LOCK

by Debra Anastasia

  “You can do it. I love you so much. My beautiful warrior. Fight for it. The happiness. Love Fenix and Lock. And him, too.”

  I was so tired. I had an entire lifetime of questions on the tip of my tongue, but they faded as my mom helped me lie back down, tucking the blankets once again. She kissed the top of my head, and then I slipped into deep blackness again.

  _______________

  I wished someone would turn off the beeping alarm, because my head was pounding. My mouth was super dry. And I was pretty sure that my eyeballs had withered under my lids.

  The scent of the room was something very specific that I couldn’t place for a while.

  Dentist?

  Maybe. I tried to remember what the hell had happened. Because clearly I wasn’t home.

  That beeping. Goddamn it. I needed to sit up. It was for sure time to get up to...do something?

  I spent another few minutes trying to peel open my eyes. My right one was more successful than my left one. Focusing took another few beats. I looked to my left and to my right. White room. Hospital? That’s the scent. It smelled like a hospital. My right hand was imprisoned. I brought it into focus and saw it was covered in bones.

  Nix.

  My brother.

  I needed to warn him about something.

  Someone.

  I pulled on my hand and his head popped up from where he’d been resting it on the mattress.

  Relief and then worry crowded over his decorated face. “You’re awake?”

  I tried to swallow, but my mouth was super dry. I took my left hand and pointed to my mouth.

  “Sure? You’re thirsty.” He let go of my hand to press the call button on my bedrail that was collapsed under the mattress.

  He hopped out and grabbed a plastic cup, filling it from the tap.

  By the time he came back, I had tried to sit up. Something horrible had happened to my torso. It felt like I had giant slices taken out of my body.

  “Don’t move. The nurse is coming. Here, take this.” He passed the cup to me. I tipped the water into my mouth and it spilled from the glass onto my chest. I stopped pouring and licked my lips. They were so dry and cracked.

  “Lock?” As soon as I swallowed, I got that question out. It was like my brain needed just a spot of water to expand with worry.

  Like an explosion, the memory of what brought me here blasted through my mind. Olin, Cosmo, Felix, Animal, T, Nix.

  Lock.

  “You have to be careful. Olin…”

  I couldn’t figure out how in the world that he was in danger, but he was. The nurse trotted through the door and started talking to me sweetly while taking my vitals. Nix patted my hand. “It’s okay. Everyone is okay.”

  “Everyone?” I needed to know about Lock.

  “Yeah. Everybody. Lock, too. Felon and Cosmo are unaccounted for.” He kept looking at my face and taking deep breaths.

  I felt faint, but I was lying down. “Not too much at once, okay, Ember?” The nurse adjusted my pillow, which made the dull pain in my torso a bit better. “You’ve got to heal quite a bit.”

  The gunshots. Lock. Nix. He nodded without me having to say a word. I needed to see Lock.

  Chapter 76

  Lock

  SEEING NIX IN MY room was startling because he’d spent all his time in Ember’s. At first, I feared the worst. Today was my last day in the hospital. I was actually dressed in sweats and a T-shirt. I could walk, but I had a cane. Physical therapy had been brutal, but I was grateful when I was able to stand with my concern.

  “She’s asking for you.” Nix stepped to the side and gestured to the doorway.

  I pointed at my chest. “Me? Ember’s awake?”

  Nix seemed like he might shoot me again if I didn’t move as quickly as possible. It was unnecessary because I moved the quickest I had yet. My therapist would’ve been thrilled.

  By the time we got to Ember’s door, I’d gleaned that she was talking and seemed to remember what had happened. The relief was immense. But to see her.

  When I made it to the door, her eyes were waiting for mine. “Thank God.”

  Ember teared up when she saw me. I didn’t realize I was crying until I got to her and bent to lay my head near her shoulder. She patted the side of my face with her hand.

  She was just out of it. She seemed numb, but she knew who I was. And that meant she remembered things. Comprehended things. I felt a chair get slipped behind my knees and collapsed in it. We held hands after I wiped my eyes.

  “It’s going to be okay.” She was comforting me. Me.

  “It will be. All your people are safe. You’re safe.” I tried my hand at comforting her in return.

  To see her eyes moving, see her lips moving, I’d never been so touched. I moved forward so I could push up enough to kiss her forehead.

  She nodded and held tight to my hand. “Don’t go anywhere. I’m so sleepy.”

  The nurse nodded. It’d be okay to let her sleep, even though she’d just woken up. I stayed through the doctor’s exam and then the surgeon’s. Ember was going to make a comeback.

  Nix collapsed in the other chair in her room. “You can sleep if you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He crossed his arms in front of his chest. He slipped into a nap like a cat. I knew he’d been awake for days. I made myself comfortable. I was checking out of the hospital to check right back in. Ember and I would walk out together. No matter how long it took.

  Chapter 77

  Ember

  THE THERAPIST SAID THAT I’d had a momentary lapse of sanity. That being under stress and duress can do that to a person. And it did that to me. The thing is, I’m not that kind of person. I can’t just take a life, see lives taken in front of me, and brush it off. I shouldn’t be jealous of that skill that T had, that my brother evidently had. Maybe Animal had, too.

  But I didn’t have that capacity. I was torn from my sleep by the nightmare of watching my hand stab Olin in the neck. Lock was an immovable force next to me. They let him stay in the chair or a cot, depending who was on duty. He would talk me through the confusion as I walked my pulse back down from a ten to a two.

  And we’d talk. And he’d make me laugh. Tease me with dark humor, like telling me if I wanted a red wedding dress, there were easier ways of getting it dyed.

  And then he’d climb into bed carefully next to me and let me put my head on his shoulder. And then I could fall asleep again.

  Healing and Lock went hand in hand. He was as dedicated to me as I was to getting out of this bed. He was in sweats and a T-shirt and I was in the matching outfit. My hair was in a giant messy bun. And we were holding hands. Lock seemed relaxed and devoted. His concern about my welfare was the sexiest thing in the world. I couldn’t do anything about it, but he preened and flexed when I told him, so I did that more than a few times.

  Today he was filling up my water bottle when Nix tapped on the doorframe with his knuckles. I nodded to him, admitting him without words. He put his hands in his hoodie pockets and angled toward the bathroom. Lock startled when he saw my brother mid cap twist. The water splashed on his T-shirt and he yelped.

  I burst out laughing and Nix sheepishly joined in. Lock rolled his eyes and then went back to refill it, topping off the liquid he’d lost. He handed me my bottle as I tried to swallow my smile. Laughing hurt, so I tried to stop. My mind kept picturing the splash and I’d chuckle all over again.

  “I’m going to grab a new shirt from the car. You need anything from the store?”

  I shook my head. Animal and T had already brought over armfuls of supplies. I was all set. Lock left for the first time since I woke.

  It was time to apologize to my brother. To make him understand. He didn’t want to press me, but I felt strong enough to relive at least a little bit for him.

  He grabbed a stool and straddled it near my bed. “How you feeling?”

  “Better. Every day is better. I think that physical therapist is trying to kill me. But after
she leaves, I can always do more stuff than before she came.” I stretched my arms above my head like she insisted I do in between sessions.

  “Yeah. After I was injured at the Feybis, I had one therapist who I wanted to punch in the face. Worked miracles, though.”

  Maybe it was because I was trapped for so long, but the kindness in Nix’s eyes slayed me. I glanced down when I felt the tears stir up. I never wanted to be a pawn again.

  Nix reached out to hold my hand after I dropped my arms. “What’s up?”

  I wiped at my cheeks and swallowed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not trusting you. If I had gone with you that first time you came, or even at the dorm… I was so scared that he’d hurt you and Animal and T. He’d killed Bowen. He killed another man in front of me. He said he’d frame me for it if I didn’t comply. I’m so sorry.”

  I watched as his face went from confused to sympathetic to what I would only call vengeful. “No apology necessary.” His voice was rough and scratchy. “I’m sorry I didn’t see through what he was doing to you. I’ll never forgive myself for not just taking you.” He gripped my hand. “It’s my one job.”

  “No. I forgive you. And I forgive me. We’re alive. We did it. We’re here, together. Mom, I think she would have been so happy.” I covered his hand with mine. “Do you still have it? I mean, I know I gave it back…”

  “Mom’s earring?” He let go of my hand to stand and dig out a small paper wrapped package from his pocket. He handed it to me.

  I unwrapped it and stuck it in my ear. The nurse had said no jewelry, but I was never taking this out again.

  “She would’ve been so proud of you,” he lowered his voice, “that you had the courage to kill him. I wish she’d been able to do that to my father.”

  I was fortunate that Ann had let me test myself before the wedding and that I’d gotten my period. If I’d really been pregnant, I wouldn’t have tried to kill Olin. I told Nix as much. That if I was going to have a baby, I would’ve never even tried. That Mom was probably putting our lives in front of hers way back when she was killed. Nix sighed. A lifetime’s worth of what-ifs expressed with a simple noise.

  After a silence, he broached a new topic. “Animal did a thing with your DNA. He got hair from one of your brushes while you were gone.”

  “Okay?” It was an unusual statement.

  “And with Merck’s.” He bit his bottom lip.

  “Oh.” And then the meaning slammed into me. He’d tested to see if Merck was my biological father. Without my permission. I was annoyed, but at the same time I felt ready to know the truth. I met Nix’s gaze. “And?”

  “You’re his kid, Merck and Mom’s.” Nix held my hand again. “You tell me if you want to do something or nothing at all. Whatever you want.”

  I wasn’t even sure what I did want. Almost dying had changed some of my perspective. Lock had told me about Felon and his secret love affair with Cosmo’s mom. So many secrets. And all at once I didn’t want to have any more. Maybe I aged since I was technically dead. Since I was pretty sure I saw my mother in the afterlife. Or what I thought was my mom. Maybe it was just my dearest wish. But what she said made sense now.

  “Love Fenix and Lock. And him, too.”

  She’d meant Merck. “Okay. Tell him I want to see him.”

  I heard Lock in the hallway, and then a deep, grumbly voice. I narrowed my eyes with suspicion. “He’s in the hallway?”

  Nix shrugged. “I really thought you would agree.”

  Lock walked to the doorway and waved to Merck to come in. Then he seemed to look harder at Merck.

  Nix countered the confusion with a quick offer of, “Tell Merck it’s okay. She wants to see him.”

  Lock didn’t have to say anything, because Merck was in the door with a bouquet of daisies. “Uh. Hi.” He gave me an awkward wave.

  I waved back and then gestured to the chair that normally had Lock in it. Merck sat and shifted a few times.

  “So, you’re my biological father?”

  He leaned over and gave me the flowers and then held his hands, palms up, as if he was unsure if flowers were appropriate.

  “Animal ran a DNA test,” he offered.

  I looked for myself in his face.

  “You’re so much like her. I know people tell you that.” He was adorably awkward.

  “Tell me something about her. From an adult point of view.”

  He ran his hand over his tie. “Oh. Um. Wow. Let me think.” He shifted in his chair again. “She was crazy about Nix. So proud of him. Would talk about whatever he was doing in school. Showed me pictures he’d drawn. Little things like that. She liked to hold hands. She’d listen to my heartbeat and say that she heard it say her name.” He stopped and blushed. He stammered a little.

  I tried to comfort him. “It’s okay. I know just what Nix can remember. I really like hearing the sweet stuff.”

  I smiled at him, hopefully in an encouraging way.

  “She wanted to leave. I often think he had something on her to get her to come back after she lived with your Aunt Dorothy. I wished she’d told me. I would’ve done anything. I would’ve done everything to help her.” He tapped his fingers on his knee.

  There was a silence. I decided then to tell them both. “When I wasn’t breathing on the way to the hospital, I felt myself sort of slipping. And then I felt like I was caught. By Mom. It felt like a visit in my old bedroom.”

  They both snapped their heads up.

  “She was really pretty and smelled lovely. She had a birthmark just at the base of her neck.” I pointed to the place just under my hair. “It looked like…”

  Nix and Merck filled it in for me, “...a heart.”

  They were both astonished. Clearly, this was not something I would’ve known from the few blurry pictures I had of her.

  “She hugged me and told me she loved me. And she said to tell you two that she loved you.” I left out the part where she tucked me in and then I woke up in the most pain of my life.

  Nix held his head and Merck seemed stunned.

  “I mean, maybe it was the lack of blood to my brain, but it felt real.” I messed with my daisies in the silence.

  Nix smiled. “I think that was real. I mean, the birthmark is something you’d never know.”

  Merck nodded as well. “I bet she saved you. Loved you back into your body. She would’ve done anything for you kids.”

  I reached out and grabbed Nix’s hand and then grabbed Merck’s with my other. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t need to.

  Chapter 78

  Lock

  WE’D SAY IT SOMETIMES. That she was the inhale and I was the exhale. It meant more now that I watched her stop breathing. I also reminded her that I was the lock and she was the key. She liked that, would wrinkle her nose every time I said it.

  I mean, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. At least that was what the hospital staff called us. Clearly, whatever Ember wanted to call me, I was down for. We had such a similar trauma that having each other was essential.

  She was funny, my girl. She liked to give me a hard time, still, and I was lapping it up. When the nurse kicked me out at night, I’d run a few errands. Get Ember some of the girl things she wanted. Animal had seen to it that I had a credit card that worked. He also saw to it that we had a few bodyguards and I had a decent knife.

  The bodyguards were required to stay in the waiting room by the elevator, though they’d take turns watching the hallway with the stairs as well.

  I had a burner phone with a connection. I’d called my mom a few times. Rhy and I played on the phone as well. She was doing well and my mother was, too. Nix had taken care of them just like he’d promised.

  A few weeks into Ember’s recovery, I was on a trip to the pharmacy for her favorite hand lotion. After I put down the bottle to pay, a bag of Tootsie Rolls was slapped down next to it.

  I didn’t have to turn to know who it was. Felon’s hand pushed me out of the way and he paid for the lotion
and the candy. I followed him out to the parking lot. He had a rental car that he tossed the candy into but then motioned for me to take him to my vehicle.

  Animal had left a Charger for me to borrow while Ember was at the facility. When we were in the car and the doors were shut, Felon cleared his throat.

  “You okay?” His focus was straight out of the car’s front windshield.

  “I’m good. Ember’s alive. That’s what matters.” He turned his head to make eye contact.

  “Sorry about shooting you. But I needed you to get down.” Felon looked at my leg.

  “They say it’s like a surgeon shot me. I was walking in about two days.” I touched the wound on my leg through my jeans.

  A smile tipped on one side of his lips. “How’s Ember doing? She recovering?” Felon was bouncing his leg.

  “She’s healing. Has a long way to go. But we’ll make it.” I put my hands on the steering wheel just to give them something to do.

  “I should’ve seen it happening. It was out of nowhere. Out of character for Ember.” Felon sucked on his teeth.

  “She said she snapped. Walking to another man when I was right there.”

  “Sure enough.” Felon shook his head as if he was witnessing it again.

  “How’s Cosmo?” I didn’t really care, but I knew Ember would want to know.

  “He’s a mess. Not recovering mentally yet. Really loved that Felix guy.” Felon stopped making his leg jump. “I’m here just to say hey. But also, the family, it’s looking to me to take over.”

  “Shit? Yeah?” I winced. “That seems...risky.”

  Felon nodded. “Also, few people even know I talk. I let them know I’d think about it, but I wouldn’t run it like Olin. Or Bat. I want to try to make it go legit. Reinvest money in the right places. Clean it up. I mean, I know it can’t get all the way out, but I want to give Cosmo something that won’t get him killed when he inherits it.”

  “That’s commendable.” I had some serious doubts. But a lot of the men very loyal to Olin had died in the church that night.