Baby Yours

by Kennedy Fox

  The contractions that were about an eight out of ten on the pain scale earlier are now at a zero. So I take advantage of it and try to rest.

  “Take my phone in case my sisters finally wake up and text me,” I say, handing it over.

  “What’s your passcode? Is it still 6-6-6?” he asks smugly, reminding me of the time I freaked out on him after Brandon’s accident when he tried to get into my phone. I was such a bitch, but it didn’t stop him from being there for me at a time when I needed him most.

  “Har, har,” I mock. “It’s 0318.”

  Hunter furrows his brows as if he’s trying to figure it out. I shrug. “The night we met. When Brandon and I started dating.”

  “Oh.” He nods but doesn’t say anything else about it.

  I rest my head on the pillow and enjoy the magic of drugs as another contraction hits, but I don’t feel it. A chair scratches the floor, and Hunter sits in it next to me. He takes my hand and holds it while I drift off to sleep.

  A nurse wakes me up an hour later, and I look over and see Hunter fell asleep too. He’s hunched over, resting his head on his arm but still holding my hand. I feel bad for waking him, considering he’s been up since early this morning when he rushed me here.

  I’m dilated to six centimeters now, which means I’m making progress. A nurse tells me to rest, and she’ll come back in a few hours, but if we need anything to push the call button.

  I grab my phone from Hunter and see my sisters sent me half a dozen text messages each and called me three times.

  “Hey, you were sleeping on the job,” I tease when he shifts in his seat.

  “Shit, sorry.” He scrubs his hands over his face.

  “It’s fine, don’t worry. Why don’t you go get some coffee while I call them?”

  “Are you sure?” he asks as if he doesn’t want to leave me, which I find so damn sweet.

  “Yes, I’ll be fine,” I reassure him. “She’s not coming for a few more hours at least.”

  Though I can’t feel the contractions, there is a little tightness.

  Once Hunter leaves, I call Sophie first, knowing she’s probably already on her way to pick up Maddie.

  It rings once. “Soph is speeding, so you better be holding that baby girl inside your vagina!” Maddie says as soon as she picks up, confirming my suspicions.

  “Well, tell her to slow down! I’m not even pushing the baby out yet.”

  “Oh thank God. Soph, you can slow down, geez!” she shouts.

  “My baby needs her aunts in one piece, please.”

  “We’ll be there in five minutes, less if Sophie blows this red light,” Maddie says.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake. You two are gonna give me a heart attack. Stop freaking me out!” I shout.

  I stay on the phone with them until they enter my room.

  “Whew, no baby yet,” Maddie immediately says when she sees me.

  Rolling my eyes at her dramatics, I give them hugs as soon as they come to me.

  “Where’s loverboy?” Sophie asks with a shit-eating grin.

  “Don’t start with me. I’m about to pop out a baby!” I scowl. “I told him to go get coffee since he was falling asleep. He should be back soon.”

  They sit with me as I recap everything that’s happened. I sent my boss a text and let her know what was going on, and Hunter said he was taking his vacation early, which made me feel guilty as hell but arguing with him about it was pointless. He’d do it regardless.

  Hunter returns with a large hot coffee and a cup of ice chips for me. My stomach is growling, but I’m not allowed to eat until after, which is horseshit if you ask me. They probably say that just so you’ll work harder at pushing your baby out. Like a weird labor incentive.

  My sisters and Hunter keep a conversation going, occupying me while time feels like it’s dragging. Everything felt so rushed, and now that I’m situated, this waiting game is for the birds.

  Finally, my doctor comes in with two nurses to see how far I’m dilated. Hunter stays by my head as they check me and announce I’m fully dilated, and they’re going to get everything ready now.

  “What does that mean?” Maddie asks giddily. “Is it baby time?”

  “Yep, gonna have you start pushing in just a minute, Lennon.” The nurses move effortlessly around the room to set up for delivery. When Dr. Potter and I discussed my birth plan at my last appointment, I told her I wouldn’t have my mom or the father of the baby with me, so I wanted my two sisters in here instead. I hadn’t decided on asking Hunter at that point, but there’s no way I want him to leave now. In fact, my chest tightens at how real and fast this is all happening.

  Suddenly, I feel like I can’t do this. It doesn’t feel right.

  “Hunter…” I mutter softly, but when he turns and looks at me, I know he heard me over all the commotion.

  “Yeah? What is it? Are you okay?” He leans over so we’re only inches apart.

  Blinking, I blurt out, “I’m freaking out. I don’t know why.”

  “Lennon, look at me,” he demands.

  I release a short breath and stare into his intense eyes. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, and I know deep in my heart that you can do this, you hear me? I know you wish Brandon were here with you, but you have to believe he is. He’s going to be watching over you and the baby for the rest of your lives, so use that comfort to give you strength.”

  I steady my breathing and nod frantically, tears blurring my vision at how soothing his words are to me.

  “You’ve got this, Lennon. I know you do,” he encourages, his tone firm and confident.

  “I couldn’t do this without you, Hunter,” I tell him with pure vulnerability. “Thank you for being here. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

  “I’m here, Lennon.” He winks, then leans down and presses his lips to my forehead. “No matter what, remember?”

  Hunter’s motivational chat distracted me while the nurses finished up everything, and now the doctor tells me it’s time to start pushing. Dr. Potter gives directions to Sophie and Maddie, who are in charge of holding my feet up while I’m breathing through the contractions. When I’m not, I’ll rest them in the stirrups for a few seconds before starting again.

  “Got it?” Dr. Potter asks us. “Teamwork.” She flashes me a wink.

  “I’m exhausted already,” I tease.

  “Don’t say that just yet, Mama. Let’s do a practice push for ten seconds.”

  The next ninety minutes test everything inside me as I sweat, curse, and groan. When the doctor says one more push and she’ll be here, I picture Brandon’s face. Tears stream down my cheeks as the sadness of him not being here hits me harder than ever before, and I use every ounce of bitterness I have to push as hard as I can.

  Then the world stops.

  And my body proves it’s much stronger than I ever thought possible. When I finally take a breath, I feel her little body being placed on my chest. The nurses wipe her clean as I look at her precious face looking back at me with a what the fuck just happened expression. I laugh-sob at how much I already love her. Her arms and legs flail and stretch as she tries to cry, and I’m too in shock to know what I’m supposed to do.

  “She’s gorgeous, Lennon,” Sophie says.

  “She really is,” Maddie adds.

  They’re both tearing up and staring at my precious girl.

  “Hey, baby,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling as I brush a finger against her cheek. “You’re finally here.”

  “Do you want to cut the cord, Daddy?” a nurse asks, and the four of us freeze.

  “No, I think Mommy should,” he answers without missing a beat. “She’s the one who did all the work, after all.”

  I look up at Hunter with tears in my eyes, and though my vision is a bit fuzzy, I see the admiration in his expression, and I want to pull him into the biggest hug for being here for me. He encouraged me nonstop, let me squeeze the shit out of his hand, and whispered in my ear not to give up when
I felt I couldn’t do it anymore.

  He’s truly one of a kind.

  The next couple of hours are insane. My head spins as everything happens so fast. I cut the cord, then they stitch me up as the nurses finish cleaning up the baby, then hand her back to me all wrapped up. My emotions bubble over at the realization that she’s really mine. My little girl.

  Doing skin to skin was important to me, so they let me unwrap her and lay her on my bare chest for an hour before they take her for shots and tests. I hate that Brandon isn’t here to be with her, and as if Hunter senses my anxiety, he asks if I want him to go with her. Immediately, I nod and tell him to take pictures and not let her out of his sight. For all the hospital knows, he is the dad, and if that’s what it takes to give me peace of mind, then I’d scream it from the rooftops. No matter what, he’ll always be someone important in her life.

  Sophie and Maddie stay with me while I’m wheeled into a new room. I didn’t even realize they were taking photos until I see all the snaps they got, and as soon as they message them over, I send one to my mother.

  Lennon: She’s here. Healthy and perfect. I hope you meet her someday.

  I don’t know if she’ll respond or even care at this point, but I won’t let her use it against me in the future that I didn’t tell her.

  A nurse wheels the baby into my room with Hunter on her tails, and he flashes me a wink as soon as he sees me. This man never ceases to amaze me. He’s been so protective of me, does whatever I need, and I know, without a doubt, he won’t be any different with the baby.

  “She has a good set of lungs on her,” the nurse teases. “She’s ready to eat.”

  Hunter excuses himself when the nurse starts talking about breastfeeding, and I know this is probably uncomfortable for him. I read up on it as much as I could, but I seriously have no idea what I’m doing. The nurse helps me, and within a matter of ten minutes, the baby has latched on and is sucking away.

  “Try to get her to switch to the other breast in about five minutes or so,” the nurse instructs before she leaves.

  “Does that hurt?” Maddie asks, wrinkling her nose. “Your boobs are massive, by the way.”

  “Thanks.” I snort. “It feels...weird. I read that it hurts after a while, though,” I say, staring at this little human I’m now responsible for.

  “She really is beautiful,” Sophie gushes. “I can see Brandon in her.”

  I smile. “Me too.”

  “Did you choose a name?” Maddie asks.

  “Yeah, I think so…” I rub the pad of my finger along her forehead. Her hair is light, like mine, but she has Brandon’s nose. “I was torn between two, but after seeing her, I think she definitely looks like an Alison.” I stare at her, captivated by her little features. “After—”

  “The singer of ‘Baby Mine,’” Sophie interjects. “Alison Krauss.”

  “Yep,” I say proudly.

  After I manage to switch her to the other side, she proves to be an eating champ, and I’m so grateful. I’ve read breastfeeding horror stories, and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to or she wouldn’t latch on. I know we aren’t out of the woods yet, but it gives me a sense of pride to be able to feed her right away.

  After feeding Alison, my sisters get ready to leave, knowing I need to rest, but they promise to be back later that evening. Hunter returns just as they head out, and I tell him it’s okay if he goes home to sleep too. Of course, he insists he’s fine.

  “My brother says congrats,” he tells me, taking a seat in the rocking chair next to me.

  “Oh, tell him thank you. You called him?”

  “Yeah. Mason and Liam too. They said to let them know when they can come to visit.”

  I raise my brows. “They want to come to see the baby?”

  “Is that so surprising?” He smirks.

  I shrug. “A little.”

  “How’d feeding go?” he asks, changing the subject and keeping his focus on the baby. She’s wrapped up like a burrito, sleeping soundly in my arms.

  “Really well, actually. I hope we can keep it up.” I turn and look at him. “Do you want to hold her?”

  His smirk deepens. “Yeah.” Hunter stands, leans over me, and carefully picks her up. He acts like a total pro, not at all nervous about holding a newborn baby, which is surprising. “She’s so tiny,” he says once he sits back down.

  “I know. She was seven pounds, five ounces, and twenty inches long.”

  “That literally means nothing to me.” He chuckles, not taking his eyes off her.

  “She’s completely normal in size. I think I was a tad bigger, but otherwise, the nurse said everything looks perfect.” I beam with pride. Even though my body is exhausted, and I hardly got any sleep before labor kicked in, I’m running on pure adrenaline right now. I could stare at her all day long or even worse—stare at him holding her all day long.

  “That’s awesome,” he whispers, admiring her. “Does she have a name?”

  “Alison,” I respond with a proud smile. “Alison Kay Locke.”

  “Alison,” he repeats. “From your favorite lullaby.” I’m honestly shocked he remembered that. I only told him once that my favorite cover of “Baby Mine” was from that singer. At this point, though, I really shouldn’t be that surprised because he has the memory of an elephant.

  “Yes, and Kay after my mother. She introduced me to music and this song, so even if she doesn’t want to be a part of our lives, Alison will always know where her name originated from.” I can’t hide the sadness in my tone, but I also won’t give my mother the satisfaction of ruining this moment for me. Whether she came into this world out of wedlock doesn’t matter. She’s perfect and amazing, and I already feel so blessed to be her mom.

  “If your mother doesn’t, it’s her loss. Trust me,” Hunter says, meeting my eyes. “Alison’s already changed my life in less than twenty-four hours, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Hunter

  The past two weeks have been interesting. Neither of us has slept very much, and I’ve made it my mission to help Lennon with Alison as much as possible. No matter how many articles or websites I read beforehand, I still don’t feel prepared. Lennon’s told me several times that most new parents have no clue what the hell they’re doing, and they just wing it. I’m learning how true that is every day.

  I know this isn’t my baby, but I’ve helped take responsibility. Holding a tiny human is scary but also exhilarating and surreal. The nights are the hardest for Lennon because she’s exhausted, and I’ve been trying to take turns getting up just so she can sleep. We’re navigating our way through this together as best as we can. As long as Alison’s being held, she doesn’t seem to cry. Lennon is a natural at being a mom, and it’s such a beautiful thing to watch. I worry she’s not getting enough sleep or resting, but she insists she is between her yawns. Overall, though, it’s not as intimidating as I thought it would be. I was a little nervous about holding her at first, but I’m nearly at a pro-level now, especially after being a spit-up target a few dozen times.

  Still, each time I look at Alison, a wave of guilt and sadness overcomes me. The grief of Brandon no longer being here hits me at the strangest times. Though I find myself thinking back about the stupid things we used to do in college and smiling, it doesn’t hurt any less that he’s no longer here. I really wish he could meet his beautiful baby girl.

  Mrs. Locke is over the moon in love with her and has come over several times to help out. I’m glad I get to see his mom more now. It’s nice to have a reason for her to drop by and still be a part of our lives. When she talks about Brandon, I notice she smiles at the memories just like I do. We miss him, but at least he left us a part of himself in his daughter. For that, we’re all grateful.

  It’s early evening on New Year’s Eve, and I can’t seem to stop yawning. As I’m standing in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee, Lennon rounds the corner like she’s on a mission.

  Wi
thout saying a word, she grabs a mug from the cabinet and waits for the maker to beep. After it’s done, she pours it half-full, then fills the rest with creamer. Once it’s perfectly mixed, she takes a sip and hums with a grin. I’ve learned not to get between her and coffee unless I want to lose a ball. Yes, it’s that serious.

  She has me laughing. “Baby sleeping?”

  “Yep. I snuck out when I smelled the coffee brewing.” She lets out a laugh. “Also, has coffee always tasted so damn good?” She pulls the baby monitor from her back pocket and sets it on the counter even though our apartment is so small we’d hear Alison’s little cries from the farthest corner of any room.

  I pour some coffee and let it sit for a minute before daring to drink it. The last time I did that, I burned the fuck out of my mouth. “I think you’re just extra sensitive to the taste because you’ve been off the hard stuff for nine long months.”

  Lennon nods and smirks at me. “Probably.” She shrugs, then continues, “So did you think of your New Year’s resolution yet?”

  Shaking my head, I walk out of the kitchen. For the past week, she’s asked each day what I plan to change in the new year. The only thing that comes to mind is wanting to change our relationship status, but I don’t dare say that. I keep that buried deep inside next to the sounds of her moans as she comes. “Nope. I’m gonna be the same smartass I’ve always been. And I’m not dieting and already work out when I can. So I’m out of ideas. Did you think of yours?”

  “Sleep more,” she says without a beat. “And have more sex.”

  My eyes meet hers. The air around us stills, and I clear my throat only for her to laugh.

  “Kidding. Jesus.” She sits on the couch and tucks her feet under her body as she enjoys her coffee. I’m forced to adjust myself because my mind goes back to that night when she begged me to touch her. Fuck me if I’m not reliving that moment right now, wanting to lay her down on the couch and give her everything her body begs for. We still haven’t talked about it mainly because I haven’t found a way to bring it up without it being awkward as hell. Maybe one day.