The End of Me

by Tara Brown

Page 12

 

  I frowned, "So I do that and I’m free?" I was confused. I thought he too wanted the Burrow thing. I was clearly in over my head, like Coop had said.

  He glanced back at me wickedly, "No. I will own you, I won't need those other things. "

  I shook my head, "You’ve preyed upon my circumstances. You already do own me. " The sickening truth of it all was killing me inside. He owned me. He kissed me. I had wanted it. The way he had uttered the threat with such confidence was disturbing, and yet, I had wanted it.

  He smiled, but it was bitter and harsh, "Then I guess we won't have any issues. " He stepped out of the doorway and let me pass. As I walked by him, he grabbed my arm and held me to the side of him. The heat of his body was intense and yet inviting. I wanted that kind of warmth to cover me. I hated myself for the thought, as it passed through my brain.

  His breath was irregular, like he wanted to say something or do something, but he didn’t. He left it as another awkward moment between us… us perfect strangers. Perfect strangers who acted like old lovers, but without reason.

  He released me and stepped back inside. I noticed, as I walked to the elevator, the men standing in the long hallway. Had they been there when I arrived? My skills needed honing.

  I was obviously out of my league.

  I pressed the elevator button and waited.

  The door behind me opened again. Panic filled me when I heard him cross the hallway towards me. I didn’t look back, I just waited for whatever thing, he was going to do next. He grabbed my arm, spinning me around. He passed me the white envelope but continued to grip my arm for a moment. His eyes sparkled with something, trouble and temptation maybe.

  He smirked and let me go. He walked back to the room and closed the door, as the elevator arrived.

  "Ma'am. "

  I turned to see the bellhop. I blushed and stepped inside.

  I pressed my back against the wall of the elevator, and waited for him to call me ma'am once more. I would clip him in the ear with the envelope.

  I struggled to breathe until the elevator stopped on the main floor. I walked across the lobby and tried not to feel like a whore, or have a panic attack.

  Coop was sitting outside in the valet parking with the cab. I climbed in and noticed it wasn’t him, as I closed the door. It was a lady. I had gotten in the wrong cab.

  She was young, not quite thirty, and maybe a little bit butch. She grinned back at me, "Hey, where to?" and winked.

  I shook my head, "What? Uhm, Jericho drive in Weston. "

  I didn’t know what to think or do. I didn’t have the money to pay for the cab. I would have to get the Visa from the other envelope and pay with that.

  She drove for a block and then pulled into a car wash. "Mind if I wash the car quick? Hit a bird. "

  I shook my head, "No, of course not. "

  She winked again, "Supa. " It was super, but she said it like a true Bostonian. Was she a real cabbie? I was about to relax, when she held up a piece of paper as we got into the car wash. I read the writing and pulled out the white envelope and passed it to her.

  She fished through it and then held up a small, round battery-looking object. She opened the window a bit and tossed it out into the water. She paused a second and then fired the white envelope out the window.

  "Hey!" I said.

  She laughed, "The first one was the decoy. There was one actually pasted into the envelope seams. They're getting sneakier. "

  I smiled, "Oh well, they’ve come a long way in the last few years, I guess. "

  She rolled her dark-brown eyes, "I'm Luce. "

  "Evie. "

  She nodded, "I know. I knew your husband. "

  I scoffed, "Yeah, apparently everyone did. "

  "Yeah I didn’t know him like that," she laughed and handed me back the picture and the room key.

  I folded the picture and keycard and put them in my purse.

  In between the water and soap cycle, the car door opened. Coop jumped in and slammed the door. He shook his head and pulled off the wet coat he was wearing.

  "That was fun. " he smirked at me.

  "What are you doing? You should have told me, I was getting a different cabbie. Did you hide in the carwash all this time?" I asked looking around the car wash.

  "No. Can't always get the same driver. Duh. " He leaned forward and slapped Luce on the arm, "You get the bugs out?"

  She stared back at him with a deadly stare. Her body looked thicker than mine, how an agent should look. I bet she could bench press me. I looked at my feeble arms and remembered how they used to look. I used to be beefier. Yoga was relaxing, but I wasn’t building any bulk in those classes.

  Coop turned and smirked, "How was it?"

  I frowned, "I can't do it. I'm going to have to run for it. "

  He frowned back, "What? Did he hurt you?"

  I laughed, and tried not to think about the thing he did do to me. I shook my head, "No. He was a perfect gentleman," I lied.

  Luce looked back and smirked, "He's hot, like what-the-hell hot. I’d let him hurt me for an hour or two. Shit, I might hurt him. "

  I continued laughing and tried to cover my blush, "Yeah, uhm—wow. When did arms dealers stop looking like Boris Yeltsin or Bin Laden? I actually remember when George Bush Junior was the hot guy in amongst the dictators and presidents. "

  She laughed with me, but Coop frowned, "He's a murderer. "

  I nodded, "I got the impression he didn’t think Mel and James were dead. Of course, there is also the fact, he asked me to murder a fat guy in a cliché, gangster white suit. "

  Luce winced, "No one looks hot in a white suit. Not since Miami Vice. "

  I pointed at her, "True story. "

  We were instant friends. I liked it.

  Coop looked confused. I liked that too.

  The wash ended, forcing Coop to slink back in the seat. He ducked down quickly when Luce started the car and drove out.

  "I can't kill that man," I muttered, not wanting Luce to hear I was all bark and no bite.

  He nodded, "I know, and yet, you have to. " His eyes twinkled. The steely blue was gone and in its stead was a sarcastic brightness.

  I felt my eye twitch with nerves, "You're getting off on this, aren’t you?"

  He nodded and snickered, it was a real snicker like a kid would do. "I am. You are well known as a former female counter Intel agent. It's fun to see you freak out and not know what the hell to do. "

  Luce turned back as she drove out of the city, "It's true. I am honored to be working with you. It's good to have you back. "

  I shook my head, "No. Not back. I'm not working again. "

  She gave me a look in the rearview, "You sure about that. "

  I sighed, defeated, "No. "

  Coop put his hand on mine and squeezed, "I’ve got this. Trust me okay?"

  Looking into his eyes, I could see it was back. The flash of light and funny was gone. His eyes were almost gray, they were so icy.

  I did trust him. I didn’t know why, but I did. Maybe because, he was mean enough to be capable.

  When Luce dropped me off, Coop whispered, "See you in five. "

  I gulped and got out, "Thanks for the ride. "

  She nodded, "No worries. See you soon. Vegas baby!!"

  I closed the door and walked up to the house. My house, that for the first time, I was scared of. I didn’t know what would be waiting in the house for me. A small part of me wished it were my kids and my mom waiting for me. I would have even taken James, greeting me at the front door. He was the devil, I knew.

  Instead, it was dimly lit from the setting sun and frightening. My home felt as fake as everything else. My life was a mess and the road to fixing it seemed outlandish, even to an ex-Intel agent.

  I was standing in the middle of the foyer, terrified to enter the rest of the house and be alone in it, when Coop c
ame through the kitchen. He walked across the rooms, making no noise.

  Seeing his silhouette in the shadows of the house, made me feel better—less alone in the world. He whispered, "You need to get ready. "

  I whispered back, "I know. " But I didn’t know why we were whispering. I had debugged everything, hadn’t I?

  Chapter Six - The Mile-High Club

  I scrubbed, shaved, used a loofah on everything, and then got out the tools for the plucking and primping. I didn’t know the last time I'd done it and I didn’t want to admit, why I was doing it. Instead, I told myself it was like shedding the skin of the old me. The me that bought all of James' lines.

  I frowned when I thought about the fact, I was again thinking not-holy thoughts about the arms dealer who had made me want him.

  I needed to focus on the mean cougar comment from the little shit downstairs. That was a libido killer if anything was.

  I wiped the mirror dry and looked at my naked reflection. I looked good…pretty good. Okay, not nineteen good or however old Coop really was. Between him and James, I was feeling fairly hideous. James had me doubting my self-esteem and Coop had me doubting my wiles. Servario on the other hand, was making me feel pretty and sexy. In fact, he made me think things I only thought about when I was alone with a one-handed read.

  I leaned into the mirror and whispered, "Your kids and your mother need you. This isn’t about revenge sex. You have more self-respect than to let a man have you and not love you. Try to remember that. ”

  My libido had gone a long time without any loving and was prepared to wrestle over the matter. It made comments fly through my brain like, 'sex is not love' and 'sometimes a little loving can help you get past things or clear your head'.

  I was already justifying dry humping a criminal and possibly enjoying every second of it. His thick arms and sexy lips made me think there was no ‘possibly‘—I was going to enjoy it. I was going to savor it, like it would be the last time. Of course with him, there was a huge chance it might be the last time. Not to mention, I clearly wasn’t great at it, James had fucked everything that moved for a reason.