Morgana: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.4)

by Iliev, Neven

  “Oh, dear. That simply won’t do,” it responded sarcastically. “I suppose doing things the usual way might be for the best, after all.”

  “Then tell that to the rest of them before this gets out of hand!”

  “What?” the shapeshifter smirked internally. “And ruin the fun?”

  Chapter Three

  Claws

  Part One

  “Gotta admit, Boxxy, you got balls,” Carl grumbled over the line. “Very few Warlocks would even think of pulling a prank like that.”

  It was now the promised three hours after Boxxy’s ‘familiar competition.’ While the shapeshifter spent that time alternating between Artificer practice with Fizzy and having fun with its collection of shinies, Carl had to deal with hundreds, possibly thousands of calls from selfish demons. That said, it was likely none of them were actually all that serious, and they just played along with the doppelganger’s scheme for shits and giggles.

  “Just getting a bit of payback for that ‘Boxxy Show’ thing,” it stated plainly.

  “What, on me?”

  “Who else?”

  The monster really did not take kindly to having an untold number of demons watching its every move. While the main perpetrator was the God of Impossibilities, the simple creature lacked a way to get back at him. Therefore, it lashed out at the most convenient target. However, it had failed to consider that this little stunt might piss off a bunch of demons that might have revealed its secret identity to the world purely out of spite.

  Thankfully, the Goddess of Chance took her non-interference policy seriously, and gave each and every resident of the Beyond a gag order. They were not to disclose the existence or contents of the ‘Boxxy Show’ to mortals if they valued their ongoing existence. This was also why neither Xera nor Kora could tell their master about it, as neither of them were sure whether that limitation also applied to the star of the show. As much as they liked working under the shapeshifter, there was someone else higher up the pecking order they couldn’t afford to ignore.

  At least they could speak freely about it now that a certain someone had already spilled the beans.

  “Okay, I may have deserved that a little bit,” Carl admitted. “Right then, shall we get on with the familiar selection process?”

  “You’re not going to sabotage my contract or something, right?”

  “Of course not. It takes a lot more than a silly thing like that to make an old devil like me compromise an agreement.”

  Devils were pretty much the only demons who used violence as a last resort. They weren’t partial to punching mortals in the face, instead preferring to trick them into soul-binding contracts with bittersweet promises of power, then reveling in the suffering that followed. Very few of them ever made an appearance in the physical realm, preferring to do their dirty business from the Beyond.

  Or at least that was how they had been in ages past when Demons ‘R’ Us hadn’t been established yet. These days, they mostly served as operators and agents and were, in general, a lot less malicious. One thing that had remained the same was the strict and unapologetic way they abided by all clauses of any contracts they had made. They adhered to those things as if their very existence hinged on it. That was probably why their kind was officially in charge of managing Warlock-familiar relations.

  Boxxy’s recently upgraded Demonology Skill revealed this information, which allowed the monster to make the following deduction.

  “In other words, you won’t screw me on the contract, but you’ll still get me back somehow.”

  “Better believe it, buster.”

  The two shared a small chuckle as Boxxy set aside the explosive device it had been working on, giving Carl its undivided attention.

  “Ready when you are, Carl.”

  “Alright. Give me a minute to pull up the relevant forms here. Oh, forward me your Status like before.”

  Boxxy did as instructed and waited while listening to the all-too-familiar clacking noises from across the line. Now that the shapeshifter thought about it, what were those about? Well, it would just ask another time. It really didn’t want to put off this contract any more than it had to, and the sun was about to come up. Not that it worried about Rowana waking up, though. Snack was still next to elf and diligently kept her magically sedated. It was hardly the first time they had done this, although Boxxy had to make sure it gave her specific orders not to mess with the elf while she slept.

  Simply keeping Rowana asleep took very little effort on Xera’s behalf, which left the demoness bored with nothing to do. This was something her Master failed to take into account the first time it had to sneak out of that house at night. When it returned a few hours later, it found the succubus toying with the blissfully unaware elf to keep herself entertained. Rowana’s face had penises scribbled all over it, her nose and mouth were caked with questionable fluids and the succubus was moments away from shaving off the elf’s pubic hair. Boxxy somehow managed to clean up all traces of her antics without Rowana realizing she’d been molested. The shapeshifter also had to thoroughly punish Xera for her misbehavior afterwards.

  That, incidentally, had been exactly what the succubus wanted in the first place.

  “Okay, everything appears to be in order,” Carl eventually declared. “Well then, what species are you looking to form a covenant with this time?”

  This was actually something Boxxy had been thinking on for a long while. While it was entirely possible to have another succubus or fiend around, it wouldn’t be very practical. Although flexible to a degree, a demonic familiar was essentially a tool. There was a right and wrong way to use it, and having more of the same tool didn’t mean the work would get done any faster or easier. Therefore, of the remaining types of demon available, Boxxy chose the one it felt would fit in best with its posse’s composition.

  “Stalker.”

  The shapeshifter’s current entourage sorely lacked when it came to stealth. Boxxy always found itself having to leave Fizzy, Snack and Arms behind whenever it wanted to sneak around. This left it without immediate backup should things go awry. Granted, Snack could sometimes accompany it with her Invisibility, but she lacked a means of silently eliminating a target. The other two were right out. Therefore, a stalker’s natural aptitude for skulking around made it a perfect candidate. Not to mention their vaunted anti-magic abilities would surely help protect the shapeshifting monster from its dreaded Bane—lightning-based magic.

  “… Alright, if you say so,” came Carl’s strangely delayed response.

  “What, you got a problem with it?”

  “No, no, it’s your decision. Male or female?”

  “Female.”

  According to the high-Level Demonology Skill, female stalkers were generally slimmer and lither than males, making them better at hiding. Having less muscle mass than the males also meant their melee attacks would struggle to take down armored targets, but that wasn’t something Boxxy was particularly concerned with.

  “Height preference?”

  “Mid-range.”

  Too tall and it would mean the demon would be too big a target. Too small and its attack range would suffer.

  “And I’m assuming one with a large chest, right?”

  Boxxy very nearly answered ‘Yes’ on reflex, but stopped itself due to a sudden epiphany. The chest-shaped monster turned its thoughts towards Kora and Xera, and the only thing their physical appearances had in common. Namely, the quartet of watermelon-sized lumps of fat upon the front side of their torsos.

  “Uh, Carl? This question about chest size, does it perhaps refer to breasts?”

  “Of course it does! What else would- Oh.”

  There was a moment of awkward silence as both parties realized their mutual misunderstanding.

  “So then,” said Carl, trying to get the contract process back on track, “do you want a familiar with large or small tits?”

  “You said it doesn’t impact their performance, right?”

&nbs
p; “That’s right.”

  “Then whatever is fine.”

  “Large it is.”

  *Takak-taktak tak tak*

  “Hey!” Boxxy protested over the mind-link.

  “What? You said you didn’t care.”

  “I meant I have no preference. Not the same thing.”

  “Tsk,” Carl clicked his tongue. “Fine. Spoilsport. Moving on, would you say you’re more of an evening person, or a morning person?”

  “I don’t think I qualify as a ‘person,’ Carl.”

  “Good point, ‘neither’ it is. Which do you think is more dangerous—one giant-sized goblin, or a hundred goblin-sized giants?”

  “The latter.”

  “What’s your second-least favorite color?”

  There were several more such questions that seemed entirely unrelated to the matter at hand. Boxxy had no idea why it was forced to answer these, but it had already given up on questioning or arguing the process. After the first two times, it had just come to accept this nonsensical survey as part of the process. It didn’t even need to answer truthfully either, so it played along with Carl’s script until he finally came around to the last question.

  “Only if they have toes,” Boxxy stated confidently.

  “Heh, that’s a new one,” the devil chuckled. “And finally, do you have any additional requests or requirements regarding your contract?”

  It was something Boxxy had been woefully unprepared to answer previously. It hadn’t realized it at the time, but this question was arguably as important as the first. The monstrous Warlock simply hadn’t known any better when it recruited Snack and Arms, so it had to rely on Carl’s interpretation of its wishes. While things had somehow worked out relatively well, it hadn’t been until Boxxy got its Demonology to Level 6 that it fully understood the importance of this deceptively simple question.

  When contracting a new familiar, the Warlock’s first answer dictated their new servant’s species, but their last answer determined the subspecies that would be assigned to them. While one could argue that all succubi, for instance, were basically the same, each type of succubus was notably different from the rest. For instance, only cerulean succubi like Xera could do so by manipulating their dreams and fantasies. Viridian ones, on the other hand, could produce various magical sedatives and poisons, which they used to drug their prey. Then there was the violet variant of succubi—sadistic and calculating creatures with an unnatural gift for spatial manipulation magic.

  In short, considering the various alternatives, Boxxy had been quite fortunate to have ended up with Snack. It was certain that, with everything it had been through, it would not have survived this long if it had wound up with one of the aforementioned alternatives. The same couldn’t be said about Arms though, as all fiends adhered to the stereotype of ‘big angry thing that hits things until they die’ with only minor variations.

  In any event, drawing upon both its expanded knowledge and past experiences allowed Boxxy to determine exactly the type of stalker it wanted for its third familiar.

  “First and foremost, I want a hornet variant.”

  This particular subspecies had access to a paralytic venom that could either hinder, subdue, or outright kill a target, depending on the dosage and circumstances.

  “They also need to be a competent Rogue adept at assassinating Casters,” it continued. “Especially Shamans, Wizards, and Cryomancers.”

  The best way to deal with a wielder of the arcane arts was to eliminate them before they even knew someone was there, and those three occupations were especially troublesome. According to Boxxy’s research, Shamans and Wizards were the primary sources of lightning magic. Though not all of them specialized in such Spells, they were still some of the biggest threats to the shapeshifter’s life. The doppelganger was also quietly thankful that there seemed to be no such thing as an Electromancer Job, as that would have been seriously bad news.

  As for Cryomancers, those were on the list because their magic could freeze a shapeshifter’s malleable flesh in place, potentially depriving Boxxy of its most versatile ability.

  “Well, aren’t you a discerning customer?!” Carl asked in genuine surprise. “It feels like it was only three months ago you asked me if the Beyond is tasty!”

  “It was three months ago.”

  Also Boxxy never got an answer as to whether or not the Beyond was, in fact, tasty, but it decided not to push the issue.

  “Oh, right. Anyway, lemme just finish writing all that down…”

  *Takak taktak taktak, takakaktatatatak*

  “Okay, all set. Now, we just need to wait for it, aaaand… Yep! There it is—a near-instant one-hundred-percent match, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.”

  Well, except for Boxxy’s. It had expected that finding a demon to match its specific demands would take longer, but this was not the case. Perhaps its popularity meant a lot of demons were eager to fill in the slot and enjoy the same privileges that Snack and Arms had.

  “There you go, your third familiar is all set up and ready for action,” Carl reported. “Will that be all for today?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like to fill out a survey to help improve our customer service?”

  “… Yes, actually.”

  “Well, that’s too bad, because we don’t have something like that. Thank you for calling Demons ‘R’ Us, we’ll be in touch.”

  *Click*

  Boxxy wasn’t quite sure what it expected from that ‘survey,’ but that definitely wasn’t it. Oh, well. The important thing was that it finally obtained a third demonic servant. Thinking it was perhaps a noteworthy occasion, it told Fizzy and Ambrosia to gather around to witness the new girl’s first summoning. It even summoned Arms back first, just so she could join in. The fiend seemed rather excited to meet her new colleague, mostly because she was eager for a fresh set of holes to violate. As for the old set—which was to say, Xera—she was on Rowana-sitting duty and wouldn’t show up until later.

  With the audience gathered, Boxxy activated its Summon Familiar Skill while focusing on the third being linked to its soul. The concentric circles of light spun around for the usual seconds, followed by a small flash.

  “Skrktktktktkt!”

  A low chitter could just barely be heard as something burst out of the lingering magical glow and skittered away from the spider-chested doppelganger at breathtaking speed. Even Boxxy had difficulty tracking the thing as it slinked off into the shadows, but it wasn’t as if it particularly needed to.

  “Stop running away and come to me.”

  The simple command was all the weird person-sized spider-thing needed to cease its retreat. It then turned around and, strangely enough, stood up as it slowly approached the shapeshifter.

  The newest addition to Boxxy’s entourage was revealed to be a mostly humanoid demon, about a hundred-and-sixty centimeters in height. It, or rather, she, was clearly female, with thick thighs, wide hips, a thin waist, and a relatively modest pair of breasts, at least when compared to the succubus’s impractically huge knockers. She had black hair styled into a slightly elaborate ponytail with heavy bangs on the right side, all held together by hairclips made of chitin. Her face was also clearly feminine in its contours, except for the large pair of serrated mandibles growing out of the sides and past her chin. There was also the matter of four tiny fang-things poking out of the corners of her lips, and the yellow compound eyes that looked like a bug’s. Those sharp choppers were definitely the main attention-getters in the facial region. though. The jagged tips clacked together nervously, producing a barely audible chitter the entire time.

  The rest of her body had a number of arachnid and clearly monstrous features. Her skin, for instance, seemed to be comprised of two layers of segmented carapace. One lower one was soft, reddish-purple, slightly moist, and served as the demon’s ‘skin.’ It was adorned by a number of yellow crescent-shaped marks—two on each cheek, bicep, and thigh. The upper layer of carapace was a m
uch darker hue of red than the lower one and was also visibly more solid, sort of like armor. ‘Sort of’ being the operative phrase here, as it barely covered any of her torso and made it seem like she wore a bikini, even though it was part of her body. This tougher set of carapace also covered her shoulders and the outer parts of her limbs, where it was much thicker.

  Speaking of limbs, this arachnid demon had some positively deadly ones. Her arms and legs ended in a set of large claws that looked like flexible knives, with two ‘toes’ on each foot and three ‘fingers’ on each hand. Those sharp digits likely made it impossible for her to grip anything even remotely soft without dicing it up. The deadliest appendages she had were the six long limbs poking out from either side of her chest. These looked faintly like arachnid legs that were attached to the girl’s upper back, except their tips were replaced with long and thin scythe-like claws. Each of these bladed appendages had a slightly longer reach than her dagger-tipped arms, and was just as flexible to boot.

  The freshly summoned demoness fidgeted nervously for several seconds as Boxxy took in her appearance.

  “She looks great,” it commented with approval. “Every part of her looks like it was designed to maim people.”

  These words of praise made the spider-girl fidget even more as she turned her face to the side, wanting to avoid meeting anyone’s gaze.

  “She’s really fast, too,” Fizzy chimed in. “I couldn’t even keep my eyes on her when she made a run for it earlier.”

  “Milord’s newest servant is most impressive,” Ambrosia added with a surprisingly cheerful voice. “Spiders art natural predators of vermin, so I am certain she will be of great help to me!”

  “Ah, crap, she’s a stalker,” Kora grumbled. “That means she probably doesn’t have any useful holes down there.”

  She remembered that fiends and succubi were more or less the only demons whose physical forms had somewhat functioning genitalia, mostly because they were the only ones that actively used them. It was part of who they were. A stalker, however, was motivated by food and solitude—not the sort of demon that would partake in sexual domination or lethal intercourse. This meant that Kora had to give up on her selfish ploy to ‘break in the new girl.’ One could argue that the arachnid demon still had a mouth that could be ‘used,’ but not even the pit fiend would hesitate to put her junk anywhere near those mandibles.