Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1

by Marie Johnston

  “You’d watch them so I can hang out with Laney Granger?” Quiet shock resonated in his question.

  “Why wouldn’t I? High school was a long time ago.” But when I thought about Laney and Liam dating, high school seemed like yesterday. “You should be able to date. You’re too nice of a guy for me to keep to myself.” I chewed on my lip. I wasn’t keeping him to myself. He kept to himself and I hung around with him. That was different.

  “I mean, sure. I don’t know if it’s really a date, but yeah, if you don’t mind?”

  A little sliver of hope hooked on I don’t know if it’s really a date. Was my urge to smash the phone and pretend I’d never offered only because it was Laney Granger? “Okay.”

  “Okay.” Silence stretched on, but I didn’t know what to say. My mouth was dry and my stomach hurt.

  Liam broke the silence first. “You’ll let me know if Grandma Gin’s not doing well? She’d never tell me.”

  “Yes.” I struggled for something else to say.

  “Hey, congrats on getting the summer position.”

  He’d been the first one I’d messaged. Not only had I gotten the summer teaching job and relieved my money worries until the fall, but it was one step closer to proving I could be in charge of a full classroom again.

  “I knew you would.” There was a smile in his voice that chased away some of the earlier turmoil.

  “Thanks. I wasn’t sure, but it shows they’re willing to give me another chance.”

  “You’ll get the next open teaching position. Don’t worry about it. Just have fun.”

  It would be fun. My body slowly unclenched while talking about work. “I’ll start a week after Memorial Day, but I’ll still have time to take Eli to his appointments.”

  “We’ll figure it out, Kenny.”

  “You always do.”

  We hung up, and loneliness settled around my shoulders. I liked being around Liam and his kids. But if he was dating again—and apparently, I was helping him—then I had to learn not to be dependent on him. I knew he planned on moving, but I’d conveniently forgotten he also had a life to live and that my place in it was as his friend.

  Chapter 5

  Kennedy

  * * *

  It was Memorial Day weekend. Most people were going on picnics, heading to the river, or relaxing. I was fixing a toilet. As the sink dripped behind me. My win had been temporary. The faucet repair had gone well, but it had resumed leaking two days later.

  My water bill was going to cost as much as it would’ve to hire a plumber. Instead, I’d gone back to the hardware store and hit up Carlton. He sold me a faucet, gave me a few tips, and when I mentioned that my toilet wouldn’t quit running, found an insides kit for me.

  An entire week of how-to videos. I’d dreamed of how to replace the innards of a toilet tank and install a shiny new faucet. It was time to make it real.

  If real meant I was red-faced and sweaty and had said more swear words in two hours than I had in my entire life, then it was real.

  I sat on the floor and puffed a lock of hair out of my face. I needed to redo my topknot but my hands were grungy. They’d only been in the toilet tank, but the level of intimacy I’d had with the toilet was all over my clothing.

  I flexed my hand. My modest wedding ring glittered under the bathroom lights. There’d been a few times I’d thought I should take it off while I was working in the toilet tank, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The square diamond was less than a quarter carat. The wedding band had six diamonds in a line.

  I remembered how hard Derek had worked for this, taking extra jobs around his college schedule. I’d thought he was saving for a house, but he had saved for this. One night before the ceremony, Derek had confessed that Liam had helped him buy it. Derek had paid him back by then, but he’d talked about how the jewelry store had a two-week-long sale. Derek hadn’t saved enough by then, but Liam had kicked in the rest.

  I admired the ring that the two most important people in my life had worked hard for. Wedding rings were symbolic, but this one meant so much. Tonight was the first night I’d considered removing it, even just temporarily.

  Would I ever be ready?

  My phone rang.

  Dammit.

  Upbeat music flowed from a speaker on the edge of the bathtub, but I needed to switch to motivational podcasts. Another one about finances and empowered women—sometimes both in the same podcast. Bruce had set up the bill pay to be automatic based on advice from a banker friend of his, but I needed to know about more than keeping my account in the black.

  My phone chirped again. I glanced at it. My mom.

  If I didn’t answer, she’d keep calling. If I still didn’t answer, she’d make Benji drive three and a half hours to check on me.

  I hurried through a handwashing and put the call on speaker. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Oh, Kennedy. I was afraid you weren’t going to answer.”

  “I was in the middle of something.”

  “Oh?”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek. There were micromanagers, and there were micromommers. She was going to want to know exactly what I was doing. “I’m working in the bathroom.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No.” I made my voice as light as I could. “Just a leaky sink. I’ve got it covered.”

  “Are you sure? Benji’s real good with plumbing. He’s done all of the repairs in the condo.” The condo had been built five years ago. This house was fifty years old. “Benji!”

  “No, Mom!” I took a breath. I hadn’t meant to shout. “It’s fine. I’ve got it.”

  “It’s no problem. Benji can pack his tools and—”

  I grasped for a way to keep my oasis from getting invaded by my smothering mother. “Carlton’s helping me.”

  Mom stalled at the mention of someone—not me—who was involved. “Carlton?”

  “He owns the hardware store, remember? Between him and YouTube—”

  “Benji!”

  “Liam’s helping me,” I blurted.

  “Liam’s there? Oh, good.” Relief poured over the line. “How is he?”

  “Doing well.” Other daughters might feel bad for lying to their mothers. It wasn’t like having a caring parent should be a hardship. It was that Mom still viewed me as the sick kid she had to fight the medical world for. Mom was ready to battle the rest of the world for me too. “I watched the kids a couple of days last week when Grandma Gin wasn’t feeling well.” Once she had spiked a fever, I’d shooed her out of the house and stayed for two nights. The days had flown by as the kids and I played games, watched movies, and explored the pastures.

  “He’s asking you to watch his kids?”

  I closed my eyes at my mom’s exasperated tone. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “I offered.”

  “Do you think it’s wise?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” I was a teacher. But this was Mom. She was probably stuck on how I couldn’t continue teaching after Derek’s funeral, and she hadn’t seen me since Christmas, since before I went back to work. She’d occasionally flown back to Coal Haven to dote on me, but never to just visit me.

  “Liam shouldn’t be using you for free childcare after all you’ve been through.”

  “Like I said, I offered.”

  “Mmm. Are you sure I shouldn’t send Benji over?” Her Mmm was so much less satisfying than Liam’s. “It might be a little too much too soon for you.”

  Benji would do what Mom wanted. Stepdad number four had been around the longest, and truthfully, I liked him the best. But he wasn’t a father figure, and I didn’t really want to make awkward small talk with him.

  “Nope, Liam’s almost done.” I hated that the way to get Mom off my back was to let her think that a man had fixed my problems. I wasn’t a Disney princess. Those princesses also had networks of friends. I hadn’t quite reached the level of little birds doing my laundry. “I should probably go.”

  “Oh, okay. Goodbye. Call if you nee
d anything.”

  And she’d send Benji over. Got it. “Love you, Mom.”

  I disconnected and wrestled with the toilet for another half an hour. The flapper was taut but not too tight. Before I’d started, I’d taken pictures of the float valve and adjusted the new kit. Thanks to at least three how-to videos, I was prepared to adjust more. I leaned over it and peered inside. I didn’t know what normal looked like, but it looked pretty damn good if I said so myself.

  I was about to turn the water to the tank back on when my phone rang again. My sister. I dropped my head and my hair flopped over my forehead. “For fuck’s sake.”

  Good thing I didn’t keep a swear jar. I washed my hands again and answered. “Mom told you to call.”

  “Something about Benji’s plumbing and Liam’s kids,” Cassidy said dryly.

  Cassidy and I weren’t close, but it wasn’t like we didn’t get along. She was six years older than me, and we hadn’t gotten much of a chance to be sisters before she had moved halfway across the country. “God. I had to tell her that Liam fixed the sink to keep her from shoving Benji in the car and pointing him west.”

  “You fixed the sink?”

  “Yes,” I said defensively, disliking the surprise in her tone. “No. I mean, I did, then it started leaking again. I think I need a new faucet. It’s old. Right now, I’m about to turn on the water to the toilet and see if I fixed that.”

  “Damn. And you’re doing it yourself?” Unlike me, Cassidy had made it her mission to prove she could win the award for Most Independent Woman Ever. While Mom was taking me to doctors’ appointments, Cassidy was fixing the overhead garage door or changing oil. Cassidy and I were adults, but I didn’t think she’d gotten over her conflicted feelings about me. The way she’d needed to show how competent she was because I’d received all the attention for being sick, to being resentful that everything had fallen on her shoulders—especially when Mom had been between husbands.

  Times like this, Mom still turned to Cassidy to fix things or to check on me. Cassidy never called otherwise.

  “I don’t need help. I wasn’t lying about Liam being around. He’s home and will come over if I get into trouble.” After our last conversation, I had stuck to messaging him. Something about him and Laney going on a maybe date had left me raw. He was home for his ten-day stretch, and he hadn’t stopped in either. Totally normal, but somehow this time felt different.

  “So what’s with you and his kids? I couldn’t understand Mom.”

  Cassidy probably hadn’t listened to half of what Mom had said. “I’ve been helping Liam’s grandma with them because I want to. He’s my friend and I like his kids, but he’s moving soon, and Mom’s afraid I’ll get too attached to Eli and Owen.”

  “Is Liam only a friend?”

  “Cassidy.”

  “What? It’s an honest question.”

  “I’m—” I was about to say married, but that wasn’t exactly true. The knife twist to the gut was there, but not as damaging as it usually was when I thought about my marital status. “I’m not on the market?”

  “Are you asking me or telling me?”

  “I’m just trying to stay off the couch every day.”

  “Sounds like you’re past that point, Ms. Fix-it.”

  This was what it was like to talk to Cassidy. Others in my life had treated me like I was a precious figurine. Cassidy acted like I was a snow globe, breakable but still needing to be shaken up. She challenged me to do more than what was expected of me. When I was younger, talking to her made me defensive. Not every girl had to conquer the world before she could be soft and wear pink.

  My world had crumbled. I didn’t need to conquer it. I needed to rebuild it. And Cassidy’s comments that made me question my worldview didn’t unsettle me like they had before.

  “It’s too soon to date.” Because the thought of dating gave me palpitations as strong as the thought of Liam dating.

  “Is that what the widow’s rule book says?”

  “Cassidy!”

  “I’m not sorry, Kennedy. You lower yourself to everyone’s expectations. It’s your default, and I get that you were sick for so long. But when you lost Derek, you were healthier than you’d ever been, yet you shattered so badly I thought the next time my phone rang I’d learn that you were gone too.”

  I pressed my hand to my lips to hold in my gasp as tears sprang into my eyes. Cassidy never talked about feelings. Never. For her to admit that she feared for me meant she’d been terrified.

  “So, you need to quit defining your life by rules other people set.”

  That was what it felt like. Other people’s unspoken rules about what I was capable of. “I just have to follow your rules?” I asked wryly.

  “Yes. And I’m older, so you have to listen.”

  I smiled. “You can report to Mom that I’m fine.”

  “Don’t be surprised if she and Benji show up. She could’ve handled home repairs or you watching Liam’s kids. She can’t handle both.”

  That was how weak Mom thought I was. “I’ve been fairly warned. They’ll have a brand-new faucet to wash their hands with.”

  “Right on. Love ya, kid.” That was her only endearment, but it wasn’t as automatic as it used to be. I should call her more often. We didn’t even message, other than wishing each other happy birthday. I had assumed she resented me. What if she thought I was okay on my own? That’d be one less person I had to prove it to.

  I hung up, set the phone down, and took a deep breath. I gave my wedding ring another look. There was no rule book. I slipped the ring off and went into my bedroom. With the work I was doing, it made sense to take it off. Take some of the emotion out of it. There were no rules. I could put it back on after I was done with the bathroom.

  It was time to turn the water on.

  Liam

  * * *

  My phone rang. I pushed my stool away from the lawn mower I was changing the oil on and wiped my hands off. I hit answer, and the song I had playing through the speaker died down. “Kenny, you shower today?”

  “Oh my God, Liam. There’s water everywhere, and I don’t know what to do. I tried to fix—”

  “Whoa.” I hated stopping her, but if she was in her house, an explanation could wait. “Where’s the water coming from?”

  “Under the sink. I tried to turn the water off to it and—”

  “Okay, go downstairs.” I rose and hit the button to close the shop doors before I stepped outside. Grandma Gin had taken the boys to lunch and a park so I could mow the lawn a couple hours quicker than it’d go with them around.

  “What?”

  “Shut off the water to the house. The valve is downstairs.”

  “What if that springs a leak?”

  “Then we’ll call a plumber, but I can guarantee that’s been turned more than the one under your sink.” Kenny’s house was a starter home. Couples moved in, made some money, and found something bigger. Each time they moved, I’d made sure the water was turned off until the new owners moved in.

  “I just used the one under the sink last weekend.” Her voice was hitched. She must be going down the stairs. I hated sending her to the musty basement of that old house, but it had to be done.

  “They’re old, Kenny.” I crossed the driveway to my pickup.

  “Okay, I’m downstairs. Now what?”

  “In the furnace room, you’ll find a valve sticking out of the wall. Lefty loosey, righty tighty.” I slid behind the wheel of my vehicle.

  “Okay. Hold on.”

  I heard rustling, a small grunt that made me smile, then more shifting until she spoke again. “I think it worked.”

  More heavy breathing as she jogged up the stairs. As much as I loved hearing her sigh into the phone, I said, “I’m on my way.”

  “The door’s unlocked.”

  The drive seemed like it took three times longer to get there, but I was antsy. I hadn’t seen Kenny since I’d been back. Eli told me all about his speech and Owen tol
d me stories of Kenny’s sleepovers every day since I’d been back. The way I rolled my eyes each time Owen launched into a Kenny story, I’d think I was jealous they got sleepovers and I didn’t.

  I had wanted to see Kenny as soon as I’d gotten into town. But she’d watched the boys for days and had taken them to Eli’s appointments. All while landing a new job and fixing up her place. And she’d offered to babysit so I could go on a date. Or at least meet a friend, but she probably would’ve offered if I’d had a bona fide date. Kenny was fully in the land of the living, and maybe I had felt a little left behind.

  I pulled up to her place and hopped out. I didn’t bother knocking. Since she wasn’t in the kitchen, I headed for the bathroom. The light filtered into the hall.

  I rounded the corner and stopped. Kenny was half buried under the sink, her butt in the air. It was the finest ass I’d seen. Round, firm, and swaying from side to side as she mopped up water with a towel.

  My gaze was glued to her backside when she sat on her heels and popped her head out. I blinked and shook my head as if it could reorient blood back to my brain and away from my dick. “So, tell me again what happened.”

  She jumped and twisted around. My lips quirked. She was a mess. Half her shirt was soaked, part of it plastered against her breasts. I tried, hard, not to look at the way her nipples fought the constraints of the material.

  Her appearance didn’t change how my body was reacting. Her hair spilled out of a bun and stuck to her face from either the water or sweat. She was flushed and breathing heavily, as if it wasn’t hard enough to keep my eyes above her neckline.

  “I’m so glad you’re here.” She pushed off the floor and dumped the wet towels into the bathtub. Sticking her hands on her hips she gestured to the sink. “I fixed that damn thing. Remember I told you I did it? And then it started leaking again. So I thought I’d put in a new faucet, cuz now I’m a superwoman or some shit. Only I fixed the toilet first. See?”

  She flushed, then winced. “I forgot the water was off, so you can’t witness the tank refill, but it will. And it won’t leak.”