by Nicole Dykes
I close the car door, not wanting to hear anything more from William as I find my keys in my purse.
I can’t believe how naïve I was. I shake my head at my own stupidity and unlock the door quietly. It’s almost eleven, and I sure hope that Asher has put Sebastian to bed by now. The porch light was on, but when I walk inside the house, I’m in darkness.
I listen for any signs of Baz being awake and sigh in relief when I don’t hear a peep. I love that little boy more than life, but I need a minute.
I put my purse down and go into my kitchen, flipping on the dim light below the microwave and grab a bottle of Barefoot Moscato wine from my fridge, kicking off my heels, unscrewing the cap and sliding down to the kitchen floor, taking a drink from the bottle.
I feel stupid and ashamed, hating that Asher knew what he was talking about and the fact that I look like a fool.
Maybe dating is just off the table for me for a while.
I heard a car pull up about twenty minutes ago and have been trying to talk myself out of going upstairs and asking Viv about her date, but I can’t fucking do it.
I have to know if she’s okay.
I walk up the stairs quietly, wondering if Viv already went upstairs to her room. This is stupid. She’s a grown woman. If she had a bad date and wants to tell me about it, then she will. What if she had a really good date?
Fuck.
I hit the top stair and see a dim light coming from the kitchen and walk in to find Viv on the floor, tipping back a bottle of wine and leaning her back against the dishwasher. “Viv?”
She lowers the bottle, some of the liquid spilling down her chin as she wipes it away and raises the bottle in my direction. “You want some? I know you’re only twenty, but I always thought that law was stupid. We can vote at eighteen but not drink?”
Uh oh. I’ve never seen Viv like this, and it appears something inside her has finally snapped.
I lower myself to the ground, sitting next to her and take the bottle. I cautiously take a small sip of the sweet wine. “What happened, Viv?”
She laughs, but it’s not her normal laugh at all. It’s a little on the psychotic side, and I’m feeling slightly homicidal, ready to grab my keys and go find that motherfucker.
“Viv. What happened? Did he hurt you?”
She laughs again and waves me off, grabbing the bottle back and taking another drink. “God no. He didn’t care enough to hurt me.”
“What?” I turn to look at her, starting to get a little worried, and I’m rarely fucking worried.
“What the hell was I thinking, Asher?”
I stare into her eyes, needing more of an explanation. “About what?”
“You were right. He freaked out.” She takes another drink and then points a finger at me. “Although he was a lot nicer about it than you were.”
Fucker.
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, he kept saying that too.” I take the wine bottle and take a small drink just to keep her from taking another swig as she goes on. “What was I thinking? That I was going to find a guy around my age—you know, because I’m really not into the whole ‘daddy’ thing—” Wow, Viv. “That want to date me and my kid.”
“That’s fucking creepy, Viv.”
She rolls her eyes. “No. It’s true.” She places a hand between her very full tits that are still pushed up and on display in that fucking dress. “I’m a package deal. And guys our age, they want to go to parties on the weekend. And vacation in Europe or Cancun in the summer. Not go to Sea World or Legoland.”
I take another small drink, actually hating the taste, but she’s giving me a fucking headache. “Legoland is the shit.”
She laughs, and her hands drop to her side, looking too heavy for her at the moment. She’s had way too much fucking wine for her small body. “You know, maybe I should just get on Tinder.”
“Do you even know what that is? It’s an app solely to hook up.”
“Yes. Exactly. I mean, that’s what I do, right? My only sexual experience was just a hookup. Colt and I weren’t dating. We weren’t in love. He just used me and then left.” Great, now I want to punch my dead brother. “And you know what, Ash?” I don’t have to ask her to tell me. “I liked it. I mean, it hurt because I was a virgin. But the randomness of it, the lack of control and just letting myself go. I loved it.”
I stare at her, unsure if I’m actually hearing these words and try to shake them off. “Whew, okay. You’re telling me a lot of things. You a lightweight?”
“Well, I don’t drink often.” Yeah, she’s drunk. “But I really think I need that app. Just random hookups, that’s my future.”
“No, you don’t. You’re not a Tinder girl.”
Her eyes meet mine, and she huffs. “Do you have it?”
“Maybe.” Yeah. I do.
“See.” She pokes my chest with her finger. “You’re a Tinder boy. I can be a Tinder girl.”
“No, you can’t. Stop, okay? You’ll find someone. You don’t need a cheap, random hookup.”
She scoots closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder. “I do. Trust me, my body is craving to be touched.”
I swallow, leaning my head back against the kitchen cabinet, trying to get my brain to focus on anything else.
She. Is. Drunk.
She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s saying.
“Viv.”
“Seriously, it’s been what?” She lifts her head and looks into my eyes. “Like, four years since I’ve had sex or even kissed someone else?”
“Yeah. I can’t hear this.” I stand up, putting the wine bottle on the counter and reaching my hand down to Viv, pulling her up. “Let’s get you to bed.”
She braces herself by putting her hands on my shoulders. “You’ll go with me?”
She’s looking up at me in a daze, but I can see something stirring in those eyes of hers. Something that fucking terrifies me because I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to tell her no. “I’ll walk you up the stairs to make sure you don’t break your neck.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Is it fucking hot in here? I think it is. Her breasts press against my chest as she moves in, her lips hovering over mine as she stands tall on her tiptoes. “I can’t.”
“Why? Because I’m a mom?”
My hands grab her hips when she sways, and I hold her in place. “Because you’re Sebastian’s mom.”
“So? You hook up with random girls all the time. That’s what I need. A random hookup.”
“With you and me, it wouldn’t be random.”
Please come to your senses. She looks way too fucking beautiful, and I can’t stop staring at her full lips, wanting so fucking badly to taste them.
“I can handle it.”
“No. You can’t. Come on, Viv. Let’s get you to bed.”
She shoves me away, her face now only showing fury, and it’s not something I’m used to with Viv. “Don’t. If you’re not going to be any real help to me in bed, then don’t bother.”
“Vivienne, let me help you up the stairs.”
She brushes me off and takes off for the stairs with me quickly following. She’s more pissed-off than I’ve seen her, and she doesn’t look behind her as she tries her best to get me to leave her alone. “Go away, Asher.”
I ignore her and follow her up the stairs, holding my breath when she almost slips, but recovers, grabbing the railing. “I don’t need your help.”
We reach the top of the stairs and she turns to face me, her cheeks red from the alcohol.
“I’m sorry, I think you’ll see it more clearly tomorrow.”
“You can fuck that bitch, Bianca, but not me? Seriously?”
She turns and goes to her room, and I follow stupidly, not able to let that go as we walk into her bedroom, me on her heels. She turns around, placing a hand on her hip.
“What?”
“You and Bianca aren’t the same.”
“Right. She has plastic tits. That�
��s what you need, Asher? Huh?” She gestures out from her chest. “Huge boobs.”
My eyes instinctively go to her chest and nod in approval. “Nope. That’s not the reason.”
“Then why? Just tell me why you can have sex with that vapid bitch and not with me?”
I have to remind myself again that she’s drunk, and if she wasn’t, we would never be having this conversation. “You really want to know why?”
Her toes touch mine as she lifts her chin. “Yes.”
“She’s easy. Incredibly fucking easy. I can be a total fucking dick to her, put no effort into it, and she doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll spread her fucking legs for me any time I want it. And that’s the disgusting truth.”
Viv’s eyes meet mine, searching mine, and I don’t like it. I hate the way she makes me feel. Vulnerable. “I’m being pretty easy tonight.” Her mouth slides over my jaw, and I feel her lips caress my ear. “I’ll spread my legs for you.”
Fuck. Me.
“Viv.” I place my hands on her shoulder, pulling her away from me, giving my brain some space to think because right now it’s my dick that wants to do all the thinking. “You may think you’re easy tonight, but you’re not. You’re complicated as fuck, and that’s not a bad thing.”
“Because I’m a mom.”
“Not just that. You’re complicated for so many fucking reasons.”
She moves out of my hold, walking over to her dresser and taking her earrings out of her lobes, looking at me through the reflection in the mirror over her dresser. “Just get out.”
I nod, moving slowly to the door, not wanting to leave, but forcing myself to do just that.
I know she’s pissed right now, but she’ll thank me tomorrow.
I feel like death. Drinking half a bottle of wine was probably not a great idea. I use my arm to shield my eyes from the sunlight peeking through my window and groan as I force myself to get out of bed.
I make my way to Sebastian’s room and see his bed is empty, but I hear him laughing from downstairs and know he’s probably with Asher.
Asher.
Jesus, did I actually hit on him last night? Try to convince him to sleep with me? Use me?
“I’ll spread my legs for you.”
Yeah, that came out of my mouth. I try to shake that off, but figuratively only because, my god, my head is killing me, and I don’t think shaking it would be a good idea right now. I didn’t bother to remove my makeup last night and just pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. I don’t even want to see a mirror. I changed out of my dress and into sweat shorts and a large t-shirt before climbing into my bed last night.
I walk down the stairs to the kitchen where I see Asher standing at the stove wearing a tank top and black joggers, flipping pancakes in a pan, and not just any pancakes—Mickey Mouse pancakes.
“Mommy!” Baz runs to me, wrapping his little arms around my leg, and I smile down at him, happy to see him.
“Good morning, sweetie! Did you have fun last night?”
He nods happily, going back to his plate of cut-up pancake, poking a fork through one of the pieces. “I did. Sawyer is funny.”
I laugh at the way he says Sawyer, it sounding more like “Swearer.” “Yeah, he’s something.”
My eyes meet Asher’s, who’s holding out a plate with a pancake on it. “You want one?”
I wave it off, trying to be polite and not completely humiliated by my actions last night. “No, thank you. I’m not hungry.”
He nods as if he already knew that would be the case. He places the plate on the counter, goes to the cabinet where we keep the medicine and hands me two ibuprofen pills instead. That I do take.
I grab a cup from the cabinet and fill it with water, taking the pills. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
I can’t read him this morning. He seems to be cautious around me, and I suppose that makes sense after the way I acted last night.
I take a seat across from my son at the table as he stuffs his adorable little face. “So, you were okay last night? What did you do?”
He’s still chewing as he thinks about my question. “We watched Spiderman, and then Swearer had to go home because Uncle Asher has no balls.”
Baz starts cracking up, and I look over my shoulder at Asher, who’s fighting a laugh, shaking his head. “Sawyer still has no filter but actually did pretty well.”
I sigh and turn back to Sebastian. “That’s not something you should say.”
“Why? Balls are fun.” Sebastian looks confused now as I turn back to Asher.
He shrugs, turning off the burner and walking over to join us. “He’s not wrong.”
I decide to let it go and focus back on Baz. “So, what do you want to do today?”
Please say sit in a dark room not talking or moving for a few hours while mommy gets over her hangover. “I want Swearer to come over and we all go swimming outside! It’s sunny!”
I look out the patio doors and feel a sense of dread just thinking about that sunshine right now as my head throbs. “Okay.”
Baz jumps out of his chair and does a little happy dance that makes my head throb more, but he’s just so damn cute. “Oh yeah! Oh yeah! We’re going swimming.”
Asher grins as he takes a bite of pancake, and I look at Sebastian’s plate that only has a couple of pieces of pancake left. “Are you going to finish eating?”
“No. I go play now.”
He runs off before I can say anything, and I take a drink from my cup, praying the ibuprofen will kick in soon.
“Are you still pissed at me?”
Damn it. I was hoping we could just pretend last night didn’t happen. At least have some gentle small talk first, but that’s not his style. “Why would I be?”
My eyes meet his, and he nods his head, not sporting his usual smile as he takes another bite. “Never mind.”
I sigh and take another drink, hating that I’m an adult, and I know I can’t leave it like that. We live together. “No. You know what, I need to handle this differently. I get it, okay. You’re not attracted to me that way.” I smile the best I can. “You like fake and easy.”
“I do.” I hate his brash honesty that seems to come way too easy for him. He takes another bite off his fork and then points it at me. “And that’s not you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know. Are you seriously still on the ‘I can just hookup’ thing? I really thought that was just the wine talking.”
I roll my eyes, irritated that he doesn’t understand that maybe the wine made me braver, but it just brought everything up to the surface, things that have been festering for years. “Maybe the way it came out was because of the wine, but I’m still a young woman, Asher.” His eyes study me, his lips pouty and perfect as he stares at me. “I still have a desire to be wanted. To be touched.”
“Well, I can’t be the one to touch you.”
“Why?”
He stares at me, flabbergasted as he places his fork on his plate and leans back in his chair, his hand raking through his unruly hair. “You know why.”
“Because I’m a mom. I get it.”
But I don’t. Not really. And I’m frustrated.
“No, it’s not that. I’ll fuck a MILF any day if she’s down for a casual fuck.” Before I can argue he pulls his hand from his hair and waves me off. “That’s not you. You aren’t a casual girl. Be honest, if things were different and Colt wouldn’t have died, you might have wanted more.”
I hate how right he is. I tried to talk to Colt at school a couple of times after we hooked up, and he fled. He wanted nothing to do with me, but I wanted to be around him.
Asher knows he’s right, and he nods, picking his fork back up and poking a piece of pancake. “That proves it wasn’t just a hookup. You aren’t fake or easy. You’re complicated, and that’s not a bad thing.”
I hate the words he’s saying, but mostly because I know deep down, he’s right.
“I
don’t want a relationship. Not ever. And I can’t do that to you.” He doesn’t move the fork to his mouth. Instead he locks his eyes on me. “I don’t give a flying fuck about hurting Bianca or others like her. I’m an asshole like that, but you . . .” I watch him swallow and see the vulnerability in his eyes. “I won’t hurt you.”
“Because I’m Baz’s mom.”
“No, because you’re Viv.” He shrugs his large shoulders, and I watch his biceps flex with tension. “I don’t let people in as a rule. I hate getting close to people, but you snuck your way in over the past few years, and I care about you.”
Wow. I didn’t see that coming.
“I care about you too. And Baz loves you dearly.”
“I’ll always be his uncle, no matter what. But I don’t want to lose your friendship either.”
Damn it. I hate this charming asshole, but not really. I don’t think I could hate him if I tried.
“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
He smirks and takes a bite. “And it’s not that I’m not attracted to you. If we were total strangers, I’d fuck the shit out of you.”
I hold up a hand, laughing. “Please stop. We’re good.”
Baz runs in like the little tornado he is, wrapping his arms around my waist and looking up at me. “Mommy! Can we go swimming now?”
“Oh no.” I look over at Asher. “I still need to get a new suit.”
“Go.” He nods to Sebastian. “We’ll be fine here.”
Baz nods his head at his uncle in agreement.
I shake my head. “No, you watched him all night. He can come with me.”
Asher stands, walking over to the sink to rinse his plate off. “To hang out in a women’s dressing room while his mommy tries on swimsuits?”
I stand up, still feeling the throbbing in my head. “He’s three.”
“Still. It’ll be fine, Viv.” Baz runs to him, wrapping around his legs. Asher picks him up and turns him upside down while my son giggles uncontrollably. “Besides, he made quite the impression on Sawyer. He’s planning to come back over today to hang out.”
I laugh at that. “Well, he is pretty loveable.”
Baz giggles as Asher tickles him, and I watch them together happily.
