by Jack Skeen
It took a crisis to open the eyes of the woman in this story. The wonder of life had always been present, but she had been moving too fast to notice. She took her busyness as evidence that she was living a truly big life when, in fact, it was distracting her from seeing what is truly big.
It is easy to confuse achieving with having purpose. It takes a great deal of effort and talent to run a business, raise a family, or master the violin. Certainly, achievement is useful, valuable, and should be celebrated. But purpose is bigger than achievement. It requires seeing yourself in the grandest context of all: the world of spirit. When you see who you really are and what you can really do, you will add a sense of meaning to all of your activities and achievements that will transform you.
Note: Please feel free to tear out this page for reference as you work through this chapter.
Purpose
Our lives are a one‐way street. Each day we make choices that create our path, our journey. Seemingly small choices sometimes shape major changes that alter the course of our lives. You turned left at the light and were blindsided by a drunk driver. What if you had turned right? You took that job that required you to uproot and move. The company rocketed to wild success and your equity means you don't have to work another day for the rest of your life. What if you had passed on that job for the one that was near home? You invest your time and energy every day in something. You make choices because of the things you consider important. But, are they truly the most important things in which to invest? Are you sure? The retailer Sears used to have three levels for each of its appliances: good, better, and best. Have you chosen the best road for your life? Which road have you chosen in the woods of your life? Does it make a difference?
Resolve The trait of clearly knowing your destination before you start your journey, thoughtfully determining your progress and the ability to choose wisely.
Diligence Taking care of your own affairs, remaining calm under pressure, and avoiding impulsive behavior are all important in acting with deliberateness.
Myopia The degree to which we are teachable, see the big picture, and allow our point of view to be shaped by perspective and balance.
Experience Sharing The creation and telling of stories is part of the fabric of the human condition. We move toward purpose when our stories inspire us.
Self‐Deception A critical key to purpose because it can lead us onto a path that is pointed in the opposite direction from where we intend to go.
Spirituality Spirituality simply acknowledges that the universe is bigger than you. It is a necessary component to finding your true purpose.
Purpose Chapter Summary
Each day you make choices that create your path, your journey. Seemingly small choices sometimes shape major changes that alter the course of your life. You invest your time and energy every day in something. You make choices because of the things you consider important. But are they truly the most important things in which to invest? Have you chosen the best road for your life?
Each of the six factors can increase your purpose through:
Being resolute is the skill of picking the best goal for your life and then steadily moving toward it. It requires great wisdom to discern the goal worthy of your life (your purpose) and great determination to make it the center of your choices and actions.
Diligence is the skill of steadily progressing toward your purpose despite obstacles, challenges, and temptations to stray. Without diligence it is difficult to reach your potential and fulfill your purpose.
Myopia is the inability to see the big picture. You can't find your purpose if you are stuck in the weeds, focused on the small things that fill up each day. Purpose is a huge idea. You must be willing to open yourself to big thoughts and ideas to find it.
Experience sharing is the ability to put your perspective into stories that you tell yourself and share with others. Stories shape how we see our world. They can be stories that weaken you or ones that inspire you toward your greatness.
Self‐deception is the inclination to fool yourself about your own motives and actions. Only by seeing what is true about ourselves can we find our right path, the one where we are most useful and fulfilled.
Spirituality is the ability to see beyond the material to the world of spirit. Spiritual things like love, beauty, kindness, joy, and peace point the way to where your true purpose will be found.
Each of the same six factors also can decrease your purpose in the following ways:
Those who aren't sufficiently resolute will settle for a life that is less meaningful that it could have been. They will lack either the vision to see that life or the fortitude to pursue it.
Those who aren't sufficiently diligent will be too easily distracted from pursuing their purpose by competing goals and other interests. They are likely to stall when they encounter difficulties and obstacles.
Those who are myopic will fail to see the big picture that is the context for discovering their purpose. They are likely to be preoccupied with minor issues and petty concerns.
Those whose stories make them feel inadequate or lead them to be jealous of or judgmental toward others will be hampered in understanding their purpose. Their stories don't inspire them to see the very best within them.
Self‐deception is one of the worst errors a person can make because it prevents you from seeing the truth about your own heart. You may not even know you are on the wrong path until it is too late to do much about it.
Those who lack interest in or the capacity for spirituality are not receptive to the spiritual qualities such as love, goodness, and joy that point toward ultimate purpose. Until you allow yourself to be guided by such values, you are cut off from deeper meaning.
Action Step One
Now that you have completed the chapter on purpose, please return to www.thecircleblueprint.com to complete the assessment. Once you complete it, you will receive the results to review before progressing to Chapter 14: Balancing Purpose within the Circle. Alternately, substitute honest self‐reflection on each element.
Action Step Two
After you take the assessment, focus on the exercises that follow. We offer exercises for each factor. In areas where you are not thriving, there is room for growth. If you want additional exercises, please consider our series of workbooks, available online at www.thecircleblueprint.com.
Steps to Improve Being Resolute
Write a statement that defines your current purpose. Are you satisfied with it?
Write a statement that describes what you believe is your true purpose.
Make a list of steps you would take to transition to your true purpose.
Make a list of obstacles you might encounter in that transition.
Remind yourself that you have a gift and a responsibility to use that gift in a big way.
Steps to Improve Diligence
Take 100 percent responsibility to make your life all that it should be.
List areas of your life for which you are not currently taking full responsibility.
Prioritize that list and begin taking ownership of each area.
List habits or behaviors that are getting in the way of you being your very best.
Begin changing those habits and stopping those behaviors.
Keep in mind each day the amazing life you are building.
Steps to Overcome Myopic Behavior
Keep track of times you get mired in pettiness.
Notice how often you waste time in mindless activities.
Take time to notice the beauty in nature.
Make a list of ways nature supports your life that you often overlook.
Make a list of the biggest questions you have about life. Can you think of bigger ones?
Invite a friend to discuss her view of the purpose of your life.
Steps to Improve Experience Sharing
Write down three stories about yourself.
Write down three stories about someone with whom you don't get alo
ng well.
Notice how strongly you believe these stories.
Generate alternative stories about yourself and the person with whom you don't get along well.
Practice holding your stories lightly.
Create three stories about yourself that inspire you to be greater.
Steps to Reduce Self‐Deception
Make a list of your five greatest achievements.
Write down the motive behind each one.
Share your list with three people you trust and ask if they agree with your assessment.
Ask five people their honest view of your three greatest strengths and three greatest weaknesses.
Notice when you feel defensive and seek to identify what you might not be willing to face.
Steps to Increase Spirituality
Train yourself to notice every occurrence of spiritual qualities, such as love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, and generosity.
Pay attention to those same spiritual qualities in your own heart.
Practice exercising those qualities in your interactions with others.
Consider how you can use your unique giftedness to create the greatest amount of goodness in the world.
Give more of your material wealth to those in need.
Chapter 14
Balancing Purpose within the Circle
Balance
Perhaps everyone desires purpose in their lives. But it seems that many find poor substitutes for the truest purpose life can provide. Real purpose requires the expansion and balance of your Circle.
No one can find their true purpose in life as long as their focus is only on themselves. Such a constricted view of one's life is simply too small to contain all that you were meant to be. You must learn to see the value you bring to others, to the redemption and renewal of the world, and to the expansion of goodness and beauty in the universe to find your true value. Until you see your purpose in the context of other aspects of the Circle to bring it into balance, it is impossible to expand your Circle and see yourself fully and accurately. You must master and balance the four fundamental elements of a mature life.
Each of the four aspects of the Circle builds on, and is built upon, the others. Until you have mastered independence, you cannot know your true giftedness. Without independence, your pursuit of security and significance is thwarted by your attempt to appear to be what those around you expect of you. You are a pretender rather than the independent soul you were created to be. Once you have found your independence, you are ready to discover your true power. You have a gift, some quality given to you that is the engine meant to drive your life. That quality is the source of your dignity, security, and purpose in the world. When you find it, you will begin to experience a new sense of significance and purposefulness. Your power prepares you to master humility. Humility opens your eyes to your connectedness to the world around you. It is only when you have gained humility that you begin to see the larger application of your power, because you learn that your gift was given as a stewardship. It was given to you to share to others. Your humility is the foundation for you to discover your connectedness to a higher power. As you seek to see your life and the world through these eyes, you finally are able to see clearly. You see things in their proper context. You begin to see the glory of your life and its most profound purpose.
Each of these four key elements is meant to balance the others. When one is mastered without the contribution of the others, distortion replaces wisdom.
Without independence, power will be wasted. Your gift will never shine as it was intended because it will be held back by the inclination to use it to please others. If you have not yet mastered independence, your purpose will be dwarfed by your need to satisfy and please those around you. Being a source of light in the world requires you to be bold, even to the point of facing rejection in order to stand for what is truly in the best interest of others. This is simply not possible for people who are building their lives on the need to please.
If you have not found your real power, you have not yet discovered your unique way of bringing light into the world. The power of your presence in transforming your life and the lives of others is fully connected to your unique gift. You simply must know who you were meant to be and what you were meant to do if you are going to fully connect to your true purpose. Without power, humility cannot be experienced, because true humility can never be built on a foundation of weakness. It is only when you know your power that you can begin to see how useful it is in the service of others. Humility without power is a pretense that is only a show on the outside while the inside of the person is filled with resentment, judgment, and bitterness.
If you have not yet learned humility, your life will be too much about yourself for you to truly understand and care for the needs of others. You will be seeking the light to shine on you rather than being the light to those who need it. Until you see your oneness with the world, your value to bring goodness will be limited indeed.
Many successful people feel hollow despite their success. Their outward success has not fulfilled their need to have real purpose in their lives. While they have the respect of the world for their accomplishments, power, and possessions, they know there is something more, something they have yet to find in life. They certainly have gained independence and may very well have found their power but they lack humility and purpose.
For years I ran a middle‐market services firm. As the CEO, I employed over 500 full‐time and another 1,000 variable‐time employees. The company provided IT field maintenance and help desk services for national retailers. For the two decades I ran the company I longed for a job that provided more purpose and meaning. I had friends who were doctors, worked in nonprofits, and so on. I always thought that my role lacked meaning. I thought, if the cash registers didn't get fixed in a four‐hour time frame for XX dollars would it really matter? Yet I made a good living, had a lot of responsibility, and met my personal commitments to my family by being the CEO of this company.
Eventually I came to understand through countless interactions with my employees that my efforts and the company's success over the years provided great meaning to their lives. Many had gone to college, been promoted, bought homes, raised families, and even hired their family members into the company. At a very deep level the company provided a great benefit to many in society. The significance and meaning for them was obvious. This purpose and meaning did not translate easily to me, however. I always felt that if I had greater remuneration through more equity, control, and so on, I would have the freedom to leave the company and accomplish something more meaningful. Of course, I could leave at any time. My path to personal purpose and meaning was blocked by my lack of balance between the independence and power constructs of what I came to know as the Circle.
Our friend was successful, but unsatisfied. He knew there was something missing from his life despite his success. He felt trapped even when he actually had quite a bit of freedom. He felt frustrated, even though he was creating value. Despite the fact that he was improving the lives of others, his life wasn't complete. He needed to break free from his need to meet the needs of others and find his true gifts in order to ascend to that place where his heart would be complete and satisfied.
It is our hope that if you feel that something is missing in your life these thoughts might be helpful to you. There are many people who want to know the “more” for their lives. It is our desire to be your guides. We want to help you be bright lights that bring goodness into every dark corner of this world.
Chapter 15
Achieving Greatness
Pulling It All Together
