My Two Husbands: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Amanda Aksel

  He takes my hand, and I feel like it’s the first time we’ve touched in weeks. “Yes but I just need to borrow it. The return is going to be four times as much. So it’s not even so much a loan as an investment. A short term investment.”

  “How long?”

  “I’m not really sure. But based on my conversation with Tim, it should be within a year.”

  I chew on my bottom lip. This is a lot to process. Jake’s basically just told me that he wants to take my money and run. “Won’t you lose business here?”

  He shakes his head. “No. Dave can run things while I’m gone. It’ll be fine. With the new hires, we can still get all of our scheduled jobs done.” Jake’s been mentoring Dave to be his right hand. The guy means well, but I’m not sure he’s capable of supervising in Jake’s absence. “Quinn, I understand why you’re hesitant, but I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t absolutely sure. Think about it. I could expand my business to Nevada. This could change everything for us. Who knows, maybe we could even retire in fifteen years.” Of course he would argue that. He knows how badly I want to retire in my forties.

  I’m just not sure if this is a good financial opportunity or just an opportunity to run away from everything. “Can I think about it?

  EPISODE NINE

  I t’s been six weeks since Jake walked out of my office, and I haven’t laid eyes on him since. We haven’t spoken either. At first, I thought it was a coincidence. But when he let all my calls go to voicemail, communicated Lily’s pick up and drop off times by text in his all-business tone, and only on days he knows that I work a lot, it became pretty clear that he had no desire to see me.

  It’s fine. I don’t need to see him. But why is he avoiding me? He didn’t seem at all upset the last time we spoke in my office. Kyle’s talked to him, of course. But as expected, their friendship’s changed too. And it’s not like I can ask Kyle about it. I’ve been making an effort to keep Jake’s name completely out of my mouth.

  I’m hoping to get some answers today. It’s Saturday—my busiest work day of the week. But as luck would have it, the Delures cancelled our millionth property tour to get out of this sauna of a city for a few days. So it’s the perfect day to catch Jake off guard. My car is carefully parked in the garage, and I haven’t let Lily out of my sight. I squat on the couch right next to my girl and wait. I just hope he doesn’t rearrange his schedule.

  By lunchtime, the doorbell rings, and my heart practically springs from my chest. Lily’s loud bark pierces my ears as she hurries to the door.

  “I’ll get it!” I call to Kyle who’s in the kitchen.

  “It’s probably Jake,” he calls back, seeming unfazed by the whole thing.

  My sweaty palm is slick against the doorknob. Am I actually nervous to see him? I let out a calming breath and pull the door open. And here he is with a fresh haircut and smooth jawline. His eyes widen, and the whites of them match his pristine polo shirt. The short sleeve clings around his newly bulky bicep, and his tan skin glows like he’s just had a facial. Has he had a facial?

  No. Jake doesn’t do stuff like that. Not like my husband Kyle who’s holding on to his youth for dear life.

  “Hey, Quinn, I didn’t know you’d be home.” He flashes a polite smile, but I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s thrown off. I knew he was avoiding me.

  “Oh yeah, change of plans. I’m taking the day off.” I step aside and motion a welcoming gesture. “Please, come in.”

  Lily’s jumping all over him like she hasn’t seen him in months. Jake kneels down, showing her love in return. “No, that’s okay. I just came to get Lily.”

  “Oh, so how are you?” And why do you look so good?

  “I’ve been great. Really great,” he says.

  I swear he’s glowing. Maybe it’s a dating-someone-new glow or the I-just-got-head-in-my-truck glow. “You look good. Did you get a facial or something?”

  “You mean this?” He points to Lily who’s slathering him with sloppy canine kisses.

  I let out a small laugh and shake my head. “Never mind.”

  “I’m just kidding. I did actually. Kyle recommended someone.” The guy moves out, doesn’t speak to me, and turns into Kyle? Something’s off.

  “I see.” I fold my arms in. “Well, I’m glad you’re here because I actually need to talk to you about the sixteenth. Kyle and I are going to the Bahamas for a few days. Do you think you can watch her?”

  “The sixteenth to when . . .?” He rises up, keeping his eyes locked with mine.

  “Nineteenth.”

  His stare shifts. “Can’t. I’m out of town those days too.”

  “Oh, okay.” Wasn’t expecting that. Where’s he going? I shake the thought away. None of my business. “No problem. I’m sure Sloan can keep an eye on her.”

  “Great, hope you have fun.”

  Kyle’s heavy steps draw nearer. He makes his way to the doorway next to me, holding what looks like a turkey club. “Hey, man, you wanna sandwich?”

  Jake waves his hand. “No thanks, I’m trying to stay away from processed meats.”

  Um, what?

  “You do know that salami is a processed meat, right?” I ask.

  “Yes, Quinn, I know that.” He playfully rolls his eyes.

  I used to have to make special trips just to get his imported antipasto meats. Working out? Getting facials? And eating better? I know it’s been a while, but who is this guy?

  “I gotta run,” he says. “But you two enjoy the rest of your weekend. I’ll bring her back on Tuesday.”

  My husband hands Jake the leash. “See you later.”

  “Come on, Lil,” he calls, and she eagerly follows him to his truck. I stare after them, my brows so knitted that I’ve practically crocheted them together. Kyle shuts the door and takes a bite of his processed meat sandwich.

  “Does he seem different to you?” I ask.

  “Yeah, he seems happy.”

  I tug on my bottom lip. Huh? Jake’s happy. Kyle’s happy. Why am I not as happy? Don’t get me wrong. Things between Kyle and me are so much better since Jake left. We’re back to dinner date nights, walks on the beach, silly board games with beer, and of course, having sex on a regular basis. It still feels like there’s the tiniest hindrance between us. Like what happened has left a mark on our permanent record. But Kyle and I have a good foundation and, just like a house, if you have a good foundation, anything is repairable. Maybe he’s feeling the same way because the three-day cruise to the Bahamas was his idea. After everything, I’m looking forward to getting away in nothing but our bathing suits.

  ***

  It’s the morning of the sixteenth when I pull up to Sloan’s house with Lily in tow.

  My BFF opens the door before I even make it up the paved walkway. She’s dressed more for vacation than I am in her bright blue pair of shorts and a sunny yellow top. “I can’t believe you’re going to the Bahamas without me.”

  “Don’t be. We’re taking a girls’ trip in January.” It’ll be the first time Sloan and I have gone anywhere together since Kyle and I got married.

  “Yeah, yeah.” She waves me off, then kneels down to meet Lily, whose tail whips back and forth like a windshield wiper during a downpour. “I’m gonna give you so many treats this week,” she says scratching behind the pup’s ears.

  I point a stern finger. “Hey, not too many.”

  “We’ll see.” She rises up, squinting in the sunlight. “So, have you seen Jake?”

  I shake my head. “Not since that day a couple of weeks ago.” You know I called and told her about it immediately. She said that I should be worried about the fact that I was so upset about Jake finally moving on with his life. Which is why I’m keeping it cool right now.

  “Huh,” she mutters in suspicion. “You think he’s at the gym right now working on his revenge body?”

  That’s the other thing she said when I told her about my last encounter with him. But like I told her before, “No, if he was going to get
a revenge body he would have done it when he moved in.”

  She lets out a sigh, and I watch Lily sniff around her hibiscus flowers. “Wow, Jake’s actually moved on. And speaking of moving on, you think this cruise is gonna put everything back where it was with you and Kyle?”

  That’s what I was hoping for but . . . “When you say it like that, it sounds silly.”

  She shrugs. “That’s because it is. Time heals wounds, Natalie. Cruises are just for fun.”

  “Well, in that case, this better be the best cruise we’ve ever been on.” I hand her Lily’s things and blow a kiss to my dog, who’s eagerly waiting to go inside Auntie Sloan’s house. “Thanks for watching her.”

  “No problem, just bring me back some of that Caribbean rum,” she says.

  Oh yes, piña coladas await!

  ***

  By the afternoon, Kyle and I make it to Miami and onto the Regal Islands’ Royal Fantasy cruise ship, and it’s a race to our stateroom suite on deck seven. As soon as the door shuts behind us, we gawk at each other like two teens that have run off to make out at the cliff while our parents are convinced we’re doing our geometry homework at the library.

  He touches his forehead to mine and whispers, “We’re totally alone.”

  I smile, and he plunges into me. His warm mouth envelops mine in a sensual, getaway kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers in his soft, sandy-blond hair. He spins me around and presses me against the door. Sliding my hair up with his hands, his tongue tickles the nape of my neck, and a shiver runs down my spine. His hips press against me. I feel him, all of him, stiff as the breeze over Caribbean waters.

  “Oh, Mr. Landon,” I say playfully, “I thought we were going to the pool.”

  Kyle pulls the straps of my summer dress down my shoulders. “I’d rather dive into you first, Mrs. Landon,” he says low in my ear.

  And he does exactly that. Sweat covers our bodies as we glide with each other on the king size bed. His anchor drops to the most unreachable depths of me. Wow, I have to get Kyle out of the house more often. My head rolls back, and a moan sails off my tongue, “Oh, oh, Kyle.”

  The moment I say his name—that’s right, his name—he lets out a satisfied growl, and we release everything from the present. But more importantly, we let go of the past.

  After another round in the stateroom, we head down to the pool and snag a double lounge chair and a pair of piña coladas.

  He puts his arm around me. “I’m so glad we did this.”

  “Me too. We needed it.” I snuggle into his warm bare chest.

  “Definitely.” He sips the icy drink through a crazy neon-orange straw. “By the way, you were right about the Delures. They are such pains in the asses.”

  “Right?” I say, feeling the Caribbean rum rush to my head.

  “They have so much money though.” Kyle loves his million-dollar clients, and so do I.

  “Yeah, it’s hard to say no.” It’s funny. Somehow we’ve ended up in the same boat.

  Kyle’s breathing balances, and I’m sure the cocktail is working on him too. “Hey, do you remember when you made me watch that romantic comedy Christmas movie a couple years ago?”

  I look up at him and his day old stubble. “Yeah.”

  “I never told you this, but that scene where the guy comes to the door with the handwritten signs.” Who doesn’t know the scene? “That’s how I always felt about you. When I saw it, I thought, yep, that guy gets it. I am that guy.”

  “Oh, honey,” I roll on my side, and little drops of condensation from my glass drip onto his chest as I lay my head against his heart. It’s balanced, just like him.

  “I remember when Jake was gone and I’d come over. We’d sit at the kitchen table drinking beer and playing board games from the ’80s. You were so damn competitive. Like way more than you are now.” It’s true.

  “Are you still upset that I kicked your ass so many times?” I joke.

  “No, that’s the thing. I always felt like a winner because I was spending time with you.” He kisses the top of my head, and I practically melt into him. Cruises might just be for fun, but I’m feeling pretty healed at the moment.

  I sit up to take a sip, letting the creamy crushed ice cool my tongue. In the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of a shirtless, bronzed man at the bar. He sits with his back to the pool next to a toned blonde in a hot pink bikini who’s laughing hysterically and playfully shoves his shoulder. When he turns his head, revealing his profile, I hold my breath. Squinting, I lower my sunglasses over the bridge of my nose. Is that who I think it is?

  “H ey babe, how was your day?”

  “What?” Jake yells over the clatter of construction drilling through the phone.

  “How. Was. Your. Day?” It’s like I’m talking to an automated voice receptionist.

  “Hold on a second.”

  I wait a good twenty seconds before the noise dies down. “Sorry, baby. I’m good. How are you?”

  “I’m doing okay. I miss you though.” Jake’s been gone for two weeks, and I’ve never felt lonelier. Lily’s feeling it too. She just finally stopped sleeping near the front door. “I can’t wait ‘til you come home next week.”

  “Yeah, I miss you too,” he says. “I’m sorry I haven’t really been able to talk to you with the time difference and everything.”

  “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I just wish you weren’t twenty-five hundred miles away.”

  He sighs. “I know. Listen, I gotta go. But we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

  “You mean it? Because we didn’t get to talk at all yesterday.”

  “Yes, I mean it.” He says a quick I love you and clicks off the line before I can utter the word goodbye. I know this is a big job and it means so much to him, but I’m starting to feel like I’m not much of a priority for him anymore.

  I drag my feet over to the fridge. Ugh. Nothing but a wilting salad and some left-over salsa. Guess I’m scrounging tonight. I set everything out and grab the crumbling, half-empty bag of tortilla chips from the pantry.

  Ding, dong!

  Lily races to the door, barking so ferociously that it makes my heart leap into my throat. Geez. I meet Lily at the door and peek out the glass window. Kyle? And a pizza? I open the door, shushing my guard dog’s growls.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I grin. The smell of hot, melted cheese wafts between us. My eyes lower to the six-pack he’s carrying in a plastic grocery bag. “You know Jake’s still in Vegas, right?”

  “Yeah. I thought you might like some company.”

  It’s like he read my mind. “Really? That was nice of you.”

  “Well, Jake asked me to check in on you from time to time.”

  “How sweet,” I say, trying not to appear too annoyed at the notion. Kyle wouldn’t have to check in on me if Jake were here. Yes, I know. I told him that he could go because I thought it would be easier. I thought it would make things better. But now everything is harder. Everything is worse than before. “Well, come in.”

  Kyle walks right to the kitchen table and sets the oversized pizza box next to my shitty salad and spoiled salsa combo. “Wow, looks like I came just in time.”

  “You have no idea how perfect your timing is.”

  “You’re not kidding.” Kyle points to the kitchen window. Fat drops of rain hit the glass.

  Kyle sits next to me and serves me up a slice. I ignore the pizza and go for the beer. I could use a drink. So I chug. Chug. Chug!

  “Whoa, slow down,” Kyle says. “It’s not a frat party.”

  I gulp back my last swig of the barley beverage. “It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m here now.” Why is he saying it like a prince who’s just rescued me? He must be asking himself the same thing because he shakes his head and stuffs the cheese-covered triangle in his mouth.

  “Where’s your girl Emily tonight?” Emily is his longtime love, and I’m sure wedding bells are just
around the corner. She seems nice, but I always get the impression that she doesn’t like me for some reason.

  The light in his blue eyes turns gray. “Um, we broke up.”

  I swallow hard, almost choking on my pepperoni. “What? I thought you were going to propose.”

  He lets out a long sigh, lowering his slice. “Yeah, that didn’t exactly pan out.”

  Oh, wow. How could she say no? “I’m so sorry, Kyle. I had no idea. When did that happen?”

  “About ten days ago.”

  “Oh shit. Why are you not guzzling beers too?”

  “I’ve accepted it. It wasn’t right. It should feel right.”

  “It should.” Or maybe it doesn’t matter. I had zero doubts about Jake when he asked me to marry him. So much certainty that it scared me. Now, all I have are doubts. Certainty feels a lot farther away than twenty-five hundred miles.

  After three beers and three slices, Kyle and I sit on the back patio, lounging in a couple of poolside chairs. I’ve got a glass of chardonnay, and he’s still finishing his second beer. I watch the rain drip from the screen cover and into the pool. With every ripple along the water, I think more and more about Jake. Or rather, stew more and more.

  The pool.

  It was the pool.

  If I’d never gotten into that pool, then Jake would have never kissed me. We would have never fallen in love, gotten married, gotten pregnant twice, and ended up here. Unhappily ever after.

  I’m supposed to be single with a hot, rich boyfriend who won’t marry me for fear I’ll take his money and run. It sucks when someone does that to you. I know all about it now.

  “You okay?” Kyle asks. Finally, someone who gives a shit.

  I clench my jaw, thinking about how letting Jake go to Vegas may have been a horrible mistake. “Not really.”

  “You want to talk about it?” he asks.

  “Talk about what? How I lose two babies and my husband abandons me months later? How he’s taken everything I’ve worked so hard for and invested it into something we have no idea is going to work out? Or how he’s been gone for two weeks and I haven’t had a conversation with him that’s lasted longer than ten minutes? What should I talk about because I have no idea where to fucking start!” I chuck my glass into the pool and it sinks while what’s left of the chardonnay dissipates like it never existed at all.