So Wrong (Heart 0f Hope Book 3)

by Ajme Williams

  “What do you deserve?”

  “I like to think I deserve to be Maisie’s father.”

  “You do.” Touching him would be a mistake. It would give my heart the false feeling that we had something more than we did. Even so, I pulled my nightgown off, loving how his eyes flashed with desire as my bare skin settled against his.

  “You deserve to feel good, too.” I wanted to say he deserved me, but he was so in denial about that, I settled on sex.

  He pulled me close, and his erection was already fully pressing against my belly. “You do make me feel good, Tessa.” If only I could make him feel love.

  “Then you should undress.”

  He flashed a wicked grin. “As you wish.” He rolled back, undressing and tossing his clothes aside.

  Before he could pull me back to him, I pushed him and straddled his thighs. “I want to try being on top.”

  His hands slid up my thighs. “Whatever you want, baby.”

  The few times we’d had sex, Dylan took the lead, unless I was giving him a blow job. But even then, he’d eventually get me under him or between him and the shower wall, and take control. This time I wanted a turn to set the pace and be in control.

  I looked down at his dick, thick and hard as it lay on his belly. “Sometimes I can’t believe that thing fits in me.”

  “It’s a perfect fit,” he murmured as his hands kneaded my breasts and pinched my nipples.

  “Do you like it when the woman is on top?”

  He laughed. “I’m easy, baby. Top, bottom, sideways … any way, I’ll like it.” He levered up. “But whatever way, you need to be ready.” He tugged on one nipple with his teeth while his finger slid between my folds.

  I let out a moan as his touch sent erotic sizzles through me. “Dylan.”

  “Yes?” His mouth switched to my other breast.

  “I want to be in control.”

  “Then take it.”

  It was hard to do anything with sweet sensations coursing through my bloodstream. Finding my wits, I pressed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back.

  His eyes flashed with heat as he lay looking up at me. “What are you going to do to me?”

  I maneuvered over his dick and slid my pussy along its length.

  He let out a sigh. There was only one thing I knew how to do. I pushed his tip to my entrance, and using my body weight, sank down, taking him inside me.

  “Oh fuck, yeah,” he sighed again, his eyes closing.

  He was right. The slow slide of his cock felt deliciously sensual. I swore I could feel every ridge, every pulse of his dick, as I inched deeper and deeper over him. Finally, he was completely seeped inside me.

  “What do you like?” I asked.

  “Do what feels good to you, baby. I’ll just come along for the ride.” His hands rested on my thighs. “You’re in control.”

  I had a sense of what to do, but having never done it, I felt self-conscious. But Dylan waited. He didn’t grip my hips to help me move. He didn’t rock his pelvis. He waited, his dark eyes watching me.

  I squeezed my pussy, and he hissed. I rocked my hips, and he bit his lower lip. I rose up and then lowered down again, and he groaned. With his sounds and facial expressions as a guide, I moved over him, loving how he responded to my body.

  I wanted to draw out the pleasure, but my body had other ideas. It pushed me to move more, faster, harder as need coiled tighter and tighter.

  “That’s right baby … so good … you feel so good.” His fingers flexed and then gripped my thighs harder. “You’re going to make me come …”

  His words urged me on, and I rode him hard. My thighs burned, but I didn’t care.

  “Oh, fuck!” His upper body lurched, and then his hips bucked up, and the sensation of warm liquid filled my pussy. To me, that was the most erotic part about sex: when Dylan came and filled me with his essence. I threw my head back as my own orgasm shot through me. I rode the wave of pleasure until completely spent, and then collapsed on his chest.

  His hand caressed my back. We lay entwined for a while until I moved to lay next to him. It was so lovely to lay quietly in his arms. It felt like home. I inhaled a deep breath as I reminded myself, yet again, that this wasn’t home.

  “You totally distracted me so well that I forgot to apologize,” he said.

  “Oh, for what?”

  “For how I’ve been. You’re helping me and I’ve been surly and rude.”

  “I understand.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t mean to snap at you. I appreciate all you’re doing and I don’t want to hurt you.”

  There was a ‘but’ coming, I could tell.

  “But I meant it that what happens in this custody case is all my decision. That’s not to say that you can’t offer input, but you don’t have any say.”

  It was amazing how quickly he could make me feel like a queen, and then in a single statement, hurt me so deeply.

  “I understand.” I took a minute to decide if I wanted to tell him what I was thinking. Deciding I had nothing to lose and it was important to Maisie’s well-being, I said, “I accept that all decisions will be yours, but if I think something could impact Maisie, I’m going to say it.”

  I felt him stiffen. “You think I’d hurt her?”

  “Not on purpose. You’ve been great with how you talk about Veronica especially in front of Maisie, but I can see you’re hitting your limit. Veronica is Maisie’s mother, and you don’t want to do anything that in the future could make Maisie resent you.”

  “This is un-fucking-believable.” He moved away from me. “What about Maisie resenting Veronica?”

  “If Veronica succeeds, that will probably happen, but I don’t care about Veronica. I care about you and Maisie.”

  He got out of bed, and slipped on a pair of sweats. “I’m not in this for your caring, Tessa. You’re here to make the judge happy that Maisie has a stable home. I’ve raised Maisie alone for nearly three years. I think I can manage it further without your insights and interference.”

  I took a moment to stay calm, even as tears of pain and anger threatened. But I wasn’t able to completely hide my feelings. “I’d leave as you clearly don’t want me here, but then it might impact your father of the year award.”

  “I am a good father!”

  I felt bad for being so snarky because the truth was, he was a good father. He was just a shitty fake husband.

  “You are a good father, Dylan.” Not knowing what else to say, I turned over to go to sleep, even though I knew I wouldn’t.

  20

  Dylan

  I sat on the couch staring at the TV, but not watching whatever was showing on it. I couldn’t sort out my feelings. Yes, I hurt Tessa again by being an asshole. It was stupid, because she’d completely upended her life, and apparently was willing to put her education on hold to help me and Maisie. I needed to apologize. Grovel, even.

  But another part of me stood firm in my belief that I was the sole decision maker and that my choices were right. Why should I take the higher ground in this custody case when I had no doubt that Veronica, with the help of Leo’s money, would fight dirty too? I was a good person, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have skeletons. What if she told the court how I’d been abused as a child? How my mother wasn’t able to control me very well when I was a teenager, and I got into a few scraps? These are things I’d told Veronica when she and I had been together. Now she could use them against me. Statistically, abusers were once abused, and therefore, as someone who was abused, I’d be considered a risk to do the same to Maisie. If Maisie fell off the swing, would Veronica accuse me of hurting her? I couldn’t sit back and hope that fairness would prevail. I had to fight for Maisie and my rights.

  I believed Tessa cared for us. I was certain she loved Maisie, and there were times I thought she loved me. A part of me wanted to know for sure, and if so, grab onto it, because fucking hell, I needed something solid to hold on to.

  But the
other part of me knew that Tessa having feelings for me was a bad idea. Clearly, we had problems, and this wasn’t even a real marriage. How long would she put up with how I kept on hurting her? She’d said she was willing to leave, except that it would hurt the case. At least she was committed to this until the end. My lawyer said custody cases took months, sometimes even a year or more. Would Tessa stick it out that long?

  When I made the deal with Tessa, I figured she’d go to school, and our lives wouldn’t be all that much different except that she’d live with us. But now she was planning not to go school. While we’d taken a break from sex, she’d just given me an incredible ride, and oh how I needed that. Sex with Tessa was somehow more than just the physical pop of an orgasm. It was like she lit up every neuron in my body. When we moved, it was like we were one. It was spectacular even as it was unsettling, because I knew it meant my emotions were involved.

  Maybe it was time to go back to the original plan. No touching. Nothing but friendship. I couldn’t afford to fall in love with her, and it was clear that it was a distinct possibility that I could.

  The next day, Tessa went through all the motions of getting Maisie up and fixing breakfast, but clearly she wasn’t engaged with me. She wasn’t as warm and open, at least not to me. With Maisie, she was like sunshine and rainbows all mixed together, which was what I wanted. I reminded myself that Tessa needed to focus on Maisie and stay out of my business. Sure, it would be nice to have another person to rely on for support and feedback, but I’d learned a long time ago that the only person I could trust to keep me safe and happy was me.

  So, I was glad that she got the message and stayed in her lane, not giving her two cents about the case or what I should do. That’s what I told myself as the days dragged by and Tessa was her perfect wonderful self to Maisie, and coolly friendly to me. I had to remind myself this was what I wanted when I’d come in from my morning routine and see her sleeping, one long lovely leg sticking out from the covers. I was now having to jerk off again in the shower, usually thinking of that leg wrapped around my hips while I fucked her.

  I had to tell myself I was better off with Tessa not taking time to talk to me after Maisie went to bed like she used to, because when she did, I was always entranced by her intellect and humor. But God, how I missed our conversations.

  When my lawyer said that it was possible to speed up the case, and that perhaps we’d have a decision mid-fall, I was both relieved and disappointed. That made no sense until I realized that my disappointment had to do with ending my arrangement with Tessa.

  “Fuck!” I hit the steering wheel of the car as I drove home from work. All day as I dealt with a vendor, a treadmill mechanic, and an instructor who let her teaching certification lapse––forcing me to find a replacement for her classes––thoughts of Tessa distracted me. It was probably guilt, but somewhere deep down I worried it was more than that. I missed Tessa’s warmth and humor towards me. I hated that she didn’t feel she could talk to me, not just about Maisie’s custody but anything. I wanted us to be like we had been. Preferably, the time we were friends with benefits, but if not that, then friends. For a moment, I wondered what Tessa would say if I told her I didn’t like how things were between us. How I missed her.

  I shook my head, knowing she was done with me. I hurt her one too many times. I’d told her I didn’t deserve her. She hadn’t believed it, but now she knew I was right. What I needed to do was cut her loose as soon as I could so she could find happiness and pursue her own goals. Maybe she’d even find a good man who would treat her better.

  First, I had to get through this custody case. That made me think of the week Maisie was going to spend with Veronica. How would Tessa and I be able to live under the same roof with all this distance between us? Thankfully, that visit wasn’t scheduled for a few weeks, as apparently Leo would be out of town and they decided to wait until he’d be there.

  I arrived home and prepared myself emotionally to enter a home that on the surface looked happy and normal, but underneath was mostly a sham.

  “Daddy!” At least Maisie was glad to see me.

  I scooped her up. “How was your day?”

  “Good. Tessa and I went to a place where I made a dragon.”

  Tessa appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking guarded as usual. “Maisie, why don’t you go get your dragon to show your dad?”

  Maisie wriggled in my arms to get down. “I want to show you.”

  I set her down and watched as she shot off toward her room.

  When she was gone, Tessa said, “She asked if she was moving to Veronica’s today.”

  “What?” I followed her in the kitchen where she took a chicken out of the oven. “What did you say?”

  “I told her she needed to talk to you about that.” She glanced over her shoulder. “That’s not for me to talk to her about.”

  I wasn’t sure if she was being snarky or not.

  “Is Veronica telling her that?”

  Tessa started cutting the chicken. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think she overheard something.”

  “Does … does she want to go?” I didn’t want to hear the answer, but I had to know.

  Tessa stopped what she was doing and looked at me. It was the first time since our fight that her expression showed something other than wariness.

  “No, she doesn’t. She likes visiting, but she doesn’t want to move there.”

  I scraped my hands over my face. “Did she seem nervous?”

  Tessa’s face returned to wary. “Dylan, you were clear that the custody issue was one I needed to stay out of, so I stayed out of it. You should talk to her if you have questions.”

  “Are you going to be mad at me forever?” I had no right to be pissed at her attitude, but I suppose because she was there, she was the one who was going to get my surly mood.

  She stopped and slowly turned. “What do you want, Dylan? I’m doing my best to give you want you asked; a fake wife to make you look good, without all the emotional entanglements. I’m staying out of your business and babysitting your daughter … and you’re still upset.”

  “You’re not a baby—”

  “Yes, I am.” She put the chicken on plates, and then pulled another pan out of the oven with roasted potatoes. “You want what you had before except you want people to think we’re a family now. That’s what I’m doing.” She put potatoes on each plate.

  “Are you unhappy?” For some reason that bothered me. I hated that I was making her miserable after all she was doing for us.

  “Look Daddy!” Maisie came into the kitchen. “It’s a dragon.”

  Maisie held up a plaster pink and purple dragon with glitter.

  “I painted it. Do you like it?”

  I squatted down and studied the figure. “It’s beautiful. You did that?”

  She grinned. “Yep. Tessa said we can go back and I can make another one for Mommy’s house, because this one might break if I put it in my suitcase.”

  I kept the smile on my face. “That’s a good idea.”

  “Maisie, can you put your dragon away? It’s time to eat,” Tessa said.

  “Can it eat with us?”

  I stood. “He might get in the way.”

  “He won’t. He’ll be good.” Maisie clutched the dragon to her, and little bits of glitter sparkled on her shirt.

  “Tessa asked you to put him back. He’ll be there when we read stories tonight. I bet he’ll like that.”

  Maisie seemed to think on that and then rushed off to put her dragon away. Tessa passed me to put the plates on the table.

  When she came back to the kitchen, I reached out and took her arm. “Hey. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

  “And Maisie,” she said, looking at my hand on her arm and then up to my face.

  I realized then that in her mind, all this was for Maisie, not for me. I was okay with that. Despite how she felt about me, at least she felt I was the better parent for Maisie.

&n
bsp; “I like being your friend, Tessa. I miss that. But I’m exactly as I told you before,” I said referring to the first night we had sex on my couch. I saw the starry-eyed woman who wanted a fairy tale. “I’m not a good bet for the long run.”

  She nodded. “Yes. You’ve told me many times.”

  And there it was again; hurt in her eyes.

  I sighed. “I bet you wish you’d never seduced me.”

  She looked up at me, and for the first time, I noted how tired and pale she looked. I frowned. “Are you okay? You look—”

  “Just tired. It’s been a long day.” She extricated her arm from my hand and finished bringing the food to the table.

  The rest of the evening went as the ones before it had; playing with Maisie, my giving her a bath and reading to her in bed, but this time, instead of hiding in my office until Tessa went to bed, I sought her out to talk. I found her in bed. She wasn’t reading as I thought she did, but instead looked like she was sleeping. It seemed too early to sleep, but maybe she and Maisie had a long day.

  “Tessa.”

  “Hmm?” Sleep filled her voice.

  “Nothing. Get some sleep.”

  “Night.”

  I shut the door and went to my office. I sat at my desk reminding myself that I was getting exactly what I’d asked for. So why was I miserable? Why did my chest ache every time I looked at Tessa?

  21

  Tessa

  Dylan was giving me an emotional whiplash. He’d been clear from the beginning what he wanted; a fake wife. He wanted the court to see a happy family, but in reality, I was still just the babysitter. A nanny. But when I gave him that, he seemed annoyed. Like he wanted something more from me. Granted, we didn’t have long talks anymore, but spending time with him only made my heart yearn for him and since he wasn’t going to reciprocate, it seemed safer to avoid anything that made me love him more than I already did.

  Instead, I focused on Maisie. I loved caring for her. My days with her were fulfilling––nearly enough to make up for the sadness of not being able to love Dylan. I’d agreed to play the role, so I couldn’t be upset at him for not wanting more.