Scalding Hot Chocolate

by Jaliza A. Burwell

  I nodded to myself. That was a solid plan once I grabbed the twins. I didn’t have a fireplace, but I did have a big TV. I could put a crackling fireplace on for ambiance. Smiling, I did a mental inventory of my kitchen. Dino nuggets and mac ’n’ cheese sounded perfect. And I’d even be an adult and throw in some carrot sticks. My babies needed to grow after all.

  I pushed away thoughts of my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—and buried the pain deep, deep down where my therapist said was my no-no bubble. By the time I drove the three miles to the elementary school, thoughts of Felix didn’t hurt so much. My therapist didn’t like that I pushed my emotions that far down, but life kept moving forward, and I didn’t have time to allow it to slow down just so I could figure myself out. I had to keep going too. The world wasn’t going to leave me behind ever again.

  Since I was picking up the twins, they would be waiting for me in their classroom. I wondered how their teacher was doing. She was due any day now with her first kiddie. That meant they would have another teacher while she was on maternity leave.

  That worried me. Lawson and Lee were still getting situated, and I didn’t want things changing on them right now. My therapist said routine was needed now more than ever in their lives.

  In mine too.

  Glad that the school had a small parking lot specifically for parents, I managed to squeeze into a spot as a minivan pulled out.

  Warm air made my skin tingle as I stepped inside the school. As I walked by, I waved at the secretary through the front office window that looked out into the hallway. The hall was sparse, nailing in the fact that I was running a little late. There was a line of kids being led down the hall toward where they held an afterschool program for those who couldn’t go home right away. They were so darn cute.

  The little girls stared at me as I walked by them.

  “A princess,” one squeaky voice said, and I smiled brightly.

  Darn right I was a princess.

  The door to their classroom was already open, and I popped my head in, scanning the empty room, searching for their teacher, Mrs. Boysen. Darn, I was the last parent there.

  Instead of finding Mrs. Boysen like I expected, I met the gaze of a guy with warm blue eyes. I stiffened and stared, unable to look away. Curly brown hair, straight nose, and strong jaw with a soul patch and scruff along his jaw. He wore a pale blue button-up shirt with dark jeans, covering a lean frame. His skin somehow glowed from the nonexistent sun.

  “Can I help you?” the man asked, his voice smooth and warm. Definitely not Mrs. Boysen.

  I held in a shudder at the way his voice felt, wondering what kind of magic he had to get a reaction like that out of me so easily.

  “Sorry, I’m a little late. I’m here to pick up the twins,” I said, hating how small my voice sounded. I was a loudmouth, and yet this man had me wanting to pull my coat over my head to hide. My cheeks burned as two little darlings came over and wrapped their arms around my legs.

  “Sissy!” they both said at the same time, and once again my heart went all gooey. They had a way of making everything all right in the world.

  “Oh, you’re their mother.” The man walked over, his hand held out. I took it tentatively, marveling at how big and rough his hands were. This man knew work. “I’m Dayton Killison. I’m their new teacher while Mrs. Boysen is on leave. She had her baby last night.”

  “Oh. I’m Maddie Daniels.” Words. I needed more words, but they all escaped me under his stare. When I let go of his hand, I played with my dress, not sure how to respond or how to act. He was making me giddy with excitement.

  His gaze traveled down my body, probably wondering why a twenty-something-year-old was wearing a skirt more popular on four-year-olds. I forced myself to stop fidgeting. For once, I wished I was dressed more appropriately, like an adult. I wanted to impress him, and no one was impressed with a princess outfit unless they were kids themselves.

  “Sissy, can we go home now?” Lee tugged at my hand to get my attention.

  “Uh, of course.”

  The man’s smile widened as I continued to stare at him like a dodo bird.

  Mr. Killison laughed at my awkwardness. “You know what, I’m all set here, let me grab my things and I’ll walk you to your car.”

  “Oh, no. You don’t need to do that.”

  “It’s fine. Besides, I’d like to get to know all the parents of my students a little bit more since they’re trusting me with their children.”

  I smiled. “Like reassuring them that you’re a real teacher.”

  He gasped. “What makes you think I’m not a real teacher?”

  My cheeks burned with heat. There was no good answer. At least, nothing I could say to his face. It felt a bit surreal that a first-grade teacher would look as good as he did.

  Mr. Killison was still smiling big as he led us out of the classroom and into the hallway. We walked toward the parking lot.

  “So you’re Lawson and Lee’s mother?”

  “Uh, not quite. I’m their guardian.” I cleared my throat, hating that we had to go through this. The twins were ahead of us, doing their best not to step on any cracks in the floor. My favorite game.

  “Their mother died over the summer, and they’re in my care now.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. I should have known. This was very last minute for me. The person they originally hired to substitute moved away.”

  Nodding, I said, “Don’t worry, I understand. Thank you for stepping up.” My smile was weak and we both knew it.

  “I know grief is hard to deal with, especially with children involved. Have they talked with anyone? This school has an amazing counselor.”

  “It’s fine. They talk with someone already. We’re okay, but thank you for letting me know.”

  “Of course.” Mr. Killison held the door for us as we went outside.

  I pointed at my car. “We’re just right there. Thank you for being a gracious escort, Mr. Killison.”

  “It was a pleasure meeting you, Maddie. And please, call me Dayton. I’m always here willing to listen if you need someone to talk to. I’ll also keep an eye on Lawson and Lee and let you know if there are any issues.”

  That right there warmed me to the core. He truly cared about the children, and his sincerity was a warm cozy blanket. Felix should have been like this.

  I laughed. “Looks like you’re a real teacher after all.”

  That drew a laugh out of him that was deep and full, bursting with his amusement.

  “Um, bye,” I said and let the twins yanked me away.

  “See you tomorrow, Mr. Killison,” Lawson called out.

  Lee waved with his free hand, his other one pulling me to the car.

  I glanced back to see Dayton waving at us. If I had a free hand, I would have waved back. Instead, I settled for a smile and head nod. That’d have to do.

  Chapter Two

  The next day, I swallowed a yawn as I tailed Lawson and Lee to the car. My face felt the tiredness, and looking in the mirror had been a whole ordeal as I scrambled to hide the panda circles that had wrapped around my dark brown eyes. Last night had been a battle with sleep. I wanted it, it kept eluding me, and my mind was against me as it dredged up all my memories with Felix, reminding me about what I lost. Olivia didn’t help as she made an appearance now and again, judging me for every decision I made in my life.

  My pillow was one of the unfortunate casualties, but that was war. I lost the battle last night. It was one hard blow after another, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that I felt like a zombie in the morning. Tonight would be different though. I was determined to win.

  “Sissy, are you sure all my homework is in my bag?” Lawson asked, breaking me away from my stewing thoughts. He didn’t know it, but the little man was on my side of the war. He was one of my generals. Lee was the other.

  “Is that where you put it this morning?” I asked and bit back another yawn.

  “He did. I made sure,” Lee said.

  Smiling
, I nudged them forward. “Then it’s still there.”

  “Are you sure?” Lawson asked.

  “Did you check before we walked out the door?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? Isn’t it your homework?”

  “Teen Titans was on.”

  I rolled my eyes, not bothering to point out the flaw in his excuse, considering it wasn’t an excuse at all. Even if I’d used a similar one a time or two recently.

  “Freeze!” I yelled out, holding my hands out in front of me. One of my legs was bent slightly and the other hovered over the ground. The cold wind ruffled my dress.

  They turned to me with wide eyes.

  With a low, cautious voice, I said, “No one takes another step until Lawson checks his bag. Lawson, check. Hurry. Before I fall over.”

  Lee’s lip twitched as he fought off his smile. Lawson quickly flung his bag on the ground with a thud and unzipped it, moving frantically. He dug through it before pulling out a folder.

  “Oh no, I’m going to fall,” I called out as my leg shook and I started losing balance. I really couldn’t hold this stance for long. Balance had never been my friend. I wasn’t a clumsy person, but I’d also never be caught trying to balance on a curb or hop from one rock to another across a river. Okay, I lied. I would, but it was questionable if I’d make it safely.

  He flipped it open and glanced at it. “Got it!” He pulled it out and waved it in the air.

  “Spelling words?” I asked.

  “Yes!”

  “Reading log?”

  “Yes!”

  I put my leg down, easing the ache in my thighs. “Thank goodness.” I blew out a relieved breath and pretended to wipe away fake sweat from my forehead. “I was about to fall down. Now that it’s resolved, can I get the two of you to school?”

  “Lee, do you have your homework?” Lawson asked.

  Lee smiled this time, pride all over his adorable little face. “I do. I checked this morning.” There was a reason I had made him my strategist too. Lee was the expert with the details.

  The ride to school was quick, and the entire time, I blasted Pink, my favorite singer. I even got the twins to sing along with me. We were laughing by the time I pulled up to the curb right in front of the school, with a clear view of the entrance.

  “Okay. Out. Leave. Be off, shorties,” I said, turning down the music.

  Lawson scrambled to unbuckle himself from the booster seat before jumping out. “Bye, Sissy!”

  “Behave, Oats!” I called after him.

  “I promise.” Then he took off, his Teen Titans bookbag thumping against his back as he ran off into the building.

  “See you later?” Lee asked.

  I turned in my seat so I could see him. “As soon as school is out, I’ll be here to pick you up.” Lee had been needing reassurance since Mandy died. He kept thinking others were going to disappear on him too. My therapist said only time and giving him the reassurance he needed would alleviate it. “Want ice cream after school?” I asked. “We can go to Licks.”

  The smile I loved so much broke across his face, and he nodded.

  “Okay, good. Now get going, Honey Bunches, before you make me late for my appointment.”

  I watched as he finished climbing out of the car and walked at a slow pace into the building. Once he disappeared from sight, I pulled away and headed to my appointment with my therapist.

  Once a week, I got to bare my heart to a stranger, and he had no choice but to listen to me. I had been down to once a month until Mandy died and I took on the kiddies. But the fears were real, and after the stress nearly pushed me to my limit and I almost ended up in the hospital, Dr. Lundsted increased the frequency.

  It helped. It helped more than I wanted. And because I was a loyal customer, he gave me a discount on all the sessions.

  The office was out in Newton, so I made the twenty-minute drive through rush hour traffic in Boston. I got there in thirty-five minutes. Newton was a beautiful suburban city with historic single-family homes. Green grass, lots of trees, nice sidewalks, and unaffordable housing. One house in the area easily reached nine hundred grand. Some of them were converted into businesses and my therapist’s office was one of them. I pulled into the small parking lot.

  Blowing out a breath, I made a dash for the house, the cold wind nipping at my skin. I dove into the foyer and shivered dramatically at the cold.

  “I almost lost a finger out there,” I said to the receptionist as I pulled off my coat and placed it over a nearby chair. Mrs. Collard laughed as I faced her with a big smile. “It’s getting cold quickly. I think winter is going to beat fall up and take over.”

  “Another hostile takeover, huh?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Definitely. Is Dr. Adam in?” I asked.

  “He’s just finishing welcoming a new member to our team,” Mrs. Collard said. She was a true motherly type with gray hair, soft brown eyes, and laugh lines that brought out her beauty. She was a woman who loved life and loved sharing that love with others. She tossed around a lot of love. Some days, it was hard to swallow. Other days, I needed it.

  “New member?” I asked, going over and kneeling in front of her desk, my skirt fanning out around me. I rested my elbows on her desk and cupped my chin with both hands, giving her and the gossip she had my full attention.

  She leaned forward and a spark I recognized all too well lit her face. “He’s a psychiatrist.”

  “Uh huh,” I said, knowing where she was going with this.

  “Handsome too. And smart.”

  I leaned forward with a smile, pretending to be interested. Her excitement increased when she saw how responsive I was being. “Did you ask him out on a date yet?” I asked in a teasing tone.

  Her eyes widened, and she leaned back, laughing, her cheeks turning pink. While we still called her a missus, her husband had died a few years back. I secretly thought that was why her family made it a point to come see her every day during her lunch. They loved her and they didn’t want her sad.

  “Oh, you! If only I were thirty years younger.”

  “You’re as young as you feel,” I said.

  Her smiled softened. “And how young do you feel today?”

  “Twelve,” I answered proudly.

  She laughed. “Darling, you’re always a breath of fresh air. Everything must be going good?”

  I shook my head. “As good as it always is.” I stood back up, dusting off my tulle skirt and pretending not to see the slip in her smile.

  Blinking furiously as I combatted those pesky bad emotions that rose, I went over to the row of chairs in front of the windows and sat down. A clock ticked away the seconds in the background as I was slowly pulled into my thoughts. I didn’t want to be in my head, but Mrs. Collard needed to work without me interrupting her.

  So, my thoughts held their own war. They forced me to think about my older sister, Mandy. Her death, the devastation, and now Olivia’s sudden interest in the twins. And of course, I couldn’t not think about Felix, either. He was a dark cloud hovering there.

  At this rate, if his stuff was still in my apartment when I got home, I really was going to burn it all. He said I was immature, yet he was the one running away because of children. Children who needed a loving home to grow into amazing superheroes.

  A door opened, saving me from the torture chamber of my mind. Two men stepped out. I recognized Dr. Adam Lundsted right away. He was in his forties with light brown hair, and bright gray eyes. He had on an extra couple pounds, but he was still a fit man, just with some cushion, and it worked for him. He was handsome and as kind as he looked.

  The second man made my heart thump an extra beat, and all I did was look at him. He stood taller than Adam by a couple of inches, so he was just over six feet. What pulled me in was his expression. Intense. I couldn’t look away, and again, my heartbeat did an extra tha-thump as the man’s gaze stayed on me. Then there was the kissable square jaw covered in stubble. He was a woman’s dream
. Thick eyebrows cast a shadow over light eyes, making me feel like prey to his predator. That sounded like a fun game.

  Before my mind could take me off to fantasy land, Dr. Adam spoke up. “Ah, Maddie, welcome back.” The two of them came over.

  “Dr. Campos, meet Madison Daniels. Maddie, this is Dr. Bryce Campos, our very own psychiatrist.”

  “Uh, hello,” I said.

  The man smiled, and I was a goner. He had dimples! That was not fair. Not just one either. Two of them. That had to be a crime against humanity. He needed to learn to share.

  “A pleasure,” he said. “You look adorable today.”

  I blushed hard and looked down at the ground, holding in a giggle. When I lifted my eyes underneath my eyelashes, he was staring at me.

  “Yes, Maddie, I love your outfit today,” Dr. Adam said, and he didn’t sound like he was mocking me like most others did.

  “Thank you.” I played with the fabric. I wore a fuchsia tulle skirt with a black sweater. My chocolate brown hair was pulled back in a half braid to keep the strands out of my face. The random rose gold strands in my hair were bright against the dark brown.

  “Maddie, I just need to sign some forms for our new doctor. I’ll be right back for our session.” Adam patted the man on his shoulder before going into his office, partially closing the door so it was still cracked open.

  I stared at Dr. Campos. He didn’t seem to mind as he sent me a smile, showing off those darn dimples. Life really was unfair. I wanted dimples too. I’d get away with more if I had those.

  “So…” I said, breaking the silence. I glanced at Mrs. Collard, who had a huge smile on her face. “A psychiatrist? Does that mean you get to hand out drugs?”

  Dr. Campos looked me over again, his smile slipping a little. “If they need it. I try not to give it out unless it’s necessary.”

  “What makes it necessary?” I asked.

  “That’s a hard question, Miss Daniels.”

  “Maddie,” I said. “I go by Maddie.” I did not like hearing my last name, and whenever anyone tried to use it, I wanted to throw things at their face.