Ashes

by Lauralana Dunne

  Phoenix realized that she had let him down. Not only would she disgrace him at the ball, an important event despite how impermanent the nature of it was, but she was not fitting in like he had assumed.

  The revelation was like a punch to the gut. Silence hung heavy in the room as moments passed before she opened her mouth in an attempt to answer.

  She surprised everyone, most of all herself, when she burst into tears.

  Once Phoenix started she was unable to stop. Her mind seemed to separate herself from her body, coolly assessing her reaction as her body heaved out the frustration and sorrow that she had buried for so long. It got to a point that she couldn’t tell where it ended and she began - when the hardships of her time at Angor bled into her previous life at Avondale, when the feeling of lacking, or being less than had become ingrained in her sense of self.

  Phoenix tried to get a hold of herself at first. Embarrassment crept through her at the thought of being so vulnerable in front of Master Malcourt and Camden, at losing control of her emotions. She was tired - so tired - and the idea of having to fight against herself was too much. Giving up, Phoenix rested her head in her hand as tears escaped down her face, not caring about how foolish she looked.

  Warm fingers wrapped around her empty hand. The one that she used to steady herself against the floor like an anchor for her heaving body. A pair of arms encircled her shoulders and pulled her close with a gentle tug.

  The heat of Malcourt’s body soothed her as her shoulder rested against his. He made comforting sounds in his throat, murmuring lowly as if trying to calm a wild animal. “Spoke too soon, did I?” Master Malcourt asked softly as he rocked her.

  Phoenix’s shuddering sobs were her only answer. The only sound in the room. They rattled out of her swollen throat, her streaming tears dampening her tunic. Eventually she cried herself out, yet still Malcourt did not let her go until he was satisfied that her hiccups had disappeared and her breathing returned to normal.

  Camden still cradled her hand, a strange show of concern for him, and she offered him a shaky smile of thanks.

  Master Malcourt patted her back softly as a comfort. He let her go when she shifted with embarrassment, withdrawing easily to give her back her space. No one had held her like that since she was a child.

  “Now, my dear,” Master Malcourt said firmly, steepling his fingers, “I want to hear all about it.”

  Phoenix dashed the tears from her eyes with a deep sigh. Squaring her shoulders, she told him all of the problems she had encountered. She started with how her outfit for the royal ball had been ruined, threading the story backwards to explain all of the animosity that she had been subjected to since her arrival at Angor.

  The words tumbled out of her unchecked until she found herself fighting for air, as though by purging the air from her lungs she would also somehow rid herself of the sorrow inside of her. When she finished, Phoenix felt as though a weight had been lifted off of her. It left her feeling lighter even if she didn’t feel any better. She rubbed her face with her hands and watched Master Malcourt with shame. She had been careful to keep names out of her story, careful to keep everything vague without having to use specifics, but she made certain to elevate the statuses of Elise, Rae, and Sophie - who had been her staunch friends since the moment of her arrival.

  Malcourt sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I wish you had told me sooner, Phoenix,” he sighed, admonishing her kindly. “I would have done something about it much earlier.”

  Phoenix shook her head. “I didn’t want to involve you, Master,” she told him quietly. “I still don’t. You have bigger things to worry about - we all do. It’s just foolishness. I didn’t want it to distract you when it’s my responsibility to take care of it myself.”

  Camden snorted, and Master Malcourt gave her a small smile. “Ah, but it is my concern, my dear. I brought you here after all. Your well-being is paramount - and that includes your happiness.”

  “It’s hard out in the castle sometimes, Master,” Camden shifted, speaking up for the first time. “So many don’t understand us - we are either met with fear or hostility - and it’s hard to go through it every single day. It wears us down. And I know,” he said, holding up a hand as if to ward himself off of the Master’s displeasure, “that that is part of being different. It will always be that way, but certain courtesies are not afforded to Apprentices like they are to Masters.”

  Malcourt pursed his lips. “I had hoped,” he began, after a moment’s thought, “to use it as a learning experience for the two of you, but I see now that it was unnecessary. I forget that you have both already faced such trials from where you came from: you, Phoenix, at Avondale; you, Camden, from your uncle.”

  Phoenix peered at Camden with interest, but the boy’s face was closed off and his expression was unreadable.

  “If you will allow me to make it up to you, I will certainly try,” Malcourt continued. He paused for a moment, and Phoenix wondered how he could possibly say that could fix the situation. He looked at the two Apprentices with concern for a moment, then gestured around the room, indicating the expanse beyond it as well. “Move into the tower,” he said simply.

  They both stared at him.

  “Move into the tower?” Camden repeated at last, his voice full of disbelief. Phoenix, for her part, only blinked.

  “Why not? It’s certainly big enough for the three of us, if not more. You have your choice of empty rooms. You could each have your own space. It’s a good idea... if you like it, I mean.”

  Master Malcourt continued to look between the two for a response, but he was met only with stunned silence. He cleared his throat. “Or not.”

  “Of course we will!” Phoenix and Camden chorused out of sync with one another. They laughed and Phoenix clapped her hands with excitement.

  “Kit, too,” Master Malcourt added, before Phoenix could open her mouth to ask. “It makes perfect sense to keep her close. Besides, that way we may be able to avoid her biting anyone else...”

  Phoenix flushed with embarrassment from Master Malcourt’s teasing.

  “Never mind, my dear. These things happen. She is still young.” He smiled and gestured for the two to return to their spots on the floor, shifting his own position so that their seated triangle became unbroken.

  Obediently, despite their excitement, Phoenix and Camden rested their hands palms-up on their knees and attempted to relax their bodies.

  Phoenix’s mind raced. She was momentarily distressed when she realized that she would no longer share a room with her three friends, but the idea that she would no longer have to put up with the torment of the other girls in the dorm. And maybe - just maybe - she would be able to use her new position to help out her friends as well. Maybe she could get them all out of the dorms, and into a much more relaxed environment.

  A kind voice interrupted her meditation. It was soft despite its intrusion into her consciousness, a probing thought as she unwound the tension in her body to focus on her lessons.

  Don’t worry, Phoenix, Master Malcourt told her. Everything will work out. I promise.

  Phoenix didn’t know if it was the sense of belonging that washed over her, or the contentment that she felt sitting quietly with the other Callers, but the rest of her sorrow disappeared so thoroughly with his assurance that even the nagging tension between her shoulder blades vanished.

  With her body finally relaxed, Phoenix smiled as, for the first time, she slipped effortlessly into the proper mindset for her training.

  CHAPTER 20

  Rae, Sophie, and Elise were waiting in their room. The three girls were dressed so beautifully that Phoenix felt a lump come to her throat seeing the care that they put into themselves.

  Rae wore a rich purple gown that hung off her shoulders. The waist was drawn in with a pale belt that rested above her hips, hugging them loosely so that the skirts of the gown tumbled to her ankles, unencumbered by her movement. Her hair was pinned to the side so that her curl
s cascaded down one shoulder.

  Sophie wore a deep brown dress accented with gold. The two colors cascaded together like swirling waves. The dark brown ebbed into the shimmering gold, rippling across the dress to accent her neckline and her skirts in a rich border. She wore a matching gold headpiece, the fabric woven around an open-ended band that wrapped around her hair, starting from the top of her head and disappearing out of sight under her loose hair. It wasn’t hard to tell how hard she had worked on incorporating the different fabrics into her outfit.

  Elise was stunning. The girl wore a vibrant form-fitting red dress with an asymmetrical neckline. Matching ribbons were woven into the capped sleeves, crisscrossing around her arms to weave into a single strand by her wrists, the edge of them looping around a finger to keep everything in place. She wore her hair unbound. The dark coils, free to move naturally, tumbled from the crown of her head to frame her face with a volume that astounded Phoenix. A single golden comb swept the shorter ones in the front to the side, securing them so that they stayed out of her eyes.

  Phoenix blinked rapidly. “You look amazing,” she breathed. She couldn’t begin to guess how long the girls had been saving up for their outfits.

  The three smiled at her and blushed.

  “We found these for you,” Rae said, stepping aside to show Phoenix the articles of clothing laid out on her bed. “We didn’t know what ones you’d like, so we brought them all so you could choose.”

  The pickings were slim, but she could tell that her friends had tried hard so she took her time sorting through the mismatched outfit pieces, careful to pick the ones in the best shape. Eventually she settled on a long skirt and plain tunic that went well enough together, but once she tried them on it was obvious that they were both too big for her.

  “I can do a little bit of quick altering,” Sophie offered, pinching the material together in the back of each item. “It won’t be a great job by any means - I won’t have time to style it correctly - but it will work well enough for tonight.”

  “Wouldn’t everyone be able to see that?” Elise asked the shorter girl. “She can’t very well go around with pins sticking out of her!”

  Sophie stuck her tongue out at her friend before rummaging through the storage trunk at the foot of her bed. “I can throw in a few quick stitches,” she retorted, giving off the air of one who had been mortally offended. She lifted an item from the trunk and handed it to Phoenix. “You can also borrow this, if you want.”

  Sophie held out a shawl. Phoenix took it carefully, her fingertips barely pinching the edges of it as she stared in amazement.

  The shawl was a pale cream color, its material stitched together in such a way that Phoenix couldn’t help but think of it as a silky spider web that had been draped over her hands. The edges of the lace caught where she’d split her knuckles from punching the practice target.

  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

  The other girls stared. “Wherever did you get that, Sophie?” Rae asked, reaching out to run a finger along the silky strands.

  Sophie shrugged self-consciously. “I made it a while ago.”

  Elise’s jaw dropped. “You made this? Did you show it to Master Minna?”

  Sophie flushed. “I didn’t think it was good enough.”

  “Sophie!” Elise cried, shocked at the girl’s self-depreciation.

  A knock at the door interrupted them. No one visited them other than Mistress Ruby, who always rapped a warning before entering immediately afterwards. The girls looked at each other curiously before Rae stepped forward to open the door.

  She was met by Alan’s sour expression. He stood at the threshold looking uncomfortable. He held an intricately wrapped package, both hands cradling it securely while his arms were extended so that he wasn’t holding it too closely. He was obviously being careful not to drop it, but the look on his face showed that he wished that he could. His lip was curled in a sneer.

  “You’re not supposed to be here,” Rae told him with authority. The exchange reminded Phoenix of the first day she arrived at Angor, and she found herself grinning at the boy despite herself.

  Alan ignored Rae and looked straight ahead, as if he could also ignore the fact that the room was occupied by the four girls.

  “Package for the Apprentice Caller,” he said, his voice hoarse. He held it out in front of himself as if trying to distance himself from it as much as possible, but when Rae attempted to take it from him, he jerked it back so that she wouldn’t touch it.

  Stunned silence settled in the room. Rae assessed the Runner with a shrewd eye. He wouldn’t meet her gaze - or anyone’s, for that matter - and he refused to take another step into the room.

  “Did someone get in trouble for not delivering this before now?” Her voice was soft as she reached out again; this time she tapped the corner of the box where the ribbon was crumpled. “Or perhaps for opening what doesn’t belong to them?”

  Her voice was sweet but her pale brown eyes were flat as she crossed her arms.

  Alan’s expression didn’t change, but he paled noticeably under their scrutiny. “It got lost,” he muttered, defensive.

  It was false bravado. Phoenix had seen Apprentices with the same expression on their faces, usually after being brought to task by a Master. If Rae’s assumption was correct, if the Runner had been hiding something that should have been delivered before now, Phoenix didn’t have to guess which Master had intervened on her behalf. Especially not after the scene she had caused at the tower.

  Sophie snorted and Elise shushed her. Rae stepped back as Phoenix walked forward to accept the parcel. As soon as her fingers touched it, Alan snatched back his hands as if he couldn’t bear to touch it an instant longer.

  He peered back at them over his shoulder, sniffing with a smirk. “What’s that smell?” he asked, his expression innocent.

  Rae spat something nasty at Alan under her breath and slammed the door in his face. She clenched her fists. “If I had Blood...” she began, narrowing her eyes.

  “Never mind that,” Elise clapped her hands with excitement. “Open your present, Phoenix!”

  “Yeah!” Sophie and Rae chorused excitedly, all but pushing her to one of the beds.

  “Who is it from?” Elise asked.

  “I have no idea,” Phoenix told her, insanely curious as to who could be sending her a gift.

  “I bet it’s a secret admirer!”

  “I bet it’s the Prince!”

  The girls giggled excitedly and Phoenix felt her face warm. “I bet it isn’t,” she shot back, not altogether convinced that it wasn’t.

  Phoenix tugged on the ribbon that was coiled around the wrapping. The thin sheets of the patterned parchment fluttered away to reveal a thin wooden crate, the interior cushioned in a thick fabric to protect its prize.

  The girls gasped in awe.

  It was a ball gown. She unfolded the dress with care and held it up for everyone to see.

  It was pale green in color. Embroidered vines accented the neckline and sides, adding a muted look of elegance to the background. In the forefront, white-filled flowers surrounded by purple petals were stitched in a wind-blown pattern around the leaves. The center of each flower cradled a small gem that caught in the light. They twinkled in unison as she moved, the soft fabric shifting easily at her touch. Phoenix caught her breath when she realized that the pattern matched her focus ring perfectly.

  Rae and Elise looked at Sophie questioningly, but the girl raised her hands in surprise. “I have no idea,” she told them, staring at the stitching with appreciation. “Master Minna said nothing about it...”

  The room went quiet, then Elise broke the silence with an excited whisper. “Try it on!”

  Phoenix, nervous that she might somehow damage the fabric, changed out of her clothing to pull the dress on. Rae helped her to pull it down over her head, and Sophie stepped behind her to lace up the back with expert precision while Elise smoothed it against her underclothes.

/>   Phoenix blinked at herself in the long mirror.

  The bodice fit her so snugly that Phoenix realized that the Masterclothier must have gotten a hold of her measurements somehow. The material bunched around her waist and flowed down to hang at her ankles, resting high enough so that she would be unable to trip up in the skirts.

  “Toads,” Rae said with soft appreciation. “You look amazing!”

  Phoenix just stared at her reflection speechlessly.

  “What’s this?” Elise asked, bending down to pick up a folded piece of parchment on the floor.

  “It fell off of the dress when Phoenix tried it on,” Sophie said.

  Elise handed it to Phoenix, and she took it silently. She opened it and read it out loud for everyone to hear.

  “To Phoenix. Usually it is customary to receive gifts upon one’s birthing day, but the fact is that without you I would not have lived this long to celebrate it. You have truly given me the greatest gift of all. Please accept this small token as my unwavering thanks. With fondest feelings of adoration. King Benedict.”

  They all stared at each other. Rae picked up the box and handed it to Phoenix again. Inside, unseen earlier from all of the wrapping, was a collar for Kit with the same pattern as the gown.

  “You have a gift from the King!” Rae exclaimed, grabbing Phoenix’s hands and twirling her around excitedly. She stopped dancing suddenly and started laughing. “I would pay good coins to see Brianna’s face when she finds out!”

  Phoenix felt a slow grin spread across her face.

  “That’ll put her in her place!” Elise said with satisfaction.

  “Oh, I have a feeling she’s going to be put in her place soon enough,” Sophie told them slyly.

  Phoenix didn’t know what the girl meant, but she didn’t bother to ask as Rae made her twirl around in her gown. Phoenix winced as she looked in the mirror and realized that the back of her dress was low enough to show the raised scars on her back from being burned so long ago.

  “You look perfect, Phoenix,” Sophie said softly. The other two girls nodded in agreement.