Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1

by Marie Johnston

  With Mom gone, he had no one else to blame. No one to shove a finger at and claim look what she made me do. But I’d been around. And I’d gotten older. Worse, I had his height, his build, and the same brown in my hazel eyes.

  I also had my mother’s tendency to not care what people thought…or at least pretend like I didn’t. I had my maternal grandparents’ tenacity. When times got tough, I tucked my chin down and barreled forward. But I didn’t have Cameron’s money. And I didn’t have a huge family backing me.

  I’d do anything for my kids. Was that what Cameron was doing? Shunning me so thoroughly to protect the feelings of his kids, Stetson and Isla? Was he creating the illusion that an affair had never happened and his marriage to their mother was faultless, and whenever he saw me that illusion was shattered like the windshield my mom had flown through?

  I wouldn’t feel empathy for him. He was a selfish asshole, no matter what his motivation was.

  When I reached home, I backed up to the shop and stared at the house. The place where I’d grown up. The property and the land that Grandma Gin didn’t want to sell. The first place my kids experienced real stability and unconditional love. Eli and Owen had been two when I’d moved them here and started commuting. They’d been with me for a few months before that as we’d crammed into the room I rented.

  I used to have to drop them off at day care an hour before my shift started so I could sit on the floor with them while they had a chance to calm down. Now, they loved having their own bedroom to share in a house that was always the same, and Grandma Gin was the perfect mix of unconditional love and consistent discipline. Say thank you and please. Pick up the toys on the floor before you brush your teeth. Bedtime was the same every night.

  Coal Haven had driven me away, but it had become a sanctuary for my kids. Was I really prepared to do everything for them?

  “I’ll open the shop door.” Kenny grabbed the keys from my console and slipped out. She probably thought I needed a moment to calm down. I did need some time, but I was calm as hell.

  “What’s for supper, Daddy?” Owen asked.

  “We already ate, remember?” Yeah, the evening had felt that long for me too. “But you can have a snack after I’m done unloading.”

  They both piled out and ran to the house. Once the shop door was open far enough to get the pickup in, I finished backing in. I’d just leave it inside tonight.

  Kenny had the tailgate down before I was out. “I can’t believe this lamp didn’t sell. It really is gorgeous.”

  I had liked it before, but Kenny had bought a translucent cream lampshade that allowed the twist of the lamp to become the centerpiece.

  I had regretted loading it earlier and had been relieved when interested shoppers had moved on. “That’s because it’s yours.”

  She smiled while her fingers danced along the shade. She glanced at me and did a double take. “Are you serious?”

  “Of course.”

  “I can’t take this. You can sell it and put it in your Grandma Gin fund.”

  “And if Grandma Gin found out I sold it for fifty bucks to save for her when you really liked it? You want to get me into trouble?”

  “Liam, I…” She eyed the lamp, her brow furrowing. “This is the first thing I’ve brought home that’s just…mine.”

  It’d never be hers and Derek’s. Just hers. She hadn’t bought more than groceries and the necessities since he’d died. The faucet was for the house. All the home improvements were more about the activity and not so much the new material she used for repairs.

  “I can hang on to it until you’re ready to take it home,” I offered.

  She hugged the lamp to her, the shade cocking up against her head. “No. It’s time. I haven’t even bought new underwear.” Pink flushed her cheeks. “TMI. I’ll put this in my car. Be right back.”

  I’d finished unloading by the time she returned.

  She twisted her hands together as she approached me. “I know I apologized before, but I’m so sorry about tonight.”

  “I’ll never blame anyone else for the way they treat me, Kenny.”

  “I know, but—”

  I put my fingers on her soft lips. We hadn’t kissed yet, but I dreamed of it every night. “No, I’ve made a decision. I’m not letting them drive my boys from their home. I’m going to talk to Grandma Gin. Then I’m going to the bank and having a long chat. And then I’ll call the school.”

  She blinked her big brown eyes. I’d been so sure of my decision, but her reaction meant everything to me. Yes, I wanted to stay for her too. I wasn’t wasting more time working in a different town away from everyone I cared about. There had to be a job near Coal Haven but out of Cameron’s reach.

  She didn’t answer for so long, nerves knotted my stomach. “What do you think? Seriously? Think the boys will just relive what I went through? Think this decision is stupid and impulsive and maybe I’m just trying to piss off my dad? Tell it to me straight, Kenny.”

  She twined her arms around my neck and drew my head down to hers. Was I imagining this?

  Our lips touched, tentatively at first, then she increased the pressure. I let her lead, too afraid she’d stop. Until she opened for me. I had to know what she tasted like. I licked into her mouth, and she timidly met my tongue, stroking it like she was exploring. I gripped her waist, flaring my fingers to touch as much of her as possible. Lush flesh under my hands. A warm mouth on mine.

  All too soon, she was pulling away, gazing at me from hooded eyes, her pupils fathomless.

  “Was that to shut me up?” I asked, my voice husky. My body was rock hard from head to toe. This woman wound me up tight in all the best ways. “Was that your way of telling me it’s an awful decision?”

  She pulled her red lip between white teeth. “I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you and thought celebrating you sticking around Coal Haven was a good time to find out.”

  A slow grin spread across my face. I probably looked like a giddy turned-on clown. “And? How was kissing me?”

  She ran her teeth across her lower lip again. “I mean, I think I need to experiment more before I know for sure, and it sounds like we’re going to get more time together.”

  A soft chuckle puffed out of me. I was drawing her closer, dropping my head down, when the screen door banged.

  We stepped apart.

  The backs of my legs hit the bumper. “They’re waiting for a snack.”

  “Later, then?” she asked, almost shyly.

  “Promise.” A day I thought was ending like shit had turned out to be one I’d never forget for all the right reasons.

  Chapter 10

  Kennedy

  * * *

  I was sweeping the last remnants of my kitchen floor demolition when there was a knock at the door.

  Liam hadn’t mentioned coming over this early. He was going to have a long talk with Grandma Gin and then take a hard look at his income and what jobs were available in the area. After the kids had gone to bed last night, we’d brainstormed all the places welders would work around Coal Haven and the surrounding towns. I gave him the information to register the kids at the school. And we’d made out. A lot. My body had wanted more. And maybe I was mentally ready, but it’d been a day for Liam and he hadn’t needed to deal with my reaction to sex with him, whatever it would be.

  The knock sounded again. I kept my audiobook about managing money and investing running. I didn’t need to know about maintaining a budget. Me and a budget had become quite friendly. If I missed some of this chapter, that was fine. As I walked to the door, I admired the floor. It was cleared down to the subfloor and clean. I’d ripped out the laminate and hauled out the disgusting pad underneath.

  I opened the door and smiled, managing to hold it in place when I saw it wasn’t Liam on the other side. I should’ve known. When he was bringing the kids, each boy had to have their turn knocking or ringing the doorbell.

  “Bruce, hi. What brings you by?”

  It was
Saturday. Give Cameron one day to tattle to his brother that I was hanging around Liam, and here was Bruce.

  “I talked to my brother, and we’re worried about you.”

  I refrained from rolling my eyes, but anxiety burned in my gut. “Why? I’m doing really well.” I didn’t wake up every morning wondering how I was going to make it through the day. Even more, I was productive. I was hopeful. I was happier than I thought I would ever be again.

  “We know how Liam can be.”

  I cocked my head, confused that he couldn’t see his ignorance. “Do you?”

  Bruce’s gaze flickered over my shoulder. “Can I come in?”

  The fatherly concern in his eyes made it hard to say no. I knew my father’s name and that he wanted nothing to do with me beyond paying the child support he’d resented. Benji wasn’t exactly a father figure per se, but a guy who supported me because he loved my mother.

  Bruce stepped inside, and I shut the door. He stared at my floor. How could I keep him from interfering with my remodeling?

  I twisted my hands together. This was my current pride and joy. I went to bed sore and worn out, but with a sense of accomplishment. The new wood planking I planned to install was stacked in the garage. Installation seemed simple enough, and I planned to find out this weekend.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  I went to where I’d set my phone on the counter and shut off the audiobook. “I’m making some updates. It’s brighter in here already, don’t you think?”

  “You’re doing this?” The surprise wasn’t unexpected, but the dismay was.

  I nodded and went to twist the spot where my wedding ring had been. I hadn’t put it back on, but I still looked at it sitting in its black velvet jewelry box every day. I covered the bare spot with my other hand. I didn’t want Bruce to notice while I was still getting used to going without. “It’s been fun.” More fun than messing with the plumbing. I didn’t have to worry about a flood.

  His mouth tightened in a line. “This is what I’m talking about. That boy wants you to work for him—for free, but he can’t help you do this.”

  “He helps when I need it.” I stressed the last part of that statement.

  Bruce lifted his brows. A move Derek used to do when he wanted me to elaborate. I’d found it endearing with him. With his father, it bordered on maddening. Why did I have to explain?

  But I did. “I call him with any questions. He’s happy to help. I want to do this.”

  “You don’t need to do it alone though.”

  “Well”—I kept a light tone—“I don’t want someone to come in and take over.”

  His gaze softened with more than a touch of sadness. Oh, crap. I made him feel bad. “It’s supposed to rain tonight. Are you sure I can’t help you mow?”

  The yearning in his voice sapped the willfulness out of me. Taking care of my lawn was his way of coping. “How about you mow, and I’ll keep going with the flooring? I’ve been watching videos, and I’m excited to try what I’ve learned.”

  A beat of relief went through his expression. His gaze landed on the floor, and I wanted to shift to the side to block his view. It was just a floor, but I was high on the sense of accomplishment. I couldn’t wait to walk into the house, see a pristine floor, and know that I did it.

  His expression hardened into resolve and I was afraid to know about what. “I can let Willow know that I won’t be home ’til later.”

  I wanted to avoid the next part, but I wasn’t going to be home all day either. “Actually, I was just going to shower and then I was going out.” I forced myself to say the rest. I shouldn’t have to hide everything about my life. “With Liam and the boys. They’re taking me fishing.” I’d hide only the part where I was taking the monumental step of moving on and it was with Liam.

  “He wants you to keep the boys from hurting themselves while he messes around.” His tone was matter of fact.

  I couldn’t keep the sigh out of my voice. “He’s a good dad, Bruce.” I left the better than his own out.

  Bruce grunted. “Ginny’s the one raising them.”

  “Helping doesn’t mean someone has to do everything.” Hint, hint.

  Bruce leveled a flat stare. “He’d have to be here in order to make me think that Ginny isn’t doing everything.”

  A rare moment of defiance straightened my spine. “Then too bad the circumstances of his birth prevented him from finding a job around here.”

  “It’s never been about his birth, Kennedy. It’s about how he conducts himself.” I opened my mouth, but he put a hand up and that gentle expression formed, the one where I had to double-check that I was twenty-six and not six. “He’s an adult now, yes. But he’s also a single dad. He chased the mom away and he’s making his grandmother raise his kids. As for the job hunt when he was younger, well, no one wanted to hire the welder that burned down his barn.”

  “It was an—”

  “Kennedy.” That placating tone ignited a fire I hadn’t known existed, but I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. “I know you think the way you do because of my son. I take responsibility for that.”

  I know Liam didn’t want his grandpa blamed, but it wasn’t his fault people put two and two together and came up with five instead. “Bruce—”

  “Derek had a blind spot a mile wide when it came to that kid. I’m sure it’s cuz we were strict and the Pewters weren’t.” I almost laughed. How could he know Grandma Gin and think she was a pushover? “But I’d like to save you from the headache a guy like Liam can cause. You’ve been through enough.”

  I’d been through enough of this conversation. I pressed my fingers against my temples. I was about to reiterate how Liam had been nothing but supportive when Bruce noticed what I was doing.

  “Dammit, Kennedy, I’m sorry.” Bruce shoved a hand through his graying hair, his expression distraught. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that I’d never forgive myself if you got hurt and I didn’t do anything. Without Derek around, I just want to—” He made a strangled sound and his eyes misted over.

  I’d woken up full of energy and optimism. Now I was tired, and I didn’t want to make Bruce feel worse, but I wanted him to leave. The fastest way to achieve that would be to let him do what he’d come here to do. “Thanks for doing the lawn. I need to clean up and maybe lie down for a while.”

  I regretted the white lie, but if he thought I was resting, he’d be quick and go.

  “I’ll make it quick. You lie down,” he said in a fatherly tone. Bruce might be a little overbearing, a bit old-fashioned, and too unthinking when it came to what Cameron demanded, but he was the closest thing to a father I had.

  “Thanks, Bruce. Tell Willow hi.”

  He was on the way to the door when he stopped. “She’d like to invite you over for supper. When’s a good night?”

  This was what I realized was missing with my relationship with my mother. A simple invite over. “How about Wednesday?”

  “Wednesday it is. Get some rest.”

  I went to the bedroom to message Liam and ask if we could postpone for an hour to give Bruce time to clear out. When it came to Bruce’s opinion of Liam, we couldn’t agree to disagree forever, but I couldn’t tackle the argument when Bruce’s grief was still so acute.

  Liam

  * * *

  The steady lap of the water against the shore sank into my bones, relaxing my tight muscles. I had hiked us around the campsites of Hazen Bay on the edge of Lake Sakakawea. We set up our fishing area where there was enough sand for the boys to play in and find the occasional mussel shell and large rocks for them to climb but no drop-offs. The water was shallow, so they could wade on the edge when they got bored with watching their bobber. They were like little tops, twirling from spot to spot. Kenny was in a folding camp chair, holding the fishing rod for Owen. I was knotting a hook onto Eli’s line for the third time since we’d gotten here. When it was secure, I helped him cast, then he ran to where Owen was digging for worms.
>
  I squatted next to Kenny, my gaze brushing along the satiny skin of her bare legs. “Eli’s appointment is at two on Thursday, right?”

  “Yes. Want me to come with?”

  The corner of my mouth kicked up. “I won’t say no, but it has nothing to do with thinking I can’t do it myself.”

  “I know.” Her shy smile confirmed she wanted to go with me just because. Never in my life had I gotten gooey over a woman, but here I was, insides turned to mush, ready to hand my balls over on a silver platter.

  The sun peeked out from behind a cloud. Her deep brown eyes brightened and golden highlights scattered across her hair. She wore a tank top that covered as much as a T-shirt except for the upper parts of her arms. My fingers twitched to stroke along her flesh, but the kids were nearby.

  If we weren’t hiding our intimacy, what would I do? I didn’t have much experience with long-term dating. My time with Payton was a drama-filled roller coaster, and we’d hung out at the bar a lot when we weren’t fucking. Watching movies and going fishing was a level of intimacy I hadn’t attained with a woman. I enjoyed it and wanted more. But I’d have to settle with touching her in private. Kenny didn’t want to handle the emotions of others if they learned about us, but I also didn’t want to upturn the stability my kids had finally found by confusing them about Kenny’s role in our life.

  Didn’t mean I didn’t think about all the ways I wanted to touch her in private.

  I sat in the chair next to her before I did something foolish like steal a kiss. I slowly reeled in Eli’s line and tried to forget how yielding her lips had been under mine. Casting, I didn’t worry about Eli getting upset that he’d missed his chance. He had dug out his truck, and Owen was making a racetrack around a large boulder. They might be interested in fishing again in the next twenty minutes, but building a dirt jump for the toy truck was more important right now.