“I know. I was sad to hear that.”
“I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know about any of this.”
“Why don’t you send her a message?” Carla said, gently. “That’s innocuous enough, right? Just say hi.”
Carla had kind eyes, and they somehow made the world slow down. That helped. “What if she doesn’t want to hear from me? I wouldn’t want to hear from me.”
“Then she won’t answer. Becca doesn’t do anything that she doesn’t want to. You know that as well as I do.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “Maybe I will.”
She deliberated fiercely on her short drive home, deciding to just push through. They weren’t together anymore. Becca could do as she pleased and Joey would live her own life now. But when she got home and tried to busy herself, the urge to reach out and say something, anything, returned. She shook her head, placed a dish in the sink, and decided to send the damn message and stop living like such a coward. Why did she overthink everything? Which of course, was an ironic topic to subsequently overthink, leaving her in a neurotic cycle. Shaking her head and muttering to herself, Joey composed a short but hopefully sincere text.
I heard about the new gig. Is it nice there? I wish I was with you to hold you and not let go. I miss you so much and just want you to be okay. Both of us.
She paused and studied her work. Nope. She held the backspace button and tried again.
Congrats on the new job. Strange not to have you up the road.
Better. She hit send, nervous and unsure if she should have reached out. Five hours later, she heard back.
Thanks, Joey. It’s a whirlwind here. Lots of fires to put out, but managing. You okay?
Joey didn’t answer right away. Instead, she opted to take a walk through the vineyard as the sun set, walking one row at a time. She imagined Sky would be staying on the ranch with the cowboys. If she hadn’t overturned things with Becca, he’d likely be here with her, walking the vineyard at her side, or maybe she’d be in New Orleans with Becca for a weekend here or there. Both options felt better than this one, yet something held her firmly back from either of those realities. She fired off another text.
I’m okay. Tangle Valley is gearing up for the new year. It misses you.
She watched as the last sliver of sunlight slipped below the horizon. She stood in the dark, alone. With her hands on her hips, she stared up at the universe and asked silently for guidance. Her mind was open, her heart raw. She stood in surrender, asking for a sign, anything to give her soul direction. Where was she supposed to be? What path was hers?
She remained there for what felt like hours, thinking, feeling, hoping. She never got that sign.
What she did receive was a text message, simple and direct. In fact, it was everything.
I miss it right back.
Chapter Eighteen
January came and went while Becca spent most of it in a flurry of activity at the resort, undoing so much of what her predecessor had erroneously implemented. Policies not in accordance with corporate, a horrendous lack of checks and balances, and a staff lacking in true hospitality training. It was six a.m. and she’d already been at work for an hour. She’d likely stay into the evening, grabbing meals when she could from their in-house café. The work kept her occupied, and that was best. Her mind wasn’t always an easy place to spend time these days. She waved at an older couple heading to breakfast.
Her phone buzzed and she smiled at the readout. Carla.
“You’re up early,” Carla said.
She squinted through her smile. “And how did you know that?”
“I saw an email come through from you ten minutes ago. Gave you away. You gotta cut yourself a break. Relax. Sleep a little.”
“Technology is a betrayer. How’s The Jade?” She pivoted past Carla’s advice but was grateful that her coworker was now definitely a friend as well.
“Running smoothly. What about La Bella?”
Becca tried not to wince in case anyone was watching. “We’re making strides to get back on track.”
“Code for chaos.”
“Yes, a good description. We don’t have the fantastic wine, though.”
Carla chucked. “I’m sipping enough after work for both of us. Hanging in there? We miss you here. You miss your life?” Carla asked.
“You’ve been living mine for weeks now.”
“Dodging the question.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m managing.”
“She was here, you know. Joey. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her you’d left.”
Becca opened her eyes again. God, she wanted to know every detail of that interaction but knew it would serve no good purpose. Water under the bridge. “Oh yeah?” She busied herself on the reservations console in front of her, perusing their occupancy level.
“Fix it when you get home. If that’s what you want.”
She laughed. She’d heard that before. Her younger brother used to make fun movies when they were teenagers, and that was always his favorite go-to solution for most any problem. Don’t worry about it. We’ll fix it in post.
She sighed, abandoning the keyboard. “Not sure it’s that simple.”
“Becca. What in life is?”
“Good point.”
Becca tried to throw herself into work that morning, sifting through the rubble of the GM’s office, trying to formulate some sort of order. Yet she couldn’t help but drift back to memories of a time when her heart leapt in excitement every time Joey walked into a room. She wondered what she was doing right that very minute. Likely sipping a cup of pecan coffee and looking out over the vines before heading over to work. She wanted to be there, to share their daily schedules, to kiss each other good-bye. She wanted to come home from work to Joey and drink a glass of pinot as they traded stories from their afternoons. Her heart hurt when she gently reminded herself that she would likely never have those things again.
No. Best not to think on it at all.
* * *
Where the hell was a person supposed to find cremini mushrooms, and how were those different than regular mushrooms, and why weren’t these signs any clearer? Joey studied Gabriella’s list of ingredients for that Saturday’s menu. Their weekly delivery had apparently shorted them a few items, and Joey, who was heading to the grocery store anyway, agreed to pick up the strays. Only who knew this mushroom quest would be difficulty level ten?
“Oh, I know that look. You’re stumped about something.”
She glanced up into familiar brown eyes. Simone’s. “Do you know which of these is a cremini mushroom?” she asked, automatically, as if they were on one of their shopping trips circa several years ago. Trippy the way it was easy to fall back into an old pattern.
“Hmm.” Simone surveyed the options and produced a carton.
“Just like that, huh?”
She gestured to the display. “Just have to take your time and find the right one.”
“Right,” Joey said. “You would know.” What the hell? The snarky comment had flown from her lips before she’d had a moment to censor it. It wasn’t like Joey to jab like that. The look on Simone’s face and the way she drew back said she was appropriately surprised, as well. Joey shrugged. “No idea where that just came from. Ignore me.” She pushed her cart farther down the aisle and fled the scene.
Simone’s cart pulled alongside hers and kept up. “I don’t want to ignore you,” Simone said. “I feel like we’ve been ignoring each other for years.”
“Well, yeah. So?” Joey pushed ahead, making a break for the banana section. Simone, who was the least aggressive person on the planet, was apparently not messing around. She kept pace with Joey as they nearly jogged down the aisle.
“Stop that,” Joey told her.
“No.” Simone nudged Joey’s cart with hers.
“Hey, that’s gotta be against store rules.” She butted Simone’s cart right back, which pulled a glare and seemed to fire her up more. “I
will call a manager over here.”
“You will not.”
Joey made a break for it.
Simone pulled ahead and turned her cart sideways in front of Joey’s, blocking her path like a police car maneuver on a high-speed chase. “Well, that seems unnecessary and dangerous.”
“It’s absolutely necessary,” Simone said, exasperated. “We haven’t had a real conversation in years and now…”
Joey banged Simone’s cart with hers. “And now you’re getting married. So what?”
“So…everything!” Simone gave Joey’s cart a little kick. “I want to make sure that you’re okay. Because I care.”
She kicked Simone’s cart right back. “No. You want to make sure that you’re guilt free, and you are. Live your life. Have babies. I have my own stuff going.”
Simone sighed. “Can we sit down together? Put an end to grocery cart wars. I have things to say.” She inclined her head toward the front of the store and the small deli with a coffee bar attached, sadly named The Grocery Store Café. It was almost as if they hadn’t cared to try.
Joey sighed in indecision. “Really?”
Simone blinked at her, unwavering. “Really.”
“I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Let me finish my shopping without your Andretti-style maneuverings. You’re a menace.”
“You have a deal,” Simone said, extracting her cart from Joey’s path.
“Take it easy,” Joey said over her shoulder as she headed off down the aisle. “And don’t kill anyone in the meantime. There are children around here.”
“No promises,” Simone said with a smile as she wheeled away.
Joey did her shopping, taking an extra few minutes just because she was avoiding what had to be a strange and uncomfortable conversation ahead. When it was impossible to delay any longer, she deposited her groceries in the car, grateful for the colder temperatures that would keep them cool, and made her way to the café. When she found Simone, she also found a caramel latte in a mug, completed with a foam swirl. Simone, to her chagrin, knew her too well.
“I took the liberty. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” Joey said and slid into her chair with a smile. “What do I owe you?”
“Stop that.”
“What?”
Simone’s eyes flashed rare exasperation, and she sat forward in her chair. “That impersonal thing you do when you act like we didn’t spend half our lives inseparable. I’m allowed to buy you a cup of coffee without us having to settle up.” The passion with which Simone said the words was new.
“Okay,” Joey said, holding up a conciliatory hand. “Coffee’s on you today.”
“Thank you,” Simone said, sitting back in her chair again. “Now I want to talk about you.”
“Oh. Because of the engagement? I’m fine with it. You and Constance were destined. Written in the stars. All that. Are we done?”
“No. This has nothing to do with my life, and everything to do with you and yours. I’m about to get a little nosy here. Fair warning.”
Joey hadn’t seen this coming. She’d assumed this meeting was about Simone assuaging her getting-married guilt, checking a box to make sure Joey was okay. She squinted. “Why are we talking about me, exactly?”
“Because you’re ruining your life, and I can’t stand it anymore.”
Joey looked around the café in confusion as if searching for something. “I’m ruining my life? Last time I checked, I was attempting to buy mushrooms.”
“Don’t be a smart-ass. The bigger picture.”
“Okay, then I’m trying to pick up where my father left off with the vineyard, and not doing an awful job of it given the circumstances of late. I have a lot of new responsibility on my plate now, Simone. You have no idea. So for you to assume that—”
“I’m talking about Becca.”
Joey scoffed, but she was less convincing this time, likely because the topic hit closer to home. She fought the urge to squirm in her chair as Simone watched her knowingly. “Becca’s busy, too. The resort is just newly open, and on top of that, she’s off filling in at another location right now. I haven’t seen her in weeks. Literally since last year.”
“You’re infuriating, you know that?” Simone’s eyes flashed again. “You might be able to get away with this with some people. Madison always was too easy on you, but I’m different.” She touched her chest aggressively. “I know that ending our relationship was the right thing to do, but I also know that I did a number on you.”
“Would have on anyone,” Joey supplied.
“I know.” A pause. “I hate the way I allowed it to play out back then, and I’d give anything to go back and do it differently.”
“Me, too.”
Simone’s face showed anguish, and her eyebrows drew in. “I was a selfish coward for not saying something before our wedding day, and I will never forgive myself.”
“Well, thank you for admitting that.” Joey took a tentative sip of her latte.
“But I can’t stand by and watch the damage I’ve done get in the way of what should be your wonderful, vibrant future.” She shook her head. “You have so much in you to give someone, Joey. Don’t hold back.”
“I’m not. I don’t know who you’re getting your information from, but I’m fine.” She conjured a smile and pretended to use her napkin.
“You’re not fine. You’re running from your own life.”
Simone’s words were chipping away at Joey’s everything-is-dandy exterior. It had taken a lot of work to get it there, and she fought and clawed to keep it. She never would have agreed to sit down with Simone if she’d known the direction the conversation would take. She set down her cup. “What’s going on here exactly?”
“I know you ended things with Becca.”
“Ah. Of course.” Joey shook her head in annoyance. “The Biddies get around. This town. I swear.”
“Madison told me.”
Joey pulled up short again. “Well, that seems…out of bounds.”
“Not when we’re all worried about you and care so much.”
Joey sighed. “You have a wedding to plan, Simone, so why don’t you do that and let me take care of things on my side of the good neighbor fence.”
“It’s not fair that you lost your mom.”
“What?” Joey grappled with the shock of that sentence. Suddenly she was flashing on the important moments of her life that her mother hadn’t been present for because the universe had had other ideas. She saw the funeral, her own grief playing out as a child, and her father’s heartbreak. A lump rose in her throat.
She pushed back. “Ancient history, but thank you.”
Simone didn’t falter. “It’s not ancient history. I was there. I remember what Mother’s Day was like for you year after year.”
“Okay, so I struggled. I missed my mom. I still do. So?”
“It’s also not fair that you were embarrassed on your wedding day and lost someone you thought was going to be at your side forever.”
Joey swallowed, feeling the emotion tumbling toward her, defenseless to stop it. She opened her mouth to argue, but the words weren’t there. Instead, the lump grew to the size of this room. She saw the empty aisle and the faces of everyone in town staring up at her in horror. She closed her eyes, wishing the memory away.
“And your dad. He was your best friend.”
Joey was aware of the tears that spilled from her eyes. They ran down her cheeks, then her chin. She sat there silently, overcome, but still listening. Simone had her full attention in a strange and unexpected turn of events.
“It absolutely wasn’t fair that you lost him, and so very unexpectedly.”
Joey nodded at that one and brushed the tears from her face, feeling the full brunt of the grief she’d learned to live with.
“But I want you to listen to me. If Becca Crawford is possibly the one, and I get a sense that others think she might be, then you have to fight like hell to keep her.” Simone sa
id the words with such ferocity, that Joey felt them all over. “You look squarely at your hang-ups, recognize that none of them were your fault, and punch them right in the face.”
Joey managed a quiet laugh. “You’re aggressive today.”
“Damn right I am.” Simone laughed, too. “This is too important to me. You are.”
“Yeah, well, that punching directive is easier said than done. I know you mean well, but I just need to focus on what I can manage.”
“That’s a stupid approach. It’s passive and it’s past time for that.”
Joey blinked. “Madison doesn’t think so.”
“Then Madison is wussing out, and that’s not what you need. Shake it off, Joey, and go after your own happiness for once. Don’t lie awake at night and pore over the details of a vineyard that’s not going to hold your hand when you’ve had a hard day, or kiss you good night, or wish you a happy birthday with love in their heart.” Simone softened. “Look at me.” She did. “Will Becca do those things? Is she that kind of person? You would know more than me.”
Joey nodded as thoughts of Becca and how wonderful she was enveloped her. “Yes, she’s the best kind of person. She takes care of me and lets me take care of her. We laugh a lot and have the easiest time talking or not talking.”
Simone dipped her head and met Joey’s gaze. “And it may be weird to hear me say this, but she’s really, really hot. Everyone thinks so. Even Constance. Lord help me.”
Joey nodded emphatically, aware of the blessing that now felt like a curse. “God, she so is.” She covered her eyes briefly in frustration. She missed Becca. She craved her, despite every well-intended effort not to. Why wasn’t there a simple off switch?
Simone held out a hand. “Then why are you still sitting here? Go get her.”
For the first time in a long while, Joey considered the real possibility of doing just that, which was huge. Her fingertips tingled at what could be hers for the taking, a real shot at happiness. But could she actually take action and make it stick this time? Embark on those terrifying steps out onto the ice that could crack beneath her feet at any moment?
Her lips quivered. “Yeah, I don’t know.”
Entangled Page 27
