The Awakener
Page 36
No more avoiding it, today’s the day. Eden’s stomach sickened.
It was Thursday, the last day of school, and Andrew and Eden had taken off at eleven thirty, since it was half day, with kids signing yearbooks. Now, perched on a bar stool, Eden forced her last bite of quesadilla down. Andrew had made them lunch.
He strolled over to her and cupped her face with his hands. “What’s wrong? You seem upset lately. I’m not sure if it’s something I did, or didn’t do.”
Oh great, he has noticed. Well, this is it. But she chickened out. “Sorry, school was crazy.”
He studied her face. “It feels like more than that,” he paused. “Are you worried about being attacked again?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.” She felt bad playing that card, but she used it. They discussed what had happened and he insisted again she should tell her parents.
She nodded. “I know I should, and I will.”
“Come on. Let’s go sit on the couch,” he urged. Eden let him lead her into the family room where he sat down, pulling her into his lap. His hands found her face and he began kissing her. She was struggling to respond, but as his soft lips persisted, pressing on hers, she realized something—this would be her last time kissing him. She was overwhelmed with an extreme sense of loss and kissed him back warmly. He kissed her harder, his hand getting tangled in her hair.
She pulled away. Wait, what am I doing? Not sure how I’m messing with fate, but this needs to stop.
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“What is it?” he asked, his eyes worried.
“I need tell you something, and I don’t know how.”
His eyes widened as she scooted out of his arms, sitting next to him instead.
“Gosh, this is hard.” She peeked up at him. “You’ve meant everything to me. You changed me and I’ll always care for you,” she whispered.
“What are you saying?” His emerald eyes locked on her.
She stared at her lap, twisting her fingers together. “I think we should take a break from each other.”
“What? Why?” he blurted, hurt instantly shooting across his face.
“I, I’m not sure I feel the same way about you that you do for me. When you say you love me, it’s hard for me to say it back.”
“That’s ok,” he replied earnestly and, with a side-glance, added, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it so fast.”
Eden saw pain on his face. Immediately, her eyes welled with tears. This is so hard! “Andrew I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you! You deserve better than me.”
He shook his head sharply, his eyes stunned.
“You do!” she insisted, “You deserve a girl that’s head over heels for you! I wanted to be that girl, but I’m not. I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been holding back and it’s eating me up inside. I don’t want to hurt you.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.
His eyes shifted to the carpet, while his jaw clenched and unclenched. She was tempted to reach over and brush back the sandy strand of hair falling over one of his eyes. She wished she could kiss him, make him smile again. She had no idea breaking up with him would feel like she was chopping a piece of her heart out. He remained silent, and she was at a loss as to what to say next. She wanted to take it all back, but knew she couldn’t.
The tears dripped unheeded off her jaw. “I’m sorry, Andrew. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me. I just don’t think you and I are meant to be.”
His eyes jerked towards her, flashing with frustration. “Meant to be? What does that even mean?” She was stumbling to find the right words to say, when his face fell in defeat before her. “It’s ok. You can’t help how you feel. I don’t want to force you to love me, or care about me. Please stop crying.”
But that just made her cry harder. The chunk being cut from her heart just kept getting bigger and bigger. She wondered if she’d have anything left after this.
“Eden,” he said softly. She was sobbing now, her face buried in her hands. “Eden,” he repeated. “It’s ok. Stop crying.”
His hand landed on her back, patting her awkwardly. He’s comforting me! She felt even worse.
His warm hands wrapped around hers and gently tugged them free from her face. She was forced to gaze into his crushed eyes. “I’m going to be ok. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Well, usually I’m the one breaking up with them,” he said with a sad laugh. “But hey, now I know how those girls felt.”
She stared at him. How’s he so calm? She tried to regain composure. “Sorry, this is new for me. Here I’m thinking I need to be honest with you,” she hiccupped, “so I tell you how I feel, and now I’m aching for you.”
Andrew flinched. “Are you sure you want to do this? End us?”
There was a huge part of her that didn’t want to say good-bye, but she searched herself, knowing there was something within her that yearned for Micah. She nodded slowly, afraid to speak with the lump lodged in her throat.
He sighed and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her tightly and whispered, “Well, if you change your mind, I’m not going anywhere.”
Her body began to shake as she sobbed into his shoulder. When he let her go, she saw she’d left black smudges on his t-shirt. “Oh, sorry, I got mascara on you.”
“I don’t care.” He stood up. She jumped to her feet, trying to wipe her eyes clean. “I have to go to the hospital,” he stated. Again, he seemed so calm.
She nodded, pulling her keys out of her pocket.
“Are you ok to drive?” he asked.
Why’s he worrying about me? I’m the bad guy here. “Yeah, I’m fine. Andrew, I’m so—”
“It’s ok, Eden, really,” he cut her off, his tone brisk.
She stared at her mascara-streaked hands, and sniffed. “Ok, well, good-bye.”
He hesitated, and then hugged her again. His lips found hers and she gave in, kissing him back fiercely. When he stopped abruptly, she was gasping to catch her breath.
His eyes wrinkled as he gazed back at her, the pain etched in every crease. “Bye, Eden.”
Numbly, she managed to find her way back to her Jeep. Cranking the engine, she tried to stem the never-ending tears. It was hopeless. She was reaching for a napkin out of the glove compartment when the garage door opened, and Andrew’s Bronco whipped out. She hoped he would glance her way as he peeled out of the driveway, but he never did.