Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  Love

  Like

  Crazy

  by

  Chamberlain & Stone

  We'd like to dedicate this book to MK for always being there

  <3

  Chapter 1

  The noise from the hallway was ear-splitting. I’d told them to shut up several times but they only got louder. On nights when we knew our Hall Mom, Serena, was out late with her boyfriend all the girls up and down the first floor would open their doors and have a room-to-room party.

  Everyone gathered in the hallway and hung out in doorways, sometimes girls went in their rooms to gossip or hang out. The first floor was the gayest floor. It was some fluke of coincidence. There were an inordinate amount of girls that liked girls on my floor. I was no exception. Being bisexual or gay wasn’t special at Hanover.

  I don’t know if it was just the stereotype about boarding schools or if we were just that generation that was born when diversified sexuality was normalized. Whatever it was, I didn’t care as long as no one gave me crap for being queer, not that I’d ever had a girlfriend.

  I almost got kissed by a boy the summer after ninth grade. It had been an underwhelming experience. I think that was due more to the boy himself rather than his sex. I wasn’t like the other girls on the floor. I didn’t want to just go around kissing anyone. I wanted to really like them before anything happened. That kind of thing wasn’t casual to me.

  There were a few serious couples at school and one of them consisted of my best friends, Abby and Lindsey. We were all in French Club, Student Government, and on the soccer team together. They did not, however, live on the first floor. Nope, they lived in the Honors Hall. I could have lived there too but I chose to stay in the dorm I’d been in since Freshman year since I didn’t have a roomate. If I moved I’d have been paired up with someone.

  My lack of roommate had come about by accident. The first girl I roomed with last year moved out and they just never gave me another roomie. That was about to change. We had a new girl now and they were putting her with me. So, I was screwed into living with a stranger again. I could have gotten one of the four bedroom suites with Abby and Lindsey if I’d just gone ahead and moved to honors. Who the hell was transferred to a new school halfway through senior year anyway?

  I cleaned my room, now our room, and took down all my posters from the other side in case she wanted to put up something of her own. No more Alex Morgan, Halsey, or Brie Larson masquerading as Captain Marvel, no space. Maybe I’d find space to put them up somewhere else later. I still had my big Dorthy Parker poster above my bed. What I was really going to miss was the extra closet room. I had way too many clothes and cramming them into the tiny closet that we were given was too hard.

  She was arriving tomorrow. I didn’t know anything about her, not even her name. She’d been a sudden transfer in and I had a feeling someone pulled strings to get her in at all. Hanover didn’t usually take new people past the semester deadline. Class had started last week and I was already knee deep in homework. I’d hate to be here trying to catch up. Academically, Hanover was brutal. You had to be a decent student to last here and you had to be a great one to excel. I’d done a lot of work to be in the latter group.

  That’s why the noise outside was killing me. I was trying to write a twenty page thesis on Victorian England. I had a headache from staring at my blank computer screen for so long. I liked the topic but I couldn’t seem to start. The stress from having my room invaded and the noise from outside had combined to create a pounding in my head.

  I was sure there were twenty little dudes inside of my skull beating on my brain with little hammers. I didn’t usually get headaches so I didn’t take anything. It must have been the stress or something. That’s why I just closed my computer, sighed, and gave up.

  “Hey! Charli! Come out here, back me up,” Nadia yelled from the hall.

  I stood up, brushing the wrinkles out of my tank top and going to the door. I opened it and stuck my head out. All eight girls from the hallway of double rooms were sitting out against the walls, chatting, painting nails, and lounging in their pjs. I knew some better than others but Nadia was the one I was closest with.

  “I was actually trying to do this thing called work,” I said.

  “Oh, whatever, you have all semester to write your thesis. Now, listen, Grace thinks that Molly is cheating on Tad with April Wilkinson. Didn’t you say you saw them in the stacks yesterday looking all cuddly?”

  “No, I said I saw them studying together yesterday in the stacks. You freaking dork. I’m going to bed. Try not to be as loud as you’re being. I’ve got a headache and I might have to come kill you all if I don’t get rid of it.”

  “Oooo, getting violent on us. Fine, we’ll keep it down. Madam boring is going to be back soon anyway. We should probably wrap it up,” Nadia said.

  “Goodnight,” I told them all.

  I shut my door again and went to my desk, pushing my open notebook over my computer, not even wanting to look at it right now. I always felt like a failure when I couldn’t get a paper started and I always had trouble starting. It was a vicious cycle.

  I flung back the duvet on my bed and got under the top sheet. I settled into the bed and sighed. The cool sheets were a relief. I reached over and turned off the lamp beside my bed and rubbed my temples, willing the ache to subside. It didn’t though. It just got worse.

  So, I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

  Tomorrow was coming too quickly. I hated feeling out of control. Time always did that, slipped away like a ghost. I never felt like I had enough. A lot of things were fluid like that. People always changed and I didn’t like that.

  My parents had been separated and gotten back together once while I’d been away at school over the years. It made me sad to think about that time. They hadn’t talked to me about it much. My mom was better than my dad. She had sat me down and explained everything over spring break. After they’d gotten back together things seemed so much better so whatever was going on calmed down. I felt left out of it sometimes. Sometimes I thought I was invisible until they all of a sudden swooped in with gifts and affection.

  My dad was a plastic surgeon and my mom was a psychiatrist. That always made me laugh. At least she had family counseling training. They were pretty good right now. I just never knew what was really going on. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. It was just me and them. That was all they could handle.

  We’d grown apart some but I loved them both. They were good parents, just crappy at being around. It could definitely be worse but it still didn’t feel good sometimes.

  I shouldn’t complain though. I have a great life. I always feel guilty when I get depressed or mad at them so I try not to think about it.

  I pushed the thoughts away now and stretched my legs and arms, wiggling around in my bed until I felt more at ease. Then I took deep breaths until I managed to drift off and dream. It wasn’t long enough. Only four hours until I had to be up and in my first class, Calculus.

  Chapter 2

  Vic’s car sped along the bumpy road in the dark. My stomach ached and I couldn’t see.

  “Don’t touch it,” she said, tugging my fingers down from the blindfold she’d placed onto me.

  We’d taken a lot of late night adventures like this. Sneaking out of my window and making little noise on the rocks that lay there was actually pretty hard. Especially since my dad put in the security lights. But my parents always thought it was a squirrel or an opossum when they saw the light go off. They couldn’t see straight down to my window anyway. I was free.

  “Whoa!”

  I didn’t expect to find Roger there with his friend Brian standing right inside the gate.
<
br />   “Hey,” he spoke quietly.

  “Hey,” I said, attempting to deflate.

  Brian was pretty cool but he had an edge to him and that always changed my brother, turned him into some insecure, poser, guy I didn’t wanna know.

  “I wondered what that car was,” Brian laughed.

  “Yeah,” I chuckled too. Our gate was too tall. My dad insisted on shielding us from the neighbors but it also meant we couldn’t possibly see out. Roger was a lot taller than me and even he had to reach up and use the red chord to undo the latch on the gate.

  “You want?” Roger asked, offering me his joint.

  “Uh, yeah,” I nodded. A smile crept up on my lips. “Vic’s been pretty stupid lately.”

  “Lately?” Roger teased.

  He coughed a little and smiled through the dull ache in his throat.

  “She’s not always like this,” I confided.

  He didn’t believe it though. My whole family framed Vic as this disaster-case since we were always getting in trouble. But really it wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t help it if her family drove her nuts and life was a big flaming pile of dog-poo. At least she was honest about those things. Unlike everyone else. Vic didn’t pretend things were fine in the world. She didn’t skip an adventure to stay home and do homework and yeah you could hardly keep her in school but that all made sense to me. What good could school even do us? Roger had been out for a couple of years, he had a masters and he was still kicking around the same old job he got before he even graduated from community college. It was cool and it paid better than anything new he could get.

  “Be careful,” he said. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “Right,” I nodded. This was my signal to leave. I handed him over his joint but I kinda wished I could take it with me. Roger wouldn’t want me to. The only reason he even offered me some was to look like a good brother to his friend. Things like this only happened when his friend’s were around.

  Roger wouldn’t like me to call him. Our relationship isn't actually close like that. We’re just fake and we suck. In front of others we both pretend. And we never talk about why. What would be the point?

  “See ya, Lo.”

  I smiled back at them as I closed them both inside of the yard and laughed. “See ya.” Roger and Brian both had girlfriends they’d ditch to do lame things like this, hang out in the dark on the side of the yard like they were both still twelve. In a way, that made sense to me. That’s exactly how I felt about Vic.

  “Jesus, finally,” Vic said.

  She’d been reclined back in her chair, pushed away from the steering wheel and reading a book with her purposely dorky black-framed glasses on.

  Annoying as hell, she looked smart in her glasses, and hot. It didn’t matter how many classes she skipped, she always looked smart and she always looked hot. Probably the reason she didn’t need to show up in school. Vic got away with murder and I envied that freedom. I wanted to touch it.

  “Sorry,” I smiled. “Roger was in the yard.”

  “Hey,” she said, taking hold of my hoodie fabric and pulling me in close to her so she could smell and look at me. It was really arresting, it shocked me a little. Her gaze peered into mine and she narrowed her eyes. “You smoked,” she said. It was an accusation.

  “Just once,” I shrugged.

  “Huh,” she huffed.

  Her hands let me go and she threw the book from her lap carelessly against the backseat. The clicks and thumps of her chair being moved back for her to drive in made me settle in my own chair and pull my seatbelt on.

  “Ah! Wait,” Vic said, pulling a black bandana from her glove compartment near my goosebumped legs.

  “What?” I asked. Then Vic came toward me with the folded bandana. “Whoa,” I laughed, resisting. Vic managed to easily place the bandana over my eyes and reach around my head to tie it on.

  “Relax,” she breathed, close to my ear, making it twitch with mixed feelings. I loved the smell of her and I could never place it. No matter how close we were, she was exciting and she still made me anxious. She was just… Vic. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

  "That'd be interesting," I teased.

  "Shut up," she laughed.

  "I love when you demand I leave my house at 1am and then proceed to treat me like a kidnap victim."

  "Yeah, you would love that," she teased.

  I heard her lighter flicking, the small gear grinding near twine. Then I heard the familiar sound of Victoria holding her breath and sucking in air followed by her nervous and strained exhale. The way the smoke left her, it was always being jetted out, completely rejected from her lungs. Even with my blindfold on I could see it.

  Her car had turned on and a sexy dreary voice was mourning some loss out the speakers in a soft husky tone.

  After a second, the silence was thick like nearly dry mud and I hated that. "I-"

  "There was going to be-"

  We both laughed once we realized we tried to speak at the exact same time.

  "What. Um. What were you gonna say," I asked nervously.

  "It- it's not important," she dismissed it away.

  I wondered if it was meaningful. We hadn't talked much about tomorrow, about what was happening.

  "I can't believe they're actually sending you there," Vic said. The hum of the engine was comforting since it was Vic’s car.

  I laid my head back on the seat and tried not to think about it.

  "They're trying to ruin our lives," Vic exhaled.

  I knew there was smoke. I could smell it.

  She took the car out of park and it started to move.

  "Maybe we should make a run for it," she said.

  I laughed. "I can't tell if you're serious.”

  If I could see her face that would be one thing. Her voice alone could betray.

  "I might be," Vic said.

  Her nervous energy almost always translated into misplaced anger.

  My chest heaved.

  I didn't realize it but I'd been holding my breath. Things were tense.

  "Do you think it'll work?"

  "What?" I asked, confused.

  "They want you to dump me. Get new friends," Vic mumbled.

  "Oh," I said, relieved. "No," I laughed. It made me feel good to hear she was scared of that too. There was absolutely nothing special or interesting about me. I was devastatingly boring. Vic could have anyone else as her best friend but she always chose me. It did make me feel special. It gave me something. "They can't take me away from you," I said.

  I slipped my hand over until it touched a part of Vic's body and then I squeezed. Goosebumps littered her thigh and I felt her muscle twitch beneath my fingers.

  "Mm. Whoa," she laughed, taking my hand with hers and squeezing it. "You get kinky when I blindfold you."

  And you jump when I touch you, I thought.

  “Maybe so,” I teased.

  We didn’t hold hands for long. Either she let go or I did. I wasn’t sure.

  Chapter 3

  When my last class ended I stood up slowly and shoved my notebook into my backpack. Ms. Rosewell had one of those voices that could put you to sleep but in a good way. Not like she was monotone, but like she should be hypnotizing people on a stage in Vegas. I suspected that was part of why so many people wanted to be in her classes.

  Gothic Literature wasn’t exactly a hot topic for kids today. I should say, her voice wasn’t the only reason. She was also beautiful. Honey blonde hair that framed her face in ethereal ringlets, and deep blue eyes, I got the appeal. It was a bonus for me. I really did take the class out of interest. It still helped to have someone so enthralling reading out passages from The Mysteries of Udolpho.

  I hated leaving that class but I liked to go drop my books off in my room before soccer practice. With a heavy heart I left the classroom, taking one last look at Ms. Rosewell as she erased today’s assignment off her whiteboard.

  The main building that housed the classrooms was huge, a gothic monstrosi
ty in its own right. It wasn’t exactly gothic in style but there were two gargoyles that sat on either side of the main door, which was huge and imposing with dark wood and huge door handles.

  I could easily imagine it as a door that invaders would use a battering ram on. I walked down the hall toward that door, passing other students, no one I knew well. I stopped to pat one of the gargoyles on it’s cold, stone wing and then proceeded down the steps toward my dorm.

  The campus was configured like a big rectangle, with all of the buildings belonging to the school within a square mile. There was a huge area of land that the school owned to the south where the sports fields and the gym was. Beyond that was the woods and the trails that the cross country team used. The school was inland from the city. If you drove forty-five minutes beyond towards it, you’d hit the beach. That’s where a lot of students went on the weekends in summer. It was nice to walk on the beach and find a nice place to sit and read. Sometimes I’d take the bus out there even in the winter and spend a day collecting shells and rocks.

  There was a spot just in from the water where the ocean carved a huge circle out of a cliff making a really cool rock formation that I could sit against. That was a beautiful kind of peace. I’d take a book and read until the sunset came and I knew I had to catch the bus back. No one knew that I went down there. They knew I went to the beach by myself sometimes but not where I went. I’d never taken anyone to my spot. Sure, other people had to know about it and go there but no one knew that it was my spot.

  It would be nice to go there now. Especially, since my space was going to be invaded.

  I sighed and walked the brick path back to my dorm. The trees were bare and I could see the birds jumping from branch to branch. I watched them as I walked, not noticing the people I passed or the way I was going. My body was on autopilot and my mind was wandering as usual.

  I didn’t snap out of it till I was faced with the dorm entrance. It wasn’t as impressive as the main hall. It was more modern but it still screamed money with it’s five stories of light stone. The doors were still wood but they were far smaller and lighter, an obvious change.