Version Zero

by David Yoon

  2.14

  Max stood before the Big Five CEOs.

  Do not sweat, he thought. The last thing he wanted was his stick-on goatee to suddenly start flapping.

  “Hi, everyone,” said Max. “My name’s Maru.”

  Maru was the stuffed animal cat Shane kept on the dashboard of his van as a maneki-neko.

  Max could see the Poolwhip, still parked a ways down the street from 4 Avenida Pizarro. Pilot’s house, most likely swarming now with reporters all camped out in the hot white Californian sun. Waiting for any kind of clue to appear. He hoped to God they didn’t notice Shane’s van.

  It would feel so good to return to the hot white Californian sun.

  “Hi, Maru,” said everyone.

  Pilot placed a hand on Max’s shoulder. “Mister Maru here is the most brilliant young mind I have ever met. He is a critical partner in the development of my new product. In all my years I have never found someone I can trust more. He will be presenting you with a demo today.”

  “Ooo,” said Linda Belinda. “I cannot wait.”

  “Three years in the making,” said Cal Peers.

  Max pushed up Buddy Holly glasses that were not there. He caught Akiko’s scent on his fingers, flinched his fingers away, felt his chest churn in a thrilling swirl of fear and anticipation and guilt all folding upon itself over and over again until all of it formed a dark rainbow of ruined colors. He felt a paralysis overcome him.

  Pilot waited.

  Upstairs in Control Max knew Brayden was watching everything, holding a finger over a red button marked rew. A ten-second rewind delay, just in case.

  Akiko and Shane were somewhere, quietly fighting.

  Focus, Max. Mushin no shin.

  “What you are about to see today will change the way the world interacts with data forever,” said Max finally. “But first, let’s get to know one another a little better.”

  2.15

  Four Whitemen and one Whitewoman, all CEOs, sit before a young man in a goatee and ponytail. The young man is flanked by Pilot Markham. All five CEOs wear premium quilted winter vests. There is a small table with drinks at the center.

  MARU: It’s such an honor to meet all of you. So I’m Maru, partner and lead developer on the Phantom Reality project.

  CAL PEERS: Phantom Reality?

  PILOT MARKHAM: That is what we are calling it.

  ALL: I like it. Very nice.

  MARU: I have to admit I’m fangirling right now. I have my own dreams of being the CEO of my own start-up one day. Mister Pilot said I could pick your brains for a moment, if you don’t mind.

  RIVER ASKEW: Sure, but to be honest one of us will probably just acquire you.

  JONAS FRIEND: Or crush you.

  HUNTER MOLE: Be nice.

  LINDA BELINDA: So Mister Maru, do you want the truth, or the truth-truth?

  MARU: Whatever you’re comfortable sharing. I’m just happy to be here.

  HUNTER MOLE: A friend of Pilot is a friend of mine. Right, everyone?

  CAL PEERS: You look familiar.

  LINDA BELINDA: That is just because you think all Asians look alike, racist.

  CAL PEERS: He looks more Latin to me.

  MARU: I just want to know how you deal so well with all the tough opinions slung at you on a daily basis.

  JONAS FRIEND: Opinions are like assholes. Dicks fuck assholes. So I fuck them.

  ALL: Ha ha ha. Cheers, cheers.

  MARU: I mean, Mister Jonas, Quartz OS is on ninety percent of all devices on the planet—cars, watches, home devices, body implants—all driven by your artificial intelligence. There’s also your free phones and free solar kite wi-fi in third-world countries.

  JONAS FRIEND: Quartz OS is in dildos, too. I have probably fucked your mom.

  ALL: Ha ha ha.

  MARU: Anyway—I sometimes hear people calling you a monopoly, Big Brother. How do you deal with the haters?

  JONAS FRIEND: You promise this whole thing is off the record?

  PILOT MARKHAM: I am giving my good friends first look at my next big project. That would not be a good look in a congressional hearing.

  JONAS FRIEND: Well, it is an honor, my friend.

  PILOT MARKHAM: I just want to make sure my tech has the best shot with people I trust.

  LINDA BELINDA: Aww.

  JONAS FRIEND: Okay, so, to answer the question: if our users are so worried about privacy, they would fucking, like, go back to mailing letters or sending smoke signals. We say it up front: Give us all your data. And guess what? People give it to us. Then we make money. Unlike Big Brother, we have an off switch. Turn it the fuck off if it bothers you.

  CAL PEERS: You can fix most things, but you cannot fix stupid.

  MARU: So the way to deal with the haters is to ignore them.

  JONAS FRIEND: And get all the data you can. Do not stop until they stop giving it up.

  HUNTER MOLE: Your whole third-world play is a diamond mine, without all the blood.

  ALL: Ha ha ha.

  MARU: So, Mister Hunter: I use A2Z to buy everything.

  HUNTER MOLE: Including dildos?

  MARU: You got me. One for every hole.

  RIVER ASKEW: I like this guy.

  CAL PEERS: You look so familiar.

  MARU: People say you’ve killed Mom-’n’-Pop America, commoditizing food, TV, movies, data centers, everything, like a big-box store but a million times bigger.

  HUNTER MOLE: People do not care where things are made. Our data shows it. They give zero shits about child laborers in China. They do not “shop local.” They only want to pay as little as possible. This willful ignorance is our advantage.

  CAL PEERS: Willful ignorance is another way of saying stupid.

  HUNTER MOLE: If only I could get retailers to sell their goods for nothing, like apps on your app store, Mister Jonas. Paying retailers is a huge source of overhead. What we might do is either ban retailers whining about their margins, or have our men in China kill them off with competitively priced knockoffs.

  MARU: Being big must help.

  JONAS FRIEND: Like my dick.

  LINDA BELINDA: Shoot me in the face.

  HUNTER MOLE: In a perfect world, brick-and-mortar stores are the showrooms where people can preview goods before they buy online. Until our virtual reality initiatives finally obviate the need for physical stores once and for all.

  PILOT MARKHAM: You are going to love Phantom Reality, then.

  HUNTER MOLE: Let us see it! Can we be done with the brain-picking, Mister Maru?

  MARU: Just a few more questions? I would really appreciate it.

  PILOT MARKHAM: It’s not like you have someplace to go.

  RIVER ASKEW: Fine, fine.

  PILOT MARKHAM: You are not going anywhere.

  MARU: Mister River, how did you handle the Airlift murders?

  RIVER ASKEW: My favorite topic, ha ha. Listen: You answer your door, you might die. Take a cab, you might die. Everything in life is a risk. Bad things can happen to anyone at any time.

  MARU: But the killers used fake accounts with the intention of murdering people. Six people were killed before you shut them down.

  RIVER ASKEW: My tech cannot be responsible for people’s morals or lack thereof.

  MARU: Guns don’t kill people?

  RIVER ASKEW: If you are dumb enough to get into a shady-looking cab, that is not my problem. Use your own car if you do not like Airlift. Get a traditional hotel.

  MARU: This reminds me of Gorillagate in a way.

  LINDA BELINDA: I do not like this.

  MARU: Everyone told that actress the same thing: stop using Knowned. Especially after that girl was killed in that hit-and-run.

  LINDA BELINDA: Mister Pilot, can we please move
on?

  PILOT MARKHAM: My apologies. He does not know.

  MARU: Know what?

  LINDA BELINDA: I cannot be expected to police every post and comment ever on Knowned. Harassment is going to happen on an anonymous, free service. That is the nature of free speech. We are all grown-ups.

  MARU: How do you deal with Nazis? White supremacists?

  LINDA BELINDA: You cannot, that is how. You cannot fix stupid.

  MARU: That’s a great line.

  LINDA BELINDA: Cal Peers gets all the credit for that bit of wisdom.

  RIVER ASKEW: More absinthe?

  All drink.

  MARU: Speaking of stupid, those Version Zero hooligans—

  CAL PEERS: God, do not remind me.

  MARU: —making that stink over the Soul Project—

  CAL PEERS: Over something written, clear as day, in their Terms and Conditions? If you are smart, and the person next to you is stupid, and they have cash, the next thing to do is try to get them to hand over that cash, yes?

  HUNTER MOLE: Every damn day.

  MARU: So people are morons who don’t deserve their money.

  RIVER ASKEW: Not if they just keep giving it to us!

  JONAS FRIEND: Dying is on them, not me.

  CAL PEERS: I hear people talk about greed. There is no such thing as greed. We here are not motivated by money. We play a crucial role in society.

  MARU: Which is?

  CAL PEERS: The vast majority of humanity—ninety-nine point nine percent of it—simply waits out their lives like a cat tied to a stick driven into frozen winter shit. They are the Stupid.

  LINDA BELINDA: Uh-oh, someone get Mister Cal a soapbox to stand on.

  CAL PEERS: The Stupid go to work. They go to school. Cogs in a machine. They celebrate their pathetic goalposts of life: a new house, a new job, a new car. Meanwhile we, the Smart, place these goalposts wherever we want. We say fill out this form, they do it. We ask, may we track you with your phone? They say okay, and plus here is a thousand dollars for the privilege.

  We, the Smart, are the leading edge of human forward evolution. That is our role. The role of the Stupid is simply to be stupid. To provide the resources needed to fuel our interests by continuing to give birth to more Stupids willing to do whatever you say—even if it hurts them. Nations for glass beads.

  Of course Wren is a waste of time. The endeavors of all of us here are wastes of time. But they are essential experimentations we require as the vanguard of human evolution. Evolution does not just happen; it is a conscious choice. Someone needs to decide where to take humanity next. That someone is us.

  All drink.

  MARU: I think you just blew my mind.

  JONAS FRIEND: Fuck that, I have a hard-on.

  LINDA BELINDA: My lady lips got the drips.

  MARU: Don’t you ever wish you could say these things out loud, on the record?

  JONAS FRIEND: Like, every minute of every day.

  CAL PEERS: The world is not ready for this kind of honesty.

  MARU: Thank you all so much for taking the time to talk. It’s really inspiring.

  RIVER ASKEW: Mister Maru: Go as fast and hard as you can. Do not worry about laws or government. Just saturate the market before anyone has time to react. And give me a call when you do, ha ha.

  JONAS FRIEND: And save the gorillas!

  LINDA BELINDA: Too soon!

  ALL: Ha ha ha.

  CAL PEERS: You will go far, Mister Maru. Tech has a unique aura of legitimacy. We have addiction. We have artificial intelligence. Ours is the new magic.

  PILOT MARKHAM: All you need is an eight-hundred-dollar device and yearly service contract and the surrender of all personal data to multinational corporations.

  CAL PEERS: You are hilarious.

  PILOT MARKHAM: Enough banter. Introducing Phantom Reality.

  A long pause. Pilot Markham begins waving his bracelets like a mystic. A bottle sitting upon a nearby table begins to rise.

  LINDA BELINDA: Wow. It is like Mister Pilot is using the Force.

  PILOT MARKHAM: I can make one of these bottles float. If I twist my hand, it twists.

  JONAS FRIEND: But if I wave my hand across the strings, hi-ya—oh, there are no strings. Holy fucking shit, how are you doing this?

  CAL PEERS: It is some kind of hologram. Is it the table?

  PILOT MARKHAM: Mister Cal gets it. You each get a bottle to play with. Go ahead, raise your wristbands and play around.

  RIVER ASKEW: The fidelity is so convincing, Mister Pilot.

  LINDA BELINDA: Incredible. Augmented reality without the need for goggles.

  JONAS FRIEND: Goddamn, so this is what you have been up to for the last three years.

  MARU: I think he likes it.

  LINDA BELINDA: Imagine the partnership possibilities this technology offers.

  PILOT MARKHAM: Is that not what good friends are for?

  HUNTER MOLE: You are the best.

  CAL PEERS: This is as big as the internet. You will change the world forever.

  PILOT MARKHAM: Oh, we already have. Phantom, crash the bottles.

  The bottles crash into a thousand virtual fragments.

  ALL: Ha ha, whoa, wow.

  2.16

  Max gave Pilot a nod and left the arena. Once the doors closed behind him, he sprinted back up to Control. He ripped off his goatee. He flung his wig aside. He put his Buddy Hollys back on and pushed them up.

  “How’d we do?” he said to Brayden.

  “Dude,” said Brayden. “We’re trending so hard.”

  Brayden showed him a monitor full of text and charts.

  “The We have addiction quote is trending,” said Brayden. “Also this whole All you need is thing.”

  “Huh?” said Max.

  “Like, You, too, can have friends, all you need is an eight-hundred-dollar device and yearly service contract and the surrender of all personal data to multinational corporations. Ha, they also did You can find a soul mate, all you need is and You, too, can elect a president, all you need is.”

  “Trending is nice, but what about account deletions?”

  “I don’t know how to read that stuff.”

  “I’ll do it,” said a voice.

  Akiko entered, followed by Shane. They looked haggard. They looked wrung out and red-eyed.

  Had she told him? That was the last thing Max wanted. Not for his sake—for Shane’s. He thought about all the times he and Shane had spent in the Poolwhip, air drumming or trading jokes or generally being stupid, and felt his eyes grow hot with budding tears. He could not fuck this up. He could not lose Shane.

  Shane was an enormously talented and unique and loyal person who he had never fully appreciated. Max vowed to do better.

  “You good?” said Max to Shane. He held out a fist, and to his relief Shane bumped it with his.

  “Just a little jet-lagged, I think,” said Shane. “What’d I miss?”

  Max and Shane looked at the screens, which was much easier than looking at each other. There, Pilot and the CEOs continued to play with their wristbands.

  Max’s chest hurt. It was his heart, actually. He wondered how long it would hurt like this.

  Not long, he told himself. Until then, just let it hurt.

  He stared at the big red rew button at Brayden’s workstation and wished he could press it and hold it down for a good long while.

  Akiko sat next to Brayden and clicked around. “Account deletions are way up. Holy shit, Wren stock is down ten points and sinking.”

  On-screen, Cal Peers levitated a bottle and grinned.

  “These fuckers have no clue,” said Brayden.

  “All their stocks are down,” said Akiko. “Holy shit.”

&nb
sp; “No fucking clue,” said Brayden.

  On-screen, the CEOs spoke.

  “The current administration is still majority anti–free market,” said Hunter Mole. “Economic nationalism will kill my supply chain.”

  “Building the El No Paso is not about freedom,” said Linda Belinda.

  “That wall is a communistic act,” said Cal Peers. “America is an outdated concept. Nations in general are outdated concepts.”

  And so on.

  “It just keeps getting better and better,” said Max.

  “How long do we let it go on for?” said Akiko. She looked at him with a firm brow, all seriousness and all business, and Max knew she was trying to be good. To be just friends. She and Shane had come to some kind of reckoning and Max could see she was determined to stick by it.

  But: Max had seen that brow soften, then tighten into a vee of ecstasy.

  “Enough,” muttered Max.

  Everyone looked at Max. Had he said that too loud?

  “I mean, I think we have enough here,” said Max. “Enough material. It’s time.”

  Max nodded at Brayden, who brought forth the box of Black Halo masks.

  “Time for the big reveal,” said Max.

  2.17

  A bar packed with young people, all watching dozens of television screens all showing the same thing: Cal Peers.

  STUDENT 30: Did he just call us the Stupid?

  ALL: Boo, fuck you!

  STUDENT 12: Shut the fuck up, everybody.

  STUDENT 30: He just fucking called all of us the Stupid.

  STUDENT 58: Hey, yo, Mayra wants Spanish subtitles, can you get those?

  BARKEEP: I think so. There.

  STUDENT 18: Shhhh.

  STUDENT 30: Are you fucking kidding me with this?

  STUDENT 11: It is our role?

  STUDENT 18: Shhh, stop fucking shouting.

  STUDENT 19: Three IPAs.

  BARKEEP: One sec.

  STUDENT 30: Look at these motherfuckers.

  STUDENT 42: Hey, we’re a resource!

  STUDENT 30: No way.

  STUDENT 26: Eat a dick.