by Kelly Dawson
Timidly, balancing the stack of papers precariously in one hand, Jilly tapped on the doorframe to Matthew’s office and peered into the room. Like the other partners’ offices, a big antique mahogany desk took up much of the space and vertical blinds covered a floor-to-ceiling window. A muted but stunning view of the harbour and Rangitoto Island was visible through the fabric slats. A potted plant stood on the desk next to the window. A peace lily, maybe?
“I have your photocopying.”
Matthew looked up from his desk and smiled, fixing her with those dark eyes that sent a tingle down her spine clear to her toes.
“Thank you,” he rumbled. “If you could just put it here on the desk that would be great.”
Jilly’s heart pounded as she walked just far enough into the spacious room so she could reach to place the documents where he had requested. She felt self-conscious coming in here, like she was invading his personal space or something; like she was crossing boundaries she had no business crossing. Her job didn’t usually entail personal deliveries.
Quickly, she put the papers down and spun on her heel, desperate to get out of there fast. Not only would Janice disapprove of her spending more time than absolutely necessary in Matthew’s office, but Vanessa would want a second-by-second rundown of what his office was like, what he had said, what he had implied, then she’d want to analyse everything and give her more tips on flirting. Besides, Matthew was busy. That much was clear. So the second the papers touched the desk and she was certain they weren’t going to fall over in a big heap on the floor, she turned around and left the room.
* * *
Matthew leaned back in his chair and watched the way her A-line skirt clung to her ass, the sexy sway of her hips as she moved. Damn, she was hot! But that wasn’t what drew him to her the most. She was tiny—even in her stiletto heels she couldn’t have been much more than five foot three—and gave off an air of vulnerability and shyness that he found endearing. The submissive way she spoke, accepting his authority so easily, brought out his protective instincts. When she’d said yes, sir in the lunchroom yesterday, he’d nearly lost it. Did she have any idea what that had done to him? No, he conceded, she probably didn’t. She was simply being polite, making sure she stayed out of trouble. Not like the other woman who had been with her. What was her name again? He couldn’t remember. Maybe he never knew. But she was trouble, that one. An outrageous flirt, far too cocky for his liking. He liked his ladies to be sweet, demure. Just like Jilly seemed to be.
She had long strawberry blonde curls that tumbled down her back, giving her a childlike aura. The light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks made him smile. Her daughter in the photograph looked exactly the same. Her daughter... but she wore no wedding ring. Was she attached? Not that it mattered, because he wasn’t interested. He couldn’t afford to be interested. Everyone knew the saying: don’t screw the crew.
He glanced through the stack of papers she’d left on his desk, all neatly put together just as he had requested. She was meticulous, that was for sure. Everything had been done exactly as he had asked. Another thing she had going for her: attention to detail. He definitely wanted to get to know her better. Don’t go there, Stevenson. That’s dangerous territory.
Forcing thoughts of Jilly from his head, he turned back to his work.
Chapter Two
“Mummy, I don’t feel so good.” Jilly glanced at the digital clock on her bedside table, the glowing neon green numbers displaying 4.03 a.m. She groaned, reaching out to turn on the bedside lamp just in time to see her daughter throw up in the doorway, vomit spilling all over her pyjamas and the carpet.
No, no, no, this can’t be happening! Frantically, she scrambled out of bed, carefully stepping around the foul-smelling sticky puddle on the floor, and ushered Lily into the bathroom. This was the part of motherhood that Jilly struggled with the most. But putting on a brave face, trying to forget that she’d have to get up in just a couple of short hours, she cleaned up the mess and tended to her little girl, tucking Lily up into bed with her so she could monitor her properly.
Later in the morning, Lily was no better. Her forehead was pale and clammy, she was miserable and sick.
“Don’t leave me, Mummy,” Lily begged as Jilly ran around the house, pulling on clothes, downing coffee, swallowing her pride. She’d have to call her mother. She didn’t want to; the old woman had made it plain what she thought of Jilly having a baby out of wedlock, and her opinions had only gotten louder when Lily’s father had abandoned them when she’d been pregnant and she’d chosen to have the baby by herself.
She’d been a reasonable grandmother since then, showing up with gifts and cuddles when it suited her, but it had always been on her terms. She’d made it clear right from the start that if Jilly was going to ignore her excellent advice and have a baby alone, she could do it truly alone. All by herself. And for the most part, she had. But the timing right now, it just wasn’t going to work. This was a brand new job. A job she couldn’t afford to lose. She’d only been there three months. Not long enough to be eligible for sick leave, or to have accrued any annual leave. And she got the feeling she was already making an enemy of Janice—with Vanessa’s help—so calling in sick with no pay wouldn’t be a good look, either. Not if she wanted to make a good impression at her new job.
“I have to go to work, baby,” she told her daughter sympathetically. “But I’ll ring Grandma, see if she can come and sit with you today. That will be all right, won’t it? Grandma will take good care of you.”
Lily looked up at her with big eyes, her thumb in her mouth, and nodded slowly.
Jilly put down the phone. Surprisingly, her mother had agreed to come with only minimal persuasion, but the very thought of leaving her daughter like this, sick and miserable, and going to work for the entire day, made her heart break into a million pieces. Working when her daughter was well was one thing. But working when she was ill was quite another. As she pulled her cardigan over her shoulders and kissed her daughter goodbye, she was racked with guilt.
Although her parents didn’t live very far away, Auckland’s nightmarish morning commuter traffic meant it took her mother a while to arrive. Which meant Jilly was late leaving. When she walked into the office, seven minutes late, it felt like all eyes were on her. And they probably were, she conceded. Here, rocking up late for work was quite the scandal. Janice glared at her over her glasses, the other office staff looked condescending and superior, even Vanessa raised her eyebrows and tapped her watch, silently berating her. In many other jobs, seven minutes could be easily excused. It wasn’t a very long time, after all. But not in this one. Even in the job interview, Mr. Hutchings, the senior-most partner of Hutchings & Associates, made it clear tardiness would not be tolerated. At all. In fact, he took it so seriously that repeated tardiness fell under ‘serious misconduct’ in the employment contract and was grounds for instant dismissal.
These people were stuffy—Vanessa was right. Years of having to turn up to court on time, she supposed. It wouldn’t look very good if court had to be adjourned because the lawyer hadn’t shown up yet, would it? Her face flaming, Jilly sat down. Fortunately, all the lawyers were holed up in their offices and most likely had no idea she hadn’t arrived on time but still, she felt bad. Anyway, she knew it would get back to them, thanks to Janice. Janice would make sure her tardiness didn’t go un-noted.
Heavy footsteps on the carpet behind her made her want to sink through the floor. She’d only heard him walking a few times, but already she knew who it was.
“You are late, Miss Watson. Care to explain why?”
Inwardly, Jilly groaned. No, I really don’t, her inner voice snarled. I want you to go away and leave me alone and stop drawing attention to me! You’re not my boss, you weren’t the one who hired me, you’re not the one in charge of HR. I don’t owe you an explanation at all! Instead, she straightened her shoulders, or tried to. She felt too embarrassed to straighten them properly and all tha
t really happened was she squirmed uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry,” she squeaked. “My daughter was sick in the night and I had to wait for my mother to arrive to babysit. It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t,” he growled, but as he said the words, he squeezed her shoulder in a way that she knew was meant to be comforting but instead, confused her. Why was he being both kind and mean? What purpose could a comforting gesture possibly serve when he’d just told her off in front of the entire office? Why not just report her to the senior partners, as Janice would do, for her to be dealt with through the appropriate channels?
Angry tears burned at her eyes. She’d never been more humiliated in her life! Or for a long time, anyway. Who did he think he was, speaking to her like that? She remembered defending him to Vanessa yesterday. He seems nice. I like him. Well, she’d been wrong. Turns out Vanessa’s assessment of him had been far more apt.
For the rest of the morning Jilly kept her head down and worked, stopping only briefly at morning teatime to use the bathroom and grab a quick cup of coffee, which she brought back with her to her desk. She’d work through the rest of her break and for part of lunch as well, to make up for the minutes she had been late that morning. I bet Janice won’t notice that though, she thought bitterly. Or Matthew.
When she heard Matthew’s footsteps approaching again she froze. He was the last person she wanted to see. But the footsteps sounded closer and closer. What did he want this time? Hadn’t he done enough damage?
“Miss Watson.”
She looked up. He held another stack of papers out to her. “I need these photocopied urgently,” he commanded, his voice brusque. “Bring them to my office when you’re done, please.”
The kindness in his eyes as he smiled at her was in stark contrast to the gruffness of his tone, but she didn’t return the smile. Instead she stood up and took the papers from him, noting again the way he’d organised them with sticky neon flags and big paperclips. To look at the documents, he was organised, meticulous. But when she looked at him, with the scruffy hair that was a fraction too long for The Establishment, his tie slightly crooked, and the shirt that hadn’t been crisply ironed to standards expected of a high-powered lawyer, he didn’t look organised and meticulous at all. On closer inspection, his cufflinks didn’t even match. They were both silver, but that was where the similarities ended. One looked to be a skull, the other was a disc. Oh, well, he’s halfway there, she conceded, and the thought nearly made her giggle.
She bit back the giggle before it had a chance to even make her smile, and looked at him just long enough to not appear rude.
“Yes, sir, I’ll get onto them right away.” Her tone was cool, professional. Business-like. She already had a mountain of typing to complete, draft contracts that had been scribbled out and changed that needed to be amended, but that could wait. It would have to.
* * *
She thinks you’re an asshole. Well done. It was clear from her tone of voice, the forced smile, and the stiff way she held her shoulders that she was speaking to him only because she had no choice. She wasn’t being friendly at all, but very formal. He deserved it, he supposed. Scolding her in front of everybody like that probably hadn’t been his best move, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Scolding wayward women came naturally to him. Besides, it needed to be done. Janice would report straight back to his uncle, otherwise, and he didn’t want that. Hopefully, after that mild public scolding, Janice would think Jilly had been chastised enough.
“Thank you,” he said to her retreating back. “Appreciated.”
He watched her as she walked to the photocopier then glanced down at the mountain of paperwork she had on her desk already, and momentarily felt guilty. She had plenty of work already, and he’d just given her more. That she’d just prioritised. Why had he singled her out for this? There were any number of legal secretaries in this office; he could share his load around them all. He could, but he wasn’t going to. He felt a claim for her that he had no right to have. She tugged at his heartstrings the way nobody else did. Nobody else came across as quite so sweet and vulnerable, almost timid. Like there was something barely buried that she was deathly afraid of, but wouldn’t admit to.
He’d seen the tears that had sprung into her eyes earlier, despite her doing her best to hide them. His heart had clenched for her then, just as it did now. She needed a daddy so badly, he could tell. It wouldn’t be more obvious if she came with a siren and flashing lights, announcing it to the world. He knew that. But did she? That was the important question. Would she let him take care of her, in every way? He resolved to find out.
* * *
The photocopying, stapling, hole-punching, binding, and filing was boring, monotonous work and it didn’t keep her mind occupied enough to prevent thoughts of guilt about her daughter sneaking through. Lily loved school and her after-school care, so usually Jilly’s feelings of inadequacy as a mother were minimal. Her daughter was happy, after all, which was the most important thing. But days like today, when her daughter was sick, she wanted nothing more than to be at home with her, tending to her. Snuggling tight that warm, wriggly little body. Lying in bed together watching telly. Reading books together. Helping her daughter get better. Had she made the wrong decision, coming in to work today? Was Lily okay? Did she need to go to the doctor? Or was she improving? She knew her mother was perfectly capable of taking care of Lily, that wasn’t the point. The point was mothers did guilt well, Jilly included. And the last place she wanted to be when her daughter was sick was at work. It was too hard to concentrate.
“Ow!” Jilly yelped and pulled her hand away, blood dripping from her finger where the metal staple had pierced her skin. This is what happens when you don’t focus on your work, she berated herself, cradling her wounded hand. She’d have to clean this up; she’d get blood all over the papers otherwise. She headed to the lunchroom where the first aid kit was kept, and rinsed her finger under the tap. She was dabbing it with a paper towel when Matthew walked in. Inwardly, Jilly groaned. Why did he have to keep turning up wherever she went?
“Are you hurt? Let me see.”
Before she could answer him, tell him it was just a superficial cut, he was right there, examining her finger, digging through the first aid kit for a plaster. Gently, he dried her hand with a fresh paper towel, paying special attention to the tip of her finger where the plaster needed to stick, and carefully pressed the bandage down. She tried to pull her hand away but he held it fast and brought it upward, grazing his lips lightly across the tip of her finger, kissing the plaster softly. She froze, but his touch was so gentle and his smile so caring as he held her eyes in his steady gaze that she couldn’t help but relax.
“There you go, all better.”
Her heart pounded. Nobody had ever done that to her before. Nobody had ever tended to her minor injuries in such a gentle, caring manner. Nobody, since she was a child, had ever kissed her ouchies better before. It wasn’t something that adults did, was it? But it felt nice. Weird, but nice.
She shyly returned his smile, but pulled her hand away. “Thank you. I’ll get back to work now. An important lawyer is waiting on urgent photocopying.”
Jilly got back to work, paying a bit more attention this time, but she couldn’t shake the confusion that meddled with her brain. Matthew Stevenson was such an enigma. Stern, yet gentle. His kindness as he’d tended to her injured finger was so at odds with the bossy way he’d spoken to her when she’d first walked in that morning, with no regard for her dignity. He clearly didn’t care that he had embarrassed her. He hadn’t even seemed to care that her daughter was sick, only that she was late.
She stapled the last few pages together and dropped them on the top of the heap triumphantly, steepled her fingers under her chin and frowned. She couldn’t figure him out. It was hard, trying to reconcile the tender caring with the asshole. It was like he was two entirely different people. This is why you’ve sworn off men, she re
minded herself. Because they’re confusing heartbreakers. All of them.
Picking up the stack of papers, she strode down the hallway to Matthew’s office right at the very end. She tapped on the doorframe with her knuckle, balancing the papers precariously against her chest. Immediately, Matthew swivelled around in his chair and beckoned her in.
Jilly hesitated, putting the papers down slowly. She’d done her job, she’d delivered the documents Matthew needed. She wanted to leave. Confusion pricked at the edges of her consciousness again. Why was he looking at her like that?
“Do you want to use my phone to ring home and check on your daughter?”
She frowned. “I’ve got a phone at my desk.”
He winked. “Ah, but Janice isn’t watching this one. Go on.” He waved his hand toward the phone, inviting her to use it. “Feel free.”
“Hang on.” Jilly looked across at him, puzzled. “Why are you being nice to me now?” And before, her inner voice reminded her, remembering the tender way he’d bandaged up her finger, but she pushed that memory away. “The only thing that mattered this morning was that I was seven minutes late. It mattered so much that you embarrassed me in front of everybody, instead of just reporting me like Janice would have done.”
Matthew gave her a knowing smile. “I’m not Janice. I’d much rather just take care of problems myself, rather than send them off to my uncle. Trust me, Jilly, you’d rather deal with me than him.”
Jilly sighed, exasperated. For a lawyer, he wasn’t all that smart, was he? “Except Janice will report me anyway,” she pointed out.
“No, she won’t.” Matthew shook his head emphatically. “She saw me tell you off. That was all she needed.”
