Teach Me New Tricks

by Ali Parker

  “That’s okay, really. I don’t need constant adulation, but the occasional good job never hurts.”

  I laughed. “Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind if I’m struggling with a particular assignment.”

  She waggled her finger. “I don’t give good grades for butt-kissing.”

  “Too bad, because I’m an excellent schmoozer.”

  She grinned. “I get that. Do you go by Chris or Christopher?”

  I shrugged a shoulder. “Either way.”

  I slid around the counter and picked up some steamed veggies before adding a few breadsticks to my tray. I had plenty of food, but I didn’t want to leave the line. I liked talking with her. I came to the end of the line and paid for my meal.

  “You’re a great teacher,” I said before picking up my tray and preparing to walk away from her. I sat down at a nearby table and was surprised when she sat down across from me.

  “Is this okay?” she asked.

  “Yes, please. I’d like some company while I eat.”

  “Good, because I wasn’t going to move.”

  I laughed, loving her wit. “How long have you been teaching?”

  She raised her eyebrow. “Uh-oh, someone wasn’t paying attention in class.”

  “Sorry, I should have been more specific. How long have you been teaching in total? Is the university your first job?”

  She nodded. “Teaching job, yes. I graduated about five years ago. I did some work as a TA for a high school history teacher and then finally got my big break here about three years ago. I was beginning to wonder if I’d shot myself in the foot with all that education and no job prospects.”

  “I bet. How long did you have to go to school?”

  She groaned. “About eight years. I did a lot of internships and worked part-time to bolster my resume, but it was a long road.”

  “Did you always know you wanted to be a professor?” I asked her.

  “Honestly, when I was in about the tenth grade, I knew I wanted to be a teacher. By my senior year, I knew I didn’t want to deal with high school drama. I decided to take it a step further and become a professor. I wanted to teach a subject I enjoyed. I didn’t want to get stuck teaching under an umbrella of literature or history or something like that.”

  I nodded. “I see. You’re really good at making Greek mythology sound cool and interesting. I have never been interested in it before, but after one class, I’m already planning on going home and doing my own research.”

  “Thank you. That really means something to me.”

  “You’re welcome, truly,” I told her, taking a bite of my breadstick.

  “So, how did you end up in my class?” she asked. “Be honest.”

  I grimaced. “The advisor, Enders.”

  She sighed. “Why did he suggest my class?”

  “As you can probably see, I’m not exactly a young buck.”

  “You’re as young as you feel and no one is too old to learn,” she said.

  I smiled. “Thank you. I agree. The advisor seems to think I should enjoy my early retirement.”

  “Retirement!” she gasped. “You are not old enough to retire. If you are, I want whatever it is you’ve been drinking. You must have been worshipping Hebe.”

  “Hebe? What is that?”

  She smiled. “Not a what, a who. Hebe is the goddess of eternal youth, the daughter of Zeus and Hera.”

  I chuckled, shaking my head. “You really know your stuff.”

  She shrugged. “I should with as much time as I’ve put into the subject. Anyway, you were saying something about retirement?”

  “Yes, I retired a few months ago but I don’t think I’m quite ready to spend my days fishing and golfing.”

  She looked at me for several long seconds. “I don’t want to be rude, but can I guess how old you are?”

  “Or I could just tell you,” I said with a laugh. “I’m forty-four.”

  “I would not have guessed that.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  She smiled. “I think so.”

  “I’m guessing by that Texas twang, you’re from the area?” I asked.

  She winked. “And I’m guessing by the flat A’s I hear and those long O’s you’re from up north somewhere. Dakotas? Minnesota?”

  I laughed. “I do not have flat A’s.”

  “And I don’t have a twang.”

  “I like the twang. It feels very inviting and friendly.”

  “Thank you,” she said, emphasizing the drawl. “I find the northern accent tends to have some Canadian influences.”

  I nodded. “Makes sense since we’re right up there next to them.”

  “I visited Wisconsin a few years ago and I was just amazed at the difference in dialect. Half the time I felt like we were speaking different languages.”

  I laughed. “We do have some colloquialisms that can confuse people. Just as Texas does. The ‘fixin to’ is something that is going to take me a while to get used to.”

  She laughed. “Oh, so many new words you will learn. Depending on who you’re talking to and where they grew up in Texas, you will find we all speak differently.”

  I nodded. “Indeed. However, I have never felt so old until I came here, and everyone calls me sir.”

  “Everyone is a sir or a ma’am, don’t take it personally. It’s the damn yankees that made those words an insult.”

  “I suppose you’re right. I do like it. I’ve only been in town a week and I’m already loving it.”

  She burst into laughter. “I’m sure you love the sun.”

  I groaned. “You have no idea. It feels like summer weather. I love sitting outside and just soaking in the rays.”

  “Are you originally from Minnesota?”

  I watched as she took a bite of a fry, finding myself thinking things about her I had no business thinking. It had been a long time, I supposed, and my body was having a very natural reaction to a sexy woman.

  I cleared my throat, pulling my eyes away from her mouth and back to her green eyes. “Yes. My family lived in New Jersey until I was ten and then we moved to Minneapolis. I was there for over thirty years. You don’t realize how much you are missing until you start to travel outside the state.”

  “What did you do before you retired?”

  “Real estate.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “And now you’re interested in Greek mythology?”

  I laughed. “Technically, no I wasn’t interested in mythology. I was more interested in the why of things. You kind of touched on it today when you talked about Santa. I have a desire to learn more about religious beliefs and whether the idea of heaven is a myth, or something based on fact.”

  She looked thoughtful. “You know, your beliefs are based on what you feel. No one can tell you what is right or wrong. Some people believe in the Greek gods and others don’t. We all believe in the thing that speaks to us. I believe it is why some people can be Catholic all their lives and then one day, just decide they don’t buy into the culture.”

  I shrugged. “I guess I just want to dig in and find out what I believe. I honestly don’t know what I believe right now.”

  “You seem like a guy who likes to have all the information before making a decision,” she commented.

  I laughed. “I guess that’s the business side of me. I don’t make a move unless I can accurately predict the outcome.”

  “Well, I hope you find what you’re looking for in my class, or, at the very least, you are able to determine whether or not this line of study is something you want to pursue. Honestly, I think I would have to agree with Gerald in this situation.”

  “What situation is that?” I asked.

  “Retirement! Isn’t that what we all work towards? You’ve done something right if you’re able to retire this early. I think your hard work should be rewarded with a little rest and relaxation.”

  “Believe it or not, it is not quite as exciting as it’s cracked up to be,” I told her, not wanting to unb
urden myself on my teacher and a virtual stranger.

  She smiled. “I get that. I plan to travel when I retire if not before then.”

  “That’s a good plan,” I said, not bothering to tell her traveling wasn’t in the cards for me quite yet. Not with a sixteen-year-old son at home.

  “I should probably get going,” she said after the break in conversation.

  “Me too. Thanks for having lunch with me. I kind of feel like the new kid at school and don’t know anybody.”

  “Anytime. I look forward to seeing how this all works out for you.”

  “I’m excited to see what you have in store for us tomorrow.”

  She got up and gave me a wink. “Use that syllabus to study up if you want to be a star student.”

  I chuckled. “I’ll do that. Thanks for the tip.”

  We each dumped our trays and headed our separate ways. As I walked back to my truck, I thought about everything she had said. I knew people thought I was crazy for wanting to unretire. Those people likely had spouses or hobbies. I had a son, but he wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to hang out with me a lot.

  I didn’t have any hobbies that I could think of devoting hours every single day to. I needed to feed my brain. I was on a quest for knowledge and going to college was a way to make me feel productive. I couldn’t sit around and watch the grass grow or the fish jump.

  I was the kind of person that needed constant input. I had a feeling I was going to like the Greek gods stuff. It was already very intriguing. I couldn’t wait to get home and sit outside with my laptop. I was determined to replenish my body’s deprivation of vitamin D after living in the north for so long. I felt pasty compared to the faces I had seen around town.

  They probably thought I was a vampire or a cave dweller. I was really going to have to look into spray tanning soon in order to blend in.

  Chapter 8

  Leila

  I got to class early, kind of excited about the day. I had really enjoyed talking with Christopher after class. He had an intelligent look in his eyes. He was smart, good looking, and charming. His quirky smile was warm and made me feel like he was a humble man despite his wealth.

  I wasn’t sure if he was necessarily wealthy, but he was comfortable. He was the kind of guy that had enough money to buy Gucci’s and wear them to class because that was what he was used to wearing. The casual confidence he had was also very attractive.

  It wasn’t often I got to have a conversation with a man who was of equal or higher intelligence than myself. I didn’t think I was a snob, but dumbing down to have a conversation with a man was getting old. I didn’t want to pretend to be ditzy. I was a blonde, but I hated the stereotype.

  When I was younger, I had played it up. Until I hit puberty, I had always been the fat girl in school. Adding smart to the label just made things worse. I had been teased incessantly about my weight and when they figured that wasn’t enough, the kids actually made fun of me for being smart and acing all the tests.

  The irony of being bullied because you were smart was ridiculous. I’d gone dumb. I started purposely getting bad grades and taking a lot of time on my tests. I pretended to struggle with an answer when truthfully, I had known it almost instantaneously.

  Those days were gone. I was a woman with some meat on her bones and brains in her head and I would never pretend to be otherwise ever again. Except when I was trying to have a conversation with a date. I didn’t necessarily pretend to be stupid, but I did tailor the conversation to be something the guy could follow.

  I didn’t have to do that with Christopher. “He’s a student,” I breathed the words.

  The students began to file in. I saw Alan sitting in the front row but no Christopher. I checked the time. If he didn’t walk through the door in the next minute, he would be late. He didn’t strike me as the kind of man who showed up late to anything.

  When he didn’t show up, I closed the door, signaling class was starting.

  “Good morning everyone. I hope you all did your homework.”

  “Homework?” several groans echoed around the room.

  I smiled and clicked on the tablet to pull up the syllabus. “This isn’t just to stare at. This is meant to give you an advantage. You will want to pay attention to what is on here. Spend some time reading up on the subject before you come to class. It makes my job easier and you will have a better understanding. Now, today, we are going to be talking about one of my favorites in the mythological world of Mount Olympus. Aphrodite.”

  “The goddess of love,” someone said.

  “Yes! She is well-known, but few people really know her story.”

  The door opened, interrupting my speech. Everyone looked to see who it was. Christopher held up a hand. “Hi, sorry. I got stuck in traffic.”

  I smiled. “Ah, then that makes you my volunteer.”

  “Volunteer?” he choked out the word.

  “We were just about to get into Aphrodite’s story. I’d love for you to stand in for the part of Hephaestus.”

  Christopher wrinkled his nose. “The ugly husband?”

  I couldn’t help but burst into laughter at his disgust. “That would be the one. I’m glad to see someone did their homework.”

  “Great,” he mumbled. “Let me put this down.”

  He walked to the seat he’d sat in the day before and deposited his briefcase before coming to stand beside me.

  “Aphrodite was a goddess and of course, that meant she was naturally beautiful. You will soon find out the family trees in Greek mythology go straight up with very few branches. They loved inbreeding.”

  The class burst into laughter. I looked over at Christopher who looked mildly uncomfortable to be standing in front of the class.

  “Hephaestus is believed to have been handicap in some way. How he got that way is something that varies from tale to tale. Some believe he was born that way; others believe the injury he suffered that made him lame was due to his father, Zeus, tossing him out of Mount Olympus after Hephaestus tried to protect his mother, Hera, in a fight.”

  “Nice guy,” Christopher quipped.

  “The gods were definitely not nice. Now, we’ll skip to the part where Hephaestus comes back and bargains to wed his half-sister.”

  There was a collection of groans at the idea. “Gross,” someone said.

  I looked at Christopher, who seemed mildly amused. “Are you playing the part of Aphrodite?” he asked.

  “Did you read the story of how he caught her in the ultimate betrayal?” I asked him but spoke loud enough for the class to hear.

  “She cheated on him!” someone guessed.

  I turned to face the students. “That she did, but we’re dealing with deities that are very powerful. How do you suppose ol’ Heph busted her?”

  “The sun guy,” Christopher volunteered.

  I walked around him, circling him. “Helios was the rat bastard who narced on poor Aphrodite. She was married to the ugliest god in Mount Olympus. Is she to blame for wanting a little fun on the side with the very handsome Ares?”

  “Yes, she is to blame,” Christopher said, looking me dead in the eye. “Marriage is sacred.”

  I smiled. “Ah, one of the few last men on earth who believes in true monogamy.”

  He nodded. “Absolutely.”

  Another point for the mystery man. “So, can anyone tell me what Hephaestus did once he found out?”

  There was a silence in the room. A good silence. They were hanging on every word. I had learned to speak their language in a way that they could understand and relate to. It helped make the stories come alive so the students were able to relate to the trials and tribulations of the poor misunderstood gods.

  “He killed her?” someone offered.

  I looked at Charles and smiled. “Dear Heph, did you kill me?” I asked in a high-pitched voice.

  He slowly shook his head. “Death would have been a kindness.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”

>   “Yes.”

  “Is this the scarlet letter story?” one of the guys asked.

  I groaned. “No, wrong century.”

  I heard Christopher mutter something under his breath. I looked at him and had to fight not to laugh.

  “Hephaestus wasn’t interested in killing his wife or the man she’d lain with,” I started. “He wanted to embarrass her. Humiliate her. He probably thought no one would believe him. He needed proof. How would he get proof?”

  “We’re assuming they didn’t have cameras,” Christopher said. “No cell phones to document the whole sordid mess.”

  “Definitely not. Does anyone know what Heph’s powers were?”

  “Blacksmithing and metalworking,” Christopher answered. “He built a cage and trapped her in it. That’s one way to keep her out of another guy’s bed.”

  I grinned. “Very dark. Very vengeful.”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “I think it would be deserved.”

  I turned back to the class. “Christopher isn’t too far off. Hephaestus designed a blanket made of chains, but not just any chains. They were invisible. He snuck in, busted them doing the dirty and dropped the blanket over them. They were trapped. Naked and unable to free themselves from the blanket.”

  “What’s the point of that?” someone asked.

  I smiled. “Because he decided to take them around town, letting all of Olympus see them in all their naked glory.”

  “Fitting,” Christopher said.

  “Does the crime fit the punishment?” I asked. There was a mixed response. I turned to look at Christopher. “You think he did the right thing?”

  “I think he did the right thing for him in his situation. There is never a one size fits all answer, especially in a mythological world.”

  I grinned. I liked his answer. “Thank you for being my Heph. Go ahead and have a seat.”

  I finished up the class, feeling good about the way it had gone. I felt like they had gotten the story. They would probably forget it in a month’s time, but at least they’d pass the final exam.