Mine to Hold

by Shona Husk

Vance’s kiss had woken her sex drive … if only he knew.

  “If you want to have sex, just say so.” This could be an arrangement that suited them both. “I know this will only last the trip.”

  * * *

  Leo looked at Silke and blinked. She thought he was here because he wanted a partner for the trip. She didn’t know he was leaving the military to live on Solitaire. For a moment he was tempted to tell her the truth, that he was looking for a wife, but he held back. He’d already botched this up enough. He wasn’t good at this stuff. He hadn’t had enough practice.

  Maybe the best thing he could do right now was go with that expectation, and if it went well he could tell her he was going to be around on a permanent basis, and that he’d like to marry her.

  While love didn’t guarantee a happy marriage, he was sure that picking someone he respected and could talk to—and occasionally have sex with—would. The first two points had already been proven. Number three was about to be tested.

  “I thought we’d go on a couple of dates first.” That had been his plan for tonight. Go to the bar and get to know her a little better. But when he’d seen her, his mouth had started working without permission. He’d wanted to ease into the conversation about what would happen on Solitaire and the gender imbalance, and see what her thoughts were before bringing up marriage and sex. He hadn’t expected her to jump straight to sex.

  He also knew that she was the one who could pick and choose. Maybe he wasn’t what she was looking for … and yet, she’d always smiled at him and spared a moment to talk to him when she could’ve just ignored him as he went about his work.

  Silke shook her head. “I’ve already had dinner, and in the bar they are either watering down the real stuff or are offering that liquid gut rot. I’d rather save my credits.”

  “Yeah, the stuff they serve is pretty bad.” But there was really nowhere else to go for a date.

  Not that they were dating. He wasn’t going to be an idiot this time. He wasn’t going to let his heart get involved like he had last time. This was business, pure and simple, even if they were skipping the dates and going straight to sex. It was no different to any of the other negotiating he’d done with any of the other partners he’d had on flights. Clear expectations made it easy for everyone. Sometimes it was very casual and non-exclusive. Sometimes it was something more and lasted most of the trip, but there was always the understanding that it would end. And it always had.

  This time he was looking for something more permanent. The only reason he was thinking of the future was because he didn’t want to be left high and dry on Solitaire. It was why he’d made an effort to meet people on this trip.

  Knitting class had been a good excuse. A few female prisoners had offered him whatever he wanted—for a price. He knew guys who were using that service, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want just sex. He wanted someone he could have a conversation with. He wanted to be able to enjoy their company.

  He wanted Silke.

  “So … your room or mine?” she said with a smile.

  “I think I’m supposed to ask that.” But he was kind of glad that she wasn’t expecting him to take the lead—he didn’t want to muck up this chance after barely salvaging it. He’d been ready to walk away and try again another day.

  She shrugged. “You were taking too long.”

  “Come to mine.” He’d cleaned up, and it would be nice to have someone visit. No one had on this flight. He offered her his hand and she took it, her palm sliding over his, her finger wrapping around his.

  It was only then that he realized how much he’d missed being touched. It had been months ago on Earth. When had she last had a lover? She and 1113—Vance, he knew his name, but he used his number when making a point—were close. How close? He’d seen the looks that had passed between them, and heard the way they laughed at some joke only they got. And yet there still seemed to be a distance between Vance and Silke.

  “You’re not seeing anyone else?” Ground rules were important. They both needed to know where they stood. He didn’t want to be stepping on Vance’s toes if they were together. No one deserved to have their lover whisked away.

  Although Silke seemed to be the one doing the whisking. As if she’d made up her mind before she’d even seen him in the corridor.

  “No. Not since Earth. You?” She glanced at him.

  “Same.” So nothing was happening with Vance. He hadn’t expected that. He’d expected her to say yes, but that it was casual, or something along those lines. The same way she was treating him. Casual. Temporary. He wasn’t sure he liked those words.

  “Does it usually take you months to find someone to sleep with?”

  Both of his eyebrows lifted. He wasn’t used to someone being quite so forward. “It depends. In a small crew, no, but things can get pretty incestuous if you aren’t careful. Gossip travels fast and the transport ships only had a crew of a hundred.”

  “On Siren you’re spoiled for choice.” She smiled. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  “I think it’s the women who are spoiled for choice.” He almost held his breath as he waited for her answer.

  “I think you’re right. So why did you wait so long?”

  He nodded to a couple of other flight crew as they passed them in the narrow corridor. He was off duty and out of uniform—mostly—so no one saluted. “I liked seeing you.” Which was true. He’d wanted to get to know her a little. “If I’d moved too early I’d have screwed that up.” He’d almost done that anyway.

  “You would’ve.”

  She wasn’t supposed to admit things like that. They went up another flight of metal stairs, then he stopped outside his room. She glanced at the number, no doubt to memorize it.

  The ship was split into four zones from front to rear, then horizontally into levels. Each level in each zone could be sealed in case of emergency. Most rooms on the ship were part of the modules that would form the settlement. Flight crew got to stay in the permanent structure, which was technically the fifth zone, E.

  Usually taking a woman back to his room was exciting and something Leo looked forward to. Tonight, though, it was feeling far more serious. He was thinking too far into the future. This time there was a chance that it could last beyond the flight. He wanted to have a real relationship, not just convenient sex. His longest relationships were the ones he’d had onboard and they hadn’t really been relationships. They were friendships with mutually beneficial recreation. After Naomi he’d been careful to make sure that he didn’t accidentally fall in love.

  When he glanced at Silke though, he wondered if he’d already made a mistake. He liked her too much and was just a little jealous that Vance got to spend all day with her. That’s why this felt different. He cared what she did, and with whom.

  He opened up his door so she could go in.

  It wasn’t much. Bed, desk, chair, and some personal items. Flight crew were able to take a little more, simply because they were doing a two-year trip. He wasn’t going to miss Earth, but he was going to miss being in space. He’d grown used to not seeing the sun or feeling rain or wind on his skin.

  After twelve years in the Air Force he was ready for a change, and he didn’t want to end up retiring on Earth. No, he’d decided that his best chance for a good life was as part of the first settlement.

  She walked in. “It’s bigger than mine.”

  “The luxury of being crew. You have a room to yourself?”

  “Yeah, perk of being the most senior vet.”

  “Only vet on board.” He’d done his research.

  “Vance is a vet nurse and there are several civvies who are almost vet nurses. I don’t work alone.” She picked up his guitar and plucked a few notes.

  “Ah, that explains why he works with you. I had wondered.”

  Silke looked at him. “There’s nothing going on. He is simply the best person for the job.”

  “I didn’t suggest that there was.” And yet sh
e’d been very quick to deny it. If there was something happening, though, why would she be here? Did he care what her relationship with Vance actually was? Yes. But not enough to push it tonight. He’d figure it out.

  “Do you play?”

  He nodded. “Long flights need to be filled somehow.”

  “I thought you said you just pass the time.” She took a step toward him.

  “I do. There are lots of ways to pass the time without actually having a goal in sight.” He caught her hand and drew her close. With Silke, he definitely knew where he wanted to get to.

  “Is that right?”

  “Mmm.” He lowered his lips to hers. Tasting and teasing, waiting for her mouth to open to him. Which it did, as her hand slid up his chest to rest on his shoulder. She leaned closer until she was almost pressed against him.

  His nerves at being with someone new tangled with the desire to be with her. He’d spent so much time thinking about what it would be like, and nothing had gone the way he’d expected so far. He placed his hand on her hip and moved closer. She melted against him.

  A shiver traced through his blood, leaving heat in its wake. It really had been too long, but he’d wanted this trip to be different, and if he’d had a casual partner it would’ve been harder to commit to finding someone more permanent.

  He hoped it had been worth the wait.

  She drew back a fraction and looked at him. There was heat in her pale grey eyes and a curve on her lips, as though she was about to smile. He kissed her before she could say anything, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on her shirt. Beneath it, she wore a singlet.

  Her hands slid under his shirt and skimmed over his stomach muscles. “You spend a bit of time at the gym.”

  “It would be easy to get out of shape.” He wasn’t ready to admit he wanted to be in excellent shape by the time they landed. From everything he’d heard from the researchers who’d lived on Solitaire, life was just as hard as it was in the slums.

  Some people were definitely going to struggle with the physicality of the work … although he also suspected that some would dodge the hard work and sit in a nice little module and call themselves ‘supervisor’. Silke wouldn’t be one of them, even though she would be entitled to do just that.

  He was going to be part of team that worked on anything mechanical, from transport to wind turbines. There were a couple of small shuttles that researchers used to get to different sites. Spare parts were going to have to be fabricated—it was going to be a whole new set of challenges. He was having to study basic metalwork … as in, how to extract it from ore. But if primitive humans had managed to mine copper and work it, he was sure they could do the same.

  A mechanical engineer, even one who worked on spacecraft, was just a really advanced blacksmith. Only, there would be no horses to shoe on Solitaire.

  The animals being taken were the hardy type that didn’t damage soils. Sheep, horses, and cattle were considered too damaging. Thus, goats and alpacas and guinea pigs.

  His fingers traced the edge of her shirt, fingering the loose threads. He’d noticed that about her clothes before. He picked up the edge. “You could get new shirts from the store.”

  She laughed. “Satan would just destroy them too.”

  Leo raised his eyebrows.

  “The black goat. Everything I own has been nibbled. When I boarded Siren all my clothes were new. Now I look like I grabbed things from the rag bag.”

  “She didn’t chew your singlet.” He pulled her shirt aside and kissed her shoulder.

  “I’m pretty sure she didn’t chew my underwear either … but no one sees them.”

  “I’m about to.” At least, he hoped it got that far.

  “True.” She tilted her head as he kissed up her throat.

  He eased her shirt off her shoulders then tossed it in the general direction of his desk. She was fit, her shoulders and arms were muscled from dealing with the animals, although for all he knew she used the gym too. There was one in the civilian area, although he generally used the one for the Air Crew. Maybe he should spend more time with the civvies. Given that his meals had to be taken in the E zone mess, he had to make an effort to get out and meet the other colonists. He’d be one of them when they landed, and he didn’t want to be an outsider.

  He traced the faint line of a scar on her arm.

  “That was from a bull that almost got me.”

  A few inches in and it would’ve been her chest, not the edge of her arm. “You were lucky.”

  “I was young, and not as careful as I should’ve been.” There was something in her voice that suggested there was more to the story, but she didn’t say any more. “You got any cool scars?”

  “No.” He shook his head, wishing he did so that the conversation would keep rolling. Even though he’d known Silke for months, now that they were here it was still kind of weird. The conversations they’d had in the barn had been carefully neutral, and they’d never been alone together.

  There was a lot to be said for more casual hook-ups. They were less loaded. This was taking friendship somewhere else. They should’ve gone for drinks. A little alcohol went a long way.

  She tugged at his shirt. “I don’t believe you. Not a single scar?”

  “Nothing.” He pulled his arms free of the shirt and turned around to prove he was unscarred. If she was using it as an excuse to get his clothes off, that worked for him. Her fingers trailed across his back.

  “I guess there isn’t much chance to get injured in the towers.”

  He was about to argue and say that he hadn’t lived all of his life in the climate-regulated towers, where the rich were protected from all hardship and reality. But that was where he’d spent the first sixteen years of his life. People generally assumed that his commission had been bought, and for the most part he didn’t dissuade them of that opinion. The wealthy civvies and other officers on the ship liked to think that he was just like them. They wouldn’t appreciate the truth. Neither would the non-enlisted. To them he was a sell-out. Someone who had jumped to the elite side of the fence. He’d never belonged on either side, even when growing up.

  “Or in space.” He’d never been frontline in any of the conflicts. His whole career had been spent working on the craft that flew to Solitaire. Plenty of officers hadn’t wanted to be posted away from their luxury and families, so it had been easy for him to put his hand up and advance.

  “I guess not. Do you miss Earth?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t usually think about it.”

  “But grass and trees and rain …” She was doing that almost-frown again.

  “I grew up in a city. There was no grass. Rain was just rain.” He’d never romanticized it. In the tower it had never bothered him and in the slum it had made everything soggy and, if he was unlucky, moldy.

  “I’m going to miss that stuff.”

  “There’s grass and trees and rain on Solitaire.” He’d listened when the researchers he flew with talked about the planet. He’d sucked up the knowledge and read everything he could.

  “I know, but it won’t be the same. The trees will be odd and the grasses aren’t really grasses as we know them.”

  “It might be better.” It would certainly be cleaner. And strange wasn’t always worse.

  She looked at him. “Maybe. I guess I can’t back out now.” A smile danced over her lips. Then she pulled on his belt. “We’ve got months to waste before we get there.”

  He let her pull him closer to the bed. “I don’t consider this a waste of time.”

  He wanted to tell her that he would be around on Solitaire, but it felt wrong. For the moment, they were just exploring a different part of their relationship. That he was thinking further into the future was his problem.

  “Neither do I.” She undid his belt and then her fingers skimmed lower, over the ridge of the erection pressing against his pants.

  He should’ve asked her out weeks ago.

  Leo cupped her cheek and
kissed her. His other hand brushed over her ribs to her breast. Her nipple peaked under the thin fabric and she made a little moan of pleasure as his thumb swept over the nub.

  She got his pants open and eased her hand in. His briefs were in the way. All he wanted to feel was her skin on his. She obviously felt the same way. All other thoughts were forgotten as they finished pulling off clothing and kicking off boots.

  Naked, he lay down and drew her onto the bed. Like all of the beds it was a standard narrow single bed, which meant that she was half on top of him. Not that he minded. Her legs tangled with his and her breasts pressed against his chest as they kissed some more. Slower, hungrier.

  Her fingers wrapped around his length and stroked.

  She moved her leg so his hand could ease between hers. Moisture dampened the hair on her mound. He teased her for a moment, enjoying the way her hips moved, before sliding his fingers along the lips of her sex and dipping into her core. She drew in a breath as he circled her clit. Then she moved to straddle him. He looked up at her, her hair still neatly pulled into a bun even though she was naked in his bed. She was almost too prim to be here.

  Silke rolled her hips so his shaft slid between the lips of her sex. So close to sliding in. He inhaled and let it out slowly. He was sure he’d never wanted anything quite as much. Tension thrummed in his blood and drew his balls tight as he watched her. His hands smoothed over her thighs.

  “You’re killing me.” His voice was rough.

  She smiled. “But it’s a good kind of dying.”

  It was. He placed his hands on her hips and worked her over his length, enjoying the way she slid over him. It was a torment when all he wanted to do was lift her up so she could slide onto him.

  But he wanted to make sure she came. He didn’t want her to walk out of here unsatisfied, otherwise she’d never come back for more. She leaned forward and angled his cock so the head nudged at her core. Then she was slowly sinking onto him.

  She shuddered and tightened around him, but that was just enjoyment, not a climax. Naomi might have used him the whole flight home, but she’d also given him more than a few lessons on the female body and sex, which he hadn’t forgotten. Before her, he hadn’t known anything worth knowing.