The Non-Commissioned Baby

by Maureen Child

  She envied him that control.

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, reaching for her.

  Laura took a quick sidestep away from him. “Neither of us did, Jeff,” she told him, and hoped her voice sounded steadier to him than it did to her. “But we’re both adults. I’m sure we can put this behind us.”

  “Behind us?” he asked.

  The lacy garment in her hand scratched against her palm. Laura knew she would never again be able to wear the panties without remembering this night and the stolen passion that had ignited something inside her. Something she hadn’t even known existed.

  Swallowing heavily, she said, “Jeff, I know you’re trying to be...nice about all of this, but I really would rather not talk about it now.” Or ever, she added silently.

  He lifted one hand toward her, but let it fall to his side before touching her.

  “Laura...” he started to say.

  Thankfully, Miranda chose just that moment to cry. More of a whimper than a wail, at the moment it sounded like the sweetest music in the world to Laura. The baby crying provided just the excuse she needed to make a graceful escape.

  She made it as far as the bedroom door before his voice stopped her. Closing her eyes and holding her breath, she prayed that he would let her go.

  “Not tonight,” he said, a promise ringing in his tone. “But we will talk about what happened, Laura. I’m too old to play games about something like this.” He paused a moment. “And so are you.”

  She didn’t answer. She couldn’t have spoken if her life had depended on it. Turning the knob, she opened the door, slipped into the dark room and closed the door firmly behind her.

  Briefly, she leaned back against that door, thinking about the man on the other side. How had this all become so confusing? she asked herself.

  And how would she ever survive the entire summer here?

  Seven

  Jeff stretched out on his bed and turned his head on the pillow to stare at the doorway of his room. He heard her moving around in her room and the soft sound of her voice as she soothed Miranda back into sleep.

  He groaned and punched a closed fist against the mattress. What kind of a twisted man was he that listening to a woman crooning to an infant could make him hard and eager for her?

  It took every ounce of willpower he possessed to lie where he was and not go to Laura. He wanted an explanation. He wanted to know why there had been such incredible heat between them. And he wanted to feel it all again.

  Basically, he thought grimly, he wanted her.

  Again and again.

  Inhaling sharply, he jammed his pillows behind his head, laid one arm across his chest and shifted his gaze to the ceiling.

  Damn it. He didn’t need this complication. Especially now. He hadn’t expected to be drawn to such a frumpy little thing. Jeff snorted at the thought. Frumpy? He remembered his first sight of that red lace thong, the thin bands of elastic stretched across her small curves.

  Beneath the hideous clothes she insisted on wearing was a body that could drive a man insane.

  No, she wasn’t frumpy. But she was warm and kind and gentle. All the things he’d tried to steer clear of in a woman for years.

  Damn it, he should be feeling better. He’d made love to her. He’d experienced what his dreams had been tormenting him with for weeks. He should be relaxed, satisfied. Instead, his body was tight with need. Rather than easing his hunger for her, making love had only whetted his appetite.

  Images raced through his mind. Shadows, deep, reverberating music, her body bathed in moonlight, their frenzied, almost mindless coupling in the darkness.

  Mindless.

  Realization shot through his brain.

  He sat bolt upright in bed. How could he have been so careless? Swinging his legs off the mattress, he rushed across the room, out the door and into the living room.

  Heading straight to her room, he lifted his right hand and gave three short, quiet raps on the wood.

  She opened it immediately, one finger against kissbruised lips. Pushing him back, she eased out of her room and closed the door behind her. “Be quiet, you’ll wake her again.”

  “Laura, I just thought of something,” he said, and cursed himself again for being so damn stupid.

  “Jeff,” she said, “I’m tired and I’d really rather not talk right now—”

  No time now for niceties.

  “Are you by any chance taking the Pill?” he asked bluntly.

  She frowned up at him, then slowly that frown changed to a look of appalled disbelief.

  “I take it that means no,” he said. He ran one hand across the back of his neck. More complications. As if there hadn’t already been enough.

  “Of course I’m not,” she said, wrapping her arms around her waist Her soft, dewy eyes looked haunted. “It’s not as though I had a big use for it up until tonight,”

  “Damn it,” he whispered.

  “This doesn’t necessarily mean anything,” she told him, but it sounded as though she was really reassuring herself. “My chances of actually conceiving have to be slim. It was only the one time.”

  How many couples, he wondered, had soothed themselves with that particular line over the centuries?

  “I should have taken care of it,” he said. He always took care of it. He’d never believed in trusting one means of birth control alone.

  But tonight, for the first time ever, he hadn’t taken the time to think. Instead, they’d acted like a couple of kids in the back seat of a car. Now they could have a major problem on their hands.

  “This is my fault,” he said, even knowing that it was pointless to assign blame. “I’m sorry, Laura.”

  “Stop it,” she said softly but firmly. “I’m a big girl. I should have been looking out for myself.”

  Then why did he feel so lousy?

  “This is getting us nowhere,” he told her. “We can’t do anything about it now, anyway. When will we know?”

  “Hmm?” She shook her head, clearly distracted by the possibilities. “Oh. In another couple of weeks.”

  He nodded stiffly. Two weeks. Right now, that sounded like an eternity. But look at what had already happened to him in a couple of short weeks. He had been a reasonably carefree bachelor. Now he had a baby, a nanny and possibly another baby on the way.

  Good Lord.

  Looking at the two of them now, no one would guess that less than half an hour ago, they’d been locked in each other’s arms. Even though he was standing right in front of her, Jeff felt the distance between them growing with every passing second.

  Hoping to bridge the gap before it widened to an impassable chasm, he lifted one hand toward her.

  She stepped back, neatly avoiding his touch. Reaching behind her back, she twisted the knob and opened her bedroom door. Pausing briefly, she said, “Good night, Jeff,” then she slipped into her room, shutting him out.

  He placed his hands on either side of the door frame and leaned forward, scowling into the darkness. What a mess. Jeff sighed and remembered the look on her face just before she closed the door.

  If he was any judge, there wouldn’t be a repeat of tonight’s performance.

  Thoroughly disgusted with himself, Jeff gave the closed door one last look, then went back to his empty bed.

  The next morning, Laura managed to stay in her room until after Jeff had left for work. Miranda was a bit fretful, but even she cooperated by waiting a little longer than usual for her morning bottle.

  As soon as the coast was clear, she hustled to the kitchen, sat the baby down in her high chair and hurriedly prepared Miranda’s breakfast.

  She was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open. Of course, that was hardly surprising. She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep all night, what with the images of Jeff darting through her mind...along with the worry that she just might be pregnant.

  Laura groaned quietly and reached up to rub her temples. How could she have done something so compl
etely out of character? Not only had she made love with a man she hardly knew, but also she hadn’t even considered the possibility of a pregnancy.

  Only fools and children made that kind of mistake.

  And she was no child.

  A child. She stopped cold and leaned her forehead on a cabinet door. Please, she prayed silently. She couldn’t be pregnant. How could she face her colleagues at school next September? A pregnant, unmarried kindergarten teacher? No, she was sure that wouldn’t go over well with her principal.

  Her eyes squeezed shut on a wave of misery. It wasn’t fair. How many times had she dreamed about having children? Ever since she was a girl, she’d longed for a family of her own. When Bill died, she’d put all of those hopes and dreams aside, resigning herself to the fact that she would always be alone.

  Now, she very well might be pregnant and found herself having to pray frantically that she wasn’t.

  It could all have been so different, she thought tiredly. If only Bill had lived. Laura kept her eyes firmly closed and tried to draw up a mental image of her former fiancé.

  But the once familiar, comforting features blurred and shifted. The harder she tried to focus, the more the images fought her. Faded by the years, her memories of Bill had become distant recollections of warmth.

  On the other hand, a vivid portrait of Jeff Ryan leaped into her mind instantly. His eyes, his hands, his mouth as he leaned in to claim a kiss.

  Tears filled her eyes as she pushed those mental pictures aside.

  Blast you, Bill, she thought angrily. Why did you die? Everything was so much simpler then. So clear. With him, she had known who she was and what she wanted.

  With Jeff, everything was different. She was different. In ways she would never have expected, she felt herself reacting to him and to the new world she found herself in.

  Making love on a couch? With no protection?

  That was definitely not the old Laura Morgan.

  A single tear rolled from the corner of her eye. She caught it with a swipe of her hand and told herself to leave the past in the past. Though she felt safe living with her memories, they offered her no solutions to her current problems. Right now, the present demanded her full attention.

  Straightening away from the cabinet, she glanced at the baby, saw that she was happily chewing on the end of the safety strap and smiled softly.

  The phone rang while she was stirring baby oatmeal. She grabbed up the receiver, tucked it between her chin and her shoulder and said, “Hello?”

  “Hi, Laura,” a familiar voice answered. “It’s Peggy.”

  “Peggy,” Laura said, glad for the distraction of a friendly voice. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, I wanted to know how you were doing.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, spooning a bit of the cereal into Miranda’s open, birdlike mouth. “I should have called you.”

  “Hey, it’s no biggie,” her friend countered. “You’ve been busy.”

  Busier than she knew, Laura thought with a grimace.

  “So what’s my new niece like?”

  Laura smiled. She couldn’t help it. “Right now, she’s smearing oatmeal over her face.”

  Miranda laughed, as if she knew she was being discussed. Smacking both palms down on her high-chair. tray, she opened her mouth wide for another mouthful.

  “Tell that brother of mine to bring her up for a visit, okay?” Peggy’s voice sounded wistful.

  “I will,” Laura said automatically, then bit her lip before saying, “you know, he still hasn’t decided if he’s going to keep her or not.”

  “He’ll keep her,” Peggy assured her.

  “How do you know?”

  “I know my brother,” Peggy answered, then added to one of her kids, “I said one cookie.” Speaking to Laura again, she asked, “So, what do you think of Jeff?”

  Now, there was a loaded question.

  “He’s...” What? Gorgeous? A wonderful lover? Terrifying? Perhaps the father of her unborn child? She shuddered and settled for “Nice.”

  “Nice?” Peggy sounded appalled. “That’s it? Nice?”

  “What did you expect?” Laura said, spooning the last of the oatmeal into Miranda’s messy little mouth.

  “Expect isn’t the right word,” Peggy told her on a sigh. “Hoped would have been more accurate.”

  Laura picked up a towel, wiped the baby’s face, then handed her a bottle. Two chubby fists closed around it and tipped it up.

  “Peggy,” Laura said, leaning back in the chair.

  “You can’t blame a girl for trying,” Peggy interrupted. “I’ve thought for the longest time that you and Jeff would be perfect together.”

  Laura flushed and thanked heaven that her friend couldn’t see her face. They had been perfect. More than perfect. But sex wasn’t everything.

  “Forget it, Peg,” Laura said, more for her own benefit than her friend’s. She wouldn’t fool herself into thinking she and Jeff were madly in love. If she was more attracted to him than was comfortable to admit, no one but she had to know that. “I already had my chance at love.”

  “Please,” Peggy groaned. “Don’t start telling me about Saint Bill again.”

  “He was a wonderful man,” Laura said hotly, determined now, more than ever, to defend his memory. It was one thing for her to realize that what she and Bill had shared wasn’t even close to the chemistry between her and Jeff. It was quite another to let someone else talk about the man she would have married if things had been different.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sure he was.” There was a long minute of silence before Peggy went on. “But he’s gone, honey. And you’re still alive. Is it right for you to pack yourself up in mothballs?”

  She hadn’t been in mothballs. She’d had a life the past eight years. She just hadn’t had a man. There was a difference.

  “Look,” Peggy said, apparently sensing the need for a change of topic. “Tell me about Jeff and the baby. Is he nuts about her?”

  Thankful for safe, neutral ground, Laura smiled. “He’s so good with her. But he doesn’t seem to think so. It’s as if he hasn’t even noticed how much time he spends with her. And how much he enjoys it.”

  “Then maybe you should show him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean,” Peggy said, and Laura could hear the grin in her voice, “keep the baby away from him. Have her asleep by the time he gets home. Make him do without her so that he’ll see how much he already loves her. And how much he’d miss her if she was gone.”

  Not a bad idea, Laura thought. “Okay,” she agreed, reaching out to smooth the baby’s flyaway hair. “I’ll do it. But only because I know what a terrific parent he would be.”

  “Of course he’s good at parenting,” Peggy exclaimed “He’s my brother, isn’t he?” Then in a louder, sterner voice, she ordered, “Teddy, put those scissors down this minute. Don’t you dare cut your sister’s braid off!”

  Laura chuckled and wasn’t surprised when Peggy said, “Gotta go,” and hung up.

  Standing up, she pulled Miranda from her high chair and cuddled the messy little person close. “Remember, Miranda,” she said, “when you go to visit your cousins, stay clear of Teddy.”

  Miranda grinned around the nipple in her mouth, and a river of formula ran down her chin.

  Jeff opened the door to the apartment, not really sure what kind of a reception he would get. All day, he’d had to balance his duties at work with thoughts of Laura. It hadn’t been easy, concentrating on the piles of paperwork he was expected to handle while his brain kept conjuring up images of the night before. Laura in his arms. Laura sighing. Laura crying his name.

  Not to mention the image of Laura pregnant.

  He’d never been so affected by a woman. He’d never allowed whatever female he was seeing to invade other aspects of his life. He had always been able to keep his career and his private life separate.

  Until now.

  Whatever it was between hi
m and Laura, he couldn’t allow it to affect his work. They were going to have a talk, whether she wanted to or not. He gritted his teeth and closed the door quietly, telling himself to get a grip. His gaze scanned the inside of the apartment, looking for her. But there was no sign of either Laura or the baby. Irrationally, a hollow emptiness opened in his chest. What if she’d left? What if she had taken the baby and gone?

  He knew it was stupid. Laura wouldn’t sneak off and she sure as hell wouldn’t take the baby if she did.

  Still, he was amazed at the sweeping relief he felt when her bedroom door opened and Laura stepped into the living room. She turned, saw him and stopped abruptly. Her gaze met his for an instant before sliding away.

  She wore an oversize white T-shirt again and a pair of pale blue shorts, exposing her shapely, lightly tanned legs. He couldn’t help wondering what she had on under those baggy clothes. That thought brought up the memory of a red lace thong, and his mouth went dry.

  For an uncomfortably long minute, he simply looked at her, not sure what to say or where to start.

  Ridiculous to feel suddenly tongue-tied.

  Jeff tossed his camouflage uniform hat onto the nearby table, then shifted his gaze back to her, willing her to look at him. It didn’t work. Finally, he asked, “Where’s the baby?”

  “Asleep,” Laura said, and started for the kitchen.

  Asleep? At six o’clock? He checked his watch just to make sure of the time. Normally, Miranda didn’t even have her bath until seven-thirty. “Why so early?” he asked, crossing the room to join her.

  Laura shrugged. “She seemed tired. Maybe she just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” Her voice sort of trailed off on the last part of that sentence.

  “I know how she feels, then,” he said, glad she’d given him an opening.

  She ignored him, bent down and pulled a saucepan from the bottom cupboard. “Is soup all right with you?” she asked. “I’m really not very hungry.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to cook for me.” He deliberately brought back the memory of their first day together, hoping she would smile. She didn’t.