Smokey

by Sam Crescent

  They looked at her with pity.

  She turned on her heel and walked away. Coming to the fair had been a big mistake. She pulled out her cell phone and waited for the cab to come get her. The same man who’d dropped her off collected her.

  He drove back to her house. No words, once again. She didn’t want to make conversation. Ava paid him the moment they arrived at her house. After climbing out, she headed toward the front door and came to a stop.

  The four teddies were waiting with a card that read: We need a home.

  They were the same teddies Smokey had won for her. She didn’t know how he got to her house before her.

  She bent down and picked them up. In the back of her mind, she was tempted to throw them out in the trash. She couldn’t do it. When Smokey had won, each time, he’d picked the exact teddy she would have wanted.

  That wasn’t really important, though. Sheer coincidence. She wasn’t going to believe he knew her so well as to pick out the right teddy bears.

  Even still, she couldn’t help liking that he had picked them out.

  ****

  Smokey was getting antsy. The first run had gone smoothly. They’d picked up the dope at the port and it was waiting in one of the warehouses to be collected. The ride across the county had gone off without a hitch. No interference.

  He’d expected Creed and his Twisted Bastards to have interfered. To have done something to make sure it went badly. Nothing. With Creed silent, Smokey knew the bastard was up to something. He just needed to figure out what.

  The club was excited for their return.

  Club pussy ran into their open arms. A couple of women approached him, but he ignored them, heading straight inside. He went to the bathroom first. After stripping out of his clothes, he took a long shower. Turning it to cold to wash away the fatigue.

  Once he was clean, he took off and headed back to church. The money they’d earned was distributed to each member with an amount being put aside for the club. This was how they always did business.

  Overall, the club had the highest percentage. In time, it would be invested back into the bank, but at such a rate no one would know where the money came from. Their businesses helped to hide that money as well.

  He waited to see if anyone wanted to contribute. Everyone was happy. He slammed the gavel down, and this time, he was the first one out of the room. Women were waiting to party, but there was only one place he wanted to be. Going straight back to his bike, he straddled the machine and took off, heading toward town. The first place he went was the bakery.

  No sign of life.

  His shoulders slumped. There wasn’t a single buyer.

  He’d checked. He hadn’t interfered with this one, but he wanted to. If he purchased the shop, Ava would leave.

  She had the means of starting over. His thorough background check of her had told him of her wealth. She didn’t need him or the club. No man. Her money was what lured Derek to her.

  This pissed him off because there was nothing he could do.

  “She’s still not opening.”

  He turned to see Larissa, a sweet librarian, standing a couple of feet from him. She was the priest’s daughter.

  “Has she been in town?”

  Larissa shook her head. “No. I’ve seen her at the grocery store. That’s about it.”

  Smokey nodded his head. “Tell your dad I said hi.”

  She smiled. “He told me to tell you that if you ever feel the need to talk, he’s always open.”

  Smokey nodded. He liked Larissa’s father. Jonah Adams. They had learned to accept each other within this small town.

  “Do you need a ride home?”

  Larissa shook her head. “I like to walk. Good night, Smokey.”

  He offered good night and then kept an eye on her until she made it home. There were some people who needed protection. Larissa was a sweet woman. She was only eighteen years old, but damn it, the world was too cruel for her. She trusted everyone and people took advantage of that. He knew her father had to even be cautious with new people coming along.

  With Larissa back home, he went to the only other place he wanted to go. Ava’s.

  Parking his bike, he stared up at her house.

  The curtain twitched and he smiled, offering up a wave for her to see. She closed the curtain, and seconds later, she came out, wrapping a robe around her.

  “Smokey, what are you doing here?”

  It was the first time in a week since he’d seen her, and his heart pounded at the sight of her. He did notice the paleness of her complexion. She looked like she’d been sick.

  After climbing off his bike, he made his way toward her. Ava stopped, and realizing he was scaring her, he paused and cursed. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to come here anymore.”

  “Have you been sick?” he asked.

  Ava frowned. “A little. Not a lot. I’m going to go and see a doctor. Not that it’s any of your concern. You look … you’re tired, Smokey. Abriana said you were on a run or whatever it’s called. Go home. Get some rest.”

  “I miss you,” he said. “I don’t like that you’re sick.”

  “I’m not sick. It’s, it’s kind of hard to explain. I feel fine most days. It’s just the mornings. I’m thinking I’m developing some allergies to some foods.” She shook her head. “But that’s not the point. You can’t keep doing this. You think I don’t notice that you’re always hanging out here? It’s not right.”

  “Why is it not right?” he asked.

  “Because we’re not together anymore.” Her hand was still bandaged up.

  “When will that be completely healed?” he asked.

  “You’re not listening to me.”

  “I’m listening. I’m just not liking what you say.” He shrugged.

  “You need to move on. I know there are plenty of women at the club who would be more than happy to have you around.”

  “None of them are you.”

  “This is hopeless, Smokey.” She had tears in her eyes. “Damn it. I hate crying all the time.”

  “I fucked up, Ava, and I miss you so much.”

  She shook her head. “I wish it was that simple.”

  “Forgive me, please.”

  She stared down at the floor. “‘You were only ever a decent fuck and you weren’t any good at that. You were easy, but I’ve had better.’” She looked up and tilted her head to the side. “That’s what you said to me. Do you remember it?”

  “I was fucked in the head, Ava. I swear it was all lies.”

  “But you said it, Smokey. Lies or not, you thought it.” She pressed her lips together. “I told you that I loved you. I even accepted there was no way you could love me back. I knew that. I still know that and it hurts. Everything you said hurt so much.”

  Smokey witnessed the pain in her eyes and wished there was something he could do to make it right. What he’d done and said was all crap. All of it.

  “Ava, I’m so sorry.”

  “They’re words, Smokey. The people in town being nice to me. How welcoming they all suddenly are. Do you have any idea how much I’ve longed for that?”

  He’d done something right.

  “But it’s not real. You’ve asked or threatened them, and it’s not fair. None of this is fair.” She swiped at the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just forgive and forget. I was loyal to you, and you’d rather believe a bunch of pictures than question me. I didn’t even get a fair trial in your eyes.”

  “I fucked up, Ava. I know this.”

  “And what about next time? Say I accept that you’re sorry. We move on. We go back to fucking each other again. I can be around the club. What happens the next time someone uses me to make you lose your shit? What do I do then? Go through this or should I wait until Ugly Beast or another of the club thinks I’m innocent?” she asked. “I can’t live like that.”

  “It won’t ever happen again.”

  “That’s the point,
Smokey. Again. It shouldn’t have happened the first time. Please, go home and leave me the hell alone.” She turned on her heel and walked inside the house, closing the door.

  He heard the locks as she put them all into place.

  Smokey didn’t go home.

  He stayed right where he was, staring up at her house. The light in her bedroom window went out after a couple of hours.

  Smokey tensed up when he heard the sounds of another bike making its way toward him. He reached into his jacket for his gun, but recognized the rider and the bike as it drew closer.

  Ugly Beast parked his bike and came toward him, offering him a flask. “I can’t guarantee it’s good, but Abriana put a lot of love into it.”

  “There’s no way we can complain when it comes to feeling. Your wife has a whole lot of it.”

  They both laughed as he opened the flask.

  “Soup?”

  “I think so. It didn’t taste too bad, but that was when I ate it a few hours ago.”

  Smokey poured some soup into the cup provided. It didn’t smell awful but when it came to Abriana’s food, scents and looks could be deceiving. It didn’t make his mouth water. He took a taste, and there was a weird twang in the background that he was almost afraid to ask about.

  “I think it’s easier if you just drink it without trying to compare it to anything else you’ve ever tasted.”

  He laughed and took another sip.

  “Abriana’s rooting for you,” Ugly Beast said.

  “Why?”

  “She wants you to win her back. She thinks you have a real shot.”

  Smokey snorted. “I can’t even get too close.” The last real time he’d touched her was at the fair, and that hadn’t been a lot of touching. He missed her. Not just for the sex, he missed her, the woman.

  “Do you have any kind of plan?” Ugly Beast asked.

  “Did you?”

  “Nope. I just wanted to love her, and she gave me that chance. There’s nothing else any of us can do after that. Abriana’s not like Ava, though. I did hurt her quite badly.”

  Ugly Beast had said some awful things to Abriana while he’d had the women hurt her.

  “Saying stuff and getting others to do your dirty work is a different thing altogether,” he said. “Ava’s never going to forgive me.”

  “Never is a long time.”

  “Would you forgive someone who signed off on you being beaten? I seem to recall the people who fucked up your face are all dead.”

  “Are you trying to tell me, Smokey, you’d die for Ava?” Ugly Beast asked.

  “Yes. I would.”

  Silence rang out. The only person he’d been willing to die for was the club, and that included all of his brothers. His devotion had been to the patch. No one else.

  “Then you can’t give up.”

  Smokey turned toward Ugly Beast. “You don’t think I’m a pussy?”

  “No. You sound pussy-whipped, but you forget, I know what it truly means to be loved by an amazing woman. There’s nothing like it.”

  Smokey took another sip of the soup and wrinkled his nose. “This is fucking disgusting.”

  “Yep, but to Abriana, it’s better than the last one. I struggled through the other soup, and believe me, I never knew there was much I couldn’t stand. I think the next time we torture someone, I’ll save all of Abriana’s leftovers.”

  “We’ll feed them to death?”

  “Nope. They’ll talk before we get to that part.”

  Smokey snorted. He finished all the soup because he was hungry.

  “Staring at her window all night isn’t going to win her back,” Ugly Beast said.

  “No, but it gives me comfort to know she can sleep all night. No one else is going to hurt her.”

  Silence fell between them.

  Smokey handed him the empty flask. “Thanks.”

  “Why did you do it?” Ugly Beast asked.

  “Do what?”

  “You saw the pictures. I know you, Smokey. You don’t react like that. You never have. You always consider every single possibility, and yet, you didn’t that time. Why?”

  Smokey ran his fingers through his hair. “I was falling for her. I knew it. Feelings like that cloud people’s judgment. She was different from the start. I knew that. I saw it every single day. She told me she loved me, and I felt like a fucking king. They were all feelings I didn’t recognize. The fact … it was easier to believe the worst in her.” He turned to look at him. “I’ve only ever known the worst.”

  “True, but it’s still a lame-ass excuse.” Ugly Beast saluted him and got on his bike.

  Smokey watched him go, and he settled in to watch his woman. He’d sleep for a few hours during the day if he had to.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The cast was finally off. Her hand was healed, but she’d been advised to still take it easy. Ava agreed with the doctor, however, when she’d asked him to give her a physical and told him her symptoms, he’d gotten this strange look across his face. She was vomiting in the mornings, and some foods were making her feel sick. She was experiencing tiredness all the time.

  He’d taken her blood and promised to have the results back as soon as possible. It was why the following day, she sat in his office.

  “How are you feeling today?” the doctor asked.

  “I’m okay. A little nauseous, but I’m getting used to it. Did my blood tests reveal anything?”

  The doctor ran a hand down his face. “Ava, the tests show that you’re pregnant.”

  Ava froze. “What?”

  “Yes. I was supposed to ask you several questions yesterday, but we’ve been rushed off our feet with this sickness bug. I did think it was the same, and I didn’t suspect anything else. Your symptoms were minor, but … anyway. You’re pregnant.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Blood results don’t lie. Do you think there is a reason you shouldn’t be pregnant? Have you had unprotected sex recently?”

  She wanted to lie. She wanted to tell the doctor there was no way she could be pregnant. She hadn’t had sex for a couple of months, but before her … accident, she had unprotected sex multiple times with Smokey. He hadn’t wanted to use a condom and neither had she.

  This was her fuck-up.

  She pressed her lips together, wanting to fight the inevitable, but it was a complete waste of time. There was nothing to fight.

  “I can do a quick ultrasound if you’d like?” the doctor asked.

  “Yes, please, yes.”

  Maybe then the blood work was wrong, or perhaps they mixed it up with another woman who wanted to get pregnant but couldn’t.

  She climbed up on the table and rolled up her shirt.

  The doctor had left to get an ultrasound machine.

  Do I want to be pregnant?

  Happiness rushed through her body at the very thought of carrying life, but with it, the harsh reality that the same life was attached to Smokey. He’d helped her to create it, and because of that, she’d have to tell him.

  “I’m not pregnant,” she said.

  The doctor came into the room and set everything up. There was also a nurse present.

  “Now, Ava, this will be a little cold.”

  She nodded, and the gel was cold.

  He pressed the device against her stomach. Then he moved it around and she stared at the screen, not seeing anything until he got it in the right position, and there was her little baby. “Still early. I reckon you’re three months along, roughly. We can get a definite estimation for when you’re due when you come back. I want to do a follow-up check as my notes state you had an X-ray and at the time, you said you weren’t pregnant.”

  “Will that hurt the baby?” she asked.

  “I don’t want you to worry too much right now. Let’s take it one day at a time.” He smiled at her.

  The rest of the appointment went by in a blur. She went back to the reception to organize another visit. In her hand, she held the photo that sho
wed she was indeed pregnant.

  She was going to have Smokey’s baby.

  The same man she’d been trying to avoid.

  They were going to have a child together.

  There was a cab waiting for her outside of the hospital. She sat in the back in a bit of a daze. Arriving at home, she closed and locked the door. She went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She hadn’t drunk any beer or wine since her accident, but she’d purchased a couple of bottles of each a few days ago. Staring at the alcohol, she put a hand to her stomach.

  She was going to have a baby. All she’d ever wanted was a child.

  Now she was going to get her dream and the father was a man she couldn’t trust.

  Tears filled her eyes, but she reached into the fridge, and one by one, she pulled the alcohol out and threw it in the trash. She wasn’t going to drink anything that would harm her baby.

  Once her fridge was empty, she put both hands on her stomach. She’d noticed a slight thickening of her waistline but had figured that was all the chocolate ice cream. “I’m going to take care of you, sweetheart. Just you and me. One day, we’ll figure everything out.”

  Leaving town was now out of the question. She didn’t want to talk to Smokey, but he was the dad and he needed to know she was pregnant. Sitting down at the dining room table, she stared at the ultrasound picture. She’d get another one on her next visit.

  Getting to her feet, she folded the paperwork the doctor had given her, stating she was pregnant. She made a single note on the back, telling Smokey she was. She found an envelope, and then she went to her car.

  She hadn’t driven it in so long. Once she was behind the wheel, she ran her hands across it and smiled. No more cabs. She turned over the ignition and pulled out of the driveway.

  Driving into town, she went to the post office first. She knew the address of the clubhouse and was sure it would get there very soon. Smokey would have the letter on his desk the next day. She wondered when he’d actually read it.

  Ignoring the guilt that flooded her body at the lack of personal touch, she stepped out of the post office and went to her bakery.