Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  “Well… We’ll stay together then, see how it goes.”

  “We’re apart Logan. We’re not together.”

  “Yeah but. You know what I mean.”

  “Not really,” I confessed. There was no point in arguing, it wouldn’t do us any good.

  Across the grass I noticed that someone was making their way toward me. “I gotta go,” I said.

  “Hey wait-”

  I ended the call and stamped out my cigarette in the dark chunky soil. The girl was coming toward me but then she saw someone or something and made a turn. I was safe for now.

  I heard a shuffling in the dirt and noticed Ms. Rosewell right after she noticed me. "Laura Collins," she said, coming over to me.

  I stood up and shuffled some dirt over my rejected cigarette.

  "I was sent to come fetch you."

  "What for," I wondered.

  "We have a certain policy for our new students," she said. "Your house mother is supposed to ensure you’re doing well, eating properly, socializing, and the like. She informed me that yesterday you skipped lunch and this morning you skipped breakfast. And now I find you here behind the building without food. Come on. Let's feed you, Pet."

  She held out her hand and I took it. "Are you scared?"

  "No," I laughed as I joined her.

  "Okay, what is it then?" She wondered in amusement. Her hands were so soft.

  "I'm not used to this," I said.

  "Which part?"

  "Any of it," I said honestly.

  We were walking toward the cafeteria and I knew the other girls were going to see me holding hands with a teacher. This was weird.

  Ms. Rosewell squeezed my hand and smiled down on me. All of a sudden I wasn't so very anxious or terrified. "Well you're in my class," she teased. "Doesn't that mean you actually like being scared?"

  "I dunno," I laughed.

  She was a lot. Way too pretty and open with me.

  A few girls pushed through the double doors of the dining hall and one of them held a door open for us. "Thanks Neevie," Ms. Rosewell said.

  I tried not to blush as I looked at the other girls. This was embarrassing even if they didn't know what was going on.

  Lunch was in full swing but there was still a bit of a line. "What's the point in coming to lunch if it takes this long to get it?"

  "Oh I love lunch," Ms. Rosewell said. She led me into the line and held me around the shoulders comfortably. "And I love your hair. Have I told you that?"

  "I think so," I laughed.

  "Well I do. I love it," she smiled. The line moved and we were getting closer. "I will say, a full dining hall is not my favorite place either. I'll have a talk with your fourth period teacher and see if she'll let you out a little early each day."

  "Oh God. Please don't. I'm fine."

  "Laura, Laura, I promise you, it won't be a problem. It's much more important to us all here that you survive and stay healthy."

  It was a problem. Special treatment was a problem. This was a problem.

  When we got up to the counter I reached for the foods that were the closest: a turkey sandwich, a bottle of water, and a side salad. Ms. Rosewell played along, taking a salad wrap and a bottled iced tea. "Now, where should we sit. Oh look," she pointed. There was a two person table opening up. "Over there by the window, that's nice. Is that not nice?"

  "Yes," I laughed. "It’s nice. Sure."

  I followed her awkwardly.

  Other girls kept saying hi to her. There was no doubt in my mind that pretty much everyone was wondering why we were together like this.

  I sat down across from her and tried not to give away my own amusement.

  "What? What is it?"

  "Nothing," I laughed, picking up my sandwich and biting it.

  "It's not so scary in here."

  "It's not so scary outside," I corrected.

  "Oh come now. What's outside?"

  "Exactly," I laughed. "None of these people are outside."

  "Ah, so that's it," she smiled and looked about. "You're scared of the people."

  "I'm not scared," I laughed loudly. "You keep saying that. I'm not scared."

  "Hmm," she smirked. Instead of bothering me she ate a little of her wrap and stayed quiet. "I hated lunch too," she confessed.

  "What?"

  I couldn't tell if she was just trying to fakely befriend me.

  "Oh yeah. I hated it," she pretended. "Everybody had their groups and my food was never good. I'd hide behind the art building."

  "You don't have to lie," I laughed.

  "I always wanted to read so I hid from everyone. Not that anybody was looking for me."

  "Ms. Rosewell," I begged. She was making it all worse. Whatever this was, I couldn't believe it. I wasn't five. And she was the kind of pretty that I couldn’t even imagine her ever being friendless.

  "Oh fine. We don't have to talk about me," Ms. Rosewell said. "But I will talk to that teacher for you and you can take your food outside. But you have to eat. We take nutrition very seriously."

  "Okay," I said, accepting my little slap on the wrist.

  "You should come have coffee with me."

  I looked up.

  "I'd like that," Ms. Rosewell said.

  "You're just being nice to me," I said, staring up at her knowingly.

  "Perhaps," she teased. "But I'd like to know what you really like about gothic literature. And there's not much to do at Hanover in the night."

  "Name a time," I said.

  "I'll look at my schedule," she said.

  That was grown up talk for: just kidding, this is never gonna happen.

  I noticed Charli and her friends all looking over and watching me. "Crap," I muttered.

  "Hm? What is it?" Ms. Rosewell caught my line of sight. "Oh, they are staring," she laughed.

  I looked up at her, annoyed, and hoped that she would drop it.

  "Have you told anyone why you're here?"

  I coughed and choked on my sandwich. Her words had caught me unaware and I wasn't expecting them. Food caught in my throat and I coughed hard, pulling a napkin to my mouth and heaving until the food freed itself and came back out of me.

  "Heavens," Ms. Rosewell said. "I'll take that as a no."

  "You know?" I asked, mortified.

  "Of course I know. I'm on the acceptance committee, we review our candidates thoroughly. We had a big day when it came to you."

  I didn't want to hear it. "Yeah I'm sure. I'm a problem case," I explained. I drank some of my water and sat back completely disinterested in my food.

  "Oh come on, you have to eat," Ms. Rosewell teased. "If you don't eat I'll take you with me to next period."

  "I might prefer that," I laughed.

  "Well then I'll definitely take you with me to next period."

  I smiled and laughed. "You're a trip Ms. Rosewell."

  "I take that as a compliment Ms. Collins."

  Just as I suspected, the second we got comfortable the stupid bell rang. I threw up my hands.

  "Okay, it is a bit unfair," she relented.

  "A bit," I laughed.

  I noticed Charli coming over. It made my heart race for some reason, I guess she made me a little nervous sometimes but I knew it was a good nervous, not bad. She reached us and stood beside the table.

  "Hey," she greeted us.

  "Hey," I smiled.

  "Charlotte," Ms. Rosewell smiled. "You're sweet to join us."

  People were starting to get up and clear their trays at the waste bins.

  "Laura. I'm going to have the kitchen wrap something up for us. You should come to my classroom, when you're done here."

  "Uh, okay," I nodded awkwardly. I looked over to Charli once Ms. Rosewell had gone.

  "Everything okay?" Charli asked.

  I laughed and touched my hand down her arm. "Yeah sure," I teased. "It's totally normal that Ms. Rosewell came and found me outside to drag me in here and have lunch with me like I’m some stupid five year old kid."
>
  "She's not really like the other teachers," Charli said, smiling.

  "What do you mean," I laughed. I ran a hand through my hair and searched her.

  “She has some kind of magic. She makes everyone feel special because she actually listens to you. She picked you out for a reason.”

  "Yeah," I laughed at myself. "I was caught skipping meals and the school doesn't want a lawsuit. I'm afraid it's not so magical but you're really sweet to think that way."

  “Yeah, but you had breakfast. They just didn’t know about it. Serena must have noticed that you didn’t go.”

  "Yeah," I sighed. "Guess I have to show up from now on. They could've just told me that though."

  I wasn't sure why Charli was here.

  “I’ll make sure I wake you up next time. Anyway, guess I’ll see you in a few hours,” she said.

  My heart hurt. "Okay," I said, confused. What did she want from me? I already told her that wasn't her fault.

  I got up and started to throw my stuff away.

  "You okay?" I asked. She hadn't moved since before.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” she said, taking her tray over to put it away.

  She came back to stand by me and crossed her arms awkwardly.

  “Um, don’t be surprised if you hear something about you and me. Lindsey has been teasing me all day about there being something going on with us and other people overheard.”

  "Yeah?" I asked, interested in details. "What might I hear?" At least this made me smile. Charli didn't seem too happy about it though which bummed me out.

  “That we’re… Ya know, involved in a romantic way. I’m sorry. You don’t need more crap on top of everything but yeah. I mean, I don’t even know if you’re gay or straight or bi or what. I should shut up now,” she said.

  "Charli," I laughed. "Believe it or not that doesn't sound like some awful rumor to be embarrassed about to me."

  "Oh, okay, good," she lightened up and smiled. "I just wasn't sure if you would be okay with it, people saying stuff. She kept harping on you wearing my pullover, which I found funny. I'm glad you asked me for it this morning. It’s kinda funny that they're all stirred up.”

  "Aww…"

  I wasn't sure if she was okay.

  "Who knew a sweater would be such a big deal, huh? Should I give it back?"

  Two seconds ago I was thinking of how Charli obviously had a crush on Ms. Rosewell but now I was back to wondering about other things like why it stressed her out when her friends went and teased her.

  "You don't have to be seen with me," I teased her.

  It was hard, not to want to hug her. She was honestly adorable. The kind of person you naturally get along with and like for reasons both predictable and unexplainable. Charli didn't want to hurt anyone. Hanging out with her was a big change. Vic couldn't stand girls like Charli, which was all envy. Pretty girls who have perfect families and don't have to try to be good at things, the world is theirs. To Vic it was unfair and she took it out on them. Or maybe she just couldn't pretend to be normal around someone so sweet like this.

  Either way, it hurt my brain to compare so I wasn't like that. Charli had problems just like I did. Her friends stressed her out and she was in a place she didn't want to be. We were a lot alike.

  "No, you should wear it every day," Charli said.

  She laughed and looked down for a moment before looking at me.

  "I want you to wear it," she insisted.

  "Good 'cause I like it," I said, stepping closer to her. "It makes me feel safe."

  “And it looks good on you," Charli said, squeezing my shoulder.

  "Thanks," I smiled, trying not to blush. "Come on, I'll walk you to class."

  “Okay,” she said. “Let’s go. That'll really start some gossip.” [2]

  "We're going," I laughed, taking her elbow with my hands and guiding her. "If I make you late I'll feel like a dick."

  "Na, it's my TA period. Ms Favrou doesn't care. I mostly do my homework and help her with little things," she said.

  "Oh. I'll walk you anyway," I said. "I'm supposed to go to Ms. Rosewell's class. I think she's protecting me."

  "Probably, she's the protector type," Charli said.

  She tucked my hand around her arm like she was escorting me and gave me a smile.

  "You inspire positive things in the people that count," Charli told me.

  "I think I saw that on a poster somewhere," I joked.

  "Yeah, 'cause I write posters and greeting cards. Didn't you know? I'm the most famous poster writer in the world," Charli said.

  I laughed and knew she was kidding. I leaned into her and bumped into her shoulder. "You gonna tell me why all that stuff with your friends stressed you out?"

  "Because I didn't want people to upset you by spreading rumors."

  "I'm used to rumors," I said. At my old school people were always making up rumors about me. Who I was dating, what I did where. It was every day.

  "That sounds awful but we are in high school. I think it’s supposed to be like that," Charli said.

  "You can't please everyone and people get jealous," I reminded.

  "That's the truth. They're mostly jealous when they have no reason to be," she said.

  "I dunno. I might be jealous if you were dating some new girl," I teased. "And I only just met you," I reminded. "Maybe Lindsey likes you."

  The halls of Hanover weren't so terrible when they were virtually empty. There was a charm to the place that reminded me of old horror films. Plus, I liked this, walking here with Charli. There was an ease to being with her, something I wasn't used to with anyone else, not even Vic.

  "Do you want me to ask?"

  "Oh god no, she's dating Abby. That would be a disaster. They've been dating since last year.”

  "So why is she so concerned with what you do?" I wondered.

  "I don't know. She likes to get under my skin sometimes. She's taken it a little far today though. I've never been short like that with her before.”

  "Like what?" I smiled, eyeing her.

  "She's never gone on teasing me after I told her to stop so I snapped," Charli clarified.

  "Hmm…" I wasn't sure how to stop that. Friends doing stupid shit? That was sort of unavoidable. "Sorry. That sucks."

  We stopped near a door and I knew it probably meant we were at her classroom. I didn't want to go.

  “It's fine. It'll die down now. Abby talked to her and since I know you don't care it doesn't really bother me,” she said.

  She looked into the classroom and then leaned over to give me a hug.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  For a second I was tense, I wasn’t expecting her to want to give me a hug. Once I really felt her it made me relax and hold her back. I let my fingers slip down her side and grip at her soft shirt. "For what," I asked, a little worried but glad she didn't hate me or think I was lame. I kept ditching her to hangout all alone. Her familiar smell hit me and calmed me. I had to see what shampoo she used, I liked it.

  “For walking me to class,” she said.

  “Oh," I laughed, still loosely holding her. "That's fine. It was nice.”

  She had to go now and I should find Ms. Rosewell, at least try not to be a shit to someone who was only trying to do their job and be nice.

  “See ya later," I said. "If they give you any more crap just let me know, I can be a jerk about it if you want.”

  “I just won't react,” she said. “That should do it. I'll see you in last period.”

  “Okay,” I sighed. I could never tell what she really wanted from me. “See ya,” I said, tugging the sleeves of her sweater down over my hands and walking away. It wasn't even cold in the halls, I just felt like shit and wanted to hide from everyone.

  Ms. Rosewell's class was down the hall and the bell for class had already sounded. I looked back in Charli's direction but she had gone.

  For the both of us, I needed to stop putting so much on her. It was unintentional but I was stressing her out
. She deserved her space, her autonomy, and her freedom, just like everyone else. No matter how I tried, I still encroached and fucked with things. I hated that.

  Chapter 11

  Friday practice was tough. Coach was working us hard since the new season was close. I was struggling to catch my breath near the end.

  I saw Laura up in the stands and I kept looking up. She’d come down on her own. I was surprised when I first saw her. It was more fuel for the rumors that had started. It didn't bother me, quite the opposite.

  I didn't examine how I felt about it. I just let it go. I liked Laura and the mystery of her past was intriguing. I wanted to know why she was here but letting her tell me in her own time was important. I could tell.

  When coach dismissed us I ran up in the bleachers and sat down next to her. I was tired but energized from the exercise. She was adorable up here all on her own with empty bleachers surrounding her.

  "Hey, watcha reading?" I asked.

  "One of the assignments for Ms. Rosewell's class," she said. "I kinda love it. Makes the last book I was reading really look like crap." She set her reader down beside her and turned to examine me. "You're really good. You never told me that."

  "Ah, I'm pretty good,” I corrected. “Good enough for a scholarship hopefully but it's not remarkable.”

  I put my hands between my knees. The cold was setting in now that I wasn't moving. I saw Abby walking up the bleachers towards us and glanced over at Laura.

  "You want this?" Laura asked, taking my hoodie from off of her arms. The fabric slid off of her easily as she moved to hand it over to me, it was warm.

  "No, you keep it. I'm gonna shower soon and head back to dinner. I just wanted to say hi," I told her.

  Abby stopped on the stairs and waved.

  "Hey Laura, how's it going?" Abby asked.

  "Hey Abby. It's good. You guys looked really great down there." Laura was always nice to everyone but she tended to keep to herself whenever possible.

  "Thanks, I just wanted to say hi and apologize for my girlfriend's ridiculousness. Honestly, she didn't mean to start any drama. She just has that too much gene and it gets the better of her. You're always welcome to eat or hang out with us.”

  "Ahh, it's fine," Laura laughed it off.