Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

“It was. I miss home sometimes but they’re both super busy so it’s better that I’m here,” I sighed.

  “I’m sorry,” Laura said. “That sucks.”

  “Not as much as being sent here against your will,” I admitted.

  Laura smiled up at me, a little sad.

  “What do you want?” I held up the boxes. There were Zingers, Twinkies, granola bars, oatmeal pies, and the tin of mixed nuts. “I’m having one of each,” I said.

  “Uh,” she laughed, taking in the options. “This one,” she said, tapping on the Zingers.

  “You got it,” I said, handing her the box.

  She opened it up and took a package out. Apart from the wind, the only sounds around us were the slow rising crickets and the crinkling of Hostess snack wrap.

  “Tell me something about you. A little fact or a quirk that you have.”

  “What kind of quirk,” Laura asked, making a face like she was scared of what she might tell me.

  “Anything, like one of mine is that I have to eat my food in a certain order.”

  “What happens if you don’t?”

  “I don’t know. That’s never happened. I get a little anxious about silly stuff,” I explained and shrugged.

  “Silly,” she repeated, staring at me. When she realized she was staring she looked down at the cake in her hands. “I uh… I dunno,” she said nervously, like it was stressing her out to even think about it. “I hate doing what people want me to do. Like,” she narrowed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her thoughts. “If I know someone wants me to do something and I don’t want them to want that from me, I hate doing it.”

  “I bet this thing with your family is pretty messed up then. Sounds like it anyway,” I said.

  “Which part,” she wondered, taking a bite of her cake in possibly the saddest way ever.

  “Everything you told me,” I supplied.

  “I haven’t told you much,” she said, looking up in my eyes.

  “No, you haven’t. They sent you here and you did something to prompt them to do that. That’s all I know,” I said.

  Laura watched me carefully. “It wasn’t so much one thing I did,” she explained. "But you're right. It's all messed up."

  “That sucks,” I said.

  I wasn’t sure what to say to her about this. I didn’t want to offend or even say too little. I couldn’t make up my mind so I started to stuff my face with a granola bar.

  "Sorry," she said, nervous eyes flitting down and up to mine. "It's hard to talk about serious stuff. People don't usually care."

  “I get that. Saying things that are all tangled up in feelings is hard anyway. Then, you add other things to it like people being dicks and it’s even worse.” I bumped her by leaning my body into hers and then righted myself. “I care but I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. We can always find another subject.”

  "You don't know me," Laura said.

  “Yeah, but that’s how you get to know people, right?” I asked.

  "I just mean, you can't really care about me. You have an idea of me. It's different."

  “I care about you as a person in the world and I like you. Unless, you’re secretly an asshole and just haven’t shown it yet,” I replied.

  "Yeah," she said, not finding my words comforting.

  “You think I’m not going to care about you if I get to know you?” I asked.

  "I dunno," she said.

  “Guess we’ll find out but I think I’ll care.”

  "You're a good person," Laura said.

  “I try to be,” I replied.

  I stuffed the package for the granola bar in my pocket and pulled out an oatmeal cake. When I opened it the smell of the cream filling hit me and I smiled. These were nostalgic.

  “You never told me a fact about you,” I prompted.

  "I did," she said. "But that's another fact. People don’t actually listen to me. I bet you're starving," she changed the subject. "If you were really exercising that whole time you deserve a feast. Maybe I'll have Vic get you some protein. Eating this is like fighting a fire with a squirt gun."

  “I know you said it’s hard to talk about serious stuff but I want to know more things so I was just being greedy.” I ate the cake and stuffed that wrapper in my pocket too. “Maybe I need some. I usually just subsist on whatever the dining hall has and snacks. I know it’s bad for me but I love sweets.”

  "You'll be better if you eat right. My brother got better that way."

  “Your brother? What did he get better at?” I asked.

  "Roger? He was in football in high school and college. Really good at it. My parents love him. Everyone does."

  She reached down into her bag and rifled around for something. After a while she stopped herself and dropped her bag down to the ground a little defeated.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  "Uh. Nothing," she smiled sadly. "Something stupid. It doesn't matter. Tell me more about you," she asked, reaching out and touching her hand to my forearm near my wrist. She stared down at her hand but kept it there. "Do you have a brother?" She asked, looking up and into me.

  I knew it wasn’t nothing but I didn’t want to push anything. Trust was earned and I suspected that was even more true in her case.

  “I’m an only child. My parents were very busy people so they had me and stopped.”

  "Do you like that," Laura asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never known anything different. Do you like having a brother?” I asked.

  "It's weird," she said. "But Roger protects me sometimes. He fought against this but he's one of the reasons I'm here."

  "It could be worse or it could be better to not have him," Laura said. "I'll never know."

  “Did you guys get in trouble together or something?”

  I pulled one of the drinks out of my bag and handed it to her and then took the other for myself. No one was out here but us and the sky was getting dark, the sun setting.

  "No," she laughed. "No. He just knows our parents are harder on me. He's like a God to them. Or, he was. I dunno.. It's complicated."

  She opened the drink and looked at me while she drank some.

  “Now, I see. The golden boy. You’re not so golden to them?”

  "Uh," she laughed awkwardly. "Yeah no. I'm not even there."

  “Even worse. Everyone deserves to be seen.”

  "People see me when they wanna see me," Laura said. "And when they don't, they… I dunno," she laughed. "Send me to Hanover."

  “That’s kind of sick to just get rid of the problem or were they trying to get you away from something… someone?” I asked.

  Laura stood up and started to stretch a little. "Aren't you cold," she asked, amused. She kept trying to change the subject on me.

  “Yeah, but I’m trying to ignore it,” I smiled.

  "Aww," she cooed and sat back down on the log even closer to me. "We can go in if you want. I like being out here though."

  “No, I really don’t want to go back. This is fun and fresh air is my savior.”

  I scooted closer to her and settled again.

  “Maybe you’ll keep me warm,” I teased.

  "Here," she laughed and scoot closer. "I can try." She straddled the log and pulled me close into a hug, both her arms around my waist. "Any better?" She whispered. "You're cold as ice." I felt her chin on my shoulder.

  “Much better, thank you,” I said.

  All of the stuff Lindsey had been teasing me about came around in my head but I knew she was just being contrary. Even if I liked Laura, there was little chance of that being returned and we just met. That was crazy. She just wanted to mess with me. It felt amazing to be hugged by Laura though.

  “Do you want any other snacks?” I asked.

  "I'm good," she laughed. "I'm gonna get you that protein." After a few more seconds she added on. "I like being with you Charli. You're sweet."

  "Thank you. I'm glad you do because I like being with you. You're being sweet
too, you know. Getting me things and keeping me warm.”

  "I'll do what I can," she said, resting.

  "I thought I'd mind having a roommate but I haven't. I like it," I mused.

  "Me too," she said. "If I had you living in my house I'd probably feel differently about family."

  "I think you should have had a sister too," I said.

  "Might've helped," she said.

  I leaned into her and closed my eyes.

  "I can't believe we just met. It doesn't feel that way. We don't know much about one another but it doesn't matter somehow.”

  "Maybe it's predestined," Laura mused. "Not much of my life has made sense up to now."

  "Maybe you needed a friend," I said.

  "I have a friend," she said. "A great friend… but, maybe I needed to meet you."

  "Who is this friend?" I asked.

  "Vic," Laura said. "She's already jealous of you."

  "Because I'm here and she's not.”

  "Mhmm," Laura hummed.

  "Is she pretty?" I asked.

  "Uh," Laura laughed awkwardly. "I think so. She doesn't have your abs though," Laura teased, squeezing my stomach with her fingers and then wrapping me up all tight again. "No, I'm kidding," she sighed. "She is. She's beautiful."

  "You like my abs?" I teased.

  Between practice and working out, I did have more muscle tone than average.

  "They're nice abs," she teased sweetly.

  "Hmm, thank you."

  I put my hands on her arms and kept her close.

  "What's the worst thing you've ever done?" I asked.

  Laura started to laugh. "God, you don't beat around the bush do you? I dunno Charli. I don't like to think about that. Are you trying to figure out why I'm here?"

  "No, I am not. I figure you'll tell me if you want to or not. I'm just getting to know you," I said.

  I had to smile. I'd caught her off guard.

  "What do you think I did," Laura asked.

  "Partied too much for your parents, maybe got into a little trouble at most.”

  "Huh. You think I party a lot?"

  "I don't know. It was just something I could think of that parents worry about. It could be anything. You could be gay and have homophobic parents that want to send you away from someone but are ridiculously naive about sending you to an all girls school. It was just my guess," I said with a laugh.

  "Interesting," Laura said. "What do you really think?"

  "I think there are a lot of possibilities and I'd rather you tell me than speculate. I can't see you doing anything really bad though.”

  "You can't see me or you don't want to see me," Laura asked

  "Honestly, I can't. It's my instinct. That's what I'm going with," I said.

  "Hmm," Laura hummed.

  "What are you thinking?" I asked.

  "Things," she teased.

  "That's very vague, ya know," I teased back.

  "If I tell you everything about me it'll kill the mystery."

  "Ah, we're being mysterious. Okay, that's fair," I said.

  "I'm not so sure we're being mysterious," she teased me. She rested her nose on my shoulder and breathed me in while she rocked us a little. "You are being adorable though. Tell me more about you. How come you don't have a girlfriend right now?"

  "Adorable, huh," I considered. I knew I was blushing but the darkness protected me from her seeing. "I just haven't been interested in anyone here.”

  "The whole school," Laura said.

  She felt good being close like this. I loved this, sitting with her in the quiet night.

  "All of it. No one is interested in me either," I pointed out.

  "Yeah, I highly doubt that," Laura laughed.

  "I'm pretty sure. Why wouldn't they say something by now, if not?”

  "Maybe you never notice them," Laura teased. "Your schedule is busy. I'm surprised you had time for me today."

  "Maybe, I made time for you," I said.

  "Yeah?" Laura asked.

  "I usually study more before bed but I thought we could both use a break.”

  Laura held me and tucked her face in near my neck to hide from the cold. "Thanks," she whispered.

  "Thanks for eating stuff and talking to me," I replied.

  I shivered a little when her breath hit my skin. It gave me flutters in my stomach. Just the chill, that was it. I was used to lying to myself like this.

  "You're welcome," she said. "We have to go back now, huh? I can feel it."

  "We could sleep here but I don't think you'd be comfortable," I pointed out.

  "Come on," she groaned, letting go of me to gather her things. "Let's be good."

  It made me sad to go back. I had almost forgotten about the world and school while we were out here.

  "I'm always good," I sighed.

  We walked back slowly, extending the time we had away. It was inevitable though. We arrived at our room and got ready for bed. I watched her get in bed and did the same.

  I was strangely energized. My mind wandered as she turned out the light. I could still feel a ghost of that sensation from when she was hugging me.

  "Goodnight," I called out.

  "Night," she said, smiling up at me. "I'm gonna read a little," she pulled out a booklight. "I usually stay up really late."

  "Okay, have fun," I said.

  I pulled my covers up and turned on my side. I couldn't make myself sleep so I listened to her turn pages and let it lull me into a relaxed place.

  I was intrigued. Laura was different from the girls here. Her depth was different and so were her experiences. Her mystery was alluring. It pulled me in. She was a modern interpretation of a 19th century tragic novel heroine. There was something refreshing and exciting about how she made me feel. Her eyes were sad but so bright and her hair so soft. I wanted to feel it on my skin again.

  Chapter 10

  The book was good. Instead of talking with Vic I stayed up half the night reading, feeling the hair on my arm stand up and the way my breath would catch when something scary would happen. When it ended I checked my phone and saw that it was well past 2am. Vic and Logan had both texted me to talk. Vic's texts were unending, which I liked. Logan's, instead, were short and cryptic.

  Vic: Seriously Lo. I know you're awake. You're never asleep...

  Me: Finished that book.

  Vic: Wow. Finally. I was getting ready to send in the hounds.

  Me: Ha. Yeah. Sorry.

  Vic: You okay?

  Me: I'm alive.

  Vic: That's not what I asked.

  My head hurt a little. I turned in my bed to look over at Charli. From where I was it really seemed like she was sleeping.

  Me: Wish I could see you…

  Vic: Let's do it.

  Me: There's no way.

  I took a deep breath in and got up, walking over to the window.

  Me: I haven't seen anyone sneak out.

  Charli implied it was possible but she also expressed her dislike for that crowd. It'd be wrong to involve her. In fact, I'd feel terrible if I did. I'd rather get caught.

  Me: I think I need to make new friends.

  Vic: Wow. That was quick.

  Me: No. I mean… I think I might be able to sneak out if I can find someone to let me back in this back way. I dunno. I'll work on it.

  Vic: K…

  Me: What's up?

  Vic: I dunno. Just feeling shitty.

  Me: :(

  Vic: You should sleep.

  Me: I can't now…

  Vic: It's just dumb shit. I don't want to think about it.

  I stared out at the grass, hoping to see someone coming in or going out. The pathways were so dark. I'd be scared if it wasn't so well cared for. I peered down into the night.

  Vic: You should sleep babygirl.

  My heart fluttered. I loved when she called me that.

  Me: Okay… I don't like it though.

  Vic: I know. I hate it too.

  Most nights we'd be together.
We’d gotten so used to it, it was hard to fall asleep now without seeing each other in the night.

  Me: Night Vic.

  Vic: Sweet dreams.

  I knew she'd be up until the sun rose, until it tapped her beautiful eyes. Given how late it was, that wouldn't be long.

  I stuffed my book beneath my pillow and dropped my phone down onto the floor.

  It all happened in an instant. I shut my eyes and then quickly they sprung to life again. Charli's hand had shaken my shoulder and I jerked into waking like a malfunctioning doll with slippery eyelids.

  "Wha, huh?" I asked, parched and thrown. I didn't even get to sleep. That was like a second, no more. My chest hurt and I wanted to breathe.

  "Sorry, I just didn't want you to oversleep.”

  "Uh…" I moved to sit up. Light poured in from the window. "Fuck," I said, actually hurt by the fact that I had to get up.

  Some mornings were like this. I just wanted to cry.

  "I brought you some breakfast since you were still asleep when I went. I figured you might want more sleep.”

  I looked over to Charli's desk and saw that there was food there waiting for me. "Charli…"

  It was sweet. I felt bad. She kept doing these super sweet things and I didn't know how to handle it. "I could've gone with you," I sighed. My head hurt. If she'd already come back from breakfast I didn't have time.

  I slipped out of bed and struggled out of my clothes, pulling some fresh ones on.

  This sucked. I literally felt like death. My legs hurt. My chest hurt. My head pounded and I'd missed going to breakfast with Charli's odd friends.

  She was nice to me and I wanted to be nice back. But I always fucked up any good thing. I struggled with my bra, having a hard time and missing the loops over and over again.

  It was so frustrating I gave up and just stood there, defeatedly holding myself up against the wall.

  "Um, do you need some help?" She asked.

  "No. I'll do it. I suck," I muttered. I let myself rest just a little bit longer. "Remind me to sleep tonight."

  This time when I tried, I got my bra to hook on the first go. My last shred of wakefulness returned and I finished dressing.

  "You've got about fifteen minutes before the bell," she warned.

  She sat on her bed and put her backpack in her lap, fiddling with the straps. I could hear her moving them back and forth.