.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Alethea frowned. “But yes, I did talk to her about this because I knew you wouldn’t understand. I don’t want to live my life based on what all of you think I should be doing. I’m not like you or Dyna or Ophelia or Antony. I don’t do corporate. I don’t like business, not business that stifles all of you the way it does. I want to live on my terms. Do what I want.”

  Yes, she definitely sounded like Calliope. And for the first time, he didn’t find it enchanting at all. “And what is that exactly? What are you going to do for money? Or are you planning on setting up camp down at the beach?”

  “I told Calliope you’d react this way. She didn’t believe me.”

  Xander looked away.

  “What happened to being supportive?” she asked, disappointment shining in her eyes. “What happened to being the brother I can always count on to listen to me and have my back?”

  “He’s just been told you’re throwing three years of college down the toilet because Calliope’s thinking and all that magic has gotten into your head.”

  “That’s not fair. And you didn’t seem all that offended by that magic when you were kissing her at the bonfire the other night.”

  Well, she had him there.

  “I’m not stupid, Xander. I’ve thought this through. And for your information, I’ve been offered a job. A really good job.”

  “Doing what? You aren’t exactly qualified for...” The light dawned. “Jason. Did Jason offer you a job?”

  “As his sous chef, yes.” Her chin inched up in pride. “And I accepted. I start the second week in January. Once he’s back from his honeymoon. Feel free to be impressed. Jason Corwin just hired me.”

  He was impressed. But still not totally convinced. “That doesn’t solve your other problems. Where are you going to live?”

  “Calliope said I could stay with her and Stella until I got on my feet.”

  “Of course she did.” Up until this moment, he’d found Calliope’s “interference” charming. Now it just irritated him. What had she been thinking, talking to Alethea about this without discussing it with him first? She knew how he felt about his family. How hard he’d been fighting to keep them together. Could she not relate? “I suppose you already accepted the job?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I’m supposed to go along with this. Because you’ve decided.”

  “Yes.”

  Xander’s mind buzzed. What was it about this town that turned people like Alethea, people like him—staid, stoic individuals—into starry-eyed dreamers?

  “You know Mom and Antony are going to lose it over this, right? You’re only a semester away from graduating. What’s wrong with finishing your degree and then coming back here for a break before graduate school if you still have this cooking thing in your system?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Because it’ll be six months of wasted time and I don’t want to waste a minute more. I know they won’t understand. I definitely know that, given your reaction, but if there’s one thing Calliope’s taught me, it’s that I have to do what’s right for me. No matter who might disagree.”

  “Right.” There was no arguing with her. How could he even try when he’d lectured both his brother and their mother about letting Alethea take the lead and decide where she wanted to go with her life? But that didn’t mean he could go along with these choices. “Okay. Good talk. We need to leave.”

  “You’re mad.”

  “With you? No.” But there was an interfering redhead he wanted to have a few words with. “I promised when you came here that I would support you in whatever decision you make. And I will. But not financially. You want to do this, you do it on your own. No plane tickets home. No help with rent or food. If this is what you really want, then you go all in. Alone.”

  “I already knew that.” She flinched but nodded. “You can come back, too, you know.” Alethea called after him as he headed to get his keys and phone. “I’m not the only one who can follow their heart.”

  He’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t occurred to him. But as much as he cared about Calliope and Stella, as much as he’d enjoyed his time in Butterfly Harbor, this wasn’t his home. He didn’t belong. He couldn’t afford to belong. Not with so much hanging in the balance. He had the Costas family legacy to think about; without him, the firm his grandfather had built would disappear and he couldn’t allow that to happen.

  “Unlike you, I have responsibilities back home, Alethea.”

  “Even if ther
e’s something or someone you want here?”

  “Calliope probably neglected to mention this, Alethea, but in the real world, we don’t always get what we want.”

  * * *

  CHRISTMAS MUSIC FLOATED out of the outdoor speakers Luke and Matt had set up around the farm. Dozens of stalls and fabric tents had been erected around the perimeter of the gardens and Calliope’s home. Butterfly Harbor residents were selling everything from handcrafted tree ornaments to homemade jams and baked goods to crocheted rugs and wraps. The crowd was steady and had been since before they’d swung open the gates.

  Calliope inhaled the aroma of hot apple cider and freshly roasted chestnuts. Popcorn exploded in the old-fashioned machine manned by Jake Campbell as he raised money for the teen youth facility.

  Despite the uncertainty swirling inside of her, the evening was shaping up to be absolutely perfect. Thunder rolled in the distance. Deep and dark. Threatening. And yet...not a cloud in the sky.

  And not a sign of Xander.

  “Uh-oh. Someone’s on a rampage.” Holly, halfway through her second piece of pumpkin pie, nudged Calliope’s arm and motioned to the front gate. “You and handsome have a fight?”

  “No.” Calliope’s stomach twisted as the fog of the future began to lift. The future she couldn’t see before Xander Costas arrived in Butterfly Harbor was coming into focus now. And it was filled with loneliness. “But I believe we’re about to.”

  “You want me to distract Stella?” Holly waved to get Abby and Paige’s attention. Not an easy feat as they were currently arguing over who would buy the last bag of chocolate cashews.

  “If you wouldn’t mind. Don’t worry,” Calliope insisted when concern crossed her friend’s face. “I’ve been expecting something like this.”

  “We’re just a shout away if you need us. Stella?” Holly called to Calliope’s sister, who was playing ping-pong goldfish with Marlie. “Honey, can you help me find Simon?”

  “Sure.” Stella flicked her gaze to Calliope before she hurried off to help Holly.

  It might have been Calliope’s imagination, but she swore the crowds parted for Xander as he approached her.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Certainly.” She swallowed hard and turned toward the cottage, cringing as she closed the door behind them. Clearly now wasn’t the time to tease him about being late. “What’s wrong?”

  “Alethea. She’s moving here. To Butterfly Harbor. Because you told her to.”

  “I most certainly did not.” Irritation slipped through the impending heartache. “I told her to follow her heart wherever that might take her.”

  “Same difference. She needs to get back to her life, not keep hiding from reality.”

  “You mean she needs to get back to your life. The life you and your family have mapped out for her.” She sat in the chair her grandfather had made, the rocking chair her grandmother had rocked her in. The chair she’d rocked Stella in while she’d cried out the pain and anguish over the mother they’d never have.

  “It’s practical and logical for her to finish school,” Xander’s voice sounded tight, as if he were barely holding onto his temper. “Surely you see that.”

  “No, actually, I don’t.” Who did he think he was talking to? “Not if it makes her unhappy. What’s practical in wasting years of your life for something that will never enrich it?”

  “Says the woman who grows vegetables and plays with insects.”

  His words drove the air from her lungs. “It’s a living.”

  “It’s a fantasy for anyone other than you, Calliope. What were you thinking filling her head with these dreams? She has a life waiting for her back in Chicago. Or Virginia. Or even New York. That’s where all the possibilities are.”

  His possibilities. Calliope chose her words carefully. “First, life can be a fantasy for anyone who chooses it to be, and second, I didn’t fill her with anything. She was empty when she came here, Xander. You know this. You saw it. This place brought her back to life. I completely understand why she wouldn’t want to leave.” She certainly couldn’t. Nor did she want to. She only wished he felt the same.

  “Do you know what my family is going to think when she tells them her plans? They’re going to think this is my fault!”

  “Why is it anyone’s fault?” Before her eyes, the man she’d fallen in love with was fading, replaced by the cool, detached businessman who wheeled and dealed for a living. “What is so wrong with Alethea wanting to live her life on her own terms?”

  “She’s not you, Calliope. She’s not independent and headstrong and stubborn. She’s been provided for and protected her entire life. She doesn’t know that life will screw you over every chance you get if you don’t have a solid, cemented foundation.”

  “No, she’s not me. But I think we can both agree she is well aware of how harsh life can be.”

  “You know very well I wasn’t talking about Talia.”

  “No, you weren’t. You’re talking about yourself and how Alethea’s choices are affecting you. So what if your family blames you? If Alethea is happy, or even if she isn’t, she’s becoming independent. I thought you liked that about women. You certainly seem to like it about me.”

  “I need you to talk to her again. You need to get her to change her mind. I’ll help her find a new school. I’ll do whatever it takes to solidify her future, but not here. Back home where she’s safe and where she’s needed.”

  “Where she will suffocate.” Calliope folded her hands in her lap and sat stone-still. “I will not tell her she’s wrong, Xander. I can’t. Because I don’t believe she is.”

  “Why? Because Stella isn’t enough, you want to drag my sister into this magic-butterfly world of yours? It isn’t real, Calliope.”

  Calliope took a long breath and as she exhaled, she tried to force out the pain. But it had already lodged, solidly, in her heart. “If you truly believe that then you never understood me at all. I will not interfere with anyone’s free will. Not Stella’s, not Alethea’s and not yours.” She angled her head to look at him. “You’re scared, Xander. You see something possible, something you never thought you could have, but you don’t want it because it messes up your neatly planned life. You’re free to leave anytime. No need to feel guilty about it. I’ll be fine.”

  “Don’t do that. Don’t go getting into my head!”

  “I’m not in your head. I’m in your heart.” Just as he was in hers. Forever.

  Xander looked away. “This is about Alethea. This isn’t about us.”

  “Isn’t it? Your sister has made a very mature decision to take charge of her life. And yet here you stand, railing against me because you think I’ve influenced her. Maybe I have. I will accept that with pride because she’s an exceptional young woman and one I’m proud to call my friend. But do not think because I fell in love with you that gives you the right to dictate my behavior in any way. I am who I am, Xander Costas. I’m who I always was, and who I will always be.”

  “What?” He took a step back. “You can’t be in love with me. I’ve only been here...”

  “I fell in love with you long before you arrived. Long before I ever knew your name.” She got to her feet and walked past him, unable to bear the confusion and disbelief on his face. “And before you go dismissing my feelings, I’m not asking for you to believe me. I don’t expect or want anything in return you’re not freely willing to give. My feelings are my feelings. This is what it is. Fate delivered you to me and, just as it always does for the women in my family, fate will take you away. I suggest you leave now, before you say something else we’ll both regret.” And can never forget.

  “Calliope.” He reached for her arms and turned her to face him. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Does my loving you make a difference? Or does it just add to your sense of obligation and respon
sibility?”

  He searched her face, but his confusion only increased, as if he couldn’t find the answer he was looking for. “And if I said I love you, too? What would that mean?”

  “Nothing.” It broke her heart to say it, but she couldn’t lie. Not to him. “Because it doesn’t change anything. You have your life and I have mine. And I understand that, Xander. I do.” She touched his face. “I’ve known from the moment you arrived that we’d never be able to make this work. That you’d never stay. I can’t change my feelings for you and I wouldn’t want to. I do love you. But you can’t love me and not understand Alethea’s desire to be free.”

  “You’re not one of your butterflies, Calliope. You can go wherever you want. Do whatever you want.”

  “And is that what you want? Is that what you expect? For me to leave the only home I’ve ever known, the only home generations of my family have ever known, move Stella to a place that will kill her spirit slower than it would kill me? Why? I don’t belong in your world, Xander. More importantly, I don’t want to. No matter how much we might love each other, this is where I belong.”

  “So that’s it? This...you and me, we’re just...done?”

  “I’m sorry.” She stared at him, memorizing every feature, every glint in his eyes, every line on his face, because she knew the image of him would be the only thing she’d have for the rest of her life. “But, yes. We are.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “YOU READY TO GO?” Xander glanced over his shoulder as Alethea came out of her room.

  “That depends. Are you going to be a blockhead the entire trip back?”

  Xander took a deep breath and struggled for patience. “Just preparing myself for the conversation awaiting us at the end of our flight.” He’d be lucky if his mother didn’t disown him.