My Heart Skips a Beat

by E. L. Todd

  “I can show you a thing or two if you’d like.”

  “No thanks,” I said quickly. “It would be a lost cause.”

  “I don’t think so,” he said. “Most of my business meetings take place on the green. Men don’t want to sit in a stuffy office. And as wrong as it sounds, the more you’re liked, the better deals you’ll get. You’re playing a man’s game, darling. You’ll need to compete to survive.”

  He had a point. “I guess it wouldn’t kill me to learn the basics so I don’t look like an idiot.”

  “I’d be delighted to show you.” His eyes burned while he stared at me. Then, reluctantly, he averted his gaze. “So…that was Cayson, was it?”

  I wondered if Ward would remember his name. Last week when we ran into him at the sandwich shop, it was awkward. I wasn’t sure if Cayson would jump to conclusions that I was already seeing someone. That’s the last thing I wanted him to think. He made it clear we were over, but I couldn’t help but hope he might change his mind. But when he walked me home the other night, my hope had dwindled even further. “Yeah…”

  “He didn’t like me much.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Men just know these sort of things,” he said coolly. “When we shook hands, I could tell he wanted to break my wrist.”

  “No, that’s not true,” I said immediately.

  He smirked like he was amused. “Darling, he was jealous.”

  “He isn’t the jealous type.”

  “Well, he was.”

  “He’s never asked about you once.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything, Ms. Preston. I could see the look in his eyes. He didn’t like me one bit.”

  Would it make me a horrible person if I said I didn’t mind the idea of Cayson being jealous? But if he was jealous, I was hurt he hadn’t asked me about Ward. If he really was threatened by him, wouldn’t that make him want to claim me? Now I was depressed all over again.

  “I didn’t mean to make you sad,” he whispered.

  How did he know that? “What makes you think that?”

  “Your eyes give you away,” he said. “I thought him being jealous would make you happy, not the opposite.”

  Ward and I had become friends since we started working together so closely. He knew almost everything about my personal life. “I was hoping he would take me back if he was jealous. But if he didn’t…then we must really be over.”

  His eyes fell in sadness. “I’m sorry.”

  I released the painful breath from my lungs. “I guess I keep hoping that he’ll change his mind even though he said we were over. That if I just give him more time, he’ll come back. But the more I wait, the more unlikely it seems.”

  Ward remained silent in his chair, at a loss of words.

  I realized how unprofessional I was being. “I’m sorry. Let’s get back to work.”

  “Ms. Preston, don’t apologize. We’re friends. You aren’t making me uncomfortable.”

  “But talking about it just makes me depressed. I don’t want to think about him anymore.”

  He nodded. “Then let’s talk about something else.”

  When the workday was over, Ward and I left my office and saw my dad and Mike by the elevator.

  “How’s it going?” Dad asked.

  “We’re making good time,” I said. “It’s a lot of stuff to go through.”

  “There’s not enough hours in the day,” Dad said.

  The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside.

  “How’s Ms. Preston treating you?” Dad asked Ward.

  “Great,” he said. He adjusted his tie then put his hands in his pockets. “She’s lovely to work with. We’re actually going to be golfing at the country club.”

  “Really?” Mike asked. “Skye—I mean, Ms. Preston?”

  “I can do it,” I said defensively.

  “I explained to her a lot of meetings take place on the green,” Ward said. “It would do her some good to know the basics.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Dad said. “Have a good time.”

  “We will,” Ward said.

  When the elevator doors opened, we stepped out into the garage. Dad and Uncle Mike waved as they headed to their cars.

  “My car is this way, darling.”

  “Oh, I figured I’d walk and change.”

  “I’ll just drive,” he said. “It’s on the way anyway.”

  I didn’t argue with him and headed to this car. He had a sleek and shiny Mercedes. “This is a nice car for only using it half the time.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve always been a sucker for cars.” He opened the passenger door and waited for me to get inside.

  He reminded me of Cayson when he did things like this. And every time I thought of the man I loved, I wanted to curl into a ball and wait for the pain to pass. I hid my emotions as I sat down, hoping he didn’t catch the depression.

  After we left the garage, he asked for directions.

  “It’s just a few blocks up.” I pointed in the right direction.

  “Those nice penthouses?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  He parked near the sidewalk and then he walked with me inside. I wasn’t sure why he came with me, but I didn’t question it. We took the elevator to the top then stepped inside my living room.

  He whistled. “This place is snazzy.”

  “Dad bought it for me.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Like he doesn’t do enough for me.”

  “I’m sure knowing you’re in a safe place helps him sleep at night.” He kept his hands in his pockets while he examined every inch of the place. Then he removed his tie and jacket. “This is way too formal for the golf course. And I’m a little warm.”

  “I’ll be right back.” I walked into my bedroom and changed. I found white capris and a gray blouse. I tied a scarf in my hair to keep my locks out of my eyes. It was blue and white, and added a classy touch. I’d never been to the country club, but I was certain it was full of snobs.

  When I came back into the living room, Ward was standing in front of the windows and looking out into the city.

  “The view must be breathtaking in the evenings.”

  “It is.” I knew that too well. I spent most of the last year counting the windows of the neighboring buildings just so I could stop thinking about Cayson. Now every time I looked out the window, I thought of him. “Ready to go?”

  “Yes.” He turned and looked at me, and his eyes took me in. “You look lovely.”

  “Oh, thanks.” My cheeks blushed and I looked away.

  We left the apartment then returned to his car. After a short drive, we came to the country club. It was big and green, full of trees and golf carts. We checked in then got our clubs. And we got a golf cart.

  “I love driving these things,” he said as we got inside it.

  I watched the excitement in his eyes. “You remind me of a child in a toy store.”

  “Believe me, all men are this way.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  We drove to the driving range then took our place on the second story. Ward had extra golf balls and he had them in a pocket off to the side. He wore a white-buttoned shirt, but the top few were undone since it was a little warm. His slacks were form fitting. “Do you know which one the driver is?”

  I picked up the first one I could find.

  “No.” He laughed like he was amused. Then he came to the clubs and identified each one for me. Then he explained the purpose for each. “The driver is big, and perfect for the tee-off. Always go for this one first.”

  “Okay.” I grabbed it then approached the ball. I held it like professional golfers did on TV then I tried to make a swing. I missed the ball and almost tripped over my own feet. “Don’t laugh!”

  “I wasn’t going to.” But he had a smirk on his face. “Let me show you.” He put his own ball down then lined up his shot. Then, with perfect posture, he swung his arm back and hit the ball hard, making it reach
the end of the range. “Now you try.”

  I put my ball down and tried again. This time I hit the ball but it just rolled a few inches away. Golfing was a lot harder than it looked.

  Ward came behind me. “I’ll show you.” He pressed his chest into my back then gripped my hands over the clubs. Then he guided my arm while his warm breaths fell on my neck.

  Feeling his touch and knowing he was so close frightened me. The only man who ever touched me like this was Cayson. Guilt like I’d never known washed through me, and I felt like I completed an unforgiveable sin. I moved out of his embrace and dropped the club as I went. “I-I-I can manage on my own. But thanks.” I fidgeted with my hair because I didn’t know what else to do.

  Ward watched me with a sad expression. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He seemed sincere.

  “No, don’t apologize. I just…overreacted.”

  “I understand,” he said. “I know you must feel confused right now.”

  Confused? What did he mean by that? “Sorry?”

  “Try again,” he said, giving me the space.

  “Confused about what?” I pressed.

  He stepped back with the club in his hand. “You’re attracted to me. I know it must be conflicting for you.”

  “I’m not attracted to you,” I blurted. I felt like a horrible person for feeling the doubt in my heart.

  “There’s nothing wrong with that,” Ward said gently. “You’re free to feel whatever you want to feel. But I won’t make you uncomfortable again, at least on purpose.” He kept his distance.

  I felt the battle wage inside me. I just wanted Cayson to come back to me. It was nice having Ward in my life because he was a friend that helped distract my mind, but his charm and looks confused me from time-to-time. It hurt that Cayson knew we were spending time together but he didn’t blink an eye over it. How could he not care? Why couldn’t he just take me back?

  Ward shook his head slightly. “It’s a shame to watch you go through something so unnecessary.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean, Cayson is being a damn idiot.” Aggression was in his voice. “But if he doesn’t want you, that’s his loss. One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure.”

  I replayed his words over in my mind. “I don’t want to date you.”

  “I know, darling,” he said calmly. “But that won’t last forever. There will come a day when you finally give up on Cayson. And when that day comes, I’m making my move.”

  I stared at him for a moment before I adjusted my club.

  “Now let me teach you the rules of the game. You’ll know how to keep score and what the numbers mean.” He changed the subject easily, pretending we didn’t just have an awkward conversation.

  What scared me most was the truth in his words. Cayson had given up on me and he didn’t want me anymore. Whenever I imagined my husband, Cayson’s face came into my mind. My son had his features. He was the man I grew old with, the man who still made me laugh when our beauty faded.

  But Cayson didn’t share that vision anymore. He wanted a different fate, a different woman to share his life with. I was just a friend to him, and that’s all I’d ever be. Ward was charming, nice, and handsome. He made me feel beautiful without even trying. We got along great, even as friends. But I didn’t see him as my future spouse. There was only one soul mate for everyone.

  Ward wasn’t mine.

  ***

  When Trinity came over, I told her the story.

  “Ooh…his arms must feel nice, huh?”

  I shot her a glare. “All I could think about was Cayson. I felt like I was cheating on him or something.”

  She seemed to realize something. “Slade and I had a really interesting conversation the other day.”

  “Yeah?”

  “He kept asking about Ward.”

  “He did?” I asked in surprise. “What did he ask about?”

  “If you were into him.” Her eyes were wide. “I kept asking him if he wanted a piece of pie and it was like he didn’t hear a word I said. All he cared about was Ward.”

  “What did you say?” I demanded.

  “The truth,” she said. “That you aren’t into him and there’s nothing going on.”

  “And then what did he say?”

  “He backed off,” she said. “Then he wanted some pie.”

  “Why did he care?” I asked.

  “I have a few theories,” she said. “One, Slade despises you and was looking for another reason to hate you. If you were already sleeping with some other guy, he’d probably disown you. My second theory, Slade was just curious so he could tell Cayson the truth if you did really move on from someone else. And the last theory is, Cayson asked him to discreetly feel me out. Personally, I think it’s the last one. If Slade wants something, he just asks me for it. But he was trying to be evasive the entire time.”

  My heart kicked into overdrive, and a burst of happiness hit me. “You think Cayson cared? You think he wanted to know if I had moved on?”

  “I definitely think that’s what it is,” she said with a smile. “He was going crazy so he had Slade get to the bottom of it. He’s still crazy for you.”

  The elation spread through my body and practically gave me wings. For a while, I felt the aches and pains of my body disappear. I needed to know Cayson still cared about me, that he still loved me. He seemed so indifferent to Ward that it hurt.

  But then another thought hit me. “I don’t think that’s right…”

  “Why?” The brightness in her eyes had dulled.

  “The other night when Cayson walked me home…”

  “Yeah?”

  “He…when he said good bye, there was resignation on his face. I didn’t feel any longing come from him. It was like we were friends again, before we were ever together. I don’t think he feels that way about me anymore.”

  “No,” Trinity said. “That isn’t possible.”

  “I’m just telling you what happened,” I said. “And if Cayson did care, wouldn’t he have said something to me by now?” The happiness had completely drained from my body. The truth hit me like a slab of bricks. “We’re really done.”

  “No, we don’t know that for sure.” She rested her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t jump to conclusions.”

  “These conclusions are the ones he gave me. I’m not making assumptions. He was the one who said he can’t look past it.”

  “But remember he moved here just to be with you.”

  “He obviously thought it was going to be easier than it really was…now we’re broken up and he didn’t go to Stanford…for nothing.” Grief washed over my body and I felt sick.

  “Don’t think like that…” She rubbed my shoulder.

  “It’s true. No matter how I look at it, it’s true.” I sniffed and stilled the tears from falling.

  Trinity pulled me into her arms and held me close. “Girl, it’ll be okay.”

  I rested my head against her and closed my eyes, wishing the pain would just stop.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cayson

  After I opened my front door, I saw Trinity on the other side. Her hands were on her hips, and a maniacal gleam was in her eyes. It was a look she gave Slade whenever he pissed her off.

  “I don’t like you right now.”

  Instinctively, I glanced over my shoulder, unsure if she was talking to me.

  “Yes, you!” She came into my apartment then shoved me backwards. Then she slammed my door. “What the hell is wrong with you?

  “Excuse me?”

  “You and Skye are meant to be together. Period. End of story.” Her eyes were wide and she was screaming in my face. “Now pull your head out of your ass and march over there and get back together with her.”

  I just came home after work, and this was the last thing I expected to happen. “Trinity—”

  “I know what Skye did was wrong. I get it. I love you like a brother, and I think what she
did to you was horrible. I’m not saying it wasn’t. If Slade did that to me, I can’t even imagine the hurt I would feel. My identity would be stripped from me, and I don’t know if I’d ever find the strength to go on. Honestly, you have my sympathy.

  “But you moved here to be with her. She’s the love of your life and she’s just down the street. Why are you sitting in this apartment by yourself when you could be happy just a few blocks over? Life is too short for stupidity, Cayson. Skye is the woman you love. Stop wasting time and go be with her.” She was frantic and shaking.

  I tried to stay calm. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Then make it simple! Skye is the strongest, smartest, and coolest girl on this planet. She’s got an ass of a supermodel and a rack of a porn star. She’s down-to-earth and totally ignorant to just how beautiful she really is. She’s a catch, Cayson. I promise you, you’ll never find someone else that can even remotely compete with her. All you’ll do is waste your time.”

  “I know how wonderful she is,” I snapped. “I dated her for a year.”

  “Then go back to her!”

  “I can’t!”

  “Why?” She got in my face. “Cayson, people do stupid shit. It’s part of being human. You aren’t perfect and neither am I. At least what Skye did was from the heart. She was trying to put you first. I was there, Cayson. I saw how much it ate at her every single day. It wasn’t an easy decision. And she hates herself for it. Now let it go and go be with her.”

  “I do…believe me, I do.”

  “Then what’s holding you back?” she asked.

  “I just…can’t trust her again. How can I ever forgive her for what she did? I mean, it’s worse than anything else she could have possibly done. She defiled our relationship and made me doubt everything I believed in for a year. I can’t just rewrite everything that happened. It’s not that easy.”

  “Well, this is what it comes down to.” She got in my face. “Either take her back, or she ends up with someone else. Can you accept that? Can you stand by and watch her fall in love with someone else? Can you attend her wedding and sit in the back row? Can you be there for her daughter’s first birthday party? Can you, Cayson?”

  The idea of her being with anyone else made me nauseated. I still considered her to be mine even if she wasn’t. No matter how much time had passed, I would always feel that way. “Love has never been the issue.”