Color Me Grey

by Michelle Janine Robinson

  COLOR ME GREY

  Dear Reader:

  Thanks for picking up a copy of the cutting-edge novel Color Me Grey by Michelle Janine Robinson. Michelle is one of my “discovered talents” via my numerous anthologies comprised of erotica from some of the strongest voices in the literary world today. Michelle has participated in many of them, her writing being so strong that I often made her stories the flagship of collections. “The Quiet Room” was the lead-in story for Succulent: Chocolate Flava 2, which spent six weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List.

  I had often wondered when Michelle would write a full-length novel. Ironically, when I asked her about it, she had several ready to roll out for publication. That was a no-brainer for me, since I am one of her biggest fans. Color Me Grey has all the trademark signatures of Michelle’s writing: vivid imagery, exuberant sexuality, and nail-biting drama. The main characters in this novel have a lot of issues, dating back to their childhood. As I often explore in my own books, what we endure during our youth directly reflects who we become as adults.

  Having grown up in foster homes and then the Mannersville Home, Bridget and Jade are byproducts of what happens when children are left parentless; either by death or by neglect, such as drug abuse, prostitution, or lack of common sense and morals. Bridget is determined to make something out of her life, despite the circumstances. But she has one problem: a best friend who is more concerned with using her and, ultimately, destroying her. That is a powerful message. Many lives are ruined, not by known enemies, but by those closest to them; their friends and relatives.

  Love is often a complicated thing and when Bridget seeks out the loves that she desires, it is a difficult and long journey. That is a journey that many women can relate to; unless they are one of the rare ones who find love early on in life and stay married for fifty years. Michelle Robinson is a wonderful writer and I am sure that you will enjoy this novel, as well as her next one: More Than Meets The Eye.

  Thanks for the support of the Strebor authors. To find me on the web, please go to www.eroticanoir.com or join my online social network, www.planetzane.org.

  Blessings,

  Publisher

  Strebor Books International

  www.SimonandSchuster.com/streborbooks

  COLOR ME GREY

  MICHELLE JANINE

  ROBINSON

  Strebor Books

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  Strebor Books

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products

  of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual

  events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  © 2010 by Michelle Janine Robinson

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by

  any means whatsoever. For information address Strebor Books, P.O. Box 6505,

  Largo, MD 20792.

  ISBN 978-1-59309-293-1

  eISBN: 978-1-4391-8266-6

  LCCN 2010925101

  First Strebor Books trade paperback edition June 2010

  Cover design: www.mariondesigns.com

  Cover photograph: © Keith Saunders/Marion Designs

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  FOR JUSTIN & S TEFAN

  Mommy loves you...

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  For many of us there have been those moments when we have suddenly felt as though we exited from a dark room and suddenly, inexplicably, been bathed in the brightest of lights—those wonderful, eye-opening, “aha” moments! The birth of my first novel, Color Me Grey, has been one of those moments.

  No true journey would ever be complete without reflection. So, it is no surprise that my voyage through the publishing process has been met with deep contemplation of how I got here; all the hills and valleys that not only run parallel with the completion of this book, but also with my life.

  I’ve regaled readers with tales of the deeply intimate physical and emotional interactions of my characters, only to be reminded that, once stepping outside the pages of a book, so many of us touch without feeling, listen without hearing, speak without caring and look without ever truly seeing. Too often it becomes much too easy to only place value on those relationships to which we feel “vested.” It has long been my belief that if we considered each and every interaction with another human being a “relationship,” then we would truly become a kinder, gentler human race. From the very first moment I was born, my relationships have guided me to where I find myself today; and for that I would like to thank as many people as these pages will hold.

  First and foremost, I would like to thank my amazing sons, Justin and Stefan. From the very first moment I laid my eyes upon you, you have challenged me to be a better version of myself. And, as you blaze the trail from young boys to young men, I am hopeful that the mistakes I have made with you have not been too plentiful and that the lessons I have taught you afford you a lifetime of rewards. Always know that my confidence in you is boundless and my love for you is unconditional—and will last forever.

  To my mom, Sylvia Payne, for endowing me with the deepest of appreciation for words and for your unique and beneficial spelling drills. Where would I be without you? You, Mom, deserve an award for all that you were able to do.

  To my Aunt Dot, Dorothy Tillery; my travel companion, my friend, my confidante and so much more—you were the very first person on this planet to ever call me beautiful. Those few words have helped keep me on track, even when my self-esteem was faltering. I don’t say it near as much as I should, but I appreciate you more than you know.

  To all my cousins, Linda Tillery, Cynthia Tillery, Bruce Tillery, Bryan Tillery, Nicole Tillery, Tiffany Tillery, Kayla, Kendall, Maya and Chaise—The saying goes that “you can’t choose your family,” but if I could I wouldn’t change a thing. Linda, everyone’s rock, what on earth would I do without you? Cindy, you have taught me what it feels like to be true to yourself. I’m not as good at it as you are (yet), but I’m working on it. Bruce and Bryan—I am proud each and every day that my sons are able to have you both as role models. And, for that I am eternally grateful. Nicole—you are all grown up and I can’t lose you in FAO Schwarz anymore. But, not only are you a grown-up, but even with the great divide between our ages, I have learned so very much from you.

  To my brothers, Stephen and Oliver—You both are my image of what a man should be; gentle, kind, chivalrous, confident, independent, giving and full of purpose. I could never have come close to picking better brothers than you two, if I tried. And, as if I am not blessed enough to have you both in my life, you each bring with you the most incredible wives! Laura and Ulla, I love you both as sisters. Laura, you are such a wonderful mother! It had to be said. My nephews Depri and Savion are a shining reflection of all that you are. I love you, boys!

  To my GIRLS!—The ones who are always there to cry with me, laugh with me and who know where ALL the bones are buried: Christina Williams, Tarra Taylor, Jacqueline Charles, Yvonne Landy and Marciala Remouns, what on earth would I do
without you all? I don’t know, but I would probably be in a LOAD of trouble. Chris, every time I pick up that phone so you can help “walk me through” life, I think, God, I really need to give more to this relationship—because I get back so very much more, I often feel like I’m a bad friend. I know you say that I give to you as well, but from where I’m sitting I feel like my best friend is Jesus or something. You never seem to need near as much as I do. You are the most unselfish person I know. I think maybe in 2010 I’ll make it my goal to work on giving back even half of what you give to me each and every day (that’ll be a nice start). Tarra, people use that line all the time—you know the one, she’s beautiful inside and out. Well, in your case it really is the truth. You are the most positive person I know and your beauty on the outside is evenly matched with that on the inside. Walk that catwalk, GIRL!!!! To Jackie (far away in miles, but never in my heart)—What can I say, for so long you were my teacher. You have been not only a dear friend, but a mentor. You pointed me in the right direction to help me to become not only poised, but learned as well. Yvonne—from the very first moment I met you, I thought, WOW! She is so beautiful. It was so refreshing to learn that the beauty outside was nothing compared to the beauty, humor and kindness, inside. And, to you Marciala— It’s hard to believe that we are only a few years apart in age. When we first met, you seemed so much more mature and worldly than me. You welcomed me into the fold of your family and made me feel protected and accepted.

  I have been lucky enough to have a healthy and sound well of support to draw from—mothers, whom I have always considered the best of the best, women I have looked to whenever I was in doubt about how to best parent. Thank you Michelle Gairy-Tillery, Angela Sanders-Glover, Sharla Callender, Christina Williams, Laura Robinson, Debra Miami and Marciala Remouns for always being the kind of mothers I strive to be. If I am only half the mother each of you are, I will have lived up to the privilege (not the right) granted to me as a mother, and to hopefully be as great at it as you all have always been.

  To Jahnelle Moniquette and Maurice Moniquette—Life is often such (as you both will learn as you soon enter adulthood), that often we feel we have fallen short of all we could have been. Often I wish I had been a better stepmother to you both. And, while none of us can truly turn back the hands of time, if I can’t be your mother, I would love to be both of your friends—if you let me.

  To all of the writers whom I have learned from, laughed with and grown from, Zane ( Total Eclipse of the Heart ), Nane Quartay ( Come Get Some ), Rachel Kramer Bussel ( Tasting Him ), Jasmin L. Harry ( Twisted Gemini ), Keeb Knight ( Swing ) and Amari Yarbrough ( Enigma’s Child )—Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I still consider myself a newbie, but I am so lucky to have all of you pros to learn from.

  To Charmaine Parker—You are an absolute Saint! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I know it can’t be easy to work with anyone who is learning everything for the first time. And, for that, I thank you again for always being so gracious, patient and understanding with me. One down and two to go...But, at least I’m learning. WHEW!!!!

  To the people I spend the largest portion of my day with (even more than my family), all those at C&M who have given of their time and encouragement—Rosemary Andress, Alfia McIver, Nicole Welch, Fawn Lloyd, Eleanor Graham, Raffaella Giuliano and Shantay Smith (who helped kick my butt into gear). And, to my favorite attorney, Olivier Antoine (and no, Olivier, I’m not just saying that because my review is coming up—hint, hint), thanks for graciously offering to look over my contract for me.

  To Clinton Morgan—It’s hard to believe we’ve known each other over 30 years—and after all these years I still feel like that 15-year old girl in awe of her mentor. I am so very proud to have you in my life. You’ve taught me the meaning of the word perseverance.

  To Cecil Moniquette—In all my heart I know there will come a time when we can get past the failings of human emotion and just be friends, be parents to our children, be still. I thank you for always knowing that I had it in me to be all that I want (and need) to be.

  To Charles Trovato—Isn’t it amazing how relationships blossom just exactly when they’re supposed to? You have come to be my greatest calm amidst the raging storm that is so often my life. There’s nothing like a good ole rescue to help kick a friendship into gear (but, what about two rescues?) I know you’re reading this and don’t know what the heck I’m talking about. But you will.

  And, to all my readers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support.

  If there is anyone I have forgotten, please know it was not through lack of caring, but most probably, through lack of sleep.

  I hope you all enjoy Color Me Grey.

  Love,

  Michelle

  Bridget stood high atop the roof of her former luxury high-rise, fully prepared to jump and take the twins with her. Dressed in a black Dolce & Gabbana suit and a black pair of Manolo Blahnik four-inch sling-backs that lent a regal air to her five-foot-eight frame, her attire was little more than remnants of a lifestyle she would inevitably leave behind; dead or alive. Even in despair, Bridget was striking. Her rich, mahogany complexion and flawless skin endowed her with a natural beauty that other women often envied. Bridget had remained slim, even after giving birth to her twins. She was twenty-five years old today and despite the hard life she had endured, she had changed very little. Although Bridget had not had an easy life, somehow, the ugliness she saw was never reflected in her eyes. Bridget’s ochre-colored eyes were soft and inviting and her full, sexy lips were what men’s dreams were made of. Yet, Bridget had never thought of herself as beautiful, or even pretty for that matter, which was probably the reason she never saw any of this coming. In her wildest dreams she could never have anticipated the havoc unchecked resentment and obsession could yield. That is why she was here today. She had been naïve and trusting. Now she was forced to consider not only her fate, but that of her three-month-old son; Jacob, and daughter, Jasmine.

  There was no doubt in Bridget’s mind that life was over for her. Her pain was much more than she could stand and, even if she used the logic that she had these beautiful little babies to live for, what did she have to offer them? The answer was nothing—nothing at all. As her grandmother used to say, “She had no pot to piss in, nor window to throw it out of.” She had lost everything: her home; her husband; her peace of mind. She had no one and those she trusted the most had betrayed her. She was alone. The only thing left to lose, besides her two beautiful babies, was her freedom, and it was only a matter of time before she lost that as well. She would be going to prison for murder and she knew that, with her history, she would never be able to survive that. There was no statute of limitations on murder. However, the fate of her little boy and girl were still at question. She had to do the right thing for them. But, did she have the right to decide whether they lived or died? The reality was she was all they had and if she were dead, or in prison, what would happen to them? Maybe they might be lucky and get adopted by some nice couple and live happily ever after, or maybe they would be separated; brother and sister who might never even know of the other’s existence.

  Given the circumstances of their birth, that was more than merely possible; it was very likely. The parents who adopted one baby might not want both; especially given the obvious difference between the two. They were twins, but the degree of separation between them was readily unmistakable. Suppose they were tossed in some horrible foster home somewhere, like she had been, time and time again. Or even worse, what if they ended up with the very people that had brought their mother to this catastrophic crossroad? Bridget was convinced this was the best decision for all concerned. She would send her little angels back to heaven, where they belonged. She would have liked to think that she would be with them in heaven, but given the current state of affairs, she wasn’t sure that was where she would be going.

  Happy Birthday to me, she thought to herself. Bridget stepped closer to the edge of the roof and su
ddenly the voice of one of her destroyers splintered her thoughts.

  “Bridget, don’t!”

  CHAPTER ONE

  MANNERSVILLE

  Seventeen-year-old Jade Smith sauntered into the room she shared with her roommate Bridget Grey, who had turned eighteen that day. Jade’s frizzy red hair, fair skin, and freckles reminded Bridget of a Raggedy Ann doll she had once owned. Her hourglass figure did not. Her measurements were 38-24-38 and Jade lorded those measurements over men like they were money in the bank. And, as far as Jade was concerned, they were. While Bridget disliked being noticed by men, Jade reveled in it. She fully intended to use her body to get anything and everything that she wanted. Bridget couldn’t imagine any woman selling herself that short; especially her best friend. Bridget silently hoped Jade would change. Jade, on the other hand, had every intention of seeing to it that Bridget did change.

  “Hey, girl. Buster gave me something for you. It’s some of that nasty-ass rice pudding you like! I don’t know how the hell you can eat that shit,” Jade said.

  “Jade, I told you not to take anything from Buster; especially not for me. He looks at me like I’m a goddamned steak or something.”

  Jade and Bridget had both been at Mannersville Group Home for almost six years. They had both been born addicted to heroin and had both been forced to endure the nasty withdrawal symptoms babies like them suffered. It took a special kind of parent to adopt such a baby. Such parents never came along for Jade and Bridget. They were both counting the days until they could strike out on their own. Bridget was a good student and wanted more than any- thing to go to college someday.