Restrictions

by Nicole Dykes

  “She cared about you.”

  I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat. “She shouldn’t have. But yes. And I fucked her sister to push her away. Because I know that shit is unforgiveable. And I wanted her to hate me.”

  “So, you’re saying you are just as much of an asshole as I am?”

  He laughs. “You’re the furthest thing from an asshole, and what I'm saying is . . . I know until we get to a place where we’re firmly committed, if we ever get there, I don’t own you. You can do whatever you want, but I want to get to know you. I want to see if maybe I'm capable of that, but I'm afraid I’ll hurt you too.”

  “So, you’re saying you want to take this slow?”

  His head nods. “Yes. Very slow. I’ll never forgive myself if I hurt you.” His smirk is back. “Of course, if you’re in need of a dirty fuck, I'm most definitely in for that too.”

  I laugh, but there’s a flutter low in my belly thinking about it. Wondering what he’s like in bed. Is he gentle? I can’t imagine he is. Does he have a sensitive side? Or is he playful? Rough? “I would be up for that.”

  He smiles again, and it is so damn beautiful. “Still. You’re a mom first. To a fucking phenomenal kid.” His smile only brightens when he talks about Baz, and again I feel the flutter, but this time it’s in my chest. “I mean, he’s so smart and funny. I don’t like kids, Viv, like at all. I usually find them boring and annoying.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “You’re terrible.”

  He laughs with me. “But Baz. I love that kid.” His eyes land on mine. “I don’t want to do anything that hurts him.”

  “We’ll take it very slow, and I'll guard my heart.”

  His hand takes mine, and I can’t deny the electric jolt I feel at his touch. “I want to get to know you and see if this is real or just an attraction.”

  I nod. I thought I was in love with Asher, but maybe it was like he said, and I was confused by us living together, being friends, having sex, and raising Baz together. Anyone could get lost in all that.

  “I think that’s a good idea.”

  He leans closer to me, and his lips press against mine softly, but then his fingers thread through my hair, and his kiss becomes more passionate as his mouth ravages mine. Then he pulls back slightly, leaving me breathless and wanting more.

  “This is a really weird time to tell you I got a job offer, right?”

  I place a hand over my thundering heart and try to catch my breath. “Um . . . no. That’s great. Where?”

  “California.”

  I start laughing, probably way too hard for the situation, but I can’t help it. “You are such an asshole.”

  He laughs and leans his head back against the seat. “I was going to tell you right away, but I couldn’t stop thinking about your neck.”

  “Well, at least you didn’t wait to tell me until I was naked.”

  “Is that still an option?” His eyebrows raise, and I playfully smack his chest. “I don’t know if I'm going to take it. I really do want to get to know you and moving across the country could fuck that up.”

  I laugh again. “It could.” My eyes meet his. “Do you want to take it?”

  “I did. But then I kissed you again, and God, I want more of that too.”

  I unintentionally bite my bottom lip, thinking about kissing him more. “I do too. What kind of job?”

  He laughs, his head resting against the headrest as he looks out the front window. “Real estate with Linc Sterling.”

  My jaw drops. “What?”

  His shoulders lift with laughter. “I shit you not. Our fathers are friends, and mine mentioned Linc was in real estate in California, so I gave him a call a month ago. He said he would get back to me, and he did.”

  “Linc hates his father.” It’s all I can say, and honestly, I don’t know why I said it.

  “Yeah, we have that in common.”

  “Wow.”

  He nods. “He said he can give me time to decide.”

  I can’t let him turn down a job for me. “That’s great.”

  He smiles and casually turns his head to look at me. “You hungry?”

  I nod, and we continue our date, going into the restaurant hand in hand.

  I have no idea where this is going, but I do know I want more of it.

  It’s been almost a month since I found out Viv was going out on an actual fucking date with Sawyer. And since then, I've been doing my best to stay the fuck away from them both.

  I’m angry. No, fuck that, I'm fucking livid.

  I thought for sure he would get into her pants once and then be done, but now, a month later and during a game of hide and seek with Baz I walk past Viv’s room and see her all dressed up, staring into the mirror and applying lipstick.

  For. Him.

  I stop dead in my tracks, staring like a fucking creeper at her as she stares at her reflection in the mirror.

  “Uncle Asher!” I look down at Baz as he flies out of the linen closet, gaining Viv’s attention as well as mine. She stays put, probably annoyed that I'm invading her space. Baz puts a hand on his hip. “You took too long. I’m bored.”

  “Sorry, buddy.” I ruffle his hair, and he runs off to his room, giggling. I stand in place, my eyes glued to Viv.

  Her hair is pulled up with her bangs swept to the side, and the dress she’s wearing makes me physically ache to be near her. It’s a short red dress with thin straps crossing in the back and dipping low, showing off her perfect cleavage.

  I want to fucking scream.

  “Asher, what are you doing?”

  I walk into her room, and she turns away from me back toward the mirror, putting in a pair of diamond earrings as I stand directly behind her and watch her in the reflection. “What are you doing?”

  I feel her tense. “I’m getting ready for a date with Sawyer.”

  I roll my eyes and make damn sure she sees it. “A date? Sawyer doesn’t date.”

  Her small shoulder lifts as she moves to put a diamond stud in the other delicate lobe. “I guess he does now.”

  I lean in closer, but I don’t touch her. “You’re a game for him. Has he fucked you yet?”

  She swallows, her eyes closing briefly, and then her eyes meet mine in the mirror. “I told you. That’s none of your business.”

  My mouth nears her ear, my voice a husky growl. “And how did he feel about me being inside you the first night he took you out?”

  “You’re a real asshole.” She spins around, her arms folded under her chest. “I can’t believe you told him that.”

  I smirk, still glad I did. I wanted him to know. “It must not have bugged him too much. I mean, you’re going out again.”

  Her lips curl in a devious smile, and I know I'm not going to like what she says next. “I guess he’s not afraid of a little competition.”

  “Little, hell. We both know there’s nothing little about me.”

  Her breath hitches, and I’m momentarily satisfied. “Trust me. He can hold his own.”

  I stop the growl bubbling up in my throat, wanting to beat the shit out of him for touching her. That is, if she’s not bluffing. I study her, trying to decide if she’s just trying to hurt me. That’s not usually her style. “You sure about that? Sawyer’s always been all about him.”

  She doesn’t falter. “Not with me.”

  Fuck! Part of me wants to die. I don’t think she’s fucking with me. I think his hands have been all over her.

  “What does it say about a guy who doesn’t mind you fucking his best friend? Huh, Viv? You think he actually cares about you?” I edge closer, picking up on her minty breath. “You’re a thrill.”

  “What exactly is thrilling about me, Asher?” She drops her hands and leans in, accepting my challenge.

  Every fucking thing. “You’re a single mom. You turned him down. You aren’t normally into guys like him. You were fucking me. Every single thing about you screams challenge, Viv. Don’t be so fucking blind.”
/>
  I hate the angry tears in her eyes. “He’s not like that.”

  “Bullshit. I’ve known him a hell of a lot longer than you. He wants a thrill. You’re just another conquest for him.”

  “You’re wrong. When you and I . . .” She’s flustered and can’t even say it as she uses her hand to sweep that thought away. “He had no claim to me, and I had no claim to him. We’re taking things slow, and he’s not a possessive asshole.”

  “So, you’re just going to fuck us both then?”

  Her eyes are cold. “You were a mistake.”

  “One you would gladly make over and over again. You couldn’t spread your legs for me fast enough.”

  Her hands ball into fists at her sides, and I think she just might hit me. Her voice is shaky. “Why do you care?” Her finger presses against my chest, leaving an achy, hot feeling in the spot she touches me, right over my heart. “You’re not in love with me. You don’t want a real relationship, so why the hell do you care who I'm with? Why does it matter, Asher?”

  “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  Her eyes are watery with rage and frustration as she talks through clenched teeth. “No. You just don’t want to see me with him, or maybe anyone else. But you had your chance. We could have at least tried, but you’re a coward.”

  “I’m not a fucking coward.” My body crowds hers as her ass presses against her dresser. I'm so angry I can’t even appreciate just how fucking good she looks in that dress.

  “Yes, you are, Asher. You’re afraid to try. To fail.”

  I scoff, and it’s cold and hateful. “I think you have me confused with you. Little Ms. Perfect, holding back, trying to be perfect and please everyone else until you explode and fuck up in huge ways that mess up everyone else’s lives.”

  I swear I hear the smack of her hand against my face before I feel the sting it brings. She’s panting with fury, a tear streaking her cheek. “Don’t you ever call Baz a mistake.”

  I need to shut up. Back down. I’m in the wrong, and I know it, but I keep going. “I love that kid more than anything, but the way he came crashing into this world . . .” My face aches with the slap from her hand, and I'm sure her hand is in pain after the hard hit. But I refuse to show the pain, and so does she. I glare at her. “It started a destructive path that none of us will ever come back from.”

  “That’s all I am to you. Your brother’s mistake.” I swallow the disgusting feeling, and I want to scream that it’s not true, but I don’t. I stand there, unmoving as she fights back tears. “That’s why you moved in with me, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  She looks numb as another tear falls. “Colt died and left behind a huge mess. At first, you did everything you could to be there for your mother, and then when she was happy, you moved on to me.”

  “No.”

  I try to take her hand, but she jerks it away. “It’s true, isn’t it? Baz and me? We’re just his mess. He’s gone, so you took on his responsibility.”

  “Vivienne . . .”

  I reach for her again, but she moves further away. “I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”

  A surge of anger kicks up, and I laugh at her. “Right. That’s why you went right to fucking Sawyer.”

  She moves back toward me, her chin lifted high through her tears. “Sawyer is twice the man you are. He has the balls you lack, and at least he’s trying.”

  “He’s trying to get into your pants.”

  “He’s already been there.” I feel the tension soar through my body, and I feel a strange mixture of wanting to murder him and wanting to puke. Now it’s her turn to be cold as she leans in, her tongue flicking with fury. “Over and over. And he keeps coming back for more.”

  I swallow hard. “You know I was Colt’s replacement all these fucking years . . .” I lean in, my jaw tight with fury. “But Sawyer is mine.”

  My lips press against hers in a rageful kiss that she briefly accepts. Her mouth presses against mine and opens for a tongue lashing, but it’s over in a moment as she shoves me away from her, wiping her mouth with her hand. “No.”

  I stare at her, fury in my soul and a dull ache in my chest. “No?”

  She’s never turned me down before. “No.” She’s firm in her answer. “I’m done with this. I won’t do this.” She shakes her head and grabs her purse, going out of her room, and I hear her telling Baz it’s time to go to his grandma’s.

  I take a seat on her bed, hating how I can still smell her perfume and her shampoo.

  Hating that I truly am the definition of a fucking coward.

  I need to apologize. I know that. I was a total dick.

  After no sleep, a workout, and a shower, I head upstairs to try my best to make it right. I don’t want her to hate me.

  I reach the top of the stairs and there’s a sinking feeling deep inside me, one I can’t explain. It feels similar to the night Colt died, when I heard the sirens coming from outside. I had a horrible fucking feeling of dread and just knew something was wrong.

  That’s how I feel now as I walk past Baz’s room and see him playing happily, feeling slightly relieved that he’s okay. I give him a quick wave and still can’t shake the feeling as I approach Viv’s room.

  Her door is open, and she has a maroon suitcase on the bed as she folds clothes and places them inside.

  “Viv?”

  My voice seems to jolt her as she turns around to face me, and I can tell she’s been crying.

  “What are you doing?”

  She wipes her face and sniffs as she places a sundress into the suitcase. “I’m leaving.”

  No. “What?” I step closer to her. “Where are you going?”

  She swallows and walks to her closet to grab more clothes. “California.”

  “What? California? What the fuck?”

  I can’t breathe. I’m not even sure I want to. “Why? To be around the rest of my fucking family?”

  She walks back over, packing more. “Sawyer got a job offer there.”

  I fight my body’s urge to double over from the extreme pain I feel in my stomach. She might as well have punched me in the gut. “Sawyer?”

  She stops packing and faces me, choking on her words. “I can’t do this with you anymore, Asher. We aren’t good for each other.”

  “You can’t just fucking run away.”

  “I’m not running. I graduated. I can work with Lola and Penelope. Baz will get to know his aunts and other uncle.”

  Baz. Fuck. I can’t catch my breath, and I wonder if this is what dying feels like. “Baz.”

  Her eyes close as she tries to stop her tears.

  “You can’t take him away from me.”

  “I’m not.” Her voice is strained, and even if deep down I know this is hard for her, I don’t want to give her a pass. I’ll never fucking forgive her if she does this.

  “Don’t do this. I love that fucking kid.”

  “He loves you. I’m not going to keep you from him, Asher. But I can’t breathe around you. I can’t stand to be near you. I have to give myself a chance at a normal life, maybe a real relationship. And I can’t do that with you right here, calling me back to you only to torture me over and over.”

  “So I'll move out.”

  Her bottom lip quivers, and she shakes her head. “I need distance. I can’t do this.”

  “So, you’ll sacrifice Baz for yourself? That doesn’t seem like you.”

  “Don’t you ever question my love for that child.” She points to her chest, her hand shaking. “I have stayed here, punishing myself for love of him, and I can’t do it anymore. I’m not functioning, and that’s not good for him because I’m his parent.”

  “Don’t do this. Don’t fucking do this, Viv. You told me you could handle this, or I never would have fucked you.”

  She holds back another cry as she zips the suitcase and picks it up, walking into Baz’s room as I follow, fury in my veins.

  She can’t do this to me.


  She turns to face me, her voice low. “You can stay here as long as you need to. I’m not selling it.” She turns to Baz before I can tell her where to shove her stupid fucking house. I feel sick as she tries her best to sound cheerful. “Baz, tell Uncle Asher good-bye okay. Give him a hug. We have a plane to catch.”

  Baz’s bottom lip puffs out, and my heart squeezes in my chest as I look at my nephew. “Can’t he go with us?”

  Vivienne instantly shuts it down. “No, not this time. Remember?” He’s still pouting, and she places a hand on his little shoulder. “Give him a hug. We can’t be late.” Her eyes look at me, urging me to keep my mouth shut.

  I bend down and hold my arms out as Baz runs into them, and I close them around him, fighting back tears of my own.

  Fuck. I didn’t even cry when Colt died, but the devastation I feel right now is crushing. “Not bye, buddy. Okay? I’ll come visit you all the time, and I'll call you so much you’ll get sick of me.”

  He laughs, and I close my eyes, holding him close. “Okay, Uncle Asher.”

  I don’t want to let him go, but I do. I stand up, trying not to show him how badly it hurts. I don’t want him to be upset.

  “Grab your bag, sweetie.” Viv’s voice is shaky as she tries her best to sound like Mary fucking Poppins.

  He does, and he walks out of his room, his little Spiderman backpack in hand.

  I grab Viv’s wrist before she can leave. “Do you even fucking love him? Or are you really moving across the country with him just to hurt me?”

  She pulls her arm away from me, easy to do because I wasn’t holding on tight. “I’m doing what I have to do. And I do hope that you visit him and call him.”

  “I will.”

  There’s no way in hell I'm letting the kid down, and she knows it.

  “Good. I don’t want to take him from you.”

  “Then don’t.”

  She sobs, and I look away. “I have to do this.”

  My eyes stay trained on Baz’s window and the tree right outside it. “You’ll regret this.”

  “I’m not letting anything hold me back anymore, Asher. No more fear, and I can’t stay here.”