Sinful Desires: Vol. IV

by M. S. Parker

  Chapter 5

  I probably should have saved everything I had leftover after paying back Anastascia for the plane ticket and putting down the first two months' rent on my new place, but there was one purchase I knew I had to make. I wasn't stupid. I knew that the charity event Julien had asked me to would include the Michaels and Stirling families. By now, I was sure they all despised me even more than they had before, and they weren't going to be happy with me showing up with Julien Atwood. I had to make sure I didn't do anything else to embarrass my friend.

  That meant finding something graceful and sophisticated to wear. And if anyone knew how to pull off that look, it was Anastascia. She'd been a bit disappointed to learn I’d be moving into my new place right away, so having her go shopping with me had been a perfect way to show my appreciation for all she'd done while not giving in to her pleas that I stay longer.

  We'd gone Sunday, after my shift at the restaurant had ended, and then spent the rest of the day packing my things. Fortunately, I hadn't brought much, so we'd finished in record time. The rest of the week was spent working around my job and school schedules to get me moved into the building I was still having a hard time thinking of as my place.

  Compared to the other apartments I'd lived, it was huge. A separate living room and kitchen downstairs, two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. Just having stairs was mind-boggling and I ran up and down them a few times just for fun. The only thing I was still missing was furniture. Anastascia told me she planned redecorate her place, so she'd hand down anything she replaced. When I'd protested, she gave me that look and asked if I’d prefer she just throw everything out. How was I supposed to argue with that?

  I bought a mattress, which sat directly on the floor as I couldn’t also justify the cost of a bed-frame. Anastascia surprised me with a television as a house-warming gift, but that was pretty much the extent of my furniture at the moment. Despite how bare everything looked, I loved it. The rooms already felt more like home than any place had since my mom died.

  Julien was coming to pick me up shortly and I just had a few more final touches before I was ready to go. I'd considered pulling my hair up, trying for one of those elaborate styles high-society women always seemed to spend hundreds of dollars on, but in the end, I decided to go along with what Anastascia and I had chosen for my dress. Simple. So the hair stayed down. It fell in waves a few inches past my shoulders, brushing against my skin. The halter style left my arms and back bare, but only offered a hint of cleavage through a diamond-shaped cut out on the front. The skirt was floor-length, and only a pair of five-inch heels kept it from dragging on the ground. The slit in the side stopped just above my knee, offering enough leg to be enticing, but still elegant and appropriate for a formal event.

  I kept the make-up at a minimum as well. Not that I wore much to begin with, but tonight, I swept on just a hint eye shadow and mascara and stuck with plain lip gloss. I didn't want to give Julien any reason to regret inviting me. I knew there'd be talk once people realized I was the same woman who'd gone to Britni's wedding with Brock. I shrugged. It couldn’t be helped.

  I jumped when someone knocked at the door. “Coming!” I called out as I hurried down the stairs. I still wasn't used to being so far away from the door. When I opened it, Julien was already smiling. His grin widened as he saw me and I smiled back. He looked amazing in a black tux that had obviously been custom made to show off his broad shoulders and athletic build.

  “You're gorgeous.” He held out a single flower in a thin, simple vase. It was a rose, but unlike the ones Brock had given me, this one was white. “Thought you might want a bit of decoration.”

  “It's beautiful,” I said as I held it to my nose and stepped back, motioning for him to come inside. “I don't have anywhere for you to sit.”

  “That's okay,” he said, looking around as I went into the kitchen to fill up the vase.

  I wanted to put the flower in the living room so I could see it when I first came in, but the downside of not having furniture meant the only place I could put it was on the counter in the kitchen. When I came back in the living room, he was standing at the front window, looking out into the street.

  “No curtains?” he asked.

  “They're a little low on my priority list.” I picked up my purse and draped a wrap over it. Anastascia had insisted on the piece of matching hunter green silk. It was the first weekend in September, so it was still warm, bordering on hot, but there was always the chance of a chill.

  He offered me his arm at the top of the stairs even though it was narrow and I took it gratefully. The shoes were new, which meant I was still getting used to them. The last thing I wanted to do was face-plant coming down my steps.

  When we reached the end of the street, a car was waiting. That wasn't surprising, I hadn't been thinking we were going to walk to the event. Instead of it being Julien's BMW, however, it was a limo. I glanced at him and he shrugged.

  “Easy way to make my parents happy.”

  As we climbed into the backseat, I finally asked the question that had been popping up in my mind since he'd asked me to go with him. “If you don't mind me asking, why are we going to a charity event? I thought you were the black sheep of the family.” I kept my tone teasing. “All about being against the system.”

  He smiled at me as he settled into his seat. He stayed far enough away that we weren't touching, but not so far that the distance was insulting. “Most of the time I am, but my parents and I have an understanding. They support a few charities that are important to me, and those are the events I'll go to without question, and I'll play the good son. This is one of the few mutual ones we support.”

  “So what's the event for?” I felt bad that I hadn't asked before. It honestly hadn't occurred to me that there might be a cause that Julien thought was important.

  “Autism awareness.”

  “Really?” I couldn't hide my surprise. I'd fully been expecting something like saving whales or cancer research. Those were important, but I hadn't thought of autism as being something on Julien's radar.

  “Did you know I had a younger brother?”

  I shook my head. I'd always assumed he was an only child.

  “Steven,” he said. “I was ten when he was born. He was diagnosed with autism when he was two. It was pretty severe. Doctors said he'd never be able to function in society, that my parents should put him in a home. By the time he was five, they couldn't handle him anymore. His meltdowns were violent. He couldn't bear to be touched, but he also couldn't do anything for himself. Mom wanted to hire in home help, but my dad insisted that they look elsewhere.”

  I reached over and took his hand.

  “They found a place for him in upstate New York, the best money could buy, of course.” He gave me a bitter smile. “But the money didn't do any good when the place caught on fire two years later. Two nurses died trying to get him out, but they weren’t able to save him.”

  “I'm so sorry.” My heart ached for him. Losing my mother had been difficult, but to lose a sibling under such tragic circumstances... I couldn't imagine it.

  He squeezed my hand and then let it go. “Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “My parents don't like to talk about him.” His mouth twisted. “My dad pretends like Steven never existed, like he wasn't the one who pushed to send him away. My mom... it hurts her too much and I know she blames my dad.” The tone of his voice told me that it wasn't just Julien's mother who blamed his dad. “Steven's a very private part of our lives.”

  I heard what he wasn't saying. Not many people knew about his brother. I wasn't sure how I felt about being one of the few who did. It connected us, created an intimacy I wasn’t ready for us to have. But I realized how selfish that was and patted his hand, giving it a squeeze.

  “I also support one for the arts, and another for underprivileged youth.” He brought the conversation back around before I could overanalyze things. “Though my idea of art and my parents' ideas of art aren't exact
ly the same.”

  I chuckled, as I was clearly meant to do and the strange tension between us eased. “Now I need to know what you consider art, because some of that abstract stuff, I just don't get.”

  I may not have been rich, but I'd gone to a prestigious enough school that our art classes were more about Monet and Van Gogh than about actually getting our hands dirty with the art work ourselves. One of the few things I'd enjoyed about St. George was their insistence in taking the students on as many trips to museums and galleries as possible. My passion may have been dance, but I appreciated many forms of creativity.

  Our art discussion kept us engaged until we reached the event venue. I couldn't stop myself from staring like a little kid. The Mansion at Noble Lane was the kind of place where a kid like me would've daydreamed about getting married. Once an actual home, the mansion sprawled out in front of us and it was hard to imagine that people had actually lived here long ago. While it was mostly known for being a wedding venue, I supposed that, with enough money, it could be rented for other events as well. With twenty-two acres, it wasn't like it had a shortage of room for a massive number of guests.

  “I didn't realize we were coming here,” I said as Julien took my hand to help me out of the car. “I've always wanted to see it up close.”

  “Well, now you can say you have,” he said as he hooked my arm through his.

  We followed several other couples who'd also just arrived, walking along a well-lit path that lead around to the back where massive tents had been set up. The weather was perfect, the air cooling off a bit as the sun started to go down. The surrounding trees offered a breeze that was neither too strong nor too weak. I didn't think they could've gotten a better day if they'd been able to pay for it.

  “You've got to be kidding me.” Rebecca's voice easily carried across the lawn.

  I turned toward her, a plastic smile already on my face. She glared at me as I gave her a little wave. Her knuckles whitened around the stem of the champagne glass she was holding and I secretly hoped it would snap. Any amusement I got out of that was lost when my gaze locked on to movement behind Rebecca and saw Brock standing there. Our eyes met for a moment and then he quickly looked away, his cheeks turning a dark enough shade of red that I could see it from where I was standing.

  “I'd like you to meet my parents,” Julien said. One corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “But, don't worry, I already told them we were just friends.”

  I loved his thoughtfulness; that I didn't even have time to get anxious about what they'd think before he was setting my mind at ease. I'd been a bit worried that it'd be uncomfortable going to this thing with Julien, concerned that it'd put some sort of expectation on us both. I wasn't feeling pressure at all.

  As he led me past a small knot of people, I heard a sharp intake of air and knew, without even looking, that it was Reed. I kept my head facing front and didn't even hesitate in my step. I was planning on talking to him later if I could get him alone and thank him for my gift. It was the least I could do since it was changing my future, but now wasn't the time.

  Julien's parents were friendly enough, though that was probably more because I wasn't trying to snag their son than it was them actually liking me. As long as they didn't start acting like I was a gold-digger or call girl, it was a step up from previous times I'd met parents on this side of the continent.

  “Let's find our seats,” Julien said as his father excused himself to officially start the event.

  Tables had been set up in a circle around a large space I could only assume was a dance floor. We made our way to one of the tables closest to the podium and I saw Julien's name and a plus one. Unfortunately, I also saw Britni and Reed's names at the same table. Suddenly, the evening wasn't looking like much fun.

  Fortunately, the other people at our table were nice enough and they either didn't sense the subtle tension or were too polite to comment on it. Reed and I did our best not to speak or even look at each other and Julien helped with that. Once the meal portion of the evening was over, Britni excused herself to the restroom and the other couples wandered off to mingle or whatever it was rich people did at these things. That left Reed, Julien and me alone at the table.

  I glanced at Julien. I might not get another chance to tell Reed I was sorry, but I wasn't sure how to ask Julien to leave, especially since he knew there was history between us. Julien caught my eye and nodded, understanding in his gaze. It amazed me how well he could read my emotions and thoughts.

  “If you'll both excuse me. I need to visit the restroom.” He smiled down at me. “I'll be back in a few minutes.”

  I looked over at Reed and saw that he was already watching me. I couldn't read his expression though and in the dim lighting, his eyes were jet-black.

  “I owe you an apology,” I began. His eyebrows rose, but that was all the reaction I got. I kept going. I'd practiced this speech ever since Julien had invited me tonight. I knew it was the only chance I'd have to say it. “When you showed up at my place in Vegas, I'd literally just found out about what Brock had done and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that.”

  His face softened, and he leaned toward me.

  “No matter what else had happened between us, I should have known better than to accuse you of something like that. I did know better. You'd never force yourself on anyone. I was out of line, and I'm sorry.” I twisted my fingers together as I waited for a response.

  “I'd never hurt you like that, Piper.” His voice was more intense than it should have been to simply accept an apology. And it definitely shouldn't have made my stomach clench with desire.

  He continued, “I'm sorry I lost my temper. I came there to apologize and made things worse.”

  “Well, I think we're about even now,” I tried to joke, but one look at those near-black eyes and my mouth went dry. I hated that my body responded to his that way.

  “So you accept my apology?”

  There was a hopeful note in his voice that I tried to tell myself wasn't there. “I do,” I said cautiously. “And I want to thank you for the gift.”

  “I'm glad you accepted it.” He reached across the table and curled his fingers around my hand. “And I'm glad you're back in Philadelphia.”

  I pulled my hand away as quickly as I could without being rude. I didn't want to start another fight, especially not here where Britni could be back at any moment. My skin tingled where it had touched his and I rubbed my hand on my leg under the table, wishing I could scrub away the feeling. “After I graduate from the studio, I hope you find another dancer to extend the grant to. There are a lot of talented people who don't get the chance to fulfill their potential simply due to a lack of funds.” I could hear the stiffness in my voice and hoped he understood that I was closing off the personal part of the conversation.

  He opened his mouth to say something, but I never heard what it was because at that moment, Britni returned. She glared at me, but I gave her a polite smile and sipped at my champagne. It was Reed's decision to tell her about the grant. As far as I was concerned, he and I were done. We might see each other at events like this, but I would make a point of not being alone with him again.

  My stomach twisted as I thought of it. Sure, I'd told myself that I wanted to be free of him, but in truth, his touch was almost enough to make me forget everything that had happened.

  It was crazy, I knew, but I couldn't help the way my body reacted when he was near. My brain said to quit being stupid and my heart agreed, but other parts of my anatomy were still asking why I hadn't kept holding his hand. And it wasn't helping that, even with Britni at his side, he was still watching me.

  “Would you like to dance?” Julien's voice came from my left and I nodded quickly; grateful for any excuse to look away.

  I slid my hand into Julien's, feeling the heat of Reed's gaze on the back of my neck. “I'd love to.”

  He led me onto the dance floor and I slid my arms around his neck. His hands started on
my hips, but I stepped closer and let him slide them around to the small of my back. I needed to stop thinking about the unattainable and focus on what I had. Julien was a sweet guy who'd never tried to be anything more than a friendly ear. I needed to focus on my friendship with him and not get bogged down with all that emotional, romantic shit.

  The only thing was, now that Reed had touched me, it was like a switch inside had been flipped and I wasn't able to turn it off. I kept feeling the way the warmth had spread through my hand and then remembering what it had been like when he'd touched me other places. I wondered what it would be like if he was the one I was dancing with.

  “Don’t break your brain,” Julien said, cutting into my thoughts. I glanced up at him, unsure of what he meant and he laughed. “You seem to be thinking about something awfully hard.”

  I flushed as I realized what I'd been doing. How could I be angry at Reed for watching and thinking about me while he was with his wife when I was thinking about him while I was with someone else? Granted, Julien and I weren't even dating, but it was still rude and unacceptable. And dangerous.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Won't happen again.”

  He smiled his easy smile. “Don't mention it. If you knew how often I daydreamed at these things, you'd think I was even more of a rebel than you already do.” His eyes were sparkling with good humor. “That is, if you think I'm a rebel at all and not just a bored rich kid with too much time and money on his hands.”

  My body began to relax as we talked. Other people danced around us, but they were nothing but peripheral shapes moving in the background. The only ones I saw clearly were the faces I knew. Brock dancing with some petite blonde who didn't look like she was going to need any extra encouragement to fuck him tonight. Rebecca leaning against a handsome young man whose smile probably cost more than my apartment. And, of course, Reed and Britni. No matter how Julien and I moved, Reed was always there, at the corner of my eye. I kept my face at an angle, not wanting to look at him full-on. It was bad enough that I could feel him watching me. I didn't want to have to acknowledge it when his wife was right there in his arms.