Paying for College - The Novel

by Kenneth Szulczyk

  Chapter 11

  Brothers, you know, when you look at your ringing cell phone and you get that weird feeling in the back of your head that something bad had happened. I finally got that dreaded phone call.

  Walking to the library, I pulled my ringing cell phone out of my front jean’s pocket and saw mom calling. I answered, “Hi mom.”

  “Jax.” Then my mother’s tears and pouting bombarded my ear.

  “Mom! Mom! Are you okay?”

  “Jax,” followed by more sobbing.

  “Mom, is everything okay?”

  Mom started crying hard that I could hear her tears dropping on the kitchen linoleum floor from across the state.

  “How’s dad?”

  The tears turned to screeching wails of grief.

  “Mom. Is dad okay?”

  “He died Jax. Sob. Sob. Sob. He died this morning.”

  “Mom, how’d it happened?” But I already knew. Dad couldn’t beat that cancer that gripped its black fingers around my dad’s organs and wouldn’t let go.

  More tears and wails.

  “Mom, I’m coming home, okay? I’ll be on the next bus home. Is anyone there with you?”

  “Uncle Ron’s here.”

  Uncle Ron grabbed the phone, “I’m sorry Jax.”

  “Ron, thank you for being there.”

  “When will you return?” Ron asked.

  “I’ll come as soon as possible. Just take care of mom, please. Then I’ll be there in no time.”

  “I will.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  Then I hung up.

  Brothers, no way, could I focus on my homework, so I walked across the town, crossed the suspension bridge to the other side, and walked up the hillside park, where Phaedra and I shared a midnight kiss. On that fantabulous night, we never climbed to the top of the hill, but today, I did climb the steps all the way to the top.

  I sat on a bench on top of the hill that overlooked the city.

  I looked around in all directions. Brothers, I could’ve enjoyed the scenic view up here, except I was in no mood to enjoy anything. I just wanted to get away from people and not let them see me in a weak state. I shook an angry fist at the sky. Knobstick – God. Then the heavy tears flowed.

  I can’t believe my dad died. Although I haven’t spoken to my father in a year, I really missed him. Of course, once they’re gone, we forget all the bad, wicked times and only remember the good ones. I remembered he would take me to the park on a Saturday afternoon after I watched cartoons all morning. We would grab our mitts and would toss a baseball back and forth to each other for an hour or two at the park. Sometimes other kids and their fathers would join us, and if we had enough people, then we would play a friendly baseball game.

  I remember other nights, when the burning smells and smoke would ascend from the kitchen while the smoke detector in the hallway buzzed angrily, letting everyone in the house know that an extra-crispy dinner was almost ready. My dad would come to my room and sit on the edge of my bed. He always said, “Shhhh, let’s go get a bite to eat.”

  As we were leaving the side door to the garage, he would call, “Honey, we’re going to the store to get some milk,” or some other thing my dad thought we needed, but probably wouldn’t buy.

  We would go around the corner and grab a hamburger and French fries at McDonald’s. As we approached the house, he would always say, “Don’t tell your mother. Just take a couple bites of your food and wash it down with water. Okay. Let’s try to keep her happy.”

  My cell phone chirped. I looked at my phone. Phaedra left a message.

  Hi. How are you?

  I wrote, Hi beautiful. I can’t talk right now, but I will call you later.

  Okay. See you later.

  Some part of me wanted to tell Phaedra about my father, and I could invite her into my depressed world, but, unfortunately, I’m a man. Men cannot show weakness. When we have problems, we push everyone out of our world, and perhaps drown our sorrows with alcohol and drugs. Of course, brothers, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or wish me condolences. I would present a poker face to the world and bury my emotions under a thousand ton concrete slab in my mind. Then I would pretend everything was okay. Eventually, everything would be fine once the memories faded and good thoughts crept back into my mind.

  Perhaps I should have told Phaedra, but I never did. Who knew, one week away from her would drive a wedge between us.

  I returned to the dorm room around nine at night and ran into my roommate as he was locking the dorm room door.

  “C’mon Jax. Let’s go to a rush for a fraternity.”

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  We arrived at the fraternity house and a large guy blocked the entrance.

  “Drew said, “C’mon. We’re rushing at your fraternity.”

  The large guy said, “I don’t recognize you.”

  Drew pulled out a blue flyer that advertised the rush.

  “So what. You guys look like dweebs.”

  I snapped, “Look. We’re rushes. We’re here to rush, so God dammit, let us in.”

  The large guy’s mouth dropped while his eyes opened wide. He raised both hands in surrender, “Okay. Okay. Don’t get so pissy over it.” He knew I would throw punches to get that beer, so he moved to the side and opened the door to the house.

  Brothers, if I ever needed a beer, tonight was definitely the night to destroy some brain cells.

  As we walked in, Drew asked, “What has gotten into you? I thought you were going to hit that dude.”

  “I really needed a beer. So we’re here to rush, so let’s rush.”

  Walking into the kitchen, we had to shake everyone’s hands and introduce ourselves to every frat boy and frat boy wannabes and frat boy groupies, ad nausea. Finally, we received our red plastic cups and stood in the keg line.

  I felt the gates of heaven open up as I watched the keg guy fill my plastic cup to the rim until foam oozed over the side. I raised that cup to my dry lips. That first succulent taste of malted barley hit my palate. Brothers, I just couldn’t stop drinking and finished my cup in one gulp.

  The keg guy said, “Alright man. Slow down and leave some beer for everyone else.” Then he pointed at me and screamed to the other guys, “I think we got us here a top recruit.”

  The keg guy filled my beer to the rim again and I raised my cup for a toast.

  Everyone cheered.

  I inhaled that second beer.

  Drew said, “Don’t get plastered. I’m not carrying you home.”

  After my third refill, Drew and I headed to the billiard room to watch people play pool.

  Drew asked, “Wow. I never saw you drink so much. What’s gotten into you?”

  “I’ve been under a little stress.”

  “I hear ya, man. Let’s toast.”

  So we raised our cups in a salute, tapped them together, and drank our beers.

  I haven’t eaten since my mom called this morning. The world started shaking and tilting under my feet, so I grabbed the door frame to steady myself. I looked at Drew, “I was thinking about going home this weekend.”

  “Do you think you’re going for good?”

  “Oh no. I just need to see my mom. Then I’ll return a couple of days later.” I took another sip from my beer, “I just wanted to ask you for a favor.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I needed to borrow a little bit for a bus ticket.”

  Drew looked away. Then he said, “I wish I could help you, man, but I’m tapped out myself.”

  I took another swig of my beer, “No problem. I’ll find a way.”

  I studied Drew when he looked away because I knew he was a lying bastard. I saw the Western Union receipt in the wastebasket yesterday in the dorm room. I knew momma had sent a little spending money for her boy.

  Drew looked at me and then turned to look across the doorway to the living room, “Hey, isn’t that your girl?”

  I turned and l
ooked in his direction. Sure enough. Phaedra was standing in the middle of the room, drinking a beer, and standing with a group of guys.

  Drew asked, “Did you invite her to the party?”

  “Perhaps I said something to her about the party, but I don’t remember.” But I didn’t know about the party tonight until I caught Drew leaving the dorm room. I knew Phaedra was a little naughty, but I didn’t know the extent of her naughtiness.

  When she turned to look in my direction, I raised my cup in a toast and drank it.

  She waved goodbye to the guys she was conversing with and walked over.

  When she stood next to me, I wrapped my left arm around her and reeled her in.

  I said, “How are you?”

  Phaedra replied, “Good. I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “Well, you know. I needed a little break from my studies.”

  “I don’t like the smell of alcohol. Would you like to go for a walk?”

  Her body’s warmth was inviting. “Okay. Let’s go.” I drank my beer and sat the empty cup on one of the bookshelves that was attached to the wall.

  I turned to look at Drew and said goodbye.