Works of Grant Allen

by Grant Allen

  As Freeling was drawing the cork of the seltzer, Arthur’s eye happened to light on a monkey, which was chained to a post in the little area plot outside the consulting-room. Arthur was accustomed to see monkeys there, for Freeling often had invalids from the Zoo to observe side by side with human patients; but this particular monkey fascinated him even in his present shattered state of nerves, because there was a something in its face which seemed strangely and horribly familiar to him. As he looked, he recognized with a feeling of unspeakable aversion what it was of which the monkey reminded him. It was making a series of hideous and apparently mocking grimaces — the very self-same grimaces which he had seen on his own features in the mirror during the last day or two! Horrible idea! He was descending to the level of the very monkeys!

  The more he watched, the more absolutely identical the two sets of grimaces appeared to him to be. Could it be fancy or was it reality? Or might it be one more delusion, showing that his brain was now giving way entirely? He rubbed his eyes, steadied his attention, and looked again with the deepest interest. No, he could not be mistaken. The monkey was acting in every respect precisely as he himself had acted.

  “Harry,” he said, in a low and frightened tone, “look at this monkey. Is he mad? Tell me.”

  “My dear Arthur,” replied his friend, with just a shade of expostulation in his voice, “you have really got madness on the brain at present. No, he isn’t mad at all. He’s as sane as you are, and that’s saying a good deal, I can assure you.”

  “But, Harry, you can’t have seen what he’s doing. He’s grimacing and contorting himself in the most extraordinary fashion.”

  “Well, monkeys often do grimace, don’t they?” Harry Freeling answered coolly. “Take this brandy and you’ll soon feel better.”

  “But they don’t grimace like this one,” Arthur persisted.

  “No, not like this one, certainly. That’s why I’ve got him here. I’m going to operate upon him for it under chloroform, and cure him immediately.”

  Arthur leaped from his seat like one demented. “Operate upon him, cure him!” he cried hastily. “What on earth do you mean, Harry?”

  “My dear boy, don’t be so excited,” said Freeling. “This suspense and sleeplessness have been too much for you. This is antivivisection carried ad absurdum. You don’t mean to say you object to operations upon a monkey for his own benefit, do you? If I don’t cut a nerve, tetanus will finally set in, and he’ll die of it in great agony. Drink off your brandy, and you’ll feel better after it.”

  “But, Harry, what’s the matter with the monkey? For heaven’s sake, tell me!”

  Harry Freeling looked at his friend for the first time a little suspiciously. Could Warminster be right after all, and could Arthur really be going mad? It was so ridiculous of him to get into such a state of flurry about the ailments of a tame monkey, and at such a moment, too! “Well,” he answered slowly, “the monkey has got facial distortions due to a slight local paralysis of the inhibitory nerves supplied to the buccal and pharyngeal muscles, with a tendency to end in tetanus. If I cut a small ganglion behind the ear, and exhibit santonin, the muscles will be relaxed; and though they won’t act so freely as before, they won’t jerk and grimace any longer.”

  “Does it ever occur in human beings?” Arthur asked eagerly.

  “Occur in human beings? Bless my soul, yes! I’ve seen dozens of cases. Why, goodness gracious, Arthur, it’s positively occurring in your own face at this very moment!”

  “I know it is,” Arthur answered in an agony of suspense. “Do you think this twitching of mine is due to a local paralysis of the inhibitories, such as you speak of?”

  “Excuse my laughing, my dear fellow; you really do look so absurdly comical. No, I don’t think anything about it. I know it is.”

  “Then you believe Warminster was wrong in taking it for a symptom of incipient insanity?”

  It was Freeling’s turn now to jump up in surprise. “You don’t mean to tell me, Arthur, that that was the sole ground on which that old fool, Warminster, thought you were going crazy?”

  “He didn’t see it himself,” answered Arthur, with a sigh of unspeakable relief. “I only described it to him, and he drew his inference from what I told him. But the real question is this, Harry: Do you feel quite sure that there’s nothing more than that the matter with me?”

  “Absolutely certain, my dear fellow. I can cure you in half an hour. I’ve done it dozens of times before, and know the thing as well as you know an ordinary case of scarlet fever.”

  Arthur sighed again. “And perhaps,” he said bitterly, “this terrible mistake may cost dear Hetty her life!”

  He drank off the brandy, ate a few mouthfuls of food as best he might, and hastened back to the Aburys’. When he got there he learned from the servant that Hetty was at least no worse; and with that negative comfort he had for the moment to content himself.

  Hetty’s illness was long and serious; but before it was over Freeling was able to convince Dr. Abury of his own and his colleague’s error, and to prove by a simple piece of surgery that Arthur’s hideous grimaces were due to nothing worse than a purely physical impediment. The operation was quite a successful one; but though Greatrex’s face has never since been liable to these curious contortions, the consequent relaxation of the muscles has given his features that peculiarly calm and almost impassive expression which everybody must have noticed upon them at the present day, even in moments of the greatest animation. The difficulty was how to break the cause of the temporary mistake to Hetty, and this they were unable to do until she was to a great extent convalescent. When once the needful explanation was over, and Arthur was able once more to kiss her with perfect freedom from any tinge of suspicion on her part, he felt that his paradise was at last attained.

  A few days before the deferred date fixed for their wedding, Freeling came into the doctor’s drawing-room, where Hetty and Arthur were sitting together, and threw a letter with a French official stamp on its face down upon the table. “There,” he said, “I find all the members of the Académie des Sciences at Paris are madmen also!”

  Hetty smiled faintly, and said with a little earnestness in her tone, “Ah, Dr. Freeling, that subject has been far too serious a one for both of us to make it pleasant jesting.”

  “Oh, but look here, Miss Abury,” said Freeling; “I have to apologise to Arthur for a great liberty I have ventured to take, and I think it best to begin by explaining to you wherein it consisted. The fact is, before you were ill, Arthur had just written a paper on the interrelations of energy, which he showed to that pompous old nincompoop, Professor Linklight. Well, Linklight being one of those men who can never see an inch beyond his own nose, had the incomprehensible stupidity to tell him there was nothing in it. Thereupon your future husband, who is a modest and self-depreciating sort of fellow, was minded to throw it incontinently into the waste-paper basket. But a friend of his, Harry Freeling, who flatters himself that he can see an inch or two beyond his own nose, read it over, and recognized that it was a brilliant discovery. So what does he go and do — here comes in the apologetic matter — but get this memoir quietly translated into French, affix a motto to it, put it in an envelope, and send it in for the gold medal competition of the Académie. Strange to say, the members of the Académie turned out to be every bit as mad as the author and his friend; for I have just received this letter, addressed to Arthur at my house (which I have taken the further liberty of opening), and it informs me that the Académie decrees its gold medal for physical discovery to M. Arthur Greatrex, of London, which is a subject of congratulation for us three, and a regular slap in the face for pompous old Linklight.”

  Hetty seized Freeling’s two hands in hers. “You have been our good genius, Dr. Freeling,” she said with brimming eyes. “I owe Arthur to you; and Arthur owes me to you; and now we both owe you this. What can we ever do to thank you sufficiently?”

  Since those days Hetty and Arthur have long bee
n married, and Dr. Greatrex’s famous work (in its enlarged form) has been translated into all the civilized languages of the world, as well as into German; but to this moment, happy as they both are, you can read in their faces the lasting marks of that one terrible anxiety. To many of their friends it seemed afterwards a mere laughing matter; but to those two, who went through it, and especially to Arthur Greatrex, it is a memory too painful to be looked back upon even now without a thrill of terrible recollection.

  MR. CHUNG.

  The first time I ever met poor Chung was at one of Mrs. Bouverie Barton’s Thursday evening receptions in Eaton Place. Of course you know Mrs. Bouverie Barton, the cleverest literary hostess at this moment living in London. Herself a well-known novelist, she collects around her all the people worth knowing, at her delightful At Homes; and whenever you go there you are sure to meet somebody whose acquaintance is a treasure and an acquisition for your whole after life.

  Well, it so happened on one of those enjoyable Thursday evenings that I was sitting on the circular ottoman in the little back room with Miss Amelia Hogg, the famous woman’s-rights advocate. Now, if there is a subject on earth which infinitely bores me, that subject is woman’s rights; and if there is a person on earth who can make it absolutely unendurable, that person is Miss Amelia Hogg. So I let her speak on placidly in her own interminable manner about the fortunes of the Bill — she always talks as though her own pet Bill were the only Bill now existing on this sublunary planet — and while I interposed an occasional “Indeed” or “Quite so” for form’s sake, I gave myself up in reality to digesting the conversation of two intelligent people who sat back to back with us on the other side of the round ottoman.

  “Yes,” said one of the speakers, in a peculiarly soft silvery voice which contrasted oddly with Miss Hogg’s querulous treble, “his loss is a very severe one to contemporary philosophy. His book on the “Physiology of Perception” is one of the most masterly pieces of analytic work I have ever met with in the whole course of my psychological reading. It was to me, I confess, who approached it fresh from the school of Schelling and Hegel, a perfect revelation of à posteriori thinking. I shall never cease to regret that he did not live long enough to complete the second volume.”

  Just at this point Miss Hogg had come to a pause in her explanation of the seventy-first clause of the Bill, and I stole a look round the corner to see who my philosophic neighbour might happen to be. An Oxford don, no doubt, I said to myself, or a young Cambridge professor, freshly crammed to the throat with all the learning of the Moral Science Tripos.

  Imagine my surprise when, on glancing casually at the silvery-voiced speaker, I discovered him to be a full-blown Chinaman! Yes, a yellow-skinned, almond-eyed, Mongolian-featured Chinaman, with a long pigtail hanging down his back, and attired in the official amber silk robe and purple slippers of a mandarin of the third grade, and the silver button. My curiosity was so fully aroused by this strange discovery that I determined to learn something more about so curious a product of an alien civilization; and therefore, after a few minutes, I managed to give Miss Amelia Hogg the slip by drawing in young Harry Farquhar the artist at the hundred-and-twentieth section, and making my way quietly across the room to Mrs. Bouverie Barton.

  “The name of that young Chinaman?” our hostess said in answer to my question. “Oh, certainly; he is Mr. Chung, of the Chinese Legation. A most intelligent and well-educated young man, with a great deal of taste for European literature. Introduce you? — of course, this minute.” And she led the way back to where my Oriental phenomenon was still sitting, deep as ever in philosophical problems with Professor Woolstock, a spectacled old gentleman of German aspect, who was evidently pumping him thoroughly with a view to the materials for Volume Forty of his forthcoming great work on “Ethnical Psychology.”

  I sat by Mr. Chung for the greater part of what was left of that evening. From the very first he exercised a sort of indescribable fascination over me. His English had hardly a trace of foreign accent, and his voice was one of the sweetest and most exquisitely modulated that I have ever heard. When he looked at you, his deep calm eyes bespoke at once the very essence of transparent sincerity. Before the evening was over, he had told me the whole history of his education and his past life. The son of a well-to-do Pekin mandarin, of distinctly European tastes, he had early passed all his examinations in China, and had been selected by the Celestial Government as one of the first batch of students sent to Europe to acquire the tongues and the sciences of the Western barbarians. Chung’s billet was to England; and here, or in France, he had lived with a few intervals ever since he first came to man’s estate. He had picked up our language quickly; had taken a degree at London University; and had made himself thoroughly at home in English literature. In fact, he was practically an Englishman in everything but face and clothing. His naturally fine intellect had assimilated European thought and European feeling with extraordinary ease, and it was often almost impossible in talking with him to remember that he was not one of ourselves. If you shut your eyes and listened, you heard a pleasant, cultivated, intelligent young Englishman; when you opened them again, it was always a fresh surprise to find yourself conversing with a genuine yellow-faced pig-tailed Chinaman, in the full costume of the peacock’s feather.

  “You could never go back to live in China?” I said to him inquiringly after a time. “You could never endure life among your own people after so long a residence in civilized Europe?”

  “My dear sir,” he answered with a slight shudder of horror, “you do not reflect what my position actually is. My Government may recall me any day. I am simply at their mercy, and I must do as I am bidden.”

  “But you would not like China,” I put in.

  “Like it!” he exclaimed with a gesture which for a Chinaman I suppose one must call violent. “I should abhor it. It would be a living death. You who have never been in China can have no idea of what an awful misfortune it would be for a man who has acquired civilized habits and modes of thought to live among such a set of more than mediæval barbarians as my countrymen still remain at the present day. Oh no; God grant I may never have to return there permanently, for it would be more than I could endure. Even a short visit to Pekin is bad enough; the place reeks of cruelty, jobbery, and superstition from end to end; and I always breathe more freely when I have once more got back on to the deck of a European steamer that flies the familiar British flag.”

  “Then you are not patriotic,” I ventured to say.

  “Patriotic!” he replied with a slight curl of the lip; “how can a man be patriotic to such a mass of corruption and abomination as our Chinese Government? I can understand a patriotic Russian, a patriotic Egyptian, nay, even a patriotic Turk; but a patriotic Chinaman — why, the very notion is palpably absurd. Listen, my dear sir; you ask me if I could live in China. No, I couldn’t; and for the best of all possible reasons — they wouldn’t let me. You don’t know what the furious prejudice and blind superstition of that awful country really is. Before I had been there three months they would accuse me either of foreign practices or, what comes to much the same thing, of witchcraft; and they would put me to death by one of their most horrible torturing punishments — atrocities which I could not even mention in an English drawing-room. That is the sort of Damocles’ sword that is always hanging over the head of every Europeanized Chinaman who returns against his own free will to his native land.”

  I was startled and surprised. It seemed so natural and simple to be talking under Mrs. Bouverie Barton’s big chandelier with this interesting young man, and yet so impossible for a moment to connect him in thought with all the terrible things that one had read in books about the prisons and penal laws of China. That a graduate of London University, a philosopher learned in all the political wisdom of Ricardo, Mill, and Herbert Spencer, should really be subject to that barbaric code of abominable tortures, was more than one could positively realize. I hesitated a moment, and then I said, “But of course th
ey will never recall you.”

  “I trust not,” he said quietly; “I pray not. Very likely they will let me stop here all my lifetime. I am an assistant interpreter to the Embassy, in which capacity I am useful to Pekin; whereas in any home appointment I would of course be an utter failure, a manifest impossibility. But there is really no accounting for the wild vagaries and caprices of the Vermilion Pencil. For aught I know to the contrary, I might even be recalled to-morrow. If once they suspect a man of European sympathies, their first idea is to cut off his head. They regard it as you would regard the first plague-spot of cholera or small-pox in a great city.”

  “Heaven forbid that they should ever recall you,” I said earnestly; for already I had taken a strong fancy to his strange phenomenon of Western education grafted on an immemorial Eastern stock; and I had read enough of China to know that what he said about his probable fate if he returned there permanently was nothing more than the literal truth. The bare idea of such a catastrophe was too horrible to be realized for a moment in Eaton Place.

  As we drove home in our little one-horse brougham that evening, my wife and Effie were very anxious to learn what manner of man my Chinese acquaintance might really be; and when I told them what a charming person I had found him, they were both inclined rather to laugh at me for my enthusiastic description. Effie, in particular, jeered much at the notion of an intelligent and earnest-minded Chinaman. “You know, Uncle darling,” she said in her bewitching way, “all your geese are always swans. Every woman you meet is absolutely beautiful, and every man is perfectly delightful — till Auntie and I have seen them.”