Undying

by Bernadette Azizi

“Intelligent, sensitive and beautiful,” he proclaimed, as he turned and walked away.

  I couldn’t contain my happiness. I tried to keep as calm and collected as possible, but it was too hard.

  Could he possibly like me?

  Maybe I could tell him something, but not everything.

  “You know? When I first saw you, I was taken aback… I felt that I knew you already. But I know that’s not possible.”

  The way he was looking at me was having a profound impact on me; I didn’t know what to say anymore. I smiled and stopped talking. I didn’t want to be tempted to say something that I might regret later.

  “And…?” he surprisingly said taking a few steps towards me.

  His body was within arm’s reach now. I thought quickly. I couldn’t mention my feelings for him, or that I thought that he belonged to me.

  “Nothing,” I replied, with regret.

  “I really don’t want to add ‘insane’ to that list of yours. I’m doing well so far and I don’t want to ruin it,” I joked.

  He seemed expressionless, but at the same time, surprised.

  “Do you think this rain will continue through the rest of the day,” I asked, attempting to change the subject.

  “Pardon…?”

  “The weather…”

  “Right… That, I’m afraid, will be hard to predict,” he said cutting me off in mid-sentence.

  James returned to his desk, picked up a file and then turned back to me.

  “Catherine, here are the forms that you will need to fill out. Medical details, personal information, and we require your signature on a few papers. Please, feel free to sit down and fill them out here. They shouldn’t take long.”

  He pointed to a guest chair at his desk and put the file down on the table. Immediately I went and sat down on the chair opening the file to start filling it out.

  “May I have a pen please?” I asked.

  “Yes of course, my apologies.”

  He picked up a gold pen and handed it to me. I started to fill out the paperwork. Every so often I would stop and look up, ever so slightly, to watch him. I did not dare to look for long, desperately wanting to avoid being seen. James was beside the window, looking out, as I had been earlier. But of course, he wasn’t as relaxed as I had been. I could sense tension and frustration again.

  Several minutes later, all the forms were completed. I collected them, put them back in order and rose from my chair.

  “Well, I have finished. Where would you like them?” I asked as I walked towards him with the forms.

  “Oh, I’ll just take them, thank you,” he said as he grabbed them from me. Our hands touched slightly and I could see in his face that he was feeling something.

  Right at that moment, the phone rang. James looked at me with his gorgeous eyes for a few moments that felt like an eternity and then slowly stepped back and excused himself to answer it. I smiled back and indicated that I was leaving. I headed for the door and as I turned around to close the door I noticed his eyes were still on me. I shook my head. I was exhausted. My emotions had never taken such a beating like this before. I decided that I would to catch up with Jules. That idea was short-lived. Coming towards me was Mr Kemp. And to make matters worse, he didn’t seem at all pleased. He looked worn-out and untidy. There was a slight chance that he had no interest in me and was heading this way to speak with James, but his body language suggested otherwise. He wanted to talk to me I just knew it.

  “Good morning, Mr Kemp,” I said as he finally reached me.

  “Huh? Oh, yes. Good morning,” he mumbled, seemingly deep in thought about something else.

  “Cathy, I must talk to you… But not here or now… but soon,” he demanded, somewhat nervously.

  “It’s Catherine… not Cathy. What is it Mr Kemp?” I casually looked away from him hoping that would be all. His manner was making me feel uneasy.

  “Oh, Cathy… Ah, Catherine, I have plenty to say and if you were a smart girl you would want to listen!” he warned. His voice was low and it appeared that he did not want James to hear from his office.

  “Catherine, you don’t belong here!”

  “What on earth are you talking about, Mr Kemp? I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “It’s not your fault that you are here, but it will be if you stay,” he warned grabbing my arm.

  “I’m not going anywhere, so leave me alone!” I yelled pulling away from him, unaware of how loud my voice had become. I could hear footsteps coming from James’s office and his door opened abruptly. James looked furious as he gave Mr Kemp a ghastly stare. Mr Kemp still had a hold of my arm.

  “Mr Kemp, what is the meaning of this?” James growled, as he opened his door wider. Mr Kemp seemed caught out and erratic in his behaviour, so I moved away from him and stood closer to where James was. He didn’t answer James, just stood there defiantly.

  “In my office… now,” James ordered. Mr Kemp headed to in to James’s office but still had the audacity to try to give me an intimidating look.

  “Catherine, please stay here, I promise you this won’t take a minute,” he comforted me with his gentle voice. He placed his hand on my arm; I nodded and sat down on a chair just outside his office. My shoulders sank into my body and my face fell into my hands. I was not going to cry. I could not believe how awful Mr Kemp had been to me. I wish I was a lot stronger and didn’t get as emotional as I did.

  From the other end of the hallway, I heard footsteps approaching and I panicked. I wiped my stupid tears, as quickly as I could and looked up. It was Jules and from the distressed look on her face, I could tell that she knew I was upset.

  “Catherine, what is it?” she prompted me, with her arms open wide.

  When she got to me, she was almost in tears herself. Jules grabbed me firmly by my shoulders.

  “Catherine, what has happened?” she cried.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing,” I answered, as I pulled away from her.

  All these emotions are sending me mad!

  The door opened and James came out, followed by Mr Kemp with his head hanging low.

  “You”! You’re the one who has upset Catherine! Why you difficult little man. What did you do?” Jules demanded to know, with one hand waving at Mr Kemp and the other holding onto my arm.

  Everyone must feel my arm was for public use.

  “Miss Kent, leave it with me. Mr Kemp, please leave. Catherine, may I speak with you in my office?” Again his voice was commanding, yet gentle.

  “Jules… I’ll be fine. I will, really… Meet you in the common room, OK?” I whispered to her. I turned away and headed into James’s office without giving Mr Kemp any acknowledgement.

  “Catherine, please… don’t be upset. I have spoken to Mr Kemp and warned him to stay away from you,” his soft voice deep with emotion.

  “What is the problem? Why does he hate me? I have done nothing to him.

  James stood in front of me, upright with his fist clenched, obviously holding back his emotions, and trying to calm himself down. But why did he need to do that? I was the one who had been threatened.

  “What have I done?” I repeated, now sitting on one of the chairs in his office.

  Surprisingly, James came and crouched down beside me.

  “You have done nothing wrong. Mr Kemp will leave you alone, I promise. Please don’t let him upset you.”

  “He said me being here was not my fault but if I stay it will be. What’s that suppose to mean?”

  “He said that to you?” James asked.

  He stood up, looking quite shocked and disturbed.

  I stood up and came close to him.

  “I Should never have come?” I said, disheartened.

  “No…”

  His voice was in my ear he was so close to me.

  I was trembling and my heart was pounding.

  I looked up in disbelief. His face was expressionless, which confused me. He then slowly began to smile and touched my arm gently.
/>   “You should go to Jules. I’m sure she is still worried about you, and pay no attention to what Mr Kemp says.”

  And that was it. I knew I had fallen and fallen hard for him.

  The next few weeks were not what I had anticipated. Professor Davidson, the English Professor that I was replacing, seemed to be taking up all my time.

  “The one whom death takes can trust the Lord’s judgement,” he declared in his classroom, quoting a notable Beowulf monster from the tenth century AD.

  Not exactly what I want to be lecturing on right now. A love story would have been better. But no, it looks like blood, terror and death.

  Professor Davidson was an extremely intelligent and well-respected teacher, but one whom I couldn’t seem to escape. As much as I needed the information he was giving me, I really felt suffocated. After several failed attempts to escape him, I gave up. He invited himself on my walks, he sat with me when I ate, he was beside me in all my classes and in the common room, and worst of all he would walk me to my room at the end of each day. There had been several memorable moments when I would catch a glimpse of James and he would show me a grin of sympathy or a wink. It was awful. It felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t do.

  On the upside, Professor Davidson’s last day was now here and I would finally have some time to myself.

  “Catherine, I have complete faith in you… Enjoy your year at the college, my dear, and don’t let my boys give you any heartache,” Professor Davidson said as he shook my hand and continued down the line of goodbyes that were waiting for him.

  All his colleagues seemed genuinely sad to see him go. And strangely enough, so did I.

  “It’s a shame you weren’t replacing Mr Kemp!” Jules whispered in my ear before belting out a laugh.

  “Well at least we can see you now, thank God. Tomorrow is Saturday. Care to go into the village for some dinner tomorrow night? Perhaps we can ask Mr Barclay and a few other teachers if they would like to join us,” Jules said with great enthusiasm.

  “OK,” I replied.

  “Actually that sounds like a great idea. It will be fun,” I added with more enthusiasm.

  “Oh, splendid. I am so happy. I will ask them now!”

  And off she went without a minute to spare. I saw her head for James first. I could see him speaking but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Then she was off to Dr Simons, of course, and then a few more after that. All the teachers seemed to be making their way to the common room. James had now left and I wasn’t sure which way he had gone. I, however, headed to my room. It had been an exhausting two weeks with an emotional ending. I just wanted to sleep. Jules waved to me as I walked away. She was continuing on to the common room and understood that I was heading back to my room.

  The walk back to my room seemed natural to me, which was a sure sign I was becoming more familiar with the college and its rooms, its gardens, its walkways and the whole area. It had given me a sense of belonging that I had desperately longed for. The rain was pounding down hard as I reached the bottom of the stairs. The sound of strong wind could now be heard and it had an eerie, echoing hum to it. My thoughts wandered but were interrupted by footsteps that were catching up to me. I turned around cautiously.

  But no one was there. Strange, I could have sworn that there was someone behind me. I continued up the stairs but this time my steps were swift. As I got to the top of the stairs, I looked at James’s door and paused for a minute with a smile. Suddenly, I felt a rush of cold wind go past me, blowing my hair over my face before each wall lamp, one by one, flickered and went dark. I froze, not knowing what to do, or understand what was happening. The hallway was completely darkened.

  I could hear footsteps, approaching me from down the hallway. Maybe it was one of the teachers coming out to see why all the lights were out, I hoped.

  “Who’s there?” I whispered.

  There was no reply but the steps were getting closer.

  “Who’s there?” I asked, this time with more volume.

  I was confused and scared stiff, aware that most of the teachers wouldn’t be up here because they were downstairs for Professor Davidson. I contemplated walking back down the stairs or a little further to my door, but I was so scared I wasn’t sure my legs would cooperate.

  All of a sudden I felt a firm push against my chest and was thrown into James’s door.

  I screamed, covering my face with my hands, terrified. James’s door instantly opened and I turned around to see his surprise at my presence in his doorway. I grabbed him and put my face on his chest, my hands holding tightly onto his shirt.

  “Catherine?”

  “There’s someone trying to hurt me out there!”

  He held me tight with one arm and half stepped out the room to see.

  “There’s no one out there,” he whispered.

  I slowly opened my eyes and looked out, still holding onto his shirt and there wasn’t anyone. All the lights were now on and there was no one to be seen. I looked up at James, but I was speechless and confused.

  “Come inside.”

  James closed the door and placed his hands on my arms and stared at me.

  “What happened?”

  I couldn’t speak at first. I myself didn’t know what had happened. I finally mustered the courage and tried to explain to James what had just happened.

  “I don’t know what to say,” James shook his head with concern.

  “Who could have done this? Mr Kemp!”

  “No. There is no chance that Mr Kemp would ever lay a hand on you.”

  “He threatened me that day, who else would do that to me?” I argued.

  James let go of me in shock and took a few steps back.

  Outside James’s door, I could hear Mr Kemp mumbling. Anger came over me and I turned around to open the door.

  “Catherine, no!” James pleaded, but I ignored him.

  I stuck my head out of the door and there he was.

  “You! How dare you do that to me?”

  “What are you doing in Mr Barclay’s room? Get out of there,” he sneakily whispered.

  “You pushed me into his door!”

  “What nonsense are you talking about?” Mr Kemp looked surprised. He looked past me and went straight into the room.

  “What is all this?” he demanded to know.

  James didn’t say a word, but he seemed bewildered.

  “You turned off all the lights in the hallway and then pushed me into James’s door, didn’t you?”

  “I most certainly did not!” He gave James a long, disappointed look.

  “Hem,” he grunted, “are you happy now?” he said to James and headed for the door. As he passed me he paused.

  “I warned you,” he said.

  I looked at James in disbelief. He didn’t even ask Mr Kemp if he was responsible. Did he honestly believe that he was incapable of doing such a thing?

  Mr Kemp slammed the door behind him, and now James and I were left in his room.

  “You don’t believe me? Why… I mean… how, could I even make this up?” I pleaded.

  James turned around and ran his hands through his hair. He looked frustrated and uneasy.

  I couldn’t believe that Mr Kemp just did what he did, and got away with it! And that James could think that I was a liar. Let down, I decided to leave.

  I faced the door but I just stood there.

  “Catherine… wait… I believe you; I just don’t think it was Mr Kemp.”

  “Then who”? I snapped.

  He didn’t reply. He just stood dazed and unable to help. I regretted snapping at him. He had done nothing but be nice since I had arrived. But his support for Mr Kemp was mind-boggling.

  “Good night,” I opened his door and left without looking back.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  It was almost impossible to get out of bed the next morning. Still frustrated and angry about last night’s events, especially not being believed by James. When I did finally get out
of bed and headed to the window, the clouds were dark but there was no rain as yet. Suddenly James and Mr Kemp were both in sight on the front grounds walking alongside each other talking.

  Mr Kemp stopped, he was ropable, throwing his arms about like the crazed fool that he was. I immediately felt ill.

  How dare he be so rude to James!

  What was he saying?

  I couldn’t make it out. But he then pointed to my direction, I froze in shock but relaxed when I remembered I couldn’t see into the windows when I first arrived that day, so it was safe to assume that he couldn’t see me. James looked over his shoulder, in my direction also but his stare was different, I felt he could see me.

  Mr Kemp headed back into the main building with James following. Curious to know where they were going and what was being said, I leapt into the shower and threw on some running clothes in record time. I opened my door and looked down the corridor towards James’s room. His door was half open.

  I turned back and locked my door. In that instant, Jules had come out dressed in casual clothes also.

  “Good morning, you’re not going for a run are you?” Jules enquiry, with excitement in her eyes.

  “Yes, yes I am. Want to join me?” I asked.

  “Absolutely!” was Jules’s delighted reply.

  “I’ll race you to the fountain,” I challenged her.

  “Oh, oh yes, of course,” she replied, flustered.

  We both started giggling. As we passed James’s door, I tried with all my might to resist looking in. But Jules had a different idea – she walked right up to the door and looked in. To our surprise, Mr Kemp and James were coming out of the room. Mr Kemp looked completely perplexed – which was priceless – James’s eyes caught mine, and were pleased and relieved.

  “Would you boys like to join us for a run?” Jules asked sarcastically.

  “No, no, I am busy today,” Mr Kemp replied, baffled.

  Jules then looked at James with a raised eyebrow.

  “I will pass too, Miss Kent. Thank you for the invitation,” James said. “Have a great run, ladies,” he said as he ushered Mr Kemp out of his room.

  Jules and I headed off. We both ignored Mr Kemp as we passed him. Mr Kemp slowly and awkwardly made his way to his room and eventually James closed his door. I followed Jules’s unhurried lead. She took me on a track that I had not noticed before. It was veiled with soaring trees and their heavy foliage. It was an easy path, effortless to navigate but narrow, forcing us to run in single file.