I wake when my phone rings, causing the ringing in my head to get louder.
“Hello?” I answer the phone, unable to open my eyes.
“Amy?” Vesper asks.
With her voice, the tears start flooding from my eyes again, even though my head is begging them not to. I can’t take the pain in my head. I can’t take the pain in my heart.
“He’s gone, Vesper. He left,” I cry.
“I know,” she whispers. “He called Liam to let him know he’d need to find a new ranch hand. We’re heading back now so he can be replaced.”
I can’t do anything but cry.
“I’m so sorry, Amy. Just hang on. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I hear her sniffle on the other side of the line like she’s crying right along with me.
I nod my head, even though she can’t see me, and hang up the phone. Rolling over, I cry myself to sleep.
I wake when I hear the door creak open. I look over my shoulder just in time to see Vesper climb up on the bed with me. She wraps her arm around my stomach and pulls me against her. I reach down and place my hand in hers, squeezing gently—but I’m so weak that it’s all the strength I’ve got.
“I’m sorry, Amy,” she whispers. “I wish I could take away this pain for you.”
I sniffle. “It’s okay.” It’s not, but I don’t know what else to say.
“I think only time will heal. You just need to stay focused on other things: your mom’s recovery, and the opening of the coffee shop.”
I nod, but none of that feels important anymore. The pain I feel is the only thing I can focus on.
“What do you say we get up and have some dinner. Maybe some wine?”
“I don’t have the energy to move.”
“You have to eat, Amy.” She pulls away and stands. “Now get up, take a long, hot shower, and come downstairs. I’m feeding you whether you like it or not.” Without another word, she turns and leaves me alone—a feeling I should probably get used to.
With a deep breath, I force myself to stand—feeling a little dizzy—and walk to the connected bathroom. I turn the shower on as hot as it will go and step beneath the scorching flow of water. The steam fills the room as I lay my head against the tile, remembering last night: the way he touched me so tenderly, the gasps and moans that escaped his lips, and his words right as I was drifting off to sleep, always remember.
More tears fill my eyes and fall over the brims, even though I didn’t know I could possibly cry any more. I feel tired, mentally and physically. I have no energy to shower, let alone go downstairs and hold a conversation. Not only that, but I really don’t want to see Vesper and Liam together and happy. Even though I’m happy for her, it will only remind me of Tyler—not that I can stop thinking about him anyway.
When the water begins to run cold, I turn it off and step out, wrapping a big fluffy towel around my quivering body. I wipe the steam away from the mirror and look myself over. My eyes are red and bloodshot with dark circles beneath them. My face seems hollow and lacking any color. My eyes are puffy and swollen. When I look at my lips, I get a quick flash of the way he kissed me last night. They tingle with the memory that causes my fingertips to trace them, wanting to hold on to the memory forever.
When another sob leaves my lips, I turn away, unable to look at the broken woman staring back at me in the mirror. Walking into the bedroom, I slip into a pair of baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Then I pull my wet hair up into a messy bun. Sliding my feet into a pair of flip-flops, I leave the room and go to find Vesper.
She’s moving about the kitchen, cooking. Already, two glasses of wine sit on the table. I take a seat and lift one to my lips, drinking it faster than necessary, but it’s the one thing that will bring me relief—make me forget. Suddenly, I understand how my mom could’ve wasted so many years of her life.
“It won’t replace him, Amy,” Vesper says, watching me from across the kitchen.
I nod. “I know. But it will kill the pain and bring me a little relief for the night.” I stand and grab the bottle of wine, pouring another full glass. The whole time, Vesper gives me a disapproving look.
A long breath leaves me. “Can you please just be my best friend right now? Don’t judge me and look at me like I used to look at my mother. Just…” A tear slides out. “Just have fun and get wasted with me.”
Her eyes hold sadness, but she forces a smile and nods, moving in for a hug. “I’m sorry, Amy. Of course I can do that.” She pulls away. “Let’s eat some dinner, then I’ll get Liam to drop us off at the bar for a little while. How does that sound?”
For the first time all day, a smile appears on my face. “Thank you.”
We quickly have a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Then I leave the kitchen to make myself look a little more presentable. In my room, I sit down at the vanity in the corner, and apply all my usual makeup and straighten my hair. I pull out a pair of tight jean shorts and slide into them. Looking at myself in the mirror, they highlight all of my best features: my long legs, curvy hips, and plump ass. I pull off my sweatshirt and replace it with a white tank top that makes my tan appear darker. Turning away from the mirror with approval, I go to put on my shoes and realize all I have are my beat-up house flip-flops and a pair of brown cowboy boots. I slide on the boots with a shrug.
When I get downstairs, Vesper and Liam are waiting by the door.
“Dammmn, Amy,” Vesper catcalls.
“You’re going to get yourself in trouble looking like that, Amy,” Liam tells me.
I let out a laugh, already feeling a bit of a buzz from the wine I drank with dinner. “That’s exactly what I’m looking for tonight, Liam,” I say, walking past him and out the door.
Liam drops us off at the bar, promising to stay close so he can pick us up when needed. I head straight to the bar to find Sarah behind it.
“Hey, girl! I haven’t seen you in a while. What’s been up?”
I place a hundred on the bar. “Bad breakup. I need shots.”
She nods once, then turns for the bottle.
Vesper and I sit at the bar, drinking shot after shot and chasing it with our beer. In thirty minutes, I feel alive and free. The weight of the day has fallen off and I can breathe for the first time. My lungs thank me. All day, it felt like I was only taking in enough oxygen to keep going—like it wasn’t reaching the bottom of my lungs. Now they feel fully inflated, taking away the pain in my chest.
“You know, I don’t know why I settled down in the first place,” I slur, grabbing ahold of Vesper’s arm and dragging her to the dance floor.
I lift my arms above my head and spin around to the beat of the music.
“Amy, I’m glad you’re finally having some fun, but don’t you think it’s time to go?”
I frown. “No way. I finally feel alive!” I grab ahold of her hand and force her to dance with me. At first, she’s stiff and not moving to the beat very much. But after several minutes, she loosens up and begins having fun.
Before I know it, I find myself slipping into my old ways—smiling, laughing, and checking out the guys.
“You know, maybe I need a rebound guy.”
Vesper stops dancing and tugs me back to our barstools. “Amy, this isn’t just a random hookup you’re trying to get over. You and Tyler were in a relationship, and nothing will make that pain go away but time. Don’t go digging your hole any deeper. Forcing this will only end up hurting you. You have to heal.”
Just the mention of Tyler’s name causes that pain in my chest to make itself known. But I refuse to feel it. I lift my beer bottle and finish it off.
A man leans against the bar at my side. “I saw you dancing out there. You’re gorgeous, did you know that?”
I smile. “What’s your name?”
He dips his head forward as a greeting. “I’m Mason.”
“I’m Amy. Would you like to dance?”
He runs his hand through his dark hair and smiles. “I’d love to.” He holds out his hand, and I
place mine inside.
“Amy!” Vesper calls out after me, but I don’t turn around. I want to be free of the pain, even if only for a little while. I want to throw caution to the wind. I want to be free and happy. Why is that so bad? It’s not like I’m going home with the guy.
Mason spins me around on the dance floor, pulling me against his chest. Our eyes lock and he smiles as we begin moving to the beat of the music. His strong arms hold me closely, and it feels wrong. Not bad, just wrong. His scent, his eyes, his smell, it’s all wrong.
I shake my head free of the bad thoughts sneaking their way in and force a smile as I spin in his arms. His chest presses against my back, and his hands lock on my hips as he grinds against me. My heart begs to me stop, but my brain says to keep going. I don’t want him, but I want to get over Tyler—I want to be rid of the pain he’s caused.
Chapter 19
Even though I know I don’t want this man, something won’t let me walk away. It’s like my subconscious won’t be happy until I’m completely broken. When he spins me back around and presses his lips against mine, that very thing happens.
His tongue spreads my lips and slips into my mouth. He tastes of whiskey and cigarettes—completely wrong. His strong arms no longer feel good—now they feel like a prison that’s entrapping me. The air in my lungs is sucked out, and my head begins to swim. My stomach churns and my eyes burn with tears.
I push him away, and he looks at me with surprise and confusion.
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” I say as tears pour out at an alarming rate as I run from the dance floor and out the door.
When I make it to the curb, I bend over and empty my stomach. Vesper comes running out, gently pulling my hair away from my face. I hear her talking to someone, but don’t realize who it is or what she’s saying until Liam pulls up a few minutes later.
“What happened? Is she okay?” Liam asks, rushing from the car to my side.
“She’ll be okay,” Vesper answers, helping me into the car.
I collapse into the back seat and close my eyes.
After what must be half the drive to the ranch, I hear Liam quietly ask, “What happened?”
“She had too much to drink. I’m worried about her though. She was determined to be the old Amy, the one who went out, got drunk, and went home with a random person. And she even found someone to dance with. But then he kissed her, and she froze. It was like she was able to forget everything until that kiss. Then everything caught up with her. She’s really hurt, Liam. I don’t know how to help her.”
“Fucking Tyler,” Liam cusses.
After that, I block out everything else that’s said, and I picture last night…with Tyler.
I wake in the morning with a pounding headache, unsure of how I got to bed. My stomach is churning, and I don’t want to do anything but sleep off this hangover, but I know I need some water and maybe some crackers to ease the ache in my belly.
I sit up slowly, so I don’t make myself sick, and head for the kitchen. I zombie-walk down the stairs and into the dining room that leads to the kitchen. When I hear Ethan’s voice, I freeze.
“What the fuck? I warned him that if he hurt her, I would kick his ass,” Ethan says, acid and anger lacing his words.
“I don’t think he did this to hurt her, Ethan. But regardless, I’m worried about her. She’s not taking the news well.”
“I guess all we can do is be there for her. Give her a few days to cry it out, and she’ll recover. I know my sister. She’s strong. She’s handled more than most people her age.”
I take a deep breath and walk into the room, everyone’s eyes on me. “I’m fine. Y’all can stop worrying.” I step between them to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
When I turn around, they’re still staring.
I take a drink, recap the bottle, and set it on the island. “Look, I just needed a day to fall apart. I did, and now I’m moving on. I swear. Stop worrying.” I look each of them in the eye, one by one.
“Are you sure, Amy?” Vesper asks, placing her hand on my bicep.
I groan. “Yes. God, I’m not a baby everyone needs to protect. It’s a breakup, and people have them every day. I will survive.” I pick up my water and head back to my room, opting to skip the crackers.
I lie in bed and stare at the wall across from me, knowing that I have to get a grip. I have too much going on in my life to lie down and die. I have a business opening, and it needs my full attention. I don’t have time to waste my life pining for a guy who never really loved me.
A part of me knows that isn’t true. But another part of me wonders how he could love me and leave me like this. Didn’t I mean anything to him? Couldn’t we have worked this out somehow—maybe agreed to be in a long-distance relationship? He could have come here every few weeks, and I could’ve gone there, met his family. If the long-distance thing worked out, somewhere down the road, we could have talked about me moving out there. I would’ve done that for him.
Then I think about the new business I’m opening. Would I be able to give that up for him? And if I did, how would I ever pay back Liam?
I guess all this thinking is a waste of time, anyway. He didn’t give me the option. He just left me as broken as he was when I found him.
I guess at some point, I fall asleep, because Vesper coming into the room stirs me awake.
“Hey,” I mumble, sitting up in bed.
“How you are feeling, honey?” she asks sweetly, sitting down beside me.
I shrug. “Okay, I guess. I’m coming around.”
She nods. “That’s good.”
“Yeah, I mean, it still hurts, but I guess I’m coming to terms with it, you know? There’s nothing I can do but accept it.” I let out a deep breath. “And I need to focus on the shop. It opens the day after tomorrow.”
“I know!” she shrieks. “And we’ll be here for it since Liam still hasn’t found a ranch hand replacement.”
I reach for her hand and take it in mine. “Thank you, Vesper. Thank you for being here for me and allowing me to make my mistakes while having my back. Who knows how last night would’ve gone if you hadn’t been there?”
She leans in, pulling me in for a hug. “I love you, Amy.”
“I love you too, Vesper.”
I end up going back home Thursday night and spending all day Friday making sure everything is up and running for the grand opening. When I wake on Saturday morning, I’m wired and don’t even need coffee.
I get to the shop an hour early and get all the machines turned on. Lindsey and Brittany, the two girls I’ve hired, come in and take their positions.
“Are we ready to open?” Brittany asks, pulling her black cap on.
I take a deep breath and glance around the place. With a nod, I say, “Let’s do it!”
She unlocks the door and flips the sign.
I almost expect it to be like a cartoon, where the sign gets flipped and a horde of people rush in, smashing everyone and everything in their way, but that doesn’t happen.
Instead, I pour the first cup of coffee and take it next door to Mr. Lally. I walk into his store and find him behind the counter.
He looks up and smiles wide. “I was wondering if I’d see you today.”
I hand over his cup of coffee. “I thought I’d bring you the very first cup.”
He pulls out his wallet and I hold up my hand. “On the house.”
He shakes his head and slips a dollar in my hand. “I want the honor of knowing my dollar is the one hanging on your wall for the next twenty years.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
I chat with Mr. Lally a while longer, then head next door. When I walk in, Vesper, Liam, Ethan, and my mom are all sitting around a table with a coffee in their hands. When they look up and find me, they all cheer, quickly surrounding me and giving me hug after hug.
“I was your first customer,” Vesper beams.
I pull the dollar from my pocket. “Nope, Mr. Lally bought the first c
up.” I hand the dollar over to Brittany for her to put in the frame.
“Come over here and have a seat,” Liam says. “You’ve worked hard on this place. It’s time you enjoy it.”
Lindsey pours a cup of coffee and brings it over to me. I pull out a chair and sit down at the biggest table in the shop with my family and friends.
Despite how happy and proud of myself I am, it feels like something’s missing. And I know it’s Tyler. He should be here celebrating with me. As everyone chats back and forth, I think about all the times I talked about this day with Tyler—how I explained how everything would look. His absence speaks volumes. I’ve only been without him for a couple days, but I know I’ll feel it for a lifetime.
Loving someone as much as I loved Tyler…those feelings don’t just go away. Not only do I have to get used to having all this time again, but I have to get used to this feeling of always being alone. When we were together, even when I was alone, I didn’t feel alone. Now, loneliness is all I feel.
I take a deep breath and take a sip of my coffee. When I look up, everyone’s eyes are on me. “What?”
Liam puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a little shake. “It’ll take some time, Amy, but I promise, it won’t always be like this.”
I nod. “I know. Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll be sitting right here when Mr. Right walks in?”
“That’s the spirit!” He releases me and turns to Vesper.
“So, are you two ready for this wedding?” my mom asks.
“Three months and counting!” Vesper nearly cheers.
I’m so proud of her. Just a few months ago, she didn’t seem very happy, but now, she and Liam are as close as they can be. I think they’ve both learned that to be in a happy relationship, they both had to give a little—make sacrifices. I would’ve done that with Tyler, given the chance.
I shake my head to clear these thoughts, praying that it won’t always be like this—that I won’t miss him at every important moment I have in my life.
Claimed By Him: (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 27
