Amish Romance: Let Go and Let God

by Sandra Becker

  “Sadie, do you know about the lake over at the western valley?” she asked.

  Sadie smiled. “Yes, I do. It is a lovely place.”

  “I just visited there with Mr. Townsend. It is so beautiful. Words cannot describe it. The surroundings are lush green and the environment is so serene that you can hear your own breathing.”

  “I have been there quite a few times" Sadie told her. "It’s a place where you feel one with God.”

  “You are right. The stillness made me feel reflective. I was happy that Mr. Townsend didn’t speak much. Maybe he understood what I felt. Both of us were wrapped up in our own thoughts. I think he wanted me to experience the tranquility of the place.”

  At the mention of the Englischer, Sadie was reminded again of Samuel. Samuel wouldn’t appreciate Ruth going out alone with an Englischer. She coughed politely. “Ruth, my child, I like Mr. Townsend and I am very thankful for what he did for me the other day. However, I think it’s improper for ladies in our community to be going for rides with outsiders.”

  Sadie saw the enthusiasm drain from Ruth’s face. Ruth stared at the fireplace for a long time. Finally she spoke. “You are right, Ant. I am here for my rumspringa. I should be reflecting upon my future. I don’t think I have given it as much thought as I was supposed to. I have been a wayward child.”

  “Now Ruth, don’t blame yourself. You are young in the ways of the world. You are living with me, and it is now my responsibility to take care of you. I only want to ensure that you follow the right path.”

  Ruth felt guilty. She had come here on her own because her parents trusted her. Yet she felt a growing emotion for the Englischer. It was an emotion that she was afraid to name because she wasn’t sure she would be able to quell her emotions, once she admitted them. She was reluctant to probe too deeply because she dreaded what she would find.

  Dear God, help me. You have given me a tough test. Please also give me the strength to do the right thing.

  After reposing in her faith in God for a few minutes, Ruth felt calmer. She clasped Sadie’s hand. “I apologize, Sadie. I will act in an appropriate manner the next time.”

  “I am sure you will, dear.”

  Despite her words, however, Ruth was still thinking of the mustached Englischer when she went to bed. She was a little annoyed that James was still on her mind. She knew that Sadie was right. It wasn’t proper for her to continue to spend time with him. She decided she would try to keep a low profile for the next few days.

  * * * *

  In the shed across the yard, James was wide awake. In times past he would have opened a bottle of wine to help lull him to sleep. Yet things had been different for the past few days. He hadn’t had a drop of drink since he had met Ruth.

  James looked at the locked suitcase in the corner. It contained two bottles of the finest white wine. He was tempted, but with some willpower he turned his gaze away. He focused his mind on the simple life of the Amish community. They led such pure lives. He was fascinated by them. Especially Ruth. He had fallen for her the first time he saw her in the village marketplace. It had been a surprise when she turned up as his neighbor. He felt as if fate was on his side. Today had been really special. He had enjoyed spending time with her, both at lunch and later at the lake.

  Yet, a thought kept gnawing at him.

  What are you trying to prove? She is a lady of the Amish. There is no future in this relationship.

  His logical mind told him what he didn't want to hear. Yet his heart had a different logic. Love conquers all. She will love me despite who I am. I will show her my positive side.

  She is pure like the wind-driven snow, his mind retorted. You have a drinking problem. Why would she accept you?

  He sighed. He knew that this was the reason he hadn’t had a drink for the past few days. He wanted to prove to himself that he could reform.

  James glanced at the locked suitcase again. The temptation was still there. He knew that a cup would help him to deal with the pain of his internal struggle. With some difficulty he pulled his gaze away.

  * * * *

  Chapter 7

  “Good morning, Miss Byler.”

  Ruth was startled. She had been picking radishes for their lunch and hadn’t noticed James approaching. She turned to find him standing next to her, a kindly smile on his face. She remembered her discussion with Sadie yesterday. She was unsure how to respond to his attention.

  “Good morning, Mr. Townsend,” she somehow managed.

  “How is your aunt doing?”

  “Much better. I would say she is completely recovered.” Ruth realized she couldn’t avoid answering his questions. It would seem rude.

  “Can I see her?” he asked.

  Ruth acquiesced. It was better if they didn't spend time alone, she knew. She called out to her aunt. Sadie came outside and smiled at James. “Good morning, Mr. Townsend.”

  “How are you doing, ma’am?” James asked.

  “I am feeling good. And it’s all thanks to you.”

  “It was nothing. I just did what any doctor would have done.”

  “You are too kind,” she told him.

  After a brief pause, James turned to Ruth. “Miss Byler, would you do me the pleasure of joining me again today for an expedition to the lake?”

  Ruth turned crimson. “I'm sorry, Mr. Townsend, but Sadie and I will be knitting together this afternoon,” she told him.

  “Oh! Maybe later then.” He waited for an answer, but Ruth didn’t say anything more. Finally, James continued, “I will take my leave now. Mrs. Schrock has given me a few chores to do.”

  * * * *

  Sadie watched James leave. It was good that they had made plans to knit today. Otherwise, it would have been difficult for Ruth to decline his request. Sadie became even more determined to let Samuel know what was happening. He would be able to guide her.

  She went inside and immediately composed a short letter. She would post the letter that afternoon. She hoped that Samuel would receive it by the following day and be able to assist her in this dilemma.

  * * * *

  Chapter 8

  Samuel received the letter the following afternoon. He felt distraught at Sadie's words. A myriad of thoughts went through his mind. His worst fears had been realized. Ruth and an Englischer…

  “You seem to be ill at ease, Samuel. Is everything all right?” Emma asked, concerned.

  Samuel didn’t reply. Instead, he handed her the letter.

  After reading it, she asked, “What are we going to do?”

  Samuel’s jaw was set. “I know what I am going to do. I will go there first thing in the morning and bring Ruth back.”

  “But … the rumspringa. You know we need to let her complete it.”

  Samuel shook his head. “No, I think it’s better for everyone if she comes back.”

  Emma closed her eyes and started to pray. Samuel watched her lips move softly in devotion. He closed his own eyes and prayed to God for guidance.

  Emma’s words from the other day came back to him. You lose what you cling tightly to.

  Samuel considered this for a minute. Was he being too protective of Ruth? She was no longer a child. She was now a young woman who could make her own decisions. Wasn’t that the very point of rumspringa? She needed to have the opportunity to choose for herself.

  He thought of the Englischer. He was showing an undue and improper interest in his child. He knew that someone should draw the line on that. It wasn't good for Ruth to be influenced by an outsider.

  Samuel looked at Emma. She had opened her eyes and was now watching him closely, trying to read his thoughts. Samuel smiled.

  “I have decided to bring Ruth back.”

  Emma nodded silently. “I will get your things ready in the morning.”

  * * * *

  Samuel didn’t sleep well. He tossed and turned for most of the night. He prayed again to God. He felt better after leaving his cares with the Almighty. It was after midnight
when he finally fell asleep. He woke up feeling much more relaxed than he had the night before. He didn’t need to confront the Englischer. He would simply bring Ruth home.

  He got into his buggy and took the lunch pail that Emma had packed for him. He smiled at her. “Everything will be alright.”

  “Yes. I know that God will make everything all right,” she told him.

  Samuel was struck the simple trust Emma had in God. He wondered if he was as trusting of God as she was. He absentmindedly slapped the reins. The horse started forward, but Samuel was still lost in his thoughts. They crossed the village and the buggy ambled along through the open fields. It was a bright sunny day. He loosened the reins and continued to ponder Emma’s faith in God. Her words came back to him: Let go and let God.

  What was he so worried about, he wondered? He had always felt God’s presence in his life. Today, as his buggy meandered through the green fields, he felt God’s presence more strongly than ever before. God is on my side. Why should I worry about anything?

  He stopped the buggy and turned it around. He no longer felt the need to watch over Ruth. A greater power was already watching over her. A few minutes later he was back at the farm.

  “Samuel, you are back?” Emma asked.

  “Yes ... you know, er, I thought …” Samuel stumbled for words.

  Emma smiled and embraced him. “You did the right thing.”

  * * * *

  Sadie received Samuel’s note that afternoon. It was brief and to the point.

  Ruth will be all right. God is watching over her.

  Sadie smiled. This was indeed the case. Sadie had never doubted her faith and now, with Samuel’s note, she felt reassured. She no longer worried about how Ruth would avoid the Englischer’s attentions. She knew that it didn’t matter. In the end, everything would be resolved as it should be.

  The next few days were quiet. Surprisingly, James didn’t pay them a visit. Sadie was grateful, but wondered about the turn of events. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t in his shed. She intermittently saw him coming and going from the farm.

  A chat with Mrs. Schrock revealed that James was busy with his research and had been quite reclusive recently.

  Sadie shared this with Ruth and saw her visibly relax. Ruth had been thinking a lot about the choice she would be making. She had talked with Sadie at length about becoming a member of the church. Sadie had advised Ruth to pray at the church service the next day.

  The church service was being held at a Mrs. Yoder’s house. There were only a few people there. As the service started, Ruth thought about how her rumspringa had gone so far, and the choice that she had to make. She thought about her family, her friends, Sadie, and even James. She asked God to bless everyone whom she had met in her life. She felt good after the prayer was concluded.

  When the service was over, Sadie said, “Come, let me introduce you to our host.”

  She led Ruth over to Mrs. Yoder. “Good morning, Rebecca. How are you? This is my niece, Ruth.”

  Mrs. Yoder nodded happily. “Welcome. I don’t think we have met before.”

  Ruth said, “No, we haven’t. I am here on my rumspringa.”

  Mrs. Yoder smiled. “Ah, rumspringa. Do you know that is the toughest part of life?”

  Ruth was puzzled. She had never thought of it that way. “I would have thought that managing a husband and children after marriage would be tougher. Why do you think this?”

  “Few people realize that rumspringa is a test," Mrs. Yoder told her. "The Ordnung knows it, which is why rumspringa is the gateway to becoming a church member.”

  “I don’t understand. Why do you call it a test?”

  “Rumspringa is a test of your ability to resist temptation. Have you felt as if you were at a crossroad, one path leading you to the church, the other leading you out of the community?”

  Ruth mulled this over. When she had met James, she had unconsciously considered both options. Mrs. Yoder was right. Rumspringa was about temptation and making choices. She nodded. “I have been a victim of temptation.”

  Mrs. Yoder quoted the Bible: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

  * * * *

  The days passed quickly for Ruth and Sadie, and it was soon time for Ruth to return to her family. Sadie assisted Ruth with her packing. She gave her some of her treasured fruits from the backyard. “Take these. Share them with Abram and Mary. It’s been a long time since I have seen those kids. Give them my love and blessings.”

  “Of course, Sadie. I will pass on your message.”

  “I know you will.”

  “I think I should pay a visit to Mrs. Schrock before I leave," Ruth said. "She has been very kind to me.”

  “Yes," Sadie agreed. "You should let her know that you are leaving.”

  Ruth walked over to Mrs. Schrock’s house and knocked on the door. Mrs. Schrock opened the door and beamed at Ruth.

  “Ruth, how are you? Come inside.”

  As she entered, Ruth said, “Mrs. Schrock, I wanted to thank you for your hospitality these past few days. I also wanted to let you know that I am returning home to my family.”

  “Ach! That’s a pity. When are you leaving?” Mrs. Schrock asked her.

  “I will be leaving in an hour.”

  “I will not let you leave without tasting some of my breakfast.”

  Ruth smiled. She had already finished her breakfast, but she knew that Mrs. Schrock would insist that she eat with her.

  “I will have just a little bite.”

  They sat down to have a chat. Ruth told Mrs. Schrock about her rumspringa and her decision to become a church member. Mrs. Schrock told her about the time when she was a young woman on her rumspringa. She had been a rebel during her youth and she and her brother had almost decided to leave the community. However, better sense had prevailed. Ruth listened to her story with interest.

  After breakfast was over, the two of them sat on the front porch. Ruth could see James’s shed from where she sat. She briefly felt as if someone was watching her from the window, but the sensation lasted only an instant. She looked closely but she couldn’t see anyone. Ruth thought about James. It had been a long time since they had talked. She had thought about him several times over the past few days and had wondered why he hadn't visited her anymore. She wondered if she would miss the Englischer. He had been a really nice gentleman.

  The thought of James brought a flush to her face. The emotions that she had suppressed came back to her. She felt an unexpected desire to see him, even if it was for the last time. His handsome features filled her mind.

  Mrs. Schrock’s words broke into her reverie. “Ruth, do me a favor. Can you go over to Mr. Townsend's room and ask him to come see me? The buggy is making grinding noises and I hope he can fix it.”

  Ruth’s eyes snapped open. “Me?”

  “Yes, please be a dear and beckon Mr. Townsend over here.”

  Ruth’s cheeks flushed. She didn’t want Mrs. Schrock to see her reluctance and then have to explain why she wanted to avoid James. After a moment's hesitation, she acquiesced. “Yes, Mrs. Schrock. I will inform him.”

  She walked over to the shed, her heart beating more loudly with each step she took. The door was closed. Maybe he wasn't inside. Hope swelled up inside her. She wasn’t sure in her heart whether she wanted to see him or not.

  She tentatively knocked on the door.

  There was no sound from the inside. She waited a few moments and knocked again.

  She heard the sound of dragging feet, followed by a scraping and then a tinkling noise. The bolts slid open and her heart leapt as she saw James in the flesh.

  * * * *

  Chapter 9

  “Good morning, Miss Byler. How are you doing?”

  The warm voice and the handsome face brought Ruth’s emotions to the fore.
She blushed as she remembered the time they had spent together, happy in each other’s company. He had been different from the young men of their community, and that had made him attractive to her. Now, seeing him again after so many days, she realized that she had missed him more than she would have cared to admit.

  “Would you like to come in?” he asked.

  Ruth realized that she hadn’t answered his first question. “I'm sorry. Mrs. Schrock wanted you to check the buggy.”

  “I will look into it presently.” He glanced at her.

  Ruth looked at his eyes and realized that there was something amiss. She listened to him talk and then observed that while his words were friendly, his eyes were remote. And his diction was slow and at times indistinct.

  “Come over here. We can sit at the table,” James said in a slurred voice.

  And it was then that she saw it.

  Ruth stopped in her tracks and looked at the bottle of white wine atop the table. “You drink spirits?” She asked in an incredulous voice.

  He picked up the bottle with a shaking hand. “I drink alcohol every day.”

  Ruth realized suddenly that James was drunk. She backed toward the door. “Excuse me, I need some fresh air.”

  James sat down heavily on the table. “Whatever. Come back soon.”

  Ruth opened the door and bolted.

  * * * *

  James got up and looked out of the window. He saw Ruth walking back to her aunt's house. It’s for her own good, he thought. He smiled sadly and thought, It’s for my own good too.

  He walked back to the table and picked up the wine bottle with a steady hand, his ruse finished. He waited for the temptation to come. It didn’t. He felt only a sense of loss.

  His mind had tussled with his heart for many days, but he was a man of science and eventually the logical mind had triumphed. James had realized that there was nothing to be gained by falling in love with an Amish girl. Their two worlds were just too far apart, and they didn’t have a future together. He had decided to avoid contact with Ruth.

  It had gone well. James had thrown himself wholeheartedly into his work. That had helped to keep him from thinking about her. His only worry was that Ruth herself might be attracted to him and might approach him. If she did he feared his resolve would not be strong enough to keep him from saying or doing something he would regret. He had eventually come up with a solution for that as well. He would act as if he were drunk. He had executed his part perfectly today.