Collision: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World)

by Karen Frances

  I’ve failed at that already.

  An elbow nudges me, and I’m brought back to here and now by Claire. Her eyebrows are raised and her eyes dart between me and Ryan. I shake my head, trying to refocus my attention to what Dylan is saying. Which is easier said than done because I can feel the intensity of her gaze on me.

  “So, who wants to be in Ryan’s team?” Dylan asks, and I can’t help but laugh when all the kids cheer and say they do. “Kids, I do think whoever is in Ryan’s team will be disappointed, I always beat him.”

  I smile, watching a couple of the girls run to Dylan. He’s looking at Ryan, who has six kids around him who all want to be on his team. Claire intervenes and picks out two teams of four. The noise level has quickly escalated as the kids tease each other about being on the winning team. Ryan and Dylan are just as bad they are actively encouraging them.

  As the kids all settle into their teams, Claire approaches me. “This is a new and improved side to Ryan. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”

  “I’m not doing anything. We kissed once.” I gasp. I’m so fucking stupid.

  “I knew it,” she says, smiling.

  “It was at the event before I even knew who he was, and now… I can’t let anything else happen.”

  “Oh, Ellie, you can keep telling yourself that, but I can feel the sexual tension between you. It’s off the charts. Regardless of what has been printed about Ryan in the past, he’s a good man with a damn good heart. I don’t know many celebrities or sports personalities do what he does for charity. And we’re not talking about just ploughing money into ventures. He gives his time freely with both the kids and their families and he devotes hours to helping with paperwork.”

  “Where are the kids’ parents today?” I ask, hoping to reclaim control of our conversation.

  “They’ll be finishing off their own lunch then they come down and watch.” She turns, pointing high up into the stand where I can see lots of windows in what appears to be the top floor. “On days like today, we not only provide the kids with a day out, but the parents have a support group. We help them with any issues they are having; things like if money is tight we can organise a food delivery for them, clothes, and pay for gas and electricity.”

  “Wow! I had no idea.”

  “Not many do. Most of the parents want help to get their lives back on track and sometimes our welfare system fails them, or they might not have the family support. That’s where we step in. For these parents, the hardest thing they do is seek help.”

  My lips tremble because I know what she’s talking about. If only my mum had sought help. I’m sure we could’ve had a good life together, or at least made the best out of a bad situation.

  She wraps her arm around me. “Oh, Ellie. Everything is okay.”

  I’m not used to being comforted by a stranger. Grace and Frank, yes, but this is different. “I’m fine,” I say, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

  “You’re anything but fine. I know you’re not ready to talk, but my door is always open.”

  I nod, accepting her kind words. “Shall we watch?”

  “Yes.” Claire links her arm with mine and we wander slowly to where all the kids are. Two karts are already in position, and Ryan and Dylan are ensuring the kids are securely strapped and going over what they have to do. The other kids are listening intently. Ryan is crouched down talking, but lifts his head as we approach. His eyebrows knit together tightly as he frowns at me. “See, even now he’s concerned about you,” Claire states matter-of-factly.

  “If you say so.” I shake my head but smile.

  “Kids, are you all ready?” Ryan shouts out. Cheering surrounds us. “Okay then, three…two…one…go.” The first two karts set off.

  Watching the kids racing is highly entertaining. I notice that most of the parents are now sitting in the lower seats of the main stand. They are cheering the kids on, encouraging them.

  What do kids need more than anything in the world?

  Unconditional love and support.

  And it looks to me that, even though these kids have had a rough start in life, they are getting love and support in abundance.

  Chapter 11

  I stand back from the crowd, watching the kids and parents thank Claire and the staff for today. I’m certain the children will be hyper for the rest of tonight; they are all still excited. Their parents might struggle getting them to go to bed.

  I’m excited and happy for them, even though I’m sure if anyone looks in my direction, it won’t look it. I imagine my eyes are a bit puffy and red as my tears that I’ve held back for most of the day fall.

  A chill runs down my back, and I don’t have to look over my shoulder to see he’s here. I sense and smell him near me. He’s intoxicating. I’m not sure I’ll be able to work with him every day without wanting more.

  One taste and a moment of no control is all it has taken.

  “You look sad and distracted.” His voice is low and so damn close to my ear, sending my head into a spin. “Ellie, what’s wrong? And don’t you dare tell me it’s nothing because I’ll know if you lie to me.”

  Slowly, I turn around, my eyes firmly on the ground. I can’t bring myself to look at him. I see his arm move and I know I should back away, but it’s too late as his hand tilts my face upward. He gasps but I can’t see the expression on his face, as my tears fall, blinding me. He does a double take. “Ellie, let’s get you out of here,” he says softly, yet I can hear the shakiness in his voice.

  Ryan wraps his arm around my shoulder and I can’t acknowledge anything or see anyone; my vision is blurred. I hear Claire’s and Dylan’s voices. Claire sounds concerned as she tells him to take me home and tells him she’ll call later. Deep down, I know it’s out of concern on Claire’s part and not just nosiness. I like her, and after this, she is probably going to be someone for me to talk to. I’ll need to apologise to her, at least. But if I open up to her, I’m sure she’d understand.

  This is so bloody confusing.

  I thought I was holding myself together and so well.

  Why today? I suppose it’s the first time I’ve witnessed what these kids are getting. The chance I never got, to enjoy my childhood.

  And now here I am, crying like a fool over a past I cannot change. On days like this, I hate my fucking mother for leaving me alone in this world. She couldn’t even leave me with a dad, because being the whore and addict she was, she never even knew who he was.

  Ryan’s arm is still around me, holding me upright, guiding me. I’m grateful for that small mercy. There’s no way I’d be able to keep walking on my own. I don’t recognise anything until Ryan helps me into his car. I can’t even put the seatbelt on myself.

  Just like my mother.

  What the hell must I look like?

  Here I am, sitting in Ryan’s car, sobbing my heart out, unable to control my own breathing which is fast and my tears are tumbling down my face.

  What a stupid bitch. So much for this strong woman I’ve portrayed myself as. When it boils down to it, I’m weak and useless.

  “Let me?” He fastens the seatbelt and closes the door behind him. Through my tear-filled eyes, I see him make a call before getting into the driver’s seat next to me. With a glance in my direction, I turn my head to the window, away from his attention. He doesn’t say a word, just starts the car and drives.

  With my focus on the world outside the car, my tears and sobbing slows.

  “Ellie, I need you to take a few deep breaths.” His concern is touching.

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in and slowly release and repeat. My head is all over the place. I’ve made such a fool of myself today. Rule number one: don’t let my own emotions get in the way of my job or my life. I’ve stuck by this rule since my mother died. I promised myself I wouldn’t allow my past to come into contact with my future, my career.

  I open my eyes and I’m met with familiar beautiful countryside. “Where are you taking me?” I ask, fin
ally looking at him.

  “Home. It’s quiet and away from prying eyes.”

  “I should be going to my own home.”

  “I can take you there, once I know you’re okay.”

  “Ryan, I’m not your problem.”

  “See, that’s where you are wrong. I don’t see you as a problem. I’m concerned. I want to help and so does Claire. She’s worried about you.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I say as we pull up in front of his house. There’s a car in the drive, a blacked-out sedan type.

  “I might be a man, but even I know the word fine means you’re anything but.” The car stops. “Look, if you don’t want to talk, that’s okay with me, I’ll respect your privacy, but humour me. We can have some food and watch a movie, relax away from whatever is going on in your head.”

  Things like this don’t happen to me. Why has he brought me here? I’m sure taking me home would’ve been the easier option. My eyes dart to the other car. “Whose car?”

  “It’s mine.”

  “Ah.” I don’t know what else to say.

  Ryan gets out of the car. I can’t make any effort to move. He opens the door and unfastens my seatbelt then offers me his hand. I look into his eyes and see the sincerity in his offer. “Thank you,” I say, taking his hand. “I must look a right state.”

  “All I see is a troubled, beautiful woman.”

  He doesn’t say anything else as we walk toward his home. Ryan doesn’t unlock the door, just opens it. There must be someone else here. My body freezes as we enter and my feet stop moving.

  “Ellie what’s wrong?”

  “Is there someone else here? I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.”

  “My housekeeper, Annie, will be here.”

  “Oh!”

  “Your one-word answers are…”

  “Are what?”

  “Almost as infuriating as you are. Now, come on. Let’s see if Annie has anything we can eat,” he says with a smile, cocking his head to the side. “Annie won’t care what you look like, although be prepared for her to fuss over you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I never have company here.”

  “What? No one?”

  “Only Dylan, and I think of him as family, so he doesn’t count. And Claire. If Annie gets too much, just say and I’ll chase her home.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  “I won’t be chasing her far. Do you remember the cottage at the beginning of the estate?” I shake my head because I don’t. “Well, she and her husband Bob stay there. Now, if we don’t move from here she’ll be out to see what’s going on. And as much as I’d love to have you all to myself, that can wait for another time.”

  “Like the tour of the house finishing with your bedroom?”

  His grin is infectious. “Ah, you remembered. I’m not the type of man to take advantage of a situation. Many men would prey on an upset woman… but if that’s what you want, just say. I’ll be happy to oblige.”

  “I’m sure you would.” I smile as he pulls me toward the kitchen.

  “I love seeing you smile,” he says without looking at me, and he pushes the kitchen door open. “Annie!”

  “Ryan, I wasn’t expecting you back.”

  He releases my hand and moves toward the older woman who is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in her hands. “I know that. Change of plans,” he says, kissing her on the top of her head. “Annie, this is Ellie.”

  Her sparkling eyes dart from Ryan to me and back to him. “Have you hurt this poor girl?” she questions him with a frown, and I suddenly realise she’ll see I’ve been crying.

  “Of course not. You should know me better than that.”

  “Yes.” She stands, glaring at him before walking toward me. I feel as though I’m imposing. In a way, I am, but I never asked to be brought here. “But you never bring anyone here and now you’ve brought home a deeply distraught young woman. Are you okay, honey?” she asks, wrapping her arms around me. Ryan mouths, ‘too much?’ I can only shake my head in response.

  “I’m fine,” I say as Annie takes a step back, her eyes running up and down my body.

  “If he’s hurt or upset you, I’ll deal with him.”

  “Honestly, he hasn’t. It’s just been one of those days.”

  “Okay, I’ll take your word for it. Are you hungry?” she asks me.

  “Not really.”

  “But you should eat. Ryan, you take your guest into the living room. I’ll pour Ellie some wine and then I’ll make you both dinner. I’ll call Bob. Chicken curry okay, or are you one of those vegetarian types?”

  I almost laugh at her use of words. I wonder what she would’ve done if I had said I was. “No, curry is fine,” I say, and she marches over to the fridge. A woman on a mission.

  “Annie, you don’t have to do this,” he tells her.

  “I know, but you have a guest, and if you’re cooking, you can’t look after Ellie. I think she needs you more than me. So, I’ll cook and then leave you in peace for tonight. Unless there is anything you need Bob or me to do.”

  “No, and thank you.”

  “Out of my kitchen, the pair of you.”

  We do as we’re told and Ryan takes me into the living room which is at the front of the house. It’s beautiful. The furniture looks new, but it’s in keeping with the country feeling. There’s a huge oak fireplace with an open fire which I’m glad isn’t on. There are also lots of family pictures and ornaments which I’d expect were his mum’s. “I love this room, it’s beautiful,” I say, looking around.

  “I suppose it is. I’ve never really thought about it. Please sit down. Are you cold?”

  “No,” I say, shivering.

  “Really?” He makes me question my answer.

  “Okay, a little.”

  “I’ll put the fire on.”

  “No, don’t. Then I’ll be too warm.” I can imagine the heat from the fire would be perfect if it was the middle of winter and snowing outside.

  “Fine,” he says, shaking his head and grabbing a soft cream blanket. “Get comfy and take this.” Ryan hands me the blanket and I sit down. “Shoes off and feet up.”

  I slip my shoes off and curl up on the sofa, wrapping the blanket around me. “You’re very bossy. Has anyone ever told you that.”

  “I tell him all the time,” Annie says, entering the room and handing me a glass of white wine and Ryan a bottle of beer.

  “I won’t be having a drink,” he says. “I’ll be taking Ellie home later.”

  “Nonsense. Bob can take Ellie, if she goes home.”

  “And you think I’m bossy.”

  “Ryan Jackson, I might be getting on a bit, but I can still hear perfectly well,” she shouts from the hallway. I laugh this time. I like Annie, she has lots of character and I’ve only just met her.

  “It’s good seeing you look happier. Do you want to talk to me?” He sits down on the same sofa, but not too close, giving me some space.

  I take a gulp of the wine. “I’m not sure.” Something tells me I can trust him, but there’s another part of me that says I should try to forget all about today and my feelings.

  “Okay, I’ll start. Your reaction surprised me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you come across as this no-nonsense girl and I presumed, probably wrongly, that in your line of work you’d need thick skin. I didn’t expect you to be upset about today, about the charity.”

  “I’ve not said it was anything to do with that.”

  “No, you haven’t. So tell me, what had you so upset?”

  I take another drink and watch as he fiddles with the bottle of beer in his hand. “I’ve probably got more in common with those kids than you’d expect.”

  There, I’ve said it, and as he leans forward with his eyes on me, I’m wishing I hadn’t said it, because now it makes me vulnerable.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “My mother was a whore and an addict. I wish the
re had been something like this when I was growing up, although my mother was never interested in getting clean. All she cared about was where her next fix would come from.”

  “Fuck. I feel bad.”

  “Why? This has nothing to do with you.”

  “Because I would never have had you dealing with the charity stuff.”

  “You’re being silly. I’m here to report on you and what you do. The charity is part of who you are. It’s what we want the world to see; the real you.”

  “Right now I don’t give a fuck about the world. Only you. You and I, we’re not so different,” he says as I take another drink of my wine, which I almost spit back out.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I can only presume your mum is dead?” I nod. “I had an older brother. He was an addict. My parents tried to help him but failed. No, that’s not fair. They didn’t fail him, he didn’t want their help. He was nineteen when he died. I was twelve.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “Don’t be. He had amazing parents who cared, but you… my heart breaks knowing you’ve had a similar childhood to those kids today.”

  I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes. “I can’t change the past.”

  “No, you can’t. It makes you who you are, but with the charity, I hope that I can change the future for some of those kids. I don’t want them becoming another statistic. You haven’t, so I can only assume you’ve had a stable family in your life.”

  “Well, they’re family to me. Frank, my boss, and his wife, Grace. She was my mother’s best friend. Grace was always there when I needed her. She always seemed to know when my mother was going off the rails and would come and take me away to her home.”

  “I’m glad you had them,” he says softly, reaching over and rubbing my shoulder.

  “Me too. Today I was emotional. It won’t happen again.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being upset. I’m sure you’ve had a very difficult past, but you’re a strong person.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Believe me, Ellie. You are. I can see it and so much more in you.”