by Nicole Dykes
“I won’t say anything. I’ll sit there and eat, smiling like an idiot.”
She laughs and pulls me into a hug. “I don’t believe you.” She shoves me back playfully with a smile on her face. “But at least I tried. And I miss the hell out of you, little brother.”
That does make me smile. “I love you, big sis. Even though you’re a real pain in the ass.”
“That’s what they tell me.” She laughs and starts toward the door. “Let’s go help Mom, okay?”
I nod and follow my sister up the stairs, knowing that she was probably right, and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut.
When it comes to Linc, I have a really hard time holding back.
They gave Baz his own room in their home.
He didn’t even have his own room at my parents’ house. I know that Asher has a lot of issues with Penelope and Lincoln, but to me, they’re people who should have hated me, but they didn’t.
Instead, they accepted my son and me. They’ve tried, put in a real effort, and I’m forever grateful.
We sit down to dinner as Tony brings over the golden turkey, placing it in the middle of the table.
Everyone sits, and plates are made. A prayer is said, and we all dig in.
Baz is extremely happy as he stuffs his face on one side of me while Asher sits still and rigid on my other side across from Lincoln, Penelope, and Lola.
“I can’t get over how much he looks like Colt.”
My eyes widen slightly as I look down at the other end of the table where Nora’s smiling face watches Baz.
My parents never knew Colt as anyone other than “one of the Sterling boys,” and Asher and Sawyer never really talk about him.
It’s slightly jarring, but her face is so serene as she watches him.
“Yeah, he even has his laugh.” I turn to see the same sort of smile on Penelope’s face.
She should hate me most of all. She was Colt’s girlfriend when I got pregnant, and although she did take a year or two to come around, she was never hateful to me.
Asher told me the same thing.
I don’t remember Colt’s laugh. The night we conceived Baz we weren’t exactly laughing, and that was the longest I was ever around him.
Penelope and Lincoln share a look, and it’s a happy one, harboring no resentment. To me, Penelope is an extraordinary person.
“And his cowlick.” Nora smiles as she takes a sip of wine.
I laugh and ruffle Baz’s hair, but he swipes me away. “Yeah, it just doesn’t go away.”
Nora’s face is bright with the love I know she feels for all her children, and she laughs again. “We finally gave up and just let it do what it wanted with Colt.”
“That’s what I had to do too.”
Her warm eyes meet mine. “I’m so happy you’re here.” She looks around the table. “That you’re all here.”
I feel Asher stiffen, the tension rolling off him in waves, and I know I can’t do anything. Sawyer’s words ring in my ears about the Sterlings knowing about Asher and me, even if I don’t think what we’re doing is that wrong.
“Are we all going to be here for Christmas?” I barely recognize Asher’s voice. It’s strained and coming from his tightly-clenched mouth.
Nora shakes her head no. “No. Christmas will be at my house.” He nods, and the entire mood at the table has shifted as people eat nervously. Nora looks at Asher. “I hope everyone will be there too.”
Only more awkward now as Asher answers, “I’ll be there.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, but for whatever reason Nora has a follow-up. “And this summer . . .”
“No.”
My eyes widen as I look at Asher and see his jaw tick with anger.
“Ash . . .” The warning is from Lola.
Nora clears her throat, waving her hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“You’re allowed to ask him about this summer, Mom.” That comes from Linc, his voice a low growl as if he’s been holding back too, just waiting for Asher to say something.
Sawyer was definitely right about the two brothers. It’s been a tense day, and I haven’t seen them alone together once. Asher’s head swivels straight ahead to look at his brother. “You really want to go back to the lake, Linc?”
Penelope shifts uncomfortably in her seat, and for the first time today she doesn’t look happy—not at all.
“Don’t.” Linc’s eyes haven’t left Asher’s.
But Asher turns his fiery eyes on Penelope. “You want to? Really?”
Penelope looks at him directly, but I can tell she wants to do anything but that. “The lake will always be hard to go to, but if that’s what Nora wants.” She shrugs.
Asher scoffs and throws his cloth napkin from his lap to the table. “Right.”
“You said you could do this.” Lola is clearly upset, and Nora looks on the verge of tears.
This was a bad idea. I should have listened.
Asher looks at his sister calmly. “I didn’t do anything.”
Her eyes plead with him, but she doesn’t say anything. Nora does. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to go back there. It was just an idea. We haven’t been back since—”
“I don’t care what you guys do.” Asher interrupts her, and I can see Lincoln ready himself, placing his napkin on the table also. Asher meets Lincoln’s angry gaze with a rageful one of his own as he stands from his chair. “I’m not going back there. And I’m not pretending like we’re all here. We aren’t all here.”
“Sit down, you little shit.” Lincoln’s growl is low and eerie as he looks over at Asher.
Asher doesn’t back down. His shoulders only stiffen as he glares in Lincoln’s direction. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. You and your little ‘P’ have it so great here . . .” I barely recognize Asher, his eyes have almost blackened with a sickening rage. “Without him.”
I hear a shocked cry catch in Penelope’s throat, and Nora wipes tears from her face as she looks at her youngest. “Asher, I promise you . . .” Her voice is uneasy.
“Don’t,” he snaps, and I see Lincoln’s body close to rising, but Asher retreats, spinning on one foot. It’s clear he can’t stay in this room any longer.
“Mommy? What’s wrong with Asher?”
I hear Lincoln growl and see Penelope place a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m going to go check on him.” I try to ignore all the suspicious eyes on me as I place my napkin on the table and stand up, cupping Baz’s little chin affectionately. “Please be good, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy,” he singsongs as he pops another piece of turkey into his mouth, and I turn to Nora.
“Please excuse me. I’ll be right back.”
She watches me with surprise but a kind smile as she nods. “We’ll watch our little guy, no problem.”
I thank her and then, faster than I should with all of them watching me, I exit the dining room, searching for Asher. I turn right, trying to navigate through the massive house, totally unsure of where I'm going. But somehow, I find him.
He’s in the utility room with the door open, looking so incredibly lost as he places his palms flat on the white counter. The room is large with a washer and dryer, a sink, and white counter tops with shelves and cubbies, pristinely clean like the rest of the house.
I stand in the doorway, watching him. The corded muscles of his arms are flexed tight, and the vein in his neck is protruding through his skin. “Asher,” I breathe, unsure what to say to him.
My own heart aching because it knows his is.
“They don’t even fucking care that he’s gone.”
There’s no use arguing with him. I know logically that’s not true. They’re all grieving in their own ways, but I understand why Asher is upset even if it may not be fair. “I’m sorry I talked you into this.”
I watch his eyes flutter closed as he struggles to regain control. “I hate hurting my mother. I fucking hate it. Linc, he can handle it,
but she can’t.”
“She’ll be okay, Asher. She’s not as fragile as she once was.”
His head turns toward me, his eyes on me and his hands still planted firmly on the countertop. “Why are you so angry with your brother?”
His head drops, and the laugh that escapes his throat is almost terrifying. “I don’t want to talk.”
Another slice through my heart. I want him to confide in me. I want to hear everything. Everything he holds back, but he won’t talk to me, and I know it’s because he’s afraid to get too close. I step into the room and close the door behind me.
His head lifts as he turns to look at me again. As I walk toward him, moving one of his hands out of the way and hopping on the counter in front of him, spreading my legs to allow him to rest between them and seeing a bewildered look on his face.
His hand sweeps over my neck into my hair. “What are you doing?”
“You don’t want to talk with words . . . but I can feel you’re in pain.”
His thumb sweeps over my bottom lip as he stares into my eyes. I can see there’s so much he wants to say. “Baz isn’t asleep.”
“He’s in good hands.” I take his hand in mine and bring his to my lip, giving it a kiss before moving to his pointer finger, kissing the tip and bringing it into my mouth, sucking on it, letting my tongue tease the tip as he watches me. I see him swallow.
“There’s no lock.”
“I’m not afraid.” I release his hand, scooting back a little further on the counter. My hands slide over my thighs to push the skirt of my dress up and over them, baring myself for him. He swallows again as his eyes watch my hands as they find my panties and I slide them down my legs, kicking them off. I grab his belt, quickly unfastening it.
His hand moves back to my hair, gripping it and yanking it just enough to tip my head back as his lips find my neck, nipping and sucking, driving me wild. My ass scoots closer to the edge now.
His tongue licks the sensitive skin under my ear before I feel his lips on my earlobe. “Is this thrilling enough for you? Fucking me while they’re all out there? Eating dinner? Wondering where we are?”
My hand finds the button on his jeans as I undo it and the zipper, reaching into his briefs and finding him hard and ready for me. “Yes,” I whisper harshly.
I wrap my hand around his cock as he pushes his jeans and briefs down, using his arm to pull my body to his, his hand gripping my ass. “You want them to walk in on this?”
I stroke his length in my hand, and it presses between my legs. All I can think about is having him inside me. I crave it.
“I don’t care if they do.”
He presses the tip of his hardened cock inside me, and my head falls back, releasing him as he thrusts into me. We both groan.
I know we don’t have much time. I know that soon Baz will come looking for us. Or Nora. I wrap my legs around his ass as we find our familiar rhythm, his body knowing mine. Knowing exactly what I want. My fingernails dig into his scalp as his lips collide with mine, and we get lost in a furious kiss, letting him take it all out on me with each lash of his tongue.
His teeth nip my bottom lip, punishing me as I groan and roll my hips, taking every inch of him. “I’m going to come inside you, and then we’re going back to the dinner table.” His hand holds onto my hip as he slams into me, my pussy clenching around him at his dirty words. “They’re going to see how swollen your lips are and how flushed your cheeks are from the orgasm I'm about to give you.”
My head leans back as his lips move from mine to my neck, and his free hand roams between us, finding my clit and pinching it, pulling a gasp from me. “Yes.” It’s all I can manage.
I feel him grin against the skin of my neck. “They’ll wonder, but we’ll know.” He thrusts into me, pulling his hips back slowly and then fills me again, stretching me at a torturous speed.
My lips meet his again, desperate for his kiss as his fingers swirl over my clit. His cock moves in and out of me in a painstakingly slow rhythm, hitting the perfect spot with each stroke.
He continues his tormenting filthy talk between kisses. “My cum will be inside you as we small-talk and eat homemade cooking. You’ll be soaked and wanting more.”
“Oh my God, Asher.” I feel the walls of my pussy clench around him, squeezing him tightly, chasing my release, his words propelling me toward the high.
“You’re hot just thinking about all of them knowing about this, aren’t you?”
I nod against him as my fingers grasp his hair tightly. “Come inside me.”
He groans, and I feel his cock jerk with excitement inside me as we move together, both heading toward the glorious peak, our mouths colliding as we climb.
“Fuck, Viv.”
I’ll never tire of his sexy groaning voice when he’s inside of me. Of the way he says my name.
I’ll never tire of him.
The sick realization is something I've already known, but still . . .
It terrifies me to my core.
“You’re fucking her.”
It’s not a question coming from my brother. It’s a cold, knowing statement in the cool night air as he joins me out on the patio.
After I finished inside Viv, we did go back to the dinner table. The tension from before had died down, and although I didn’t want to engage in bullshit small talk, I was present. After we finished eating, Vivienne took Baz downstairs to start the agonizing process of getting Baz to go to sleep in a place virtually unknown to him.
I offered to help, but she suggested I spend some time with my family.
Not something I wanted. So after helping clean up the mess and when Penelope, Lola and my mom cracked open a bottle of wine, I found solace in their back patio which is right on the beach. I can see the ocean as I watch the water rippling from the breezy night.
I don’t look at my brother as he takes a seat in the chair covered in padded white fabric that’s next to my identical one.
Everything here is white.
Who the hell are they trying to fool? As if I don’t know how black their souls are.
“Answer me, Asher.”
The laugh that rolls out of my throat is cold and bitter. “Was it a question?”
I can feel him bristling next to me, but I don’t turn to face him. “Are you?”
“You have no right to ask me anything.” I love my brother. I do. I love my entire family. Maybe not my father. But I’m not answering to Linc.
“She’s Sebastian’s mom.”
I swallow the bile in my throat, feeling the hot shame inside but not wanting to show him a goddamn ounce of it. “She’s a woman.”
I try to repeat her own words, knowing they’ll fall on deaf ears. “A woman who had a child with our brother.”
Now my body swivels, my sight on my brother. “You have some balls, man. I’ll give you that.”
“Must run in the family.”
“Fuck you.”
His jaw ticks, his mouth in an angry frown. “After all the shit you gave me about P, you’re fucking Vivienne. When you’re supposed to be helping her out.”
“I help her plenty.”
“Right. Help her right out of her pants.”
I swallow, hating that he’s throwing this in my face. Hating that I knew he would. Hating that he’s right and I'm no better than him. “What we do is none of your business, Linc.” I lean closer to him, my eyes sending a deadly warning I know he won’t listen to. “She wasn’t his.”
“Penelope wasn’t either.” His words bite, but I see him flinch ever so slightly.
“Bull. Shit.” I turn away from him, looking back at the ocean. “She was his, Linc. You can keep telling yourself all you want that she was always yours, but we both know it’s a lie.”
A lie everyone else has just accepted. He claimed her, and they all just sit around and accept it—hell, they embrace it.
But I can’t.
“Asher, I’ve loved her since the day we met, and I don’t owe
you shit. But she is mine.”
“He had her first.”
“No.” His voice is a hoarse growl into the night. “He didn’t.”
I feel sick as my eyes close and my stomach heaves, thinking about Penelope and Colt’s senior prom. The night I saw Linc take Penelope into our parents’ bedroom, stay in there with her for hours doing God knows what to her body.
“Does that make you feel like a big man, Linc? Fucking her first?” I turn to look at him again. “Turning her into your slut?”
His eyes flash red, and I jump up just out of his grasp a second before his body lunges for mine as he tries to calm himself. “Don’t.”
The word is a threat, and I see the rage burning in him as he stands a foot away. “What? That’s what happened, right? She was dating him, but you just had to claim her. You fucked her when they were still together.”
“They weren’t together.”
I was there. I saw them posing for pictures for my mom in their prom attire. I saw his kiss graze her forehead and then her lips before they climbed in the car. They were in love before prom, and then somehow the night ended with her in bed with Linc.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
He shakes it off, running his fingers through his hair, his chest heaving with anger I recognize. “This isn’t about me and P. I don’t really give a flying fuck what you think about us. She’s mine, and I'm hers.” His eyes meet mine. “Vivienne isn’t a fucktoy. She’s Sebastian’s mom.”
“Who the hell said she was a fucktoy?”
“Ah, okay. So you and she are a thing? You’re fully committed?”
My jaw ticks and part of me wishes he would hit me. I want to feel it, the fist crunching against my bones, the physical pain through my body to match the way I feel inside. “Again, none of your fucking business.”
“It is.” A deep breath follows before he adds, “Sebastian is my business, and she is his mother.”
I scoff. He really has lost his fucking mind. “Sebastian is your nephew, but he’s also mine. And I have spent a hell of a lot more time with the kid. I adore that fucking kid. I’ll never let anything happen to him.”
“You’re fucking his mother.”
