Reclaim

by Martinez, Aly

  “Nora, wait,” I panted.

  She didn’t stop.

  She didn’t slow down.

  She didn’t even look back at me.

  I followed her all the way up to her front porch, catching her arm just before she had the chance to go inside.

  “Nora, please stop.”

  “Let me go!” she seethed, yanking her hand away. Tears streaked her cheeks, but make no mistake about it, she was a lion ready to strike. “You’re a Caskey!” It wasn’t a question. It was an accusation in every sense of the word.

  I planted my hands on my hips and spoke with heaving exhales. “Not really… My… Mom was… But my dad—”

  “Then you’re a Caskey!” Like a shield, she crossed her arms over her chest and rounded her shoulders forward. “Oh my God. Oh my God. This isn’t happening. I told a Caskey. I told a fucking Caskey.”

  “Stop saying I’m a Caskey. I’m not anything like them.”

  “But you are!” she yelled with wild eyes. “You’re rich, aren’t you?”

  I must have looked like a fish standing there opening and closing my mouth, not a single word coming out. I wanted to say no. I wanted to yell at her that she had no idea what she was talking about and that I was nothing like either one of my stupid, psychopath cousins.

  But she wasn’t wrong. My family did have money, and technically yes, I did have Caskey blood running through my veins. It wasn’t the same though. My mom… She was different than they were. The good kind of different.

  Nora took a step toward me. “That’s it, isn’t it? Back in Alberton, that’s why everyone hates you. All that bullshit about God giving you ten dollars after church and then showing up with dirty cut-offs and holes in your socks was all just an act.” She shook her head, and while she had all the false bravado in the world showing on the outside, her voice broke as she said, “I trusted you, and just like everyone else in my life, you lied.”

  “You can still trust me.”

  “How? How, Camden?” She stabbed a finger at my chest. “We spent a whole summer together and you never once thought to tell me your uncle was the mayor?” Another stab. “Or that your grandparents were bazillionaires who owned a farm of racehorses?” Another stab. “Or…or…or…maybe that your cousins were Jonathan and Josh fucking Caskey! You knew he was the same age as Ramsey. You knew your family name would have meant something to me, so you just never mentioned it?” She pushed up onto her toes and yelled into my face, “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to know!” The words flew from my mouth before I realized a coherent thought had been formed.

  I hadn’t lied to her. Not exactly. But I hadn’t told her the truth, either. It had never been a conscious decision to keep the truth about my family from her. But after years of being the only rich kid in a small town, you learned to guard your secrets or risk having no one to tell them to.

  Yeah, I wore my crappy clothes to the creek. My parents would have killed me if I ruined the nice stuff they’d bought me, but mainly it was because I wanted her to like me.

  Nora had made it clear during her rantings the first night when I’d followed her home from the store that she didn’t like rich kids. And honestly, after getting a taste of her life over the last few days, I couldn’t blame her.

  Money solved all problems, right?

  In my experience, it made them worse.

  I wasn’t a normal snobby rich kid. My dad wasn’t anything like Josh and Jonathan’s dad. Camden Donald Cole had grown up in Alberton, sweeping the floors in the papermill. He’d worked his ass off to get a football scholarship so he could afford to go to college. He worked even harder to get his degree and then continued working his ass off until he saved up enough to buy the very same papermill. He believed in never giving up and always earning the things you wanted in life, and he was hell-bent on raising his only child with the same thought process. My parents bought me school clothes every year, but it was my responsibly to buy my own play clothes, socks, underwear, and shoes. Let me just tell you none of those things were high on my list of the ways I wanted to spend my measly allowance. But I did it to keep Dad off my back.

  My parents’ bank account had nothing to do with who I was, but okay, fine, I’d purposely never mentioned who my grandparents were—and thus the rest of my family.

  I liked Nora. I couldn’t take the chance that she wouldn’t like me after she found out the truth. When she never point-blank asked who they were or where they lived, I said nothing at all. It was safer that way.

  After last night, I’d thought things had changed though. She’d shown me her secrets, so I’d been dumb enough to think that maybe I could do the same.

  I’d been wrong.

  So. Damn. Wrong.

  And that burned like the hottest knife.

  “It wasn’t an act,” I whispered, all the fight and adrenaline ebbing from my system. “But yeah, I never told you because I wanted you to be my friend. I just wanted one person to like me for me and not judge me based on who my parents are.”

  “You mean, kinda like what you did to me?”

  My head snapped back. “I never judged you.”

  “Oh, so when you started bringing me lunch and splitting the worm money with me, it had absolutely nothing to do with the time you saw my dad fighting with me and Ramsey in the front yard? Come on, Camden. You told me yesterday that you checked me for bruises when we went swimming. That’s not judging me?”

  “That was me being concerned.” I waved a hand over her turtleneck. “Which, based on those bruises, I clearly had the right to be.”

  It was the wrong thing to say. I knew it the moment the words left my lips.

  I just had no idea that it would cost me everything.

  “You did this to me!” she roared.

  I tried to dodge her words, but they hit me square in the chest, stealing my breath.

  She tore the turtleneck over her head. She was already wearing her bathing suit—proof that she did, in fact, trust me enough to go swimming in the creek later, bruises and all.

  Or at least she had trusted me when she’d gotten dressed that morning.

  Now, she was a tornado spiraling out of control, and I was certain I’d never survive her wrath.

  She stretched her arms out to the sides and spun in a circle. “If I had known Josh was your cousin, I never would have had anything to do with him. Because while you were gone last year, living in the Alberton mansion, I was still here. Alone. Missing you. Hating you. Desperate for even a tiny bit of the way you used to make me feel. You know, if I stop to think about it. It makes sense that I found him. He had your blue eyes and the same easy smile that made me feel safe. And I was so fucking broken I took whatever scraps of you I could get.”

  “Nora, I didn’t leave you.”

  “But you did! Everyone leaves me. And everyone lies to me. And everyone hurts me. I can’t take it anymore. Do you understand? I can’t do this! I never want to see you again. Never!”

  I was gutted—nothing but a corpse standing in front of her. Hollow and empty without the first way to fix it.

  But I loved her, even if I didn’t understand it yet. So I stood there, ready to fight an impossible battle. “You don’t mean that. Please. Come on. Let’s go to the creek and figure this out.”

  She drew in a shaky breath and stared me right in the eye, twin rivers streaming off her chin. “You think I’ll ever be able to look at you again without thinking about what he did to me?”

  I frantically shook my head. “I’m not like him. You know that.”

  She slanted her head, and with an eerie calm, she moved in close and dealt her final blow. “You both lied to me and used me until you got what you wanted. You’re more of a Caskey than you know.”

  I felt her push something into my front pocket, but I was too panicked to figure out what.

  “Nora, please,” I begged as she spun on a toe. I didn’t have much time. The door would stick, but she’d get it open. And then s
he’d be gone. “Jesus, stop. Please just listen to me. I would never knowingly hurt you.”

  She stopped at the door and looked at me over her shoulder. “Prove it.”

  A surge of relief flooded my system. “Anything. I’ll do anything.”

  “Then go home and leave me alone. Don’t make this hurt any worse than it already does. I don’t have anything left to give you, Cam.”

  Cam.

  My stomach knotted.

  All I wanted was to be her Cam. But at what cost?

  My cousin had raped her. That much was clear. Did I really want her to relive that every time she saw me? She was my friend, and I cared about her on levels I couldn’t yet process. It would kill me to walk away, but that was my pain. Not hers.

  I was only thirteen and already sure I would bear that cross for Nora Stewart every day if I had to. I couldn’t change my DNA or what Josh had done to her, but I could leave.

  For her, I would do anything.

  I fisted my hands at my sides to keep myself from stopping her as she opened the door. The overwhelming desire to pull her into a hug and tell her it was all going to be okay was almost more than I could take.

  It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since she’d trusted me enough to sleep at my side. I could still feel her in my arms, and now, I was letting her go for what I feared would be forever.

  When the door closed behind her, I reached into my pocket and found our ten-dollar bill she’d tucked inside.

  Yeah. That was it.

  The arrow through the heart.

  Nora was done. She didn’t need my address in Alberton anymore. She had no intention of ever coming back to me.

  As I walked away that day, lost and heartbroken, I was clueless if I’d made the right decision by not pounding her door down. I prayed to every God in the universe that she was just mad and would eventually come around.

  I waited at the creek for a week. Day and night. My heart in my throat. Staring at the road and waiting for her to appear.

  She never did.

  Not for two long years.

  The best part about expecting the entire world to fail you is that, when it finally happens, you at least have the peace of mind from knowing you were right.

  Life didn’t stop because Camden Cole was gone.

  Nor did it stop because Josh Caskey was free without a care in the world.

  My bruises eventually faded—at least the ones on the outside.

  Inside, I was shattered, rotting, and severed from my only lifeline: Camden.

  I woke up every morning and performed the herculean task of putting one foot in front of the other, and every afternoon, I’d collapse into bed, exhausted, and with aching cheeks from faking happiness I never truly felt.

  Everything was a show, from the smiles and laughs to being social and hanging out with Ramsey and Thea. I was stuck in the darkness as the world spun beneath my feet, desperately wishing for a way out, all the while knowing I’d never find one. I never went back to the creek, but sometimes, I’d lie in bed late at night, the window open, crickets chirping and fireflies flashing, and pretend.

  Camden was always there in those daydreams. His arms around me. Holding me like he had our last night together in my bedroom. A torturous flashback of the first and only time I’d felt truly safe.

  I blew out candles on my thirteenth birthday and opened the few Christmas presents Ramsey and I exchanged every year. Thea and I became closer. She asked the most questions when things seemed off, but as long as she wasn’t suspicious, neither was my brother.

  Time passed, but the nearly constant ache inside me never did.

  I ran into Josh around town. Most of the time, he ignored me, but on occasion, he’d try to talk to me. Even if it was only to lean in close and whisper how many times he’d watched the video of us together—essentially prying my ribs open and ripping my heart out all over again.

  I wanted to disappear, and to be honest, I thought about it more times than I would ever admit. At night, when I wasn’t pretending to be with Camden at the creek again, I’d imagine the blissful hollowness of death. The quiet. The absence of feelings. The constant stress vibrating in my veins finally stilling and my mind falling into nothingness.

  I always woke up the next morning.

  Same hollow chest.

  Same fake smile.

  Same despair.

  My fourteenth birthday came and went, as did my first day of high school. Passing Josh in the hallway was something I had to get used to. By that point, I was so numb that I didn’t have much left for him to hurt anymore. He still tried though and slipped a picture of us kissing with his hand on my breast into my locker. I spent the rest of the afternoon, throwing up and contemplating how long Ramsey would blame himself if I finally found the courage to end it all.

  In the end, I chickened out, but I would spend years regretting my decision not to do it when I had the chance.

  One choice and I destroyed the lives of the three people I loved most in the world.

  And one monster.

  I startled awake at the groan of my window as it suddenly opened. Still foggy with sleep, I struggled to focus on the dark figure outside. My pulse spiked, and just before a scream tore from my throat, I made out my brother’s broad shoulders as he climbed through.

  Clutching my chest, I sat up in bed and hissed, “What are you doing?”

  “My window was locked,” he replied.

  It was his birthday, and minus a brawl with my dad, he and Thea had been out at their tree all night. But as he stomped through my room to his across the hall, a shit-ton of pissed-off energy filling his wake, the hairs on my neck stood on end.

  Throwing the covers back, I climbed out of bed and followed after him. “Are you okay?”

  “Not even close,” he muttered, swiping his car keys off his dresser.

  Ramsey had grown up a lot in the last few years. He was over six feet tall and, at seventeen, had filled out into a man. He’d gotten a job and bought a clunker, where he and Thea spent the majority of their time making out in the back seat. He was still my brother though, so whenever I needed to go somewhere, I always had a ride.

  “What happened?” I asked. “Are you still pissed at Dad?”

  “Fuck Dad,” he snarled out, marching right back through my room to the window.

  I caught his arm, pulling him to an abrupt stop. “What is going on with you? Where’s Thea?”

  His face turned a shade of white that almost glowed in the darkness, but he didn’t answer me before ripping his arm away.

  Shit. Shit. Shit. This was bad. Ramsey was a live wire most of the time. He’d react to almost everything, but it was rare that he’d ignite into a wildfire. Though, as I watched him climb out my window, that was exactly what I feared would happen. He was my brother and he watched my back; it was only fair I returned the favor.

  “Ramsey,” I hissed, following him out.

  He flung his car door open and folded inside without another word spoken, so I sprinted around the hood and slid into the passenger seat.

  “Get out,” he barked, stabbing his key at the ignition.

  “No. There’s something going on, and if you’re not going to tell me what, I’m going with you.”

  The engine sputtered, not catching, so he gave it another try. “You cannot come with me tonight, Nora.”

  “Too bad. Looks like I already am.” I grinned, buckling my seat belt.

  “Suit yourself,” he mumbled, jerking the car into reverse once it had finally rumbled to life.

  I stared at the side of my brother’s face as he backed out of the driveway. His jaw was hard, but there was pain I couldn’t figure out crinkling the corners of his eyes.

  He’d tell me eventually though. I just needed to give him time to process it himself.

  We hadn’t made it more than a few miles when he rumbled, “Where are the parties at tonight?”

  “Uh,” I drawled. “Since when are you up for partying?” My e
yes nearly bulged from their sockets when the only excuse I could conjure up for his weird mood popped into my head. “Oh my God, did Thea break up with you?”

  “No.” He winced and white-knuckled the steering wheel. “Just tell me where the hell everyone is hanging out tonight.”

  I motioned a hand over my basketball shorts and oversized T-shirt. “I’m hardly dressed for a party.”

  “Nora!” he boomed, making me jump. “Tell me where.”

  “Jesus, cranky much?” I mumbled. “Fine. Avery Johnson invited all the seniors over for a field party, but I heard a lot of the juniors were planning to crash.”

  He slowed at the stop sign and hung a hard right onto the long dirt road that led to the Johnsons’ farm.

  “You gonna tell me what’s going on now, or should I start guessing?” I smarted.

  He shook his head and stepped on the accelerator. His car sounded like it was going to fall apart each time we hit a bump.

  I braced one hand on the dash and the other on the handle above my head. “Right. Yeah. This totally seems like nothing. We’re just out for a late-night drive, huh?”

  “Shut up,” he clipped.

  Cars lined both sides of the dirt road, and Ramsey slowed, squinting and searching each one. He flipped on the brights, but they were useless against the thick cloud of dust.

  What the hell was he doing?

  “Watch out!” I screamed when, out of nowhere, a shadowy figure appeared in the middle of the road.

  Ramsey skidded to a stop inches away from him. I should have been relieved, but the pair of blue eyes that haunted my nightmares appeared in the headlights on the other side of the windshield.

  Bile burned a path up my throat, and I peered at my brother, finding a sinister smile pulling at his lips.

  “Stay in the car,” he ordered.

  Panic hit me so hard my head swirled. “Oh, God, why? What are you doing?”

  He got out without replying.

  Shit. He knew. He’d found out about what Josh had done to me. He was going to kill him. That was the look on his face. Pain. Rage. Disgust. All the things that lived and breathed inside me daily.