by L.H. Cosway
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but it was no use. There was a tension between us now, and I had no idea how to break it.
All I knew was that I was never going to be able to sleep with him right next to me, close enough that all I had to do was reach out to touch him.
17.
Neil
I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were a tangled mess of sexual frustration. It was my own bloody fault, too, since I’d come dangerously close to kissing Afric today. What was I thinking holding her down like that? She probably thought I’d lost my marbles. But now, well, now we’d both admitted to being attracted to one another. It felt like neither of us knew the next step. Normally, I might’ve kissed her, but obviously, that wasn’t the right move with Afric. It pained me, though, because I wanted to kiss her so badly; it was a physical ache in my chest.
I heard her emit a heavy sigh before she whispered, “Neil.”
“What?” I whispered back.
“I can’t sleep. Do you mind if I turn the torch back on for a while?”
“No,” I replied eagerly. “Turn it on. I can’t sleep either.”
She reached across me, and the flowery scent of her shampoo filled my senses. She clicked the torch on, and a low light lit the tent. I glanced up as Afric hovered over me, shadows striating her elfin face. She was moving back to the spot she’d been lying in when I caught her upper arm. She didn’t speak, just stared at me expectantly. I had no clue what to say. I just needed her close. We stayed like that for several long seconds, our gazes locked, before Afric broke the quiet.
“W-why are you giving me Mr Thornton eyes?” she asked, her words staccato.
Because I’m falling in love with you, a startling voice in my head answered.
It was a sobering thought, one that had my blood pumping to claim her. I didn’t say it, though. It was clearly way too soon for declarations of love, even though I’d never felt this way about a woman before. Finally, I replied, “I bet I could make you like kissing.”
Her eyebrows shot up, and her breathing became uneven. “How?”
“I have excellent attention to detail.”
Her eyes lowered to my mouth, and a hazy look crossed her features. Was she … turned on by the idea? She certainly didn’t appear disgusted by it. I could almost believe that she wanted me to kiss her. Like the idea intrigued her.
“I’m not …” she said, then faltered, frowning to herself.
“You’re not what?”
“I’m not very good at kissing,” she blurted. “I’ve spent my entire life avoiding it. There’s a good chance I’m terrible.”
I gripped her arm more firmly, tugging her closer. We were still in our individual sleeping bags, the thick material separating us, though she was currently half on top of me. “Let me be the judge of that,” I said thickly.
“Okay,” she replied, and everything inside of me came alive, like a hundred light bulbs flicking on at once. I was Oxford Street on Christmas Eve, merrily aglow.
“Seriously?”
She shrugged. “It can’t hurt to try. Maybe I’ve been missing out and I don’t even know it.”
I swallowed as she closed her eyes, waiting for me to make the first move. My pulse pounded. Now that the pressure was on to perform, I was hesitating. She opened her eyes, a puzzled look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook myself. “Nothing, just … give me a minute.” I unzipped the top of my sleeping bag then shifted positions, moving us so that I was braced above her. I unzipped the top of hers, and she watched in silence, a vaguely amused look on her face.
“Why are you unzipping our sleeping bags? Do you need a full range of motion for a kiss?”
“Yes, actually, I do,” I said, shooting her what I hoped was a smouldering glance, and she immediately quieted. I took her in, my heart pounding a wild rhythm in my chest. She was ridiculously beautiful with her messy blonde hair and impossibly blue eyes. She wore a loose-fitting T-shirt to sleep in, the dipped neckline affording me a view of her rounded cleavage.
I wanted to bury my face in it.
Time seemed to become slow and thick like honey as I leaned down and pressed my lips feather-light to her throat. A strained gasp escaped her. I moved up, kissing her chin. My hand cupped her cheek as I finally brought my lips to hers. The moment of truth. I pressed my mouth to her lush, soft lips delicately at first.
Fireworks shot through my body, and I felt her tremble.
I was scared that she might startle and push me away if I kissed her as roughly and passionately as I wanted to, so I kept the pressure of my mouth light. I recalled what I’d said to her the night of Isaac’s surprise party.
I want to kiss you. I can’t stop thinking about it.
Now it was happening, and I felt like I was dreaming. I pressed my lips to hers, this time with a little more pressure, and I heard her whimper. The sound pulled me out of my trance as I drew back. I stared at her and was stunned to find several tears streaming down her face.
She was crying.
“Oh, God, I’m sorry. Have I upset you?” I asked with worry as I gently caressed her wet cheek.
She shook her head, her hands coming up to touch her tears. “No. I don’t even know why I’m crying. The kiss brought all these suppressed emotions I didn’t even know were there to the surface, and I’m just …” she trailed off as she brought her eyes to mine, “completely discombobulated.”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“I wasn’t crying because I disliked it,” she said, and I blinked.
“Why then?”
“I think I was just feeling way too much.”
I studied her. “So … does that mean you liked it?”
“I don’t know.” A pause as she glanced away shyly, her voice lowering almost to a whisper. “Maybe you should kiss me again. That way, I’ll know for definite.”
“I don’t want to upset you.”
“You won’t. I promise.”
Hesitantly, I lowered my body to rest next to hers. She stared at me while I bought one hand up to stroke her cheek and the other to cup her neck. She released a shaky breath as our gazes locked, and I pressed my lips to hers once more. I kept my eyes open, gauging her reaction. Hers fell shut almost immediately. She whimpered again, but this time it was accompanied by her hands tugging feverishly at the collar of my T-shirt, pulling me closer. I accommodated her, my chest pressing against hers as I continued to kiss her featherlight. After a few moments, she started to respond, her lips pressing against mine with building fervour.
My cock stirred, and I knew there was no possibility of me not getting an erection right now. Even this chaste kissing was giving me all sorts of depraved impulses. I wanted to strip her bare and lay waste to her with my tongue. I wanted to taste every inch of her and give her endless orgasms just to watch her writhe for me over and over again.
I was kissing her more forcefully now, and if the small moan she emitted was anything to go by, she seemed to welcome it. My breathing was laboured, my pulse erratic. Before, I’d had the willpower to stop, but now, I was lost. I loved the taste of her, the lush softness of her lips.
Her mouth opened for me, and her tongue dipped out. It ventured tentatively, stroking along mine, and I couldn’t contain the low groan that rumbled from my chest. I needed more of her, more of this. I was dying of thirst even while I was drowning. Afric’s hands drifted down then snaked under my T-shirt. Her delicate fingers drifted across my lower stomach, and I jolted. Pleasure shattered through me at her touch.
“Is this okay?” she whispered into the kiss.
“Yes. More than okay. Don’t stop,” I replied, my words guttural as I shifted us so that I was half lying on top of her, cupping her face in my hands as I deepened the kiss. Her mouth opened fully, welcoming me in. I couldn’t believe this was happening. After fantasising about it, the fantasies had nothing on reality. This was the greatest, most intense kiss of my life. I never
wanted it to end, but I also didn’t want to overwhelm her.
Eventually, I broke away to catch my breath, studying her closely as I weighed her reaction. Her lips were puffy, her eyelids half-mast as she reached for me.
“Come back,” she begged, and at that moment, she was the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on.
I was about to kiss her again when there was a loud shout outside followed by hysterical yelling. Afric and I stared at one another in confusion before we both leapt into action, climbing out of the tent to investigate. Adam’s friend, Steve, the one who took forever to get his tent up, was running around waving his hands in the air, very obviously drunk off his arse.
“Look! Look! It’s them! They’re trying to make contact,” he cried out. Several others were gesticulating at a light shining in the distance, all of them as drunk as Steve.
Adam emerged from his tent wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. He looked like a cranky bear with his hairy auburn chest out as he glanced up at the sky, shook his head, then grabbed Steve by the elbow.
“Good God, man, how much have you had to drink? That’s not a bloody UFO. It’s the lighthouse over on the coast.”
At this, Steve frowned and rubbed his forehead, looking drunkenly chagrined. “Oh,” he said, realisation dawning.
I glanced at Afric, and just like that, we both burst into laughter. Adam looked over at us and started laughing, too. Moments later, we were all in hysterics. I nudged Afric with my elbow, my voice affectionate when I said, “I told you it was all fake.”
She scowled up at me playfully. “Just because we didn’t see anything tonight doesn’t mean it’s fake.”
I noticed her shiver and moved closer, wrapping my arm around her waist, “Come on. Let’s get back inside before we catch our death.”
She nodded, and I led her back to the tent. I wanted to continue what we’d started before being interrupted by Steve’s drunken shouting, but I also had a bit of a dilemma. Afric was important to me, more important than any woman I’d ever been with before, and I wanted to do things right. I needed to set Annabelle straight, for real this time, and tell her I wasn’t interested in dating her. If she then decided to tell Callum the truth, so be it.
Afric
I woke up with my face mashed into Neil’s chest. After the UFO false alarm last night, we’d gone back to bed, but he hadn’t reinitiated the kissing. Instead, he reached out and pulled me close, and I’d fallen asleep while he held me, both of us in our individual sleeping bags.
Neil was a perceptive man, and he must’ve known that the sheer intensity of kissing him had been jarring. Life altering, you might even say. I definitely needed time to process it.
Before I met Neil, I would’ve happily gone without kissing for the rest of my life. Now I wasn’t sure if I could survive a single day without kissing him, and that was a terrifying thought. What if somewhere along the way, he came to the same realisation as Dev and my other past boyfriends? What if he decided I was too annoying or that my gaming demanded too much of my attention?
I’d survived those past rejections with my head held high, but if Neil rejected me, there were no two ways about it. I’d be devastated. How I felt for him was stronger than how I’d ever felt for anyone else, and I didn’t know if I’d get over it if he didn’t want to be around me anymore.
Neil still slept as I moved away from him and shuffled out of my sleeping bag. The hot water bottle had long gone cold, and the chilly morning air hit me fast. I grabbed a hoodie from my bag and pulled it on over my head.
When I emerged from the tent, I quickly went to pee and freshen up as best I could. I’d only slept outdoors for one night, and already, I felt like I could do with taking an hour-long shower when I got home. The survivalist life certainly wasn’t for me.
When I returned, Neil was up and dressed. I found him outside, sitting on the ground while he tied his shoelaces. The tent had already been partially disassembled, and oddly, I was relieved. It meant he planned on leaving soon, and that was fine by me. I was all up in my head, almost paralysed by my fears of rejection and of losing him. The tent was a reminder of all the ways my heart had lit up and soared last night when he pressed his lips to mine.
“Morning,” he said cheerfully as he came and walked towards me with a warm smile. He bent and pressed a kiss to my temple, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind that I started packing up early. I have a few things to take care of back in London, so I wanted to get on the road as soon as possible.”
“No, that’s fine. I have to stream later today, so I should be getting back, too.”
He glanced down at me, and he must’ve sensed something was off because his eyebrows drew together. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I think sleeping on the flat ground has just made me feel a little worse for wear.”
“Right. Me, too. Next time, we’ll have to invest in an air mattress or something.”
“Next time?” I asked. “You actually intend on going camping again?”
“Of course. I’ve enjoyed this,” Neil said, eyes focusing on me curiously. I stepped away from him a small distance, clearing my throat.
“Well, just give me a few minutes to say goodbye to Adam and the others, and then I should be ready to go,” I said, and he nodded, eyebrows furrowed as he returned his attention to packing away the tent.
“Take your time. We’re not in a big hurry.”
When I went over to Adam’s tent, he was sitting inside chatting with his friend, Milly.
“Hey, Neil and I are going to head off now. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“You’re leaving already? Was it something I said?”
“No, nothing like that. I wish we could stay longer, but Neil needs to get back for work.”
“Well, in that case, come here and give me a hug,” Adam said, drawing me into a tight embrace before releasing me. “Neil seems like a good bloke. Hang on to him.”
“I’ll try,” I said while my heart gave a sharp thud. Adam had no idea how difficult it was for me to hang on to people, specifically boyfriends. I told him I’d talk to him soon, online obviously, then headed back to Neil.
Half an hour later, we were on the road on our way home to London. The drive was silent, but my mind was loud. I’d never been so freaked out over a man before. Last night, he’d gazed at me like I hung the moon and stars, and the prospect of losing his adoration was paralysing. My feelings for him had grown in an insidiously quiet way, and now, he was in my heart and soul. He was a vital part that I couldn’t bear to lose.
We were back in the city when Neil’s phone, which he’d placed in a holder near the gear stick, silently lit up with an incoming text. He didn’t see it because he was focused on driving, but I did, and the preview that showed on the screen made my heart sink.
It was from Annabelle.
Hi Neil! So good to hear from you. I’d love to meet up again. Just name the time and place. xxx
After the night we’d shared, he’d messaged Annabelle asking to meet up? What the actual fuck? I was horrified. Heartbroken. Bereft. Normally, I might have yelled at him and demanded to know what had turned him off me so completely that he was running back to a woman who was only using him to get to someone else. But right now, I wasn’t in a normal state of mind. I was too upset to speak.
When we arrived outside my building, I fled the car like my arse was on fire.
“Afric, wait,” Neil said, emerging, too.
I paused and glanced back at him. He opened the boot and removed my bag before holding it out to me. “You almost forgot this,” he said, eyes searching mine.
“Right, thanks,” I mumbled.
Neil sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been quiet for most of the car journey, and now, you’re running into your flat like you can’t get away from me fast enough.”
Impulsiveness and fear had me deciding to distance myself from hi
m at that moment. If only to protect my heart from further pain. “I just need some space,” I said, making a concerted effort to keep my voice even.
Neil studied me, his features drawn in thought. There was silence for several moments before he ran his hand over the stubble on his cheek, a look of understanding on his face. “Okay, I get that last night might’ve been too fast for you. Can I come over later to talk?”
“I’ll probably be streaming.”
He frowned. “Well, let me know if you finish early, and I’ll stop by.”
“Okay,” I said and turned to go.
I didn’t look back as I went inside, doing my best to hold in the tears that were welling behind my eyes and in the back of my throat.
18.
Neil
So, Afric was freaking out over the kiss; that much was clear. I didn’t want to be pushy, so I gave her the space she requested. Besides, once I got this meeting with Annabelle over and done with, I could focus all my attention on Afric and figure out what exactly had her acting so out of character.
Currently, I was sitting at a table in the café waiting for Annabelle to arrive. Several minutes ticked by before the door opened, and in she walked. She wore a thick duffle coat, her long hair up in a ponytail. Windswept strands framed her pretty, feminine face. I took a nervous sip of my coffee, then stood as she approached.
“Hey!” she greeted. “How are you? How’s your week been?”
“My week’s been good. And you?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Can’t complain.”
“Would you like anything to drink? Perhaps a bite to eat?”
“I already ate, but I’ll take a mint tea,” she replied.
I nodded and went to the counter to put her order in before returning. My mouth grew dry as I retook my seat. “So,” I said, clasping my hands together. “I actually asked you to meet me today for a reason.”
Her eyebrows rose curiously. “Oh?”
